“Love the person as if they might die today”

It was a lame quote at first when Mina just randomly reads it somewhere when she was just scrolling in her phone, already bored with what’s happening around her and just think that she should take a break and check on her social media accounts.

It was almost soulless, nothing really important and is not worth sharing, if not for Mina reading between the lines and suddenly realized that the quote actually makes sense.

She should really love the person beside her, the one she truly loves, as if they might die today, doesn’t matter if it’s indeed the person with her who will pass away or the other way around.

She should love to the fullest, as if there’s no tomorrow. It’s what she interpreted from the quote. Which, she thinks, she is doing with her lover as she always says to herself to seize every moment she has with her and keep it in her heart forever because no one literally knows when it will end and if there will suddenly be struggles in between as they try to keep their relationship stronger than ever.

Mina loves Chaeyoung the most.

She loves her more than sunsets on rooftops, sea waves, midnight breeze, hot coffees, nice music, soft pillows, lovely flowers, warm embraces, strawberry kisses, night drives, and literally everything that she considers to love in this life.

She loves her the most, more than anyone and anything else and she won’t trade her for anything and for anyone, even if she can’t feel that Chaeyoung won’t do the same for her, don’t think the same way with her. Mina still loves her the most.

She is the most important person in her life, her favorite one, her rest from the cruel world, her own definition of love and home, no matter how cliché it is, Mina knows that Chaeyoung can be the definition of it all because the girl has been by her side for almost 5 years already and it is the longest time that she felt that she is loved and protected, even if there are some moments that she don’t.

Chaeyoung is a nice person, she’s wonderful, even amazing one. She easily captured Mina’s heart because of her adorable dimple, dashing eyes, little mole, and her oh, so sweet smile that can lighten up the whole city, even her whole world. And it’s not just about her physical appearance and her cute height, but her delightful personality that she immediately fell for.

She is a romantic lover who will randomly write songs and poems, draw sketches and paints, hold her hand tightly and intertwine it with hers, hug her at the middle of an empty street at night, take her to the sea for some sea waves and breeze, drive her to nowhere for stargazing, and will always assure her that everything will be okay as she will always stay by Mina’s side.

There’s literally nothing not to love about Chaeyoung because everything about her is perfect, including Chaeyoung herself.

And even if almost everyone will say how whipped and head-over-heels she is for the girl, she doesn’t mind because she believes that the girl deserve all the love and care, affection and appreciation she always receives from Mina, no less, even more than the right amount (if there is a right amount for that, though it should always be immeasurable).

Mina and Chaeyoung is a nice couple, a simple one, like any other couple out there who loves each other and stay beside one another because of the same feelings they share. They also have frequent fights, most are shallow, and will make up by kissing and bribing each other gifts, promising that they will never do the same thing again, but only means it halfway.

They are not perfect, they have to admit that. They are far from having a perfect relationship as they have flaws and shortcomings that they always try to patch with sweet memories and other positive feelings, as well as their takeaway in every fight that they solely believe helps to strengthen their relationship.

They like to stick with each other, no matter what circumstance they may encounter, as they know that as long as they do that, they will surpass everything together.

They also have some dreams and goals they slowly build for them to achieve in the future. They do not rush anything, instead, let it happen without them realizing that they are gradually making all their dreams come true.

“And if I say I want a dozen children so we can make a basketball team then what?”

“What the hell are you even thinking, Son Chaeyoung? Do you think I’m a pig who can easily deliver a baby or what? That idea is nuts, making me insane”

Chaeyoung chuckled and attacked Mina’s shoulder with kisses as they cuddle under the sea of stars, pushing the girl closer to her so she won’t get cold with the night breeze. It was an enchanting moment to be there, just the two of them and enjoying every little thing about it.

There’s no occasion nor they aren’t tired from their respective works and wanted a break, they really just took the opportunity to enjoy the sea of stars because it can be a once in a lifetime experience as they don’t know when will that happen again in their entire life.

“I was just joking darling, relax. You do know that I respect you, right? And I’ll just do it with you if I have your consent. Besides, if you don’t want any kids, it’s fine with me, as long as I’ll stay right beside you.”

The sincerity in Chaeyoung’s voice makes Mina feel like she indeed caught the most precious fish in the sea because it makes her genuinely happy and contented. Her words are simple yet her way of telling her assurance is smooth that Mina can already get used to her girlfriend being a sweet talker.

“Sweet. Now give me a kiss again, one that can last forever”

“Is there even a kiss that will last—“

Chaeyoung was caught off guard when Mina suddenly kissed her with force that it made the both of them fell in the grass instead of their own picnic blanket. They were chuckling in between their kiss as a strong wind blows in their direction. It was chaotic yet sweet and totally memorable for the both of them, just like what Mina remarked, even if she was the one who made her own request.

“You’re really funny, Chaeyoung. It’s indeed one of the reasons why I love you. I was the one who asked for it, but I was also the one who—“

And it happened for the second time where it was the passionate one already, like there’s fireworks around them and there’s just the two of them in that place, they don’t care if people will suddenly walk in and saw them making out in a public place.

It was more than magical because it was spectacular. Mina and Chaeyoung surely won’t trade anything for that kiss because they definitely felt how they love each other up until Chaeyoung literally continued the kiss down to Mina’s neck then her nape, then shoulder, then collar bone, it made Mina gradually feel the ticklish feeling Chaeyoung’s lips and breath brings to her that made the both of them stop with what they are doing and laughed.

“God. Why do I love you so much, Myoui Mina?”

“Because I’m Myoui Mina, the only one for you.”

Anyone can say that their relationship is adorable as it is already evident that they truly care for each other and it’s true because together, they don’t have anything to wish anymore, but to just keep on holding each other’s hand until the end.

Mina is genuinely happy with what she have now, more than contented because she have Chaeyoung and therefore she can conclude that her life is now complete and there’s nothing to worry about anymore.

One morning, though, when Mina was preparing for their breakfast as Chaeyoung is still peacefully sleeping in their bedroom, she suddenly felt weak even if she just woke up and she literally had an enough amount of sleep. Her sudden weakness made her fall hardly on the floor that instantly woke Chaeyoung up and tried to carry her in the couch that made her sleepiness in her system go away.

“Hey, are you okay? Is there something wrong, love?”

“Yeah, I’m okay”

It is obvious in Mina’s response that she lacks energy first thing in the morning, but Chaeyoung just shrugged it off, thinking she’s just tired from her work the other day and volunteered to make their breakfast instead.

It was Mina’s first cup of coffee after not drinking it for a while and it felt good as the warm coffee travels in her whole system and makes her warm, even if she still feel weak deep inside with an unknown reason.

However, it didn’t stop there because after that, Mina can still feel weakness in her whole system even if she already rested for a few times, even took breaks in between work and eat healthy foods, as well as have an enough amount of sleep and water.

Besides that, she’s eating normally, their usual food menu and cravings they always have in every day, but these days, Mina can experience abdominal pain, constipation, and rectal bleeding when there is clearly nothing wrong with her food intake and most of the food she eats is either cooked by Chaeyoung or by herself and it’s not yet expired, so she’s really sure that it’s not with the food she eats.

She doesn’t want to be nervous about it because it might just be part of her hormonal changes or the change of the weather that affects her physical health. Chaeyoung also knew everything about it and just advised her girlfriend to calm down as they will both figure out what is recently happening with her and what are the possible treatment for it that can lessen or get rid of the sickness she is feeling.

Mina then researched about her condition when she was bored while waiting for their dinner and doesn’t want what she saw, so she convinced herself that she will finally go see a doctor and ask what is happening to her because she can’t just sit back and relax there when she can clearly feel that there’s something wrong in her body.

It was a month of hell and physical pain before Mina eventually visited the hospital and had a general check-up. Some tests were done to know about her health status and before she sincerely talked with the doctor about her condition after finding out what is really happening to her.

“Miss Myoui, I won’t sugarcoat this anymore as this is already alarming, yet I’m glad that you convinced yourself to have a check-up”

“What is it, Doctor? Is there any complications in my body that’s the reason why I feel so weird and feeling something I don’t feel before?”

“We advise you to have surgery for this already. Though, we cannot promise that there is a high chance of healing, we will still try our best to remove all the complications. Miss Myoui, you have a colon cancer and it’s on a critical stage already where it needs an immediate action.”

It was a nightmare, way harder and painful than the whole month of weakness, constipation, and abdominal pain. It feels like there’s a ring that tinkle in her mind that made her feel that her world stopped for a moment right after the Doctor mentioned that she has a colon cancer and it’s already critical.

She can’t even think straight and there’s nothing that comes to her mind when she asks herself why she has a cancer, a life-threatening one, when she’s absolutely sure that she’s healthy and doing her best to stay fit. No matter how she tries to think of any reason behind, she just can’t, all she knows is that she is already shedding tears as the Doctor explains her condition in detail and the possibilities on how she got the cancer, as well as the similarities of the symptoms of it and her complications in the past month and how she should deal with it.

“In many cases, there’s no symptoms in the early stages and when it appears, it varies depending on the cancer’s size and location. We also saw that you have some family members and relatives who had the same condition so it’s most likely hereditary. And we’re very to say this, Miss Myoui, as like what I’ve mentioned earlier, there’s no high chance of removing all the cancer cells as it’s already spread in other parts and it’s already in a critical condition, as we also found it late, so the best way we can is to have surgery and at least prolong the remaining days that you have which is just approximately 8 months”

Two points. Mina wants to ask to anyone Up Above if there will still be struggles she needs to face at that moment because she certainly didn’t believe any of the Doctor is saying anymore. She just wants everything to be said all at once so she can be hurt in one go.

Just a while ago, she was diagnosed with colon cancer, then minutes after that, just after explaining details about it and some Science facts, she already knew that her condition was serious and her days are already numbered? She thinks what kind of sorcery was that, what just happened, why is she being punished when she has been good in everyone around her in her entire life?

Mina doesn’t know anymore and she thinks she’s already going insane.

How will she even tell her family? How will she even tell Chaeyoung?

That night, when Mina eventually went back to their apartment after her appointment with her Doctor and after she had a stroll in the streets of Seoul alone as she observes the people walking by and commuting, she drunk her third cup of coffee and started asking the universe why.

Ever since then, Mina has become distant, didn’t even told Chaeyoung about what happened in her general check-up and keeps on changing the topic whenever they talk before they fully go to bed and sleep.

Mina thinks it’s the best sacrifice she thinks of because as long as she isolates herself, but still showing a little bit of affection and care for her girlfriend, she can survive while doing her best to cope and slowly heal from her condition, hoping that it will not get worsen, even if her time was ticking already. She wants to fully heal before she goes back to their usual setup because she doesn’t want Chaeyoung to worry about her.

It became a sweet and cold relationship that totally confused Chaeyoung of their status and made her slowly drift away from their relationship like Mina was already doing right after she came back from the hospital.

There’s suddenly a huge gap between them that they both built, but doesn’t know how to patch or even get rid of.

The atmosphere suddenly loses the warmth they are familiar with, it was replaced with coldness and strangeness that both are not okay, but Mina thinks that she still doesn’t want to lose Chaeyoung, even if she is already losing herself.

One day, they don’t just talk for the whole day and mind their own business as if they’re strangers living in one roof, then one day, they will also be cuddling in their own bedroom as they let the window open and feel the night breeze until they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

It feels like they had a huge fight except there’s literally nothing to fight about, probably just Mina’s condition that she keeps on denying and avoiding to tell to her girlfriend.

It was totally a mess and Chaeyoung keeps on losing it, keeps on losing the chance to make up with her girlfriend because she suddenly lose interest in everything, she slowly drifts away and thinks of the possibility that maybe, they aren’t meant to be after all and they just said those promises with each other to eventually break it and forget everything about it.

Chaeyoung suddenly acted totally different from her usual self and Mina immediately understood why she acted that way—it’s because she was the one who started it first and she just thinks that she deserve the treatment her girlfriend is giving her.

The cold night just keeps on haunting the both of them as they don’t feel each other’s warmth literally and figuratively anymore.

If Mina just has the chance to let herself be soft for a moment and pretend that everything’s okay, that’s when she bravely answers one of Chaeyoung’s unanswered questions lately about their relationship. It’s also when Mina will find herself snuggled near Chaeyoung’s personal space (unlike before where she will casually lay her head on her chest and play with her fingers).

“Mina, I’m really confused these days. It feels like you’re mine, it seems like you’re mine, but not. Can you please enlighten me? Are we still okay, Mina?”

She will then look at her directly in her eyes and will see that there’s no usual sparks anymore, unlike when it was still her favorite scenery before because it is as if she was looking at the whole universe. There’s sadness and longing and Mina can’t figure out how to mend it because she actually feel it herself. She will fake a smile that gives a tug at her heart.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t we be? We’re okay, Chaeyoung. We’re doing okay. I assure you, everything’s okay about us”

That answer was plain and not convincing and totally not helping.

When Chaeyoung eventually fell asleep with visible tears in her eyes, Mina decided to sleep on the couch that night, drunk her seventh cup of coffee as she breaks down and realizes how selfish she was, how fool she was, how inconsiderate she was for thinking that everything’s okay when it’s totally not.

Mina has been receiving some tests and initial aid for her condition as she continues to prepare for her surgery, even if her Doctor already said that it should be done as soon as possible for it to be successful and for her to prolong her life.

Her deciding process about a lot of things is unclear that makes her just cry and scramble the things in front of her that she hopes that she will arrange soon because her time is literally running out.

She has been feeling a lot weaker than usual since she felt all the symptoms of her condition. She always feels a lot of physical pain that made her have an unexplainable weight loss and her girlfriend seems like she didn’t care about her anymore because no matter how pale she looks, how she lacks energy not just in her voice, but in almost everything she does in life, she will not look at her the same way anymore.

It suddenly became more exhausting than usual, it’s not exciting anymore because her mindset suddenly shifted to how she will survive the phase she is currently in, in the next few months because she certainly still wants to make up with her girlfriend and doesn’t want to lose her, even if she can foresee that they can’t put any patch in their relationship anymore.

Hardships just keep on going on her way not just in her physical body, but also in an emotional way. As she keeps on experiencing a lot of pain, she also thinks about whether to just break up with Chaeyoung or not.

Since it seems like Chaeyoung suddenly felt cold towards her and had a major change in her personality and affection, acting like she’s busy with other trivial things and all when she’s just avoiding Mina, it makes it harder for Mina because even if she want to fight for their relationship, Chaeyoung is already leaving her alone in the battle.

That’s why, with a heavy heart and puffy eyes, she finally decided what’s for the best and not just because of her selfishness and certain circumstances.

Mina just thought that if Chaeyoung is obviously showing that she will eventually leave her because she can’t just look straight directly at her eyes, doesn’t have the familiar warmth anymore, and seems like she will choose any other thing over her, then she’s still the loser after all because it’s not just herself that will eventually die, but also her whole heart and soul that she already dedicated to Chaeyoung.

It was challenging, but it has to be said and done because she doesn’t have any other choice.

The break up eventually came that feels like both sides are already agreeing to, even if it is evident in both their eyes that they want to stay, that they want to get back to the way they used to and just stay in that phase, but no, it’s all in the past now and they decided to not fix everything that is happening in the present that brought them in that situation—the final drift away and parting of paths, for good.

It was not easy for Mina letting go of her only love, of the person she can already see her future with, of her only star in the universe, of her definition of love, home, and happiness ,of her personal cheerleader, of her favorite person in the whole universe.

It was not easy letting Chaeyoung go, but it is the only choice Mina has for her to not hurt her any further. She was actually the one who broke up with her because she doesn’t want Chaeyoung to get hurt any further, she doesn’t want to choke her with her selfishness anymore, she just wants to let her go and find her own peace and happiness that she will not get from Mina anymore because the latter can’t give it to her already.

She then posted a photo of her and her closest cousin in all her social media accounts for Chaeyoung to see, for the girl to believe that she indeed doesn’t love her anymore and she’s already in love with someone else, that she eventually fell out of love.

Chaeyoung just lost her time for Mina, lost her appreciation and love for the girl, lost the passion to keep on loving her, and just lost everything she invested to the girl for five years that made her keep some distance between them and thought that the one she saw in her photos is her new girlfriend.

Of course, Chaeyoung won’t even know her cousin because she barely listens to her stories in the past few months and she needs to stop caring about her already because she already let her go and it’s not her business anymore.

On the night of their breakup, where she already moved out, Mina already consumed a total of 30 cups of coffees ever since she experienced some symptoms of her condition.

She just keeps on consuming her body with coffee because she thinks she will eventually forget every pain she is feeling as the caffeine circulates in her blood, as she consumes the warmness of it that is the only thing that keeps her warm because she doesn’t have anyone to hold anymore and to give her a warm embrace, even if it’s not a cold night.

When she’s drinking coffee, she thinks her energy boosts for the meantime and helps her separate from reality that is already too cruel and throbbing for her.

She thinks about her sacrifices for their relationship as she keeps on drinking another cup of coffee that night. It was actually just fair for the both of them and it is probably bound to happen because it is as if Chaeyoung was just waiting for some hints to finally drift away from their relationship.

When Mina decided to be cold, Chaeyoung followed. She gradually neglects her as her girlfriend and thinks that it will be soon normal for the both of them to just break up, unlike in the past where they don’t want to let go of each other, doesn’t want to talk about taking different paths, and wants to keep holding each other’s hand.

It’s funny, Mina thinks. Because Chaeyoung was suddenly acting like she just needed the turning point of Mina acting like she doesn’t want her around just so she can focus on other things when Mina actually just want to be healthier for her, for their relationship.

She sacrificed her own relationship, her own feelings in return of Chaeyoung not being with her in her battle, in return of Chaeyoung gradually taking all the love she gave all these years and not give it at all, in return of Chaeyoung not wanting to stay with her and stopped her from walking away from her relationship.

It and it hurts.

Every single day, after what happened in their breakup, Mina just keeps on drinking coffee to ease the pain, but the beverage just keeps on reminding her of her sacrifices and thinking that she shouldn’t do that in the first place.

To the point that she already reached her thirtieth cup of coffee just after exactly a week of the breakup. She drinks more coffee than water that makes her weaker and more dehydrated, but she doesn’t care, she just wants to feel the pain until it voluntarily leaves her whole system.

On her fiftieth cup of coffee, another week has passed and it’s exactly two weeks after their breakup, Mina finally agreed to the surgery and it happened all at once as the Doctor just waited for her to agree and performed it right away.

It was a successful one and everyone in the hospital that did her operation was happy because even if she still has some numbered days, at least in was prolonged and Mina can still live, can still do the things she wants at her age.

Mina actually doesn’t like the idea because what’s living if it’s not with Chaeyoung?

She sighed. She was already discharged after a week of being monitored in the hospital when her surgery happened. She can look after herself already and doesn’t actually need someone else to stay by her side, even if some of her friends and family members are insisting, including her favorite and closest cousin. She just keeps on telling them that only Chaeyoung can be the one to stay by her side, even if that’s already possible.

She admits that she still has regrets with the chaos that just happened in her life and maybe she’s just too emotional and selfish to the point that instead of just saying that her days are already numbered, she chose to distance herself and break up with the person she loves.

However, more than being regretful, she is grateful for Chaeyoung.

She is grateful for the girl who still insisted to be with her in those 5 years. She won’t deny that those years were the happiest and the best part of her life because she get to do the things she wants without restrictions and with the love of her life. It was full of genuine smiles and warm hugs and soft kisses and achieved goals and healthy relationship and big dreams and all the things that were just simple yet already meaningful to Mina.

Chaeyoung was the dream. She was the happiness. She was the reason to enjoy life and keep moving forward. She was the brightest star in the universe. She was the rainbow after the rain. She was the first sip of coffee. She was the favorite part in the chicken. She was the most attractive part in a painting. She was the beautiful melody.

She did not fail to make Mina’s heart race in an unusual manner, make her feel like she’s on cloud nine because with Chaeyoung, she’s more than contented with what she has in life.

She was happy to spend those 5 years with the best and genuine person she could ever meet in this entire life even if she didn’t end up with her.

On Mina’s seventieth cup of coffee, she decided to walk outside her own place and her feet just had its own direction because it surprisingly brought her to their old apartment building.

It was a chilly night and she forgot to wear a padded jacket. She unexpectedly looks up to see the starless night sky, only to see Chaeyoung at the top of the building that immediately made her nervous and hope that the girl doesn’t have any plans on jumping or something related to that because she swears that she might pass away as well if it will happen.

There was still a coffee shop open nearby and she bought 3 more cups for the night as she decided to stay and observe Chaeyoung, not wanting to contact her because what for? When I already broke up with her and made her believe that I’m already in love with someone else?

It was a lonely night and the only thing she notice is a smoke that probably came from a cigarette and concludes that Chaeyoung probably went back to smoking because they broke up already. It made Mina shed a tear.

On Mina’s one hundredth cup of coffee, after 3 months of that rooftop incident and saw that Chaeyoung just stayed there and smoked, where she just stayed in her bed because she can’t get up anymore to walk or go anywhere outside, she just made a realization.

“Tomorrow is never a promise”

It is never a promise because no one knows if a person will still wake up the next morning right after they go to bed. It is never a promise because no one knows what will happen in the next coming days. It is never a promise as no one knows just until when a person lives and so Mina will just go back to a random quote she saw that says “love a person as if they might die today”.

It was complicated and cluttered and Mina just wants to get out of everything already, run away from it and just be happy with Chaeyoung (maybe in another life, in another universe).

As she drinks her cup of coffee, she hopes for Chaeyoung to find someone who will love her more than she loved Mina, to find someone who will look at her in the eye, as if she’s the brightest star in the whole galaxy, to find someone who will never ever let go of her hand, no matter what happens, and to find someone who will be with her all along in the battlefield and assures her that she will be with her, until the end. Mina hopes for Chaeyoung to find someone that is not her.

And on her one hundredth cup of coffee, as she hopes for Chaeyoung’s happiness, that’s also the time where she eventually let her go, finally let go of everything about Chaeyoung, along with her last breath.