Chaeyoung climbed up using the stairs at the rooftop of their her apartment building. It's a chilly night and it's just 10 in the evening. She decided to just stay there probably until the sun rises and the sadness and loneliness leave her own system. But as of the moment, she wants to be consumed by the darkness and all the uncomfortable feeling it can bring her whole being.

She wants to feel all the pain, all the negative emotions she keeps on hiding for how many hours now, and finally let go of her emotions she has been keeping ever since she met her.

The night breeze makes her tremble as she didn't bother to wear any padded coat, just her thin jacket and clothes. She doesn't care. She just wants to be alone and think of everything that just happened to her, to them.

She took her cigarette pack and cigar lighter from her pocket. It's been a long time she smoked because she keeps on prohibiting her when they were still in a relationship, but since they already broke up, she thinks it's just nice to reunite with her cigarette sticks and precious lighter.

She then opened it and immediately used one stick, carefully putting the fire at the end of the stick because it's breezy. She can tell that she miss everything about smoking because she feels like she can instantly forget about everything and her mind feels like flying, not worrying about the things her heart wants to worry about.

She rapidly finished her first stick and proceeded with the second one. It continued just like that until her fourth stick where she just stares at the dark skies above her, glad that there's no stars visible because she certainly wants to be embraced by the darkness around her.

When she reached for her fifth stick, that's when she started thinking about the girl. She started thinking about the things that happened in their relationship. She started thinking about the things she's regretful for and the memories she wants to forget that reminds her of her and their relationship.

"Myoui Mina"

Mentioning her name gives a tug at her heart. It doesn't feel painful if it was her from 5 years ago mentioning her name, but she's already in the present and she cannot deny the fact that the pain she caused her just a while ago is still fresh and gives a sting in her heart.

On Chaeyoung's fifth stick, she regretted about not giving enough love for Mina.

"I should've expressed my love more through words and actions, then maybe I still have you in my arms"

She thought that maybe if she keeps on saying 'I love you' to her every morning right after they woke up, right before they went into separate ways for work, right after she arrived from her work, right before they get to bed, and whenever she has the chance to say those three words to her, then maybe Mina felt her love for her.

She thought that maybe if she keeps on giving her flowers, giving her gifts even without special occasions and events, showering her with love and affection, cuddling her and hugging her and kissing her, then maybe Mina knew that she loves her so much.

On Chaeyoung's sixth stick, she regretted about not giving enough support and appreciation to Mina.

"I should've supported and appreciated you more in various battles in life"

Chaeyoung admits that she's not always by Mina's side whenever she has ongoing special events in her life like that one time when she got promoted and her company gave her the chance to conduct a team dinner, with her own team. And that one time when she forgot to go to her recognition day as the company's best worker.

She was also often by Mina's side when she's having a crisis with herself, when she doesn't know what to do anymore. She didn't get to express her support and appreciation to Mina because she was busy with her own life and job, thinking that it can help them in the family, they will build in the future, without knowing that the only thing Mina needs is her and they will build their future together.

On Chaeyoung's seventh stick, she regretted about not giving enough time to Mina.

"I should've given you more time in everything"

She truly regrets not giving her the time she needs, the moments she should've cherished with her because she never know when it will happen again. She regrets not spending time with her, not spending a lot of time with her, particularly those times when she is free, but she decided to just sleep or do some other things, even if Mina is already making time for her.

She regrets not giving her the most precious gift she should've given her in their entire relationship.

On Chaeyoung's eight stick, she regretted about being selfish and not believing in their relationship, in Mina.

"I should've not focused on what others are saying and instead just believed in you, in us"

She regretted everything about it. Those times when she never knew Mina was out there by herself fighting for their relationship while she was hiding, afraid of the words they might receive once the society knows that they are two girls madly in love with each other.

She regretted not believing in Mina and their relationship that it will truly last, as long as the hold onto each other's hand and don't get affected by what others will say to them because love is what bonds the two of them. Chaeyoung certainly regrets bring selfish and letting Mina be the only one who fights for their relationship.

On Chaeyoung's ninth stick, she regretted about not staying enough by Mina's side.

"I should've stayed longer when you needed me the most"

She immediately regrets leaving her because she has work to attend when her girlfriend is sick. She immediately regrets when Mina needs someone the most because she thinks she can't do it anymore, but she is too exhausted from her work and proceed to just sleep. She immediately regrets not talking to her, even about random things, just to make sure that she's still okay and assuring her that there will still be someone who will look after her.

She regrets not staying in those times when she deeply knows Mina needs her and no one else, nothing else, but she's occupied with something else.

On Chaeyoung's tenth stick, she regretted about not holding Mina's hands tighter and hugging her tight when she was about to walk away from their relationship.

"I should've hugged you when you walked away and say that I can't afford to lose you in this life"

And it's what Chaeyoung regrets the most, as of the moment. She certainly regrets not holding Mina's hands a while ago. They shouldn't call it quits because she can't handle it. She should've been faster to chase her and hug her back and say that she can't afford to lose her.

And now she's stuck, she's still there, she will stay there, hoping for Mina to return, even if there are literally no chance that the girl will come back to her.

She stopped smoking for a while. Trying to feel her surroundings and stopping herself from throwing up and bawling her eyes out because she needs to be strong for herself.

There's indeed so many things she is regretful about in their relationship because it's obvious that she lacks almost everything Mina deserves to have and receive in their relationship.

She failed to be a great, even just a good one, girlfriend to her. She failed to keep her promise and duties as her girlfriend of loving her fully, giving her the things she needs, and making her feel that she's loved and the most special person in the world for her.

She regrets everything, even if she realized that she still gave an effort just to make the relationship work. Maybe they just had their love in the wrong time. She's hoping it's the case because if that's it, she will patiently wait for her until it is the right love and the right time for them already.

It's already midnight as she takes a glance at her wristwatch. The night skies are even darker than she could ever imagine. She still has 6 more sticks in her pack and she decided to finish it the whole night and she doesn't care if she will stay there until dawn. 

When she opened her cigarette pack for the second time once she felt that she calmed down already, she started consuming her eleventh stick that night as she thinks of the memories she had with Mina that she decided to hopefully forget so it will not add another painful heartbreak to her anymore.

On Chaeyoung's eleventh stick, she decided to forget about Mina's kisses that greets her good morning that is totally a great way for her to start the day.

She can remember how gentle and sweet her kisses were, she can remember how her plump lips to her soft ones and how it can make them giggle first thing in the morning. She can remember how lovely her mornings were because the first thing that she can see is Mina and the first thing that the girl will do is to give her a morning kiss that lasts throughout the day and totally makes her day brighter.

When she remembers everything about it, it just makes her miss Mina more and it's totally a bad thing for her. She wanted to forget about it already, even if she will probably miss it during mornings.

On Chaeyoung's twelfth stick, she decided to forget about Mina's hugs that comforts her the most, particularly those times when she needs her warmth and loving embrace.

She will definitely miss the warmth that her past lover brings, specifically during cold nights like in her current situation because Mina always makes sure that she will not feel cold. She will totally miss her embrace that comfort her and never fails to express the love Mina has for her.

Whenever she feels sad and alone, Mina is there to give her a hug and it can certainly cheer her up, it can give her support and security that she is not alone, that she will always be there.

But she's not there to hug her anymore, and Chaeyoung can literally feel that she's now indeed alone.

On Chaeyoung's thirteenth stick, she decided to forget about their late night talks and how Mina expresses that she's precious and essential in this world.

She chose to forget everything about it because it breaks her heart, it makes her think that she truly doesn't deserve Mina because she was always there for her, was always there to listen to her, to stay, to make her think and believe that she's a gem and one of a kind in this world, but she failed to return it to her.

She chose to forget everything about it because she can remember how lovely Mina is as a person, she can remember how worth it she is, how she should be taken care of and treated, opposite of the things she made her feel when they were still in a relationship.

She doesn't want to remember anything about it anymore because she's totally not worth anything compared to Mina.

On Chaeyoung's fourteenth stick, she decided to forget about their first time experience—that Mina has shown her how beautiful she was that night and she's not regretting everything about what happened that night.

She decided to let go of every memory she has that night and how gentle Mina was with her actions, how she made her feel that, that night should be the special for the both of them and that moment should be one of those moments they will forever cherish.

She wants to forget how Mina was careful with every movement she does, making sure Chaeyoung won't get hurt and just feel the love she has for her.

The night that they made love for the first is also the night Chaeyoung felt Mina's love for her the most. But it's not worth remembering anymore, even if they are each other's first.

On Chaeyoung's fifteenth stick, she decided to forget about those times when Mina says 'I love you' with such bright eyes and a genuine smile to her, as if to say Chaeyoung is really the only one she loves.

She feels like the girl is just betraying her and lying to her when she thinks of it now. Chaeyoung wants to know if Mina did meant her words back then, if she really loved her back then because she wants to believe, she still wants to believe that even in just a short period of time, she made Mina happy, and Mina loved her.

She wants to forget those moments when she says those three words to her because hearing it, even just reading it, gives a different kind of pain that will probably the reason why she will choose not to love anymore.

On Chaeyoung's sixteenth stick, she decided to forget about how Mina stayed and hold on to her in their 5 years being in a relationship.

She wants to forget about it because she still let go of her in the end, she still left her, she still chose to break her heart, even if Chaeyoung already promised and is already doing her best to make it up to her shortcomings.

She wants to forget those times when Mina was tightly holding on to their relationship and how she stayed despite all the struggles they faced as a couple. It makes her think that she's a fool for letting her go because Mina fought for them, but when it is Mina's turn to let go, it feels so unfair to Chaeyoung when she knows she also did something wrong.

It is the last cigarette stick in Chaeyoung's cigarette pack. She eventually consumed her whole cigarette pack and her lighter, as well.

She sighed. She doesn't have any choice, but to cry and started questioning the heavens above her.

She doesn't expect to be that emotional once she finished one pack of cigarette after not smoking for 5 years and she truly hates everything about it.

"Why did you let me go when I was already holding on tight to you?"

"Why did you let us fall apart when I'm so ready to commit and give everything to her?"

"Why didn't I give my best when I'm still with her?"

"Why am I regretting things in the end?"

"Why does it ing hurt?"

"Why does it ing bring so much pain to my heart to the point that I feel like I'm dying already?"

"Why do I love Myoui Mina so much that it's okay for me to feel all this pain and love her still right after this?"

"Mina, why did you stay if you only mean to leave me in the end?"

It took Chaeyoung five cigarette sticks to regret everything about their relationship. It took her five ing sticks to regret about everything because she can't do it anymore, she doesn't know anymore now that Mina is not by her side anymore and they broke up already with an unclear reason. Those five ing sticks just made her release all her regrets she has in life and she hates that she keeps on regretting about it.

It took her ten cigarette sticks to forget about everything that reminds her of Mina. It took her ten ing sticks to forget, but even if all the sticks in her pack were already consumed, she still cannot seem to forget the girl because no matter how hard she tries to forget her and everything about their relationship, she will still go back to those times when Mina makes her heart flutter, makes her smile, and makes her the happiest person in the world. She ing consumed ten sticks to forget, but she failed to do it because she loves Mina too much.

It took her sixteen cigarette sticks to cry. She's totally not a crybaby, totally not crying over shallow things, but this time, it's different. She's crying because it ing hurts and she doesn't know how to express herself anymore, so she fully accepted the darkness that surrounded her whole being that time and cried so hard that moment. She already consumed one pack of her cigarettes and she thinks it's not enough to remove the pain in her heart caused by Mina. It ing hurts more than hell.

While it only took Mina three seconds to walk away. Right after she decided to finally meet with Chaeyoung, it only took her three seconds to walk away from Chaeyoung as the latter keeps on counting in her head and she hates herself for it.

It only took her five words to break her heart, the moment she said "I don't love you anymore" to Chaeyoung. Those five ing words totally caused a sting in Chaeyoung's heart and she can already foresee that it will make a scar in her heart. Those are just five words, but it hits different for Chaeyoung because she can certainly feel the girl is not lying.

It only took her seven days to move on as Chaeyoung saw her already with somebody else when she checked her social media accounts. Seven days were a short time and Mina already managed to be with another person that Chaeyoung is trying to process because why does she feel okay at all when she feels miserable? When she feels like hell and heaven was mixed in her whole being?

It's currently 2 in the morning. It's obviously quiet in the rooftop as she is the only one who is there. She can feel the melancholy wrapping around its arms to her whole being. She's alone once again with nothing and no one to hold on to.

Chaeyoung thinks it's unfair and she's definitely angry with their breakup and the pain Mina caused her, but even if she already consumed her cigarette pack and regret about everything, decided to forget everything, she still loves Mina and Mina is in love with someone else already.