When Yuqi wakes up, there is an alarm ringing that is not hers and the light her eyes receive tells her that something is wrong because she knows she closed the curtains last night before going to sleep She gets up confused and tired, feeling a terrible headache that does not belong to her — she hasn't had it in years, she wouldn’t have it now — and looks around to check the bedroom she is in. Definitely not hers, by the way. 

The bedroom has two large windows and the bed she just got out from is able to accommodate at least three more people; the elegant decoration does not fit her strident and restless personality, and there are certainly some objects there that she would take years to be able to afford.

She is a recently graduated kindergarten teacher, not a freaking gangster. 

With her anxiety overtaking her, she approaches the double door of the small balcony and hurries to open it. She almost passes out when she sees a perfect view of the Arc de Triomphe, standing a few meters away from the building she is now, as majestic as in all the photos she had seen on the internet. She freezes because she only knows one person who lives in Paris in the present day, someone of who she is not even allowed to pronounce the name, and runs to the mirror on the other side of the room only to look at Jeon Soyeon's small, badly covered body, her blond hair touching her shoulders and her dark roots showing. 

Yuqi widens — not hers — eyes for the fact that her soulmate is no one but her first love, the person of who she broke the heart years ago by the orders of her traditional Chinese family, and slowly closes again when she holds the cry. 

Four years, this is the time she has been trying to hide that part of her past, of her, even; denying with all her strength that she already had someone as good and pure as Soyeon loving her in some point of her life, taking care of her, dedicating to her  — for it is just easier to accept her reality and her mistakes this way. Someone she left by pure family pressure. 

Guilt takes over her. Her heart aches with the memory of Soyeon’s pretty face crying in front of her, right after she dumped her with some stupid excuse, and she looks away not to keep seeing the same expression through the mirror. It is precisely when she notices that there's only one thing out of place in that tidy room, and goes for it. 

Yuqi approaches the bedside table and takes the cell phone off the paper, recognizing her ex-lover's handwriting in a letter whose content leaves her speechless with each new sentence.

 

Good morning, Yuqi-ah. You are surprised, aren’t you? Well, I am not, for I always knew you would be the one I’m destined to love until my very end. And I have not stopped loving you for even a moment since the day we fell apart, this I promise. Although I can’t deny that a few bad feelings and bad thoughts crossed my mind in during that time. It is all gone now, I assure you.

There is a lot that I want to tell you, but today is your birthday and I have planned a few things for you to do. I truly hope you have fun while meeting the sweet Paris for the first time. I wish I was there to witness your first experience, but we both know what I will be doing… Pretending to be you, of course. 

My phone has no password, so you can use it as you wish. The alarms will guide you during the day and the routes have already been traced in the Google Maps application, you just have to press the start button and get ready to walk a little bit (even Paris’ streets are beautiful, believe me).

Go get ready! My closet is at your service and the door will be knocked by ten. Enjoy!

 

After reading it, she leaves the note where she found it and heads for the opened door of the bathroom, her heart still beating so fast that she is scared that she might have a . She takes a hot shower while paying attention to every single detail in the place to try to memorize it, and smiles when she enters Soyeon’s closet and is welcomed by the girl’s scent. 

Since it’s a sunny, but chilly morning, she puts on a yellow blouse, black jeans and a red boot that matches with the red coat she finds hanging on the door, and finishes combing her hair just when the home bell rings. 

She grabs the cell phone with her shaking hands and walks to the living room — she was hoping to discover a house, but it is actually a really big apartment. When she opens the door, her mind is asking desperately to see a familiar face on the other side, like Soojin, Soyeon’s best friend, or Miyeon, Soyeon’s cousin; but all that appears to her is a young, beautiful girl, with a long dark hair, a stylish brown bag in hands, and a black pantyhose and dress on. 

The girl smiles at her and offers her hand, surprising Yuqi when she starts to speak because it’s not Korean, or French even, it is Mandarin. 

“Good morning, Miss Yuqi!” She greets. “My name is Yeh Shuhua and I’m here to help you during the day.”

Yuqi swallows. “I, uh , nice to meet you?” 

“Please, don’t get shy! I’m Soyeon’s assistant and she instructed me to make your day the best one possible. Now, if you may follow me, we still need to get the bikes.”

“Bikes?” She frowns. 

“Yes! I mean, we can go by car if you want to, but Soyeon said you like to enjoy yourself in your trips. You can stop anytime, by the way. I’ll always have the camera ready to take pictures.” 

Then, Yuqi finally realizes that the girl holds a big camera by the strap on her neck.

“Where are we going?” She asks, closing the door behind her and rushing to get to Shuhua on the elevator.

“To make a Paris tour, of course,” Shuhua answers just when the electronic door closes. “As we only have one day, we won't be able to see much, but we have exciting programs scheduled. This will be funny!”

Yuqi squeezes her own hands and bites her lips, nervous. “How long has she been planning all of this?”

“Since the year begun, I believe,” the door opens again and they stop at the lobby. “It must be nice to have someone like her loving you. I’m still twenty and only came out last month, so I wouldn’t know.”

They leave the place and Yuqi finally gets to see the outside by her own, right there, in front of her. She can see all the identical buildings, the restaurants, the people moving, the cars: so much life present, so much difference from Beijing. She feels Paris’ cold air and takes a deep breath to let all of that magic get inside of her, intoxicate her, completely in love with everything around them. 

She asks herself if Soyeon ever stopped to appreciate her privileges, if she ever thought about Yuqi when she headed to her work or simply took a walk. It was always Yuqi’s dream to live in France, after all, and she is very happy that Soyeon, from all people, got to achieve it. 

At their seventeen, they dreamed about moving there, starting a family, conquer their dream jobs and being happy, away from Korea and China, away from the Song family and everyone who wanted them to be apart. Yuqi gave up on that when she broke up with Soyeon to live the life her parents wanted her to live, she left her girlfriend and returned to China before her exchange year finished. 

She couldn’t take the pressure back then, she just couldn’t. She thought she could be happy, or try to, by following other people’s words, sticking to the character that was made for her. And it was working out quite well until… This . Until she saw Soyeon’s eyes, until she felt her skin again, and smelled her clothes and remembered her. Now, her head is a mess.

It feels real, though — her life in China feels real too, her students, her parents, her boyfriend, but is it? Or did she just stay for so long that she couldn’t separate things anymore? 

This, it , the exactly now is real; she’s looking at it, she’s feeling it. Furthermore, she leaves all these questions for later.

“Wow,” she mumbles, completely amazed by the view. “I didn’t know it was possible to live in the Champs Elysees Avenue. I thought it was all comercial.”

“Everyone who has the money can do so,” Shuhua winks at her and points to the other side of the street. “Do you wanna go there and take some pictures? If you do, we have to do it now because we’re going to the completely opposite side.”

Yuqi looks at the Arch of Triumph monument and nods, crossing the street and spending five minutes explaining its history for the girl, since she has always been a big fan of history and she would not lose this opportunity. Everything old and difference is beautiful for her. 

Once they are finished, Shuhua gives her a black bike while she gets on another one, guiding her down the Avenue path for an eight minutes ride, and Yuqi opens in splendor as soon as her eyes catches the ferris wheel shape.

“It’s beautiful, right?” The younger comments. “This is the Tuileries Garden.”

“Beautiful couldn’t define it.”

“There, let’s stop for a bit.”

They do so, stopping next to a three and Shuhua grabs her camera to take some photos while the Chinese girl starts to speak again.

“It was created in the 16th century, you know? By the order of Catherine de Médicis. The whole garden.” 

She keeps talking, but Shuhua doesn’t really pay any attention to her words, taking advantage of her excitement to record the moments through the lens of her equipment. She takes one picture after another, wishing Soyeon smiled that much everyday and stopped for at least one minute to enjoy herself as much as Yuqi was doing. She wishes they would end up together somehow because she kind of sympathizes with this bright, curious girl, even if Soyeon herself didn’t have much faith on it.

“I never thought I’d see any of this in person,” Yuqi shouts, opening her arms and pressing her eyes. “This is such a blessing, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know, I’m just hungry,” Shuhua watches her rolling her eyes and can’t help but think that anyone who knows Soyeon would find out that, that was not her. Yuqi’s gestures were too messy, too funny. Soyeon doesn’t do it like that: she does it seriously, but very kindly. 

“Is that the Louvre Museum? Oh my God!” She screams, running to the Louvre pyramid and almost knocking down tourists on her way while doing so.

Shuhua follows her lazily, holding one bike in each arm and carrying a bored look, and reaches the delighted girl only minutes after. She didn’t think it would be this boring for her, but Yuqi’s speeches are making things harder.

“We’re getting inside, right?” The assistant can almost see hearts in her eyes. “Please, tell me we’re going in!”

“Sorry to disappoint, but no. We don’t have time for this. The museum is too big, it would take us the whole day,” she destroys the girl’s enthusiasm. “You can come here with Soyeon, though. You know, in another time…”

The expression that takes over Yuqi’s — Soyeon’s — face is so sad that Shuhua regrets her sentence precisely when she faces at it, and it tells her it’s not that simple. Soyeon told her, with actual words, the same thing days earlier, but she hoped that Yuqi could think differently because she is a fan of romance. She believes in love and in the power of a soulmate and that everyone can, and should, end up with their beloved one.

However, Yuqi doesn’t seem to share her opinion and Shuhua feels guilty about bringing the subject up, mainly because she doesn’t know what happened between them, only that it is strong enough to haunt her boss until the present days.

She holds Yuqi’s hand and smiles at her. “Come one. We have to get going.”

Yuqi gets on her bike again, trying to get rid of all the mean sentences that her mother gave her and all the cruel looks she received from her father when they caught her with Soyeon during an unexpected visit in Christmas. That’s how they found out about them, and it was not good. 

Her parents humiliated not only her, but Soyeon as well. They shouted, cursed and threatened, and Yuqi has never seen so much disappointment in them before.

Since she was very little, she has always been very close to her family. She loved it when they got together somewhere to celebrate someone's birthday, or when one of her uncles got married a second time and the wedding party became a center of gossip, or even when one of her cousins followed her to the mall when she clearly told them not to, and ruined her day of having fun with friends. 

After that, her family blocked her in every way possible. No money, no messages, no calls. Nothing. She was left alone and, although Soyeon really tried to make her stay by welcoming her in her little apartment, paying for her school and offering her therapy sessions even, she just couldn’t. She was still seventeen and it was her family, as much as she knew they were doing things wrong. She needed them. 

The pressure was too hard and she gave in. 

Nowadays, she realizes how much she lost, how much she didn’t do in life in order to make other people feel happy. But how long will she be able to keep doing this? She questions herself now for she’s too amazed by the life she could have, by the side of someone she truly loves, meeting new places and getting so much more knowledge, rather than being told to respect her culture and stop being so curious about the world. 

When she wakes up from her thoughts, they are already on the bikes again and they’re pedaling on a bridge. Yuqi recognizes the river beneath them as the Seine River and rides even faster when she catches the gothic building in front of them.

“Easy there, Yuqi!” Shuhua screams, but Yuqi is already on her feet, standing by the door with possessed eyes and opened mouth. “What are you doing?”

Shuhua’s uneven breath tells her that the girl is not used to any exercise. 

“I’m trying to absorb it.”

“What, the air?”

“The atmosphere, Shuhua. The magic,” Yuqi sighs heavily and looks up, wishing she could touch the church’s details. “The Notre-Dame de Paris. I never thought I’d meet you. You are just... Splendid.” 

Shuhua frowns. “ Uh , why are you talking to it as if it is a person? You do know this is a cathedral, right? Stones and rocks-”

“Please, don’t ruin this for me,” she asks, her puppy eyes convincing the assistant to concentrate on her on task and grab the camera. 

Yuqi walks inside while listening to the clicks lazily following her, and widens her eyes for the wicked scene that welcomes her: the nave walls pierced by clerestory windows, arches to triforium, and arches to side aisles; the golden lumination, highlighted by the lit candles, some of them real, others not so much; the indistinguishable murmur of tourists present there echoing through the wide space.

All the details of the church are perfect in Yuqi's eyes and enchant her in a way that leaves her speechless. She moves to the wall of candles and lights one of them, kneeling in front of the stairs and folding her hands as she lowers her head.

She was never a very religious person. Her entire family is devoted to Taoism and she spent her childhood accompanying her mother to the temples and struggling to remain in the Tai Chi class of her neighborhood's activity center, even though she was a girl. She loved to sing, but only sang when she was with her friends, and things got to a point where she begged her father for an exchange year in any other country. 

Her parents used to call her Mulan for constantly defying the norms of her culture. Their support lasted only until they found out about her ual orientation, though.

Still, she asks for help — not to God, or to Buddha or any other deity, but to some good energy or soul willing to guide her on the tortuous path of life, anything that would help her make good decisions when this day reach the end; a decision that wouldn’t make her feel wrong, nor give her space to imagine what it would be like if she had chosen differently. A choice that brings her only happiness, for she knows she would have to do something, at that point.

Yuqi gets up again and heads for the altar.

“Shuhua, can you take a photo of me in the middle of the-”

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” she interrupts. 

Her tone makes Yuqi’s curiosity grow and she turns around to find out what the assistant is doing. Shuhua is holding a green Polaroid — which Yuqi hadn’t seen — and posing like a real model. It makes the Chinese girl laugh.

“You don’t really like this, do you?”

Shuhua looks at her and smiles shyly. “I’m not a fan of old things, no matter how much they worth. Besides, I’ve already seen every famous inch of Paris a thousand times.”

“You don’t know the luck you have. I feel like I could spend the rest of the afternoon here.”

“Hate to disagree, but this place smells like candle wax. And I have never been a religious person,” Shuhua frowns for the mention, looking at her wristwatch and smiling again. “And, as much as I can see that you are truly entertained by all of this, we have to go in ten minutes, otherwise we’ll lose the boat.”

“Boat?” Yuqi raises her eyebrows.

“Well, yeah? You don’t plan on riding to the Eiffel Tower, do you? I mean, we could do that, I just don’t think we’d survive… It’s a long path, mate.”

Yes, Yuqi could definitely go by bicycle just for the view because physical exercise doesn’t bother her, but something tells her that Shuhua is not a physically active girl and she doesn’t want to exceed the limits of her guide, so she returns her smile and nods.

“Take my pictures first, then we’ll go.”

Fifteen minutes later, they leave the cathedral and Yuqi searches for the bikes, but there is none outside the building, or under a tree, or scattered around the small garden. Shuhua screams her name and she looks at the voice’s direction, finding her just by the river, next to a small white boat that has pink roses painted on its sides and is led by a red-haired man in a dark pants and a white tank top.

“Wow,” she mumbles. “It is lovely!”

“It is very, very expensive,” Shuhua corrects her, grabbing her arm and pulling her into the boat.

“I have no doubt whatsoever about that,” Yuqi whispers. “I thought we were going to, I don’t know, a pier, maybe?”

“We have privileges, enjoy it while you can,” she explaines, touching the guy’s hand and forcing him to look at Yuqi. “Dawnie, this is Yuqi, the girl Soyeon talked about last week. Yuqi, this is E’Dawn, my cousin.”

“Hey, nice to meet So’s soulmate,” he greets, offering his hand and squeezing Yuqi’s like they knew each other for years. 

He gives her a good impression, and Yuqi feels a little bit of a surfer vibe coming from him thanks to his hair and the white tank top. But maybe he’s just crazy for wearing so little clothes when it’s cold. It’s sunny, sure, but it is still cold, and that flannel he holds around his waist will not serve as a sweater when he needs it.

“Hello! Nice to meet you too,” she replies.

“So, I’m gonna update you guys on what we’re doing here,” he moves his hands in a funny way. “We’ll follow the Seine’s path to go to the Eiffel Tower and you better get your cameras ready because the view is to die for. We’ll stop in the middle of the way so you both can have lunch and I’ll be controlling the speed of the boat so that your experience is the best possible. There is no reason to hurry, so just sit and relax.”

E’Dawn kindly waves and turns away from them, returning to the helm and leaving them alone at the stern. Shuhua is the first one to sit, making Yuqi notice the the small and comfortable red sofa to which she pulls by her arm. She looks around when the boat starts to move and smiles in excitement, wishing she could turn into a bird to fly above all those pretty places. 

“The usual route is not like this, but the guy who runs the boat company owed Soyeon some favors, so it’ll go wherever we want it to for the whole day,” her guide comments by her side, eyes closed while she appreciates the wind against her pretty face.

“What does she do?” Yuqi asks. “For a living, I mean. She can’t be this powerful.”

“Well, she is rich, this I assure you,” she stops when they get closer to the Pont Neuf and takes a few photos of Yuqi — Soyeon — before they pass under the bridge. “She has the highest position in the CUBE Entertainment, it’s an advertising company. She creates advertisements, slogans and all this kind of thing for magazines, big brands and even films. Recently, she got a partnership with the League of Legends team. That online game, you know? It is going to be huge.” 

Yuqi bites her lips not to start a speech of how proud she feels and shakes her own hands while she clears . “It was always her dream to make something everyone would see. I’m glad she made it.” 

“Yeah, she’s talented. But she answers to a group of jerks, you know? Some entrepreneurs who bought the company's shares five years ago. They’re all heads, and Miyeon and I made a bet on how much more she will take.”

“Miyeon? You know her?” 

“Soyeon’s cousin, yeah. We kind of have a love and hate relationship, but her wife is nice,” Shuhua answers, leaving the sofa to search for something. “We’re working together behind Soyeon’s back to try to see which customers would stay with her if she started her own business. But don’t tell her anything! It is a surprise.” 

Yuqi doesn’t answer anything, but she doesn’t need to, and watches the girl tilt her body into the cabin, returning only when the boat stops moving and carrying paper bags with her.

“Lunch is here,” she shakes the bags in the air and offers Yuqi one of them. 

“Thank God! I’m actually starving!” She thanks, opening it and finding a small box of macaroons, two stuffed croissants and a plastic Ratatouille capped bowl, all the French foods she always wanted to try. “I’m seriously starting to fall in love with this country.” 

It is not what she really wants to say, but it is what comes out of , and it fits the situation just as well. 

E’Dawn, the boat captain, doesn’t join them to eat, probably because it’s two in the afternoon and he already ate, but Yuqi doesn’t need another mouth next to her because she eats everything destined to her and moans with every bite. It still feels like a dream, but she’s the luckiest person in the world for being awake. 

Soyeon doesn’t leave her thoughts at any moment.

 

 +++

 

The top of the Eiffel Tower is a terrible place to discover that you are afraid of heights, but this is how Song Yuqi does it. The first floor was alright to her; she took pictures, she bought a gold necklace with a pendant of the tower, she laughed over Shuhua’s bad jokes and even made some herself, way better than the other girl’s, of course. 

So, when Shuhua called her to go up to the last floor, she didn’t hesitate. They just got out of the elevator for Yuqi to start shaking. 

She tried to hide it, though. She pretended to be admiring something every time Shuhua called her to take a photo next to the edge, and claimed to be freezing with the cold wind before asking to leave, grabbing her guide’s arm just when she nodded positively. Nevertheless, Shuhua didn’t find out her true reasons and Yuqi considered it as a great experience, productive and memorable, that she will remember until the day she dies.

They ended up eating a sweet creep and settling on the lawn parallel to the tower, where a bunch of people were already sitting, watching the sky slowly change its color, even though the sunset was only expected three hours from now.

“Stand up,” Shuhua suddenly says.

“What?” Yuqi barely chews her food.

“Stand up,” she repeats. “I wanna take a picture.”

Yuqi moans in complaint and shrugs. “But you already took a thousand of them!”

“And I will take a thousand more if I feel that I need to,” she pouts, clearly not willing to give up. “Now, go.”

Sighing, the Chinese girl gets up, leaving her food on Shuhua’s lap, and stands in front of the Tower, opening her arms and smiling. 

“Put some truth in that smile!” The brunette demands. 

“But I am!”

“Then put some more!” 

Yuqi rolls her eyes, but looks for a happy thought to help her accomplish the task properly. The only memory that comes to her is one of the most normal days that she spent with Soyeon, a weekend. They did nothing but watch animes, laugh and fight over what food to order; still, it is so ordinary and pure that it conquered her heart, and it’s one of the only memories she keeps alive inside her mind.

“Yes!” Shuhua shouts, clicking repeatedly and making Yuqi laugh, giving up on her pose yo get back to her guide’s side.

“It’s getting late. What time is it?” She asks.

“Have no idea,” by her voice tone, she wouldn’t check it out, so Yuqi didn’t bother to insist.

They continue to eat and talk and, a few moments later — two hours and a half, to be specific —, Shuhua makes the girl follow her to a more distant street, where there are not so many tourists and they can walk in peace. When they turn around the corner, Yuqi sees something that makes her heart stop. 

There is a red and gold carriage parked in front of an antique shop. It has large wheels, side windows in the grid structure and is guided by two horses. The coachman is standing next to the animals, wearing a black and white formal suit, with gloves and tie and everything, and he reveres her when she gets closer.

She grabs Shuhua’s arm and squeezes it, wishing it’s not meant for her because, if so, Soyeon had made a very low move. Not fair. 

Everyone who knows Yuqi is quite aware about her obsession with fairy tales. She loves princesses and their stories and movies, and particularly memorized all the songs on the soundtracks for each film. She told Soyeon once about what a perfect marriage proposal would be like for her: she would be surprised by a carriage in the middle of the street and her lover would come out of it, dressed in formal clothes and kneeling on the dirty floor just to please her.

She didn't think Soyeon would remember it because it happened when they weren't even dating yet, they were just good classmates. But she did, and that is so low , because now Yuqi has no emotional to deny whatever romantic feelings she has for that stupid and wonderful girl who is in another country pretending to be her, being forced to face her awful family and even talk to her boyfriend .

It doesn’t matter if she isn’t the worst person in the whole world; she feels like it, so nothing else matters.

Shuhua moves excitedly beside her and she nods at whatever the girl is saying, getting into the carriage and cowering against the seat. If Shuhua said anything about a short ride through the city before returning home, she didn't listen, too busy triggering herself with old memories and unspoken words to pay attention to anything else.

Then, she realizes that Soyeon kept all the promises she made — and the ones she didn't make too — while Yuqi did none.

She doesn’t know what to say, so she keeps everything to herself once more.

 

+++

 

Yuqi only gets to go to bed at eleven pm, after a long hot shower and almost half an hour ying on the living room floor, looking at the empty ceiling and trying to think without having her parents' voices invading herr thoughts. It was not possible, once they haunted her until she got up, but she did make a decision and she’s confident about it.

Feeling even colder that what she did during the whole day, she scratches her eyes yawns, all the effort she made along the day invading her and making her body ache. The windows are closed, the heater is on and she covers herself up to the neck with Soyeon's blanket, being infected by the girl’s scent that is spread across every inch of those soft and expensive pillows.

She grabs Soyeon’s cell phone and stares at all the photos Shuhua sent her on her Instagram — hers, not Soyeon’s. The face may not belong to her, but the expressions do. She can see herself there, smiling with the Eiffel Tower behind her cheerful and colorful body, and holding a passionate smile while looking at a blue flower in the Tuileries Garden. 

However, at some point, she logs out her account and starts browsing the other girl's account, freezing when she sees a picture that shouldn't exist these days, a picture that she swears she had torn up before returning to China, but that Soyeon, somehow, managed to duplicate before she destroyed it, and now is there, in the highlights of her profile. 

It is her in her seventeen’s, almost eighteen, with Soyeon by her side holding her by her waist, and she smiles like she hasn’t done in years, great and truly. She remembers that day; it was Soyeon’s nineteen birthday, they were celebrating it on her new apartment and it was the first time they said with all the words they loved each other. They swore to stay together, no matter what happened.  

Yuqi starts to cry, not being able to stop it, not wanting to stop it. She just lets it happen, and sleeps without even noticing it. She doesn’t dream that night.