1969 words

Kyuhyun lay in bed, rubbing his cheek against the shoulder of the sleeping silhouette beside him. They had been together for 1 year now, and never did his love for the man disappear. In fact, it seemed to intensify every moment, every second they were together. Kyuhyun was truly, truly happy. Just 2 years ago, he had never been sure of his feelings, never sure if he really wanted the one he had...

//

14 February 2008

There was this guy, Lee Sungmin. He had the most beautiful pair of fox-like eyes Kyuhyun had ever laid eyes on, the most soothing voice that Kyuhyun had ever heard. He was charming, friendly, and always went out of his way to help others in need. He was someone that Kyuhyun had been attracted to since... Forever? He was someone Kyuhyun wanted and craved like never before.

Sungmin and Kyuhyun had known each other ever since the first breath of air they took. Their parents had been the best of friends, and they grew up to become friends who never left each others backs. Ever since Kyuhyun had been a young boy, he had an attraction for Sungmin he never had with others, not even other close friends. However, as a kid, he pushed that aside, thinking it was due to the fact that they had known each other since the beginning of their lives. As Kyuhyun grew up, he realised that this attraction was not supposed to be; but it was. Kyuhyun loved Sungmin... Or so he thought.

Kyuhyun got his wish on the 18th Valentines Day they experienced. Sungmin knocked on the door and shoved a bouquet of flowers into Kyuhyun's arms as soon as the door opened. He had looked away in nervousness and shyness, and he had blushed furiously; the chance of Kyuhyun reciprocating his feelings was highly unlikely, but he had taken the risk anyway.

Kyuhyun heart soared and he felt happier than he had ever been in his life. The joy was simply indescribable;  Kyuhyun's heart was on the brink of bursting with it. The only person he loved - with every inch of his heart - was standing before him, confessing his love for him, although without words. Words were not necessary. Grabbing Sungmin's arm, Kyuhyun tugged on it hard and pulled Sungmin flush against him. Both of them were breathing heavily by then, both of them taking each other's breath away. Kyuhyun slowly leaned in to press his lips against Sungmin's soft, plump ones. With his lips still joined with Sungmin's, Kyuhyun whispered, "Happy Valentines Day."

Kyuhyun was happy.

//

9 July 2008

Kyuhyun was happy. He was happy, but he wasn't satisfied. He felt secure and stable being with Sungmin, but he couldn't help but feel that something was lacking in the relationship. Something along the lines of true love. Indeed, what was true love? He loved Sungmin - he had always known that - but somehow something lacked in the relationship. He knew he had to make a decision quickly; their 5th monthsary was fast approaching, and if Kyuhyun didn't truly love Sungmin, then there really was no point in continuing the relationship.

Feeling completely muddled and unable to come up with a decision, Kyuhyun forced himself to go to sleep.

//

14 July 2008

"Kyu? I'm sorry, but I'm not able to spend today with you. My parents are bringing the entire family overseas to Australia for two weeks, and we would be leaving soon. I'm sorry about this late notice but I only just found out about the plan. Happy 5th monthsary, Kyu. I love you." Sungmin's voice reached Kyuhyun's ears through the phone.

"It's okay, Min. Happy 5th monthsary! Call me when you return... I-I-I love you too." Hating the hesitation that rang in his voice, Kyuhyun hung up, placed the phone down onto the nearest table, and went to the toilet. He cupped both of his hands and filled them with water ad best as he could, and then splashed the water onto his face as if it would wash away all of the questions he had. He didn't know what he was doing to Sungmin and if this was counted as toying with Sungmin's feelings. 

Kyuhyun was sure he was looking for something else in the relationship. This was not how he had expected the relationship to be; he wanted more, he craved more. He didn't know exactly what it was, but he knew it wasn't there, could feel it wasn't there. Kyuhyun was utterly confused. He didn't understand. He knew he loved Sungmin and he still did, but did the love lose its romantic aspect? 

Empty thoughts crowded his mind. There was a sorrowful ache in his depths of his heart, and he realised a while later what it was - guilt.

//

21 July 2008 Sungmin had been out of the country for a week now, and Kyuhyun was bored. There was still a week left until Sungmin came back, and Kyuhyun wanted to be accompanied. He was daydreaming in his room on his bed, returning to the memories of his childhood, memories of his teenage years. 

Kyuhyun leaned back until his head touched the wall and crossed his legs at the ankles. The image of a young, handsome man had somehow managed to creep into his mind.

Ryeowook.

In Kyuhyun's seventeenth year of life, he had been deeply infatuated with Ryeowook, his classmate then. They had been good friends, and Kyuhyun could have sworn there something more than a friendship was blossoming between the both of them. Now, thinking back, Kyuhyun realised that Ryeowook had been dropping hints of wanting to be more than just friends. However, when Kyuhyun finally got the message Ryeowook was trying to put across, his heart had already been completely stolen by Sungmin. Ryeowook had become a thing of the past.

Acting on impulse or whatever it was that had suddenly taken over him, Kyuhyun stood up and snatched his phone off the dining table where he had last placed it in. Scrolling through his contact list, his eyes fell on Ryeowook's name. Almost immediately, Kyuhyun punched on the call button and the dial tone could be heard. He hadn't contacted Ryeowook in over a year, but he was quite sure Ryeowook still wanted him. 

"Hello? Kyuhyun?" Excitement. Kyuhyun had finally called and Ryeowook was excited. 

"Ryeowook! Are you free today? Why don't we meet up?" Kyuhyun's absentmindedly wondered if being with Ryeowook would provide him whatever it was he was looking for in a relationship. After all, both of them had been infatuated with each other before.

Ryeowook happily accepted Kyuhyun's request.

Half and hour later, Kyuhyun found himself outside Ryeowook's front door. He knocked once, twice, thrice, and Ryeowook bounded over to unlock the door so that Kyuhyun could enter. Ryeowook pulled Kyuhyun into a hug, "I missed you so much." 

Kyuhyun didn't know what to do. For a few moments he just stood there, contemplating his actions. This wasn't counted as cheating on Sungmin, would it? I mean, friends hug, right? Kyuhyun felt Ryeowook pull away and he tentatively asked, "Kyuhyun... Are you already seeing someone else?" 

Kyuhyun searched Ryeowook's face and took in everything; Ryeowook's perfectly shaped face, his sharpened jawline, and he also saw the shadow across Ryeowook's eyes, the tears that had already welled up due to his overwhelming emotions, the disappointment, hurt and everything else. Kyuhyun's heart ached and softened. He reached his arms out to pull Ryeowook back into the embrace they had broke. This felt so wrong, yet so right. "No, I'm not seeing anyone." He felt Ryeowook release a breath of air full of relief.

//

27 July 2008

For the past six days, Kyuhyun had been with Ryeowook. Initially he thought he would be able to experience the true love he wanted so badly with Ryeowook, but after the short time while they were together, Kyuhyun still felt nothing. 

Sungmin was coming back the next day, and this just added to Kyuhyun's frustration. He wasn't sure of his feelings anymore. He knew what he was doing wasn't right; he was cheating on the two people he - loved? - and he wanted to stop. Guilt was slowly, but surely, engulfing him and he could no longer take it. He had to break up with them, at least one of them, and he knew that it would be Ryeowook who would have to take the toll. There was no way Kyuhyun could break up with Sungmin. They had been through so much together, and there was so much more between them than that of the romantic aspect. No way was he about to hurt Sungmin more than he already did.

Kyuhyun dialed Ryeowook's number into his phone and when Ryeowook picked up, Kyuhyun requested to meet up.

//

Later that evening

"Ryeowook, I'm sorry, but this relationship can no longer continue... I have my own reasons. I truly am sorry, but I-I-I don't love you anymore. I can't continue to lie to you," Kyuhyun's heart sank when he saw tear tracks down the side of Ryeowook's cheeks. Ryeowook slowly backed away and when he was more than a few feet away, he bolted.

//

28 July 2008 

"Min! I missed you!" Kyuhyun laughed as Sungmin jumped into his open arms.

"I missed you too," Sungmin smiled, the ends of his lips reaching up to touch his fox-like eyes. Sungmin leaned in for a kiss, and when their lips touched...

Kyuhyun felt nothing.

//

17 October 2008 "Kyuhyun, what's going on? For the past few days you've done nothing but avoid me like crazy. What happened? What's wrong? Is there... Someone else?" The last question kicked Kyuhyun in the guts.

"N-nothing's wrong, Min."

//

19 November 2008

"Kyu... I don't think this relationship is going to be able to carry on any longer. I still love you and I always will but... I can tell that your heart isn't with me. I wish you happiness and give my blessings to whomever you may choose to be with." With that, the unshed tears that Sungmin had been holding back peeped out from the corner of his eyes and cautiously slid down his cheeks. Then he bolted.

For the following days, Kyuhyun couldn't grasp the feeling that kept engulfing him. It was as if there was a part of him that had gone missing. He wasn't heartbroken, that was for sure, so what was that awful feeling growing from the depths of his heart?

//

3 February 2009

The school term had started for a month already, and there was this guy in Kyuhyun's class - Zhou Mi, as he had come to know - that caught his eye. Kyuhyun's heart was attracted to Zhou Mi in a way it never was with Sungmin. But Kyuhyun was afraid to fall in love again, afraid that he would again hurt another like he had done with Sungmin and Ryeowook. He didn't dare to take the risk.

//

15 June 2010

Kyuhyun lay in bed, rubbing his cheek against the shoulder of the sleeping silhouette beside him. They had been together for 1 year now, and never did his love for the man disappear. In fact, it seemed to intensify every moment, every second they were together. Kyuhyun was truly, truly happy. Just 2 years ago, he had never been sure of his feelings, never sure if he really wanted the one he had but now, he knew he belonged with Zhou Mi. He had taken the risk and allowed himself to fall in love just one last time. He had finally found someone he loved.