One Saturday afternoon, a late afternoon, I was sitting and waiting to see the sun sets when someone asked me if I have ever had a crush on someone in my life?

I did not hesitate to answer:

“Yes”

She nodded slightly and then continued asking me how long I had been in love with that person?

Again, I responded immediately without much thought:

“9 years”

Just by hearing I had secretly been in love with someone for more than 9 years, she was so surprised to the point that she opened her eyes widely. Probably because she didn’t want to believe what she heard. However, she continued to ask me. Keeping her facial expression the same as before, she asked:

“Wow! 9 years is unbelievably long. Until now…?”

I knew what she meant by that question. She wanted to know if I'm still having that huge crush and still in love with that person until today.

“9 years counting till now, it’s still the same. Nothing has changed at all.”

This time, her eyes were getting even bigger than the last time which almost made me laugh seeing her stunned expression like this.

Later on, she asked me more questions. This person right here will never run out of questions, I guess, but I didn’t feel annoyed and wouldn't get bored to answer her questions, not even one bit. Instead, I was quite delighted to welcome all those questions from her.

“9 years having that secret one-sided love for someone isn’t that easy, right? So….. have you... ever tried confessing to that person?”

I shook my head as an answer but I still remember to always kept my infamous smile on my lips.

“No!” with just a short ‘no’ I said

“Why?” she asked

“Because I value our friendship more than anything”

“…………”

She quickly turned to look at me with a frown, seemingly wanted me to explain further. I smiled for the nth times before turning my face away from her, to look at the clear blue sky, no clouds to block the views.

“It’s because she’s my best friend! I do not want to lose her just because of my one selfish heart.”

Finally, I could say some words in my mind that I have not been able to tell anyone for many years.

“But if you didn’t give it a try, you wouldn’t know and you would be in more pain without trying to tell her your true feelings. How long do you think you can keep this one-sided love away from her? How long will you keep loving her?”

She asked me with her seem-to-be sorrowful face as if she had something related to me or a similar story as mine? 

“As long as she smiles, I’ll always love her.” I said.

Like a knife stabbing on my chest, I almost could not utter those words properly. But no, I couldn’t be weak right now in front of her. Not when she’s right beside me.

“You fool” she exclaimed softly but enough for me to hear it

“That’s right! I am a fool because I’m not brave enough. I don’t have the courage to face the fact that she’s my best friend and I would lose both my two important characters in my life. As long as I can have my name as her best friend, that means I can still keep my two main characters more longer. That way, I won’t lose any one of them. But if I dare to cross the line and confess my feelings, I sure would lose both my bestfriend and my loved one in just a blink of an eye and I wouldn't be able to be near them for the rest of my life. I choose not to confess my feelings so I can stay by her side all the time; whether it’s now, tomorrow or even after I leave …… I’ll be fine. I'm fine”

“Stupid!!!!” that was the last word coming together with hot tears. I could tell even without looking at the owner of the word.

The owner of the voice saying I was stupid was the one who was asking me endless questions and now she had turned to blame me again and again for being stupid with her not-so-clear voices. There seemed to be something is stuck in that made it difficult for her to speak well. The person who was sitting next to me on the dark green grass under the clear blue sky, listened to all my stories in the past and present, now could only think of cursing me that I was stupid, I was a fool after hearing the whole truth about me.

It might seem a little strange that this person’s swear words are so sweet to my ears and it was indeed was sweeter than any good singers in world could compare. How could it not when this was the last time these two ears of mine could be able to hear things?

“You’re such a fool! You, stupid! I……. love you too”

______________________________________________________

I was finally having a chance to confess my true feeling as well but you could not hear me anymore. Why aren’t you listening to my story first? I always wanted to tell you about the truth I hid from you a long time ago. Why? Why do you have to leave me like this? I hate you.

My crystal cleared tears rolling down my eyes and landed on the pale cheek of a person who is now no longer answering my non-stop questions. All he does now is leaning his head on my trembling shoulder silently.

I really really want to pray for my tears that fall on his cheek could wake him up from his sleep like a miracle on TV series. I really want him to wake up right now and hear all my confessions one last time.

I wish I could turn back times before everything became too late like this. 

But………..

Although I now know the truth I had always wanted to know and although I can tell my side of the hidden stories we both hid from each other, it is too late now. He can’t even hear me anymore. He can't hear my confessions when he himself didn’t even confess his for one last time. He could at least have said it to make my heart stays at peace before he said goodbye, a goodbye with no turning back.

“I love you too, Kang Seulgi! I love you more than the definition of friends. I promise you, no matter where you go, you’ll always have a special place in my heart. See you again, my love!”

I lean down to kiss his forehead for the last time before the sun goes down, leaving me with the biggest regret in my life.

______________________________________________________

And that was the last picture of a woman sitting and embracing her beloved man in her warm arms, looking at the sunset, the sunset they both loved to come and see together every weekend, just the two of them. But now, it had become the last sunset they could ever seen together.