I thought it’s not love. I thought it’s just feeling of liking someone like an older brother but it’s not. I have a crush on a man for 7 years.

-----

Aron-oppa left his family in LA and went to South Korea to continue his study here. He transferred to South Korea since he was a high school student. He came to stay with my family as our families are very close. I’m a few months younger than him so I called him Oppa. We’ve been living in the same roof almost 7 years. We’re close and he treats me like a princess. Since I’m the single child, I feel so lucky to have him. We always study in the same class. Now it’s our last year in university. We choose to study journalism the same.

“Oppa, why are you not dating yet?” I broke the silent while we headed back home after class finished.

“I promised with you right, I will date until my Heiri date first.” He replied with a sweet smile. It was a promise we made since our old day in high school. I’m glad he still remembers.

“Hehe Good Oppa!”

I felt really excited that he still keeps his promise. Normally a handsome and good man like him at this age would have a girlfriend already but he still follows our promise to let me date first. I wonder if he knows I’ve a crush on him since long time, how he would react. Will our friendship end? Will he be able to take it? Will he accept me? Or will he hate me?..... As I think I would lose him by having secret crush on him, I never dare to confess to him. I prefer keeping it in secret and enjoy my time with him as friends and brother-sister.

Just waking up seeing him to start my day, walking to school with him and spending time after class like every day is happy enough for me.

-----///-----

“Aron-oppa, I love you. Please go out with me!”

One day during break-time while I went to buy some drinks for me and Aron-oppa, I accidentally ran into Aron-oppa and our classmate Soomin at the corridor. Soomin was confessing to Aron-oppa. I wanted to know his response so I hid myself at a corner.

“Soomin, I’m sorry but I don’t think I can accept your love.” Aron-oppa rejected her.

“Why? Do you have someone already?” Soomin sadly asked him.

“Look, I have a promise with someone so I can’t date now. Please forgive me!” he replied with a deep sigh. I knew clearly that he referred to the promise with me. Soomin hurriedly ran away. She was crying so hard. Aron-oppa didn’t follow her. He stood still at there, kept on sighing and looked so stressed out. Seeing him like this, I felt so guilty. Soomin is the most outstanding and prettiest girl in our class. There are many men chasing after her. She is every man’s type and Aron-oppa must have a crush on her too. However, because of that silly promise with me when we were younger, it became his burden and he couldn’t date anyone before me.

-----

Today after class, we walked home as usual but Aron-oppa looked so unhappy. He remained silent. It must be about Soomin’s confession. I tried to seize a chance to break the silence.

“Oppa, do you have any girl in your heart yet?” I asked then he turned to look at me surprisingly.

“Why did you ask about that?” he asked back.

“Can you tell me? I want to know. Please tell nah nah nah” I held his left hand and kept insisting. He burst out laughing seeing how kid-like I was. He raised his right hand to pat my head softly.

“I do. I have a crush on a girl.” He replied with a sweet smile. I jaw-dropped and almost dropped down my tears. I released from holding his hand then turned my face from him to fix my sudden pain. “Are you okay, Yeiri?” he worriedly asked. “Nothing hehe! Let’s go home, Oppa!” I quickly turned to him and forced to give him a bright smile.

-----

That night, I couldn’t help but to cry for hours. Actually he has someone he loves but he can’t go for it because of that promise. I came up with an idea. I decided to ask one childhood friend of mine to fake a relationship with me. If I date, Aron-oppa can start dating too. I want him to be happy and freely date. I decided it that way though I feel so broken inside.

-----///-----

A few days later, I told Aron-oppa that I started dating with Jonghyun who is my childhood friend and currently studying in different university. He looked a bit shocked at first but then he happily congrats me. From that day, I try to make distance from Aron-oppa by having excuse to go out with Jonghyun after class and on weekend. Doing this will help me to move on from him and make time for him to have date with the girl he loves.

We started reducing time to be together since then. It has been months. Sometimes we don’t even see each other for full day. I tried to make myself busy on phone when we are at home so Aron-oppa dares not to come near me. I try to notice him in the class; he doesn’t seem to have any special relationship with any girl even Soomin. He never stays out late. He comes home after class. He doesn’t go out on weekend without me. I wonder if he started dating already…..

-----///-----

One weekend, my parents were away on Business trip to other city. Aron-oppa and I were left alone at home. I tried to escape from him for full day by staying inside my room. He came to call me to have breakfast, lunch and dinner but I refused all. I told him I’m busy talking on phone with Jonghyun and I have some snacks that can full my stomach. I successfully could escape from him a day. I didn’t want to stay close with him alone because I’m afraid my love for him would grow bigger again.

 It came to mid-night. I was already in half sleep but got waken because of feeling being patted on face softly. I slowly opened my eyes to look at the figure. I saw Aron-oppa was above me, patting on my face while his eyes looked somehow depressed. I smelled alcohol on him.

“Aron-oppa?” I called him. He remained silent and kept patting my face.

“Aron-oppa, why are you here? Are you drunk?” I asked him again.

“Yes, I’m drunk and hurt, Yeiri.” He replied with his deep, painful voice. I started to worry if he has any problem.

“What’s wrong with you? You can share me….. but please get off from me first!” I tried to push him a little. Instead of moving from me, he moved his face even closer to mine. Our faces were just a few inches from each other. I startled. My heart started jumping in wrong beat. He slowly raised his fingers to touch my lips.

“Oppa…”

I couldn’t finish my sentence yet, he suddenly attacked my lips. “Aron… oppa…why…” I couldn’t speak out properly as he wouldn’t slow down on rubbing on my lips. I became blanked. I felt shocked and I had no idea why he did this but I love him, I love him so much and I don’t want to disturb this first kiss with him so I responded. He was drunk but the kiss was so sweet and hot. It got me crazy and I almost got drunk by his sudden sweet kiss. I didn’t think twice. I wrapped my hands over his neck and pulled him closer to me. He got more encouragement to kiss me deeper.

After a while, he released my lips then fell to a side on my bed. “I love you. I love you so much. What should I do?” he cried in his half-sleep and half-awake. I got up to sit and painfully looked how he’s so heart-brokenly crying for the girl he loves. I wonder who she is. I feel pitiful for him and painful to see his love for her at the same time. I patted his head to calm him to sleep.

“You must have thought I was that girl that’s why you kissed me. Though it wasn’t for me, I was so happy. Finally, I could give my first kiss to you. Oppa, please don’t be hurt! I hope she’ll accept you soon.” I lay on his shoulder and covered my arm over his chest. I would like to seize this chance to be in his embrace.

He was sleeping soundly already, except me who couldn’t close my eyes to stop seeing his innocent sleeping face. He is so handsome. Every angle on his face is flawless. I patted his thick eyebrows then his sharp noses and lastly his sweet lips. I remembered the kiss earlier and I got a passion… a passion to kiss him again. I moved my lips to give a peck on his lips. “Aron-oppa, I love you.” I whispered to him. Of course I did that because he was asleep. That is the only way I could be brave. I sobbed and continued sleeping inside his embrace.

When dawn came, I woke up first. Aron-oppa was still sleeping soundly due to the power of alcohol. I left the room and went to cook breakfast. I decided to hide what happened last night. I didn’t want him to know and felt sorry for me.

“Heiri-ah!” he finally got up and came to find me at kitchen.

I turned to look at him and tried to act normal. “Yes, Oppa!”

“Why am I in your room last night? Have I done anything inappropriate?” he worriedly asked.

“No, nothing happened! You were drunk and confused to enter my room so I let you sleep in my room and I went to sleep in my parent’s room.” I tried to act what I’ve said.

He remained silent for a while, looked like he was trying to recall his memory. After a while, he gave up on recalling it and came to help me to prepare for breakfast. “Fine then! Let me help you with the breakfast!”

We had breakfast together. I took a chance to ask him. “Oppa, can I know who is the girl you love? You kept saying you love her and you look so hurt. Did she reject you?”

He dropped his spoon while eating then turned to look at me in shock. “What did I say last night?”

“You kept saying you love her…”

“I didn’t mention her name, did I?” he volume up his voice in worried way, got me surprised.

“No, Oppa! Hmm who is she?” I calmly asked him again.

He sighed in relief and went to his normal state. “Well, someone I have a crush on since long time. I was about to confess to her before I go back to LA but recently I learnt that she is already dating someone so I’ve to move on.” He replied with a sad facial expression.

“Go back to LA?” I exclaimed. I lost all attention on that girl’s case after hearing he mentioned about going back to LA.

“Yes, after we graduate next month, I’ll go back. That’s what my parents want me to. They called me last night about that. I was so sad that’s why I drank a lot… I don’t want to go away from my crush. Though I can’t have her, I want to see her longer. However, I don’t have a choice. Plus, she has a good man to take care now so I should just go.” Aron-oppa kept expressing his love for that girl without noticing my pain. I felt like a knife was stabbing in my heart to hear he’ll leave soon and what he’s sad about leaving is for that girl. He didn’t mention about me at all.

“Yes, you should go back. Your family has a business there so you have to go back like that… I’m full now. I’m gonna go back to my room.” I said then rushed to go back to my room before I cried out my pain in front of him.

-----

From that day, I tried to make myself even farther from him as I knew I have no place inside his heart even a little. I’m just a friend or a younger sister to him, nothing more than that. We didn’t talk much and didn’t meet a lot even we are in the same house.

-----

Finally, our graduation day came. Everyone was happy to celebrate it except me who feeling so deep inside because I’m going to lose someone I’ve loved after this. He’ll be leaving me after 7years…..

-----

It is a night before Aron-oppa leave. Our family celebrated him a farewell dinner. I couldn’t enjoy them as I felt so sad. When the small farewell party finished, I went to my room and kept crying. It’s over mid-night now but I still kept crying. I came up with an idea like if I confessed I love him and beg him to stay, will he stay?..... a lot of things popped up on my head and I felt heavier and heavier.

*Tong Tong* (knocking sound)

“Yeiri, are you still awake?” Aron-oppa came to my room.

“If you’re not sleeping yet, can I get in? I have something to give you.” He added.

“Nee, oppa!” I replied and went to open the door. He walked in with holding something in his hand.

“Sorry to disturb you at this hour! I just want to give you a gift before leaving. Here you go!” he handed me a small gift. I received. “But promise to open it after I leave. Don’t open it now!” he mysteriously warned. I didn’t insist. I nodded. Then he said good-night and was turning to leave. I didn’t know where I got this encouragement from but I ran to give him a back hug. He stood still.

“Aron-oppa, thanks for these 7years being by my side. I’ve been happy.” I cried and said those words to him. It was just a part of what was inside my heart but I wasn’t brave enough to confess more than that.

He turned to me and patted my head softly. “The same to you, Yeiri. I’m glad to meet you in my life. But don’t be sad! We’ll meet again. I’ll come to visit you sometimes.” He sweetly promised.

“But the fact that we’re no longer living together is making me sad, Oppa.” I burst out crying and pushed myself into his embrace again. He gently hugged me back. “I’m so sad too but this is life. We’ll be able to move on. I wish you all the best in work, life and love.”

We were hugging with sadness for a long moment. It was the saddest moment to me.

-----

Next day, my family and I sent him off to airport. I kept sobbing. I knew I should let him leave seeing my smile but I couldn’t. I wish I could hug him tight and wouldn’t let go of him.

He finally went inside the boarding and completely left our eye sight. I cried a lot and my parents did the same. We all love him so much.

I didn’t come back home with my parents after sending Aron-oppa off. I was still at airport, waiting to see his plane took off. I suddenly remembered about the gift he gave me last night so I took it from my bag and opened. There was a very beautiful bracelet and a hand-written letter.

Yeiri, when you’re reading this letter, I’m not near you anymore. I’m sorry to make this suggestion to you but I can’t face with your reaction after I reveal something to you.
Yeiri, you know the girl I’ve a crush on, the girl I said I can’t have, the girl I’m so sad to miss seeing her after I go back to LA is YOU. I’ve loved you since I recently moved to live with you. I thought it was the feeling of loving a sister or friend but it’s not. I love you as a girl. I was planning to confess to you on our graduation day but you already dated someone else before that so I lost the chance. I know you like me like an older brother. I hate myself that I can’t make you love me more than that. I have another secret to confess to you too. You know since our old days in high school, I have been breaking into your room at night and secretly stole a kiss from you. I wanted to admit it and ask for your forgiveness about that. Yeiri-ah, please don’t hate me for loving you! I’ll try to move on from you. I hope to meet you soon. Good-bye and take care, my Beloved Yeiri! 

After reading his letter, I burst out crying to know he has the same feeling for me. I rushed to go inside the boarding area but the staffs didn’t allow me to get in. I was on my knees, begging and bawling in front of the entrance but no one was there to care about me.

“Yeiri?” suddenly a familiar voice appeared. There was a figure standing in front of me. I looked up to the figure. It was Aron-oppa. I quickly stood up and touched his face to confirm that I wasn’t dreaming.

“Aron-oppa, really you, right?” I hugged him and cried on his chest.

“Yeiri, why are you crying here like this?” He hugged me back and worriedly asked.

“I read the letter. Oppa, I love you too. I have a crush on you for 7 years now. I’m not dating anyone yet. I faked a relationship to make you get rid of that silly promise. I don’t date anyone because I love you, Oppa.” I confessed bravely to him.

Aron-oppa remained silent. He released the hug from me and faced his face with mine. He was smiling with teary eyes. He patted my face softly and he looked like he was going to say something but before he could do that, I attacked his lips. He was shocked at first but then he returned the kiss. It was a passionate, deep kiss. We didn’t care about people around us.

“Yeiri, let’s go!” he released the kiss then grabbed my hand to go.

“Where are we going, Oppa? Aren’t you flying to LA soon?” I asked.

“My flight is delayed until tomorrow morning so let’s go somewhere else!” he replied then kept holding my hand to leave the airport.

He took me on a taxi to a big jewelry shop. He bought us couple rings. I felt somehow funny because he was too rushed but it was a sweet movement from him too. I satisfyingly accepted the ring. Then we went for a walk for the rest of time. We finally shared each other about how we crush on each other and cowardly dare not to confess.

The sun set and the whole world went dark; we were still outside, walking with holding each other’s hand under the beautiful moonlight.

“I should send you home now, Yeiri. Your parents must be so worried about you.”

“How about you? Aren’t you going back home with me?”

“My flight is very early. I’ve booked a room at hotel near airport so I’ll stay there tonight.”

“I wanna stay with you until you leave. Take me to hotel with you too!”

He looked shocked to hear my request. I gave a peck on his lips. “Please oppa! If you let me stay with you tonight, you can do whatever you want.”

He patted my head with a sweet smile. “You naughty girl!”

We went to the hotel. I just couldn’t let go a minute seeing him so I put my fame a side and made a silly request. I just wanted to see him until he leaves.

“You said I can do whatever I want, right? Can I sleep hugging you tonight? It’s gonna take a few months until I can make time to come here again.” He said as we both were sitting awkwardly on the same bed.

I shyly nodded. “That’s what I want too. I want to hold you close in my arms until you leave.”

After we learnt about our same will, we lay on bed and slept in each other’s embrace. The feeling was like the night that he was drunk and broke into my room.

I was sleeping on his shoulder while my head was between his neck.

“Will you really comeback for me again, Oppa?” I asked him.

“Sure! I’ll make time to come here to meet you.” He replied.

“Hmm but you will leave me again and again, right?” I looked up at his face to show my unsatisfied facial expression. He looked at me. He released the hug and came above me instead, got me shocked.

“If you become my girl, we’ll be able to be together. Let’s get married and move to LA with me!” he sweetly said. I became blushed but I was so excited to hear it too.

“What will you say?” he asked to confirm.

“Make me yours tonight then!” I shyly replied.

We finally spent our first night together.

Before leaving, he promised to come to get married with me after he got used with his family’s business in LA. He will marry me and take me to LA with him. I think I feel so lucky to have my crush love me back and he is a perfect man who every girl’s dream-boyfriend. “I love you, Aron-oppa.”

----- The End -----