BAEKHYUN

Hana and I left the building and hopped into the van that'll take us to my next schedule. I noticed how Hana would tense on her seat, feet anxiously bouncing against the floor while her eyes roamed outside the window of the vehicle.

She's probably scared of me, being one of those staffs who saw how I'd rudely treat people around me back when I still haven't found Jian. Not wanting to scare her more and prove that I'm not the same person from before, I never opened my mouth to start any conversation with her. That's to make her feel comfortable until I get to earn her trust that I won't be rude to her.

As time passes, the need to talk is taking a toll on me. Even when I would just glance at her, she'd flinch, close her eyes and clasp her hands while muttering a prayer to herself. That made me feel like I was really a terrible person enough to make her pray and hope that I won't hurt her.

If she's intimidated as she had seen how I was rude to anyone before, I am more intimidated by how she's scared of me when I'm literally just breathing.

"Uh," I broke the awkward silence and sent her a small assuring smile, hoping to ease her anxiety. "What's my next schedule?"

"H-huh?" her eyes rapidly twinkled in confusion. "That... I don't know I was chosen to be your temporary manager and I was informed just this morning so I really don't know what should I do." she blurts out without pausing that she ended up catching her breath.

Sensing my disbelief as my gaze stilled on her, she started praying once again.

"Nevermind." I waved off and took my phone to see the file of my schedules that Y/n had sent me. "Okay, I'll be having an interview. We will go there."

"Where?" the van driver asked, staring at me through the rearview mirror.

"To where the interview is taking place?" my brows knitted at him. "You don't know where?"

"Y/n is the one who tells me where your schedules are happening. Try to see if she sent the place."

She blocked my number! I gritted my teeth out of frustration that my jaw clenched, my grip around my phone tightened as anger slowly takes over my body. Then I realized that I didn't want to scare this other manager here so I fluttered my eyes close and took deep breaths to regain my composure and calm myself down.

And that's how I missed two of my schedules today. Hana was just a staff randomly chosen by Sooman to stand as my manager and didn't have any idea about how being a manager works, I can't blame her for that but the situation is so frustrating!

I scanned the file of my schedules. Seeing it only reminded me of the past, I think I can do this on my own, considering that I've been in a situation in which I wasn't accompanied by a manager for trying to get rid of them every time Sooman managed to hire one.

Right, I used to go to my schedules alone. This should be piece of cake.

Later that night, I told Sooman to let Hana do her usual job as a staff and that I could go to my schedules alone, also to never even try getting me a new manager as he at choosing one. It was surprising that he agreed almost immediately as if I didn't matter at all and I could do whatever I want. He used to be very strict when it comes to what I do, I wonder what happened now that he seems to be neglecting me and even chose a random staff as a manager when he used to have qualifications to be hired.

For me not to miss any of my schedules for the following day, I'd give the person behind the schedule a call to ask where such activity is going to happen. Now that I know where, I'm sure I won't be lost for tomorrow and won't miss any important schedules to do.

But I was wrong.

I woke up very late the next day as I forgot to set an alarm and wasn't reminded that I didn't have a manager who'd give me call that wakes me up every morning. I missed an important interview and nearly couldn't attend the rest of my schedules. It's only the second day of being 'manager-less' but everything is already a chaos.

Alarm set, sleeping to the reminder that I have to do things on my own now. Even after those, I'm still not successful and received bad impressions from the people involved in my schedules. Unintentionally missing them stained my career more than being in a dating scandal with Y/n. Hates will soon die down, but bad impressions will remain in my head.

I can't take this anymore!

"Why won't she pick up?!" I threw my phone on the bed and frustratingly raked my fingers through my hair. It's the fourth call using a different number but Y/n still don't answer as if she knew I will do this.

Three days felt so long like I never experienced not having a manager with me. How the heck did she managed to change my perception of these things in a short period of time? Constantly driving away my managers back then, I trained myself to do things on my own which is why I thought this will be easy without her. She's just a fangirl who successfully got the chance to be hired as my manager, what's so special about her that not being around me suddenly makes everything I used to do so hard?

I hate this. I hate her.

And I definitely hate to admit that... I need her.

Sooman was barely surprised when I suddenly barged into his office, like he had expected my arrival despite knowing that I'm currently drowning in my own schedules after rescheduling them all to be accomplished today.

"Where's Y/n?" was the first thing I asked as soon as I reached his desk.

"I thought you'd never ask."

That arrogant look he had only made my blood boil. I don't like showing him that he won this little game he made me play. As I thought about my situation for the past three days, I figured out that he purposely did this to make me realize that...

Y/n is indeed the best manager he got me.

Admitting it only to myself, seemed to have lifted a ton of weight off my shoulders. It's like a problem, anxiety that I refuse to tell anyone and finally got to tell a psychiatrist about it, that is what it feels like.

"Just tell me." I impatiently commanded.

"Secret." my lips parted, I looked at him in disbelief to the way he coyly answered me. What the hell was that? Seeing that I cringed to the playful attitude he's trying hard to show me, he continues, "Kidding, I actually don't know where she is." he shrugged.

"Damn it!"

I stormed out of his office and quickly made my way to SM building's exit. Along the way, I saw that makeup artist friend of Y/n, Doyeon. I didn't have to think twice about running up to her and that catches her attention as she tilted her head to my direction when she heard my footsteps.

"Where's Y/n?"

She blinks at me for a second, confused about my question. Seems like the answer suddenly comes into her mind when she gasped silently, surprised expression draws over her visage. "Oh? She asked me to book her some flight tickets few days ago, she's leaving, you didn't know?"

What...? I shook my head to respond. How the hell am I supposed to know that when she blocked both of my phone number and twitter accounts? She wouldn't answer any of my calls using a different number and I couldn't find her twitter account using a new one. I even went to her house and I think no one's there, the gate was locked and the whole house was hushed.

"Aw, too bad. The flight leaves today. You should've been good to her, now she's gone for good." she shrugged her shoulders.

For the first time, I felt the fear of being left behind and losing someone.

Jian's disappearance was something I didn't see coming. Instead of fear, I was saddened to how unexpected it was and hatred filled my heart for taking her away from me only because I fell in love with her like it was the heaviest sin I've ever committed.

"Say it, hyung."

I was scared of losing Y/n, not only because I could never handle my schedules without her but also because she's my fan. I didn't want a fan to leave me, when I don't even know that it's actually happening without me knowing. She's a lot closer to me compared to other fans (obviously, she works as my manager and sticks around me) and she probably know what's going on in the fandom, what kind of songs does my fans want me to sing, hair color they wanted to see from me, how much they missed me for not being on any social media platforms because of my busy schedules.

"I do have... The best manager." I admitted, followed by a defeated sigh. It's the lesson Sehun thought I learned after being told that Y/n was leaving and later finding out it was just a joke to make me feel the fear of losing my manager. Even Hana being scared of me and the van driver not knowing where to go, were all staged.

I hate to admit that it was true, that Y/n is the best manager Sooman have ever hired, but I'd rather keep it in between Sehun and I and good thing he agreed.

Those words put a smile on Sehun's face and was about to take another drink but I stopped him by pulling his hand down the table, causing for him to whine. "You're tipsy, I'm taking you home."

"Nooo!"

----

I tiredly plopped myself down on the couch as soon as I reached the living room of my apartment. The longer I remained silent, the conversation Sehun and I had in my car started invading my mind. It was until someone rang my doorbell but I'm too lazy to get up, already knowing who's behind the door.

"Hello! Baekhyun I know you're in there!" of course, my new neighbor. She rapidly pressed the doorbell twice and added, "I'm gonna count to five and if you're not going to answer, I'm opening the door!"

She did counted like a crazy woman and few seconds after reaching the last number, my password was punched and the door opened. Y/n walks inside and shyly peeked her head first to see if I'm around and flinched when she saw me nonchalantly staring at her while slumped down on the couch.

Y/n took few steps until I could see the entirety of her and clasped her hands behind her back. "I would like to apologize from my outburst earlier. I was... Really angry because of hormones and all." and then she widely grins while I couldn't understand what she just said. I confusedly raised a brow up. With her cheeks turning red, she carried on, "I mean, I figured out why I easily got angry. It's because of my monthly red dot. You know? That 'dot' haha."

No reaction.

Y/n waves off, dismissing the topic. "Actually, you don't need to understand that. I bought you pizza as a compensation by the way and it's Hawaiian." she makes her way to the kitchen while avoiding my gaze. "It took you way too long before coming back home so it's cold now, I'm just going to heat it and I'm going back to my place."

No answer from me.

Once she was done, she walks back to the living room and towards the door, ignoring how I my eyes would follow her steps. But even before reaching the door, she came into a halt. "Uh, Baekhyun," she slowly tilted her head to look back at me and bit her lips for a second as she thought of the next words to say. "No matter what you did or you'll be doing to me, I just wanted to say that I still look up to you the s