I apologized for the grammatical errors, English is not my first language. This one shot was inspired by my real life story and i just want to share it with you guys. I've been a silent reader for 5 years here in AFF and i thought why not try to write? I hope you guys enjoy it!

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"Sometimes the love of our life, isn't for life."

Three years after, fate decided that it's time for us to meet again. 
I don’t know if it's really fate or it's the plans of our stupid friends that wants to make fun of our reactions. I won't be lying if i said that I've never imagined countless situations where we would meet but nevertheless i wasn't ready.
I mentally sighed when i saw her as she was the first person my eyes landed upon when i entered the bar. I don't know what to make out of her reaction when i approached them and greeted everybody except her. I did not ignore her though  just a quick smile on her direction with my eyes not really looking because i feel awkward as hell. Everybody has a knowing looks on their face when they saw it especially when i sat down beside her because it's the only available seat. She laughed along with them but for me she looked like she wants to get away from me. 
Yuri, my stupid number one friend handed me a beer and i harshly grabbed it while glaring at her "You planned this did you?" 
Yuri just smiled devilishly 
"Just enjoy the night my friend." 
Oh hell no i won't be enjoying it. 

I was awkwardly sitting there beside her while trying to listen to whatever things they're talking about when the topic was directed to me. 
"Tae, how are you? It's been so long since we last saw you." Sunny asked.
That's true, I've been rejecting their invitations for drinking nights since i've started working on my professor's publishing company. Not because of heavy workload but because i want to focus on my job and studies without any distraction. Through the years i've mastered the art of not being bothered by losing relationships and being alone. But this night is an exception. I want to let loose and just take a break for once. They deserve at least my presence since these guys have shown patience to me for years. And my ex just beside me won't ruined this night of relaxing. 
"I'm sorry guys, i was just pre occupied by my work and studies. " 
"After you graduated, you study again. What do you want to do for the rest of your life? Pass thesis papers endlessly?" Laughter erupted on our table, including hers. 
"Maybe? Its what I’m best at." I smiled at them, and the night went on with us talking about our lives, teasing here and there. Hoping that this stupid friends of mine won't try to make things harder for me. 
"So Tiff, are you single now?" Stupid number two named Sooyoung asked. I think i know already where her question is heading. 
"Yeah, i broke up with my ex 3 months ago." 
Tiffany side eyed me while saying so. But i just shrugged in reaction. I dont really care whether she's single or married for all i care. I know she's been in a relationship with a guy for like three years, Sooyoung actually sent me a picture of them as a New Year's gift to me 3 years ago.
"Wow our taengoo here is also single!"  How i wished its legal to strangle someone. 
And then the endless teasing continued. I was surprised when Tiffany spoke up "Taeyeon here writes the best poems, i really enjoyed it every time she would send me one." Squealing and laughing erupted again as I blushed with what she said.  I know she's riding with my friends stupid teasing but hell no i would back down. She was enjoying seeing my awkward and embarrassed expressions. 
"You're actually the best kisser out of all the people I’ve dated." I smirked, and everyone laughed again, I saw Yoona and Yuri doubling over while trying to breathe while Sunny and Sooyoung were holding their stomach from too much laughing. And Tiffany, boy she turned into her favorite color. I was enjoying too much when my Stupid number 3 friend which goes by the name Jessica,  said something that made my heart palpitated. 
"You two should get back together." 
Blondes are really dumb. 
I stood up and excused myself. They thought i was offended but no, I’m just afraid of what Tiffany's reaction would be. We ended on bad terms and a lot of bad things were said on our side. And at some point i even regretted loving her. 
-x-
I grabbed her hand, and turned her to me harshly 
"Tell me Tiffany did you even loved me?!" 
I asked her angrily while tears streamed down my face. She tried to removed my firm grasped on her arm. "Let me go taeyeon! You're hurting me!" The hurt you're feeling can't compare to the pain i'm feeling right now
"No! Answer me!" 
"Do you think i would be with you if i didn't loved you?!"
-x-
I sat at the gutter and lighted up my cigarette. I looked around and admired the night lights around the area. Tonight was surprisingly enjoyable, seeing her again brought back different memories but mostly painful ones. I sighed and decided not to think too much, as i puffed out the smoke that calmed my mind.  Someone grabbed the cigarette on my hand and i widened my eyes when i saw it was her who took it. 
"What are you doing?" She glanced at me and she just rolled her eyes 
"Can't you tell? I also want to smoke." I scoffed and just let her be. 
"You never stopped smoking." 
Same as i never stopped thinking about you
"It's the only thing that keeps me sane." 
because loving you made me insane
-x- 
"I heard you passed the Airforce Officer Candidate exam but you quitted? Are you still afraid of cutting your hair?" She giggled. And I just scoffed. I'm not the playful girl you once knew. 
"No i'm not." I continued smoking not paying attention to whatever she thinks now. 
We sat there for a couple of minutes in silence when she spoke again 
"I always knew you would achieve higher than what's expected of you. You were academically succesful, goal oriented and competitive. And Air Force was one of your dreams right? So i was surprised when i've heard that you back out." I sighed mentally, why do you care now Tiffany? I would never forget the things you've told me before. That I was only academically smart but dumb when it comes to real life. It marked deeply on me and maybe that was one of the reasons why i've given up. "You really want to know?, I didn't graduated with Latin honors like what i wanted when i was 2nd year. I simply graduated and worked in Airport right after my graduation to appease the disappointment of my family. For a year i hold my sanity, i wasn't happy with what i do. Then the Airforce Officer Candidate Course exam came, my daddy waited for the results and i passed, i resigned on my work. Everyone was expecting so much from me again. It drove me crazy knowing that i'm going to throw myself again in a cliff just for the expectations of others. You know the quote "It only takes 20 seconds of bravery in changing your life" So I did. I turned back. And took another path. I didn't attend the reception, instead i took up college exam at Seoul National University and enrolled in Creative Writing. I applied different part time jobs to support myself  and lived with my aunt in Seoul who supported me all the way, my sister also enrolled in the same University and we lived together in an apartment that my Uncle rented to us. I am now working as a junior writer in my professor's publishing company." I chuckled when i remember how my life turned out to be different than what I’ve imagined before. "Can you believe that? I exchanged the privilege of being an officer that has a monthly salary of 40 thousand, for just being a  writer that has only 20 thousand salary monthly? But the only important comparison between the two jobs is that writing has my heart and my passion

I smiled, indeed i am happy. Even though this is not what i used to dreamt of but now this life i choose made me happy. It was worth the disappointment I got. Even though she was not there to support me. 

"You didn't expect that do you?"  I asked after a long silence between us. When i turned to look at her, she just smiled softly. 
"I'm so proud of what you've become Taeyeon." 
-x-
And just like that we decided to ditch our friends and just ordered an ice cream nearby the Han River to stroll. 
"I'm pretty sure our friends won't even bother to look for us." She said 
"Kwon Yuri planned this right?" 
"No she don't. I'm actually seeing them for the past 2 weeks already, and I’m surprised that you came on the 3rd week." 
"Ah so you guys have been backstabbing me for the past 3 weeks?" 
She lightly punched my shoulder in response to what I’ve said. 
We stopped on a bench to sit on and just enjoy our ice cream silently. It was not an awkward silence like what I was imagining earlier. It was rather comforting. And as cliché as it sounds, this moment reminds me a lot of what we used to be. 
/ 
I wrapped my arms around her as we enjoy the night breeze. 
"It would be rush hour soon. You'll be stuck in traffic if we don't go now." I pouted when i heard her.
"It seems like you don’t want to spend time with me." She chuckled and pinched my cheeks 
"I was just worried for you. You're tired in school already and you'll get more tired  traveling in these hour." I kissed her cheeks before answering "I will endure everything, if it means to be with you." 
/
"Why won't you look at me in the eye? You know it's rude when you don’t make eye contact when you talk to someone." The eye smiling girl asked. 
"Because my eyes can't take looking at someone my heart likes."
/ 
"What are you doing love?" Tiffany asked as she snuggled to me closer
"I'm writing about you." Excitement filled her eyes instantly
"Can i see?" 
"I will read it aloud for you love." 
/
"Taetae, i want to become like my brother." 
"You want to become a police officer?" Tiffany nodded cutely.
"Then I’ll become an Air Force officer, so we could match." 
I watched you dream and knew I would never get to watch you change and grow because sometimes in life things are only built to break
/
"You know what Tiffany? I even thanked God for breaking us up!" 
I saw the hurt in her eyes but i was too angry to think about all the things i was saying. I wanted her to also feel the emotional pain she inflicted on me. But
She didn't said anything, instead she just walked away from me. From my life. 
 I cherished you all i could but you still left
-x-
"I'm sorry." I said softly, she looked at me confusedly, questioning me with her eyes. 
"I'm sorry for all the things I’ve said before. It was very immature and rude of me. I was young and reckless." 
"Does it matter now? what's important is that we were once happy together."  
"When you left, you actually stayed." Confusion was once again adored her pretty face.
"What?" 
"You stayed in my poems, in my stories, in my heart. In everything i wrote, you are the inspiration. Be it in sadness or in happiness. Thinking about you has helped me write countless of poems that fueled my desire to pursue my dreams. Even though I've tried so hard to forget you."
I stopped myself from crying, my heart was beating erratically from the emotions that only Tiffany can make me feel.
"But did i ever forget you?"
/
I always knew you weren't mine to keep 
That's why i kissed you an extra thousand times
And told you it was just an old habit
That's why i always gazed an extra few seconds before i looked away
That's why i stayed up all those nights to watch you sleep instead of getting any rest myself
I tried to memorize every curve and mark on your body so that when you left i would not forget
I listened extra carefully when you spoke because i knew i needed to replay your voice when i was alone 
I ran my fingers through your hair and moved my hands back to your body to cherish every inch of your skin
That's why i told you i loved you as much as i did
But now you were gone and i still love you.

/

Our night ended just like that, with the two of us on separate ways again. And this night I will forever remember. 

--x--

Credits to an unknown writer of some of the quotes i used.