When Hyoyeon proposes the idea of spending the weekend together as a group at a beach house, Taeyeon initially sighs at the announcement. She changes her mind when she realises that they don’t have many opportunities to meet up any more; Tiffany’s busy with her English album in America, Yoona, Seohyun and Sooyoung feature in dramas after dramas, Hyoyeon’s focusing on dancing and filming during the day and DJ-ing at night, Yuri’s perfecting her cooking, Sunny’s on variety show after variety show and Taeyeon...she’s made a second home for herself at the recording studios. It’s not often that the group can get together but when they do, they savour each moment as much as they can.

They block off their schedules months in advance, giggling when their managers stare at them with confused but fond looks on their faces.

They decide to travel in two separate cars. Hyoyeon, Yuri, Sunny and Seohyun sigh in relief when Taeyeon takes up the responsibility of driving the remaining girls to the venue. Sooyoung defends her driving abilities but gives up when Taeyeon’s the only one to stick up for her again (Taeyeon’s always been her favourite).

They pile into their cars and Taeyeon chuckles when Hyoyeon drives off into the distance and leaves them behind.

“Hey, that’s cheating!” Tiffany says, poking Taeyeon to get the car started so they can hopefully catch up and overtake their friends.

“Okay okay, I’m driving!” Taeyeon says, swatting Tiffany’s hands away and starting up the car. She manoeuvres the vehicle out from the parking spot and silently drives them onto the highway.

It’s ten minutes later when Yoona finally cracks and leans over to connect her phone to the car’s bluetooth system. Taeyeon laughs and shakes her head when Sooyoung and Tiffany engage in a round of carpool karaoke and Yoona claps happily beside her as she bounces around in her seat. She tries to drown out their voices as she concentrates on the road ahead of her, but when the song changes to one that she recognises, she can’t help but sing along with the girls.

“Ha! We cracked you Taeyeonnie!” Sooyoung says, giggling when Taeyeon rolls her eyes and shoves her sunglasses further up her nose.

Tiffany and Yoona just cackle in their seats.

“How many suitcases did you girls bring?” Taeyeon says, groaning as she lifts yet another bag from the car’s boot.

“Oh! That’s mine!” Hyoyeon says, walking over and giving Taeyeon a sheepish smile.

Taeyeon just stares back at her with an open mouth and Hyoyeon leans over to tap her finger under her leader's jaw to close it shut.

“My car didn’t have enough space so I had to shove my stuff into yours. Sorry Tae,” She says, slapping Taeyeon’s as she hauls her luggage away and into the beach house.

Taeyeon continues to stare at the spot where Hyoyeon was standing until Yoona comes around and pinches her cheeks.

“Unnie, hurry! I want to go for a walk on the beach.”

“Then go yourself,” Taeyeon teases, squealing when Yoona tickles her sides.

“But I want to go with you!” She says, intentionally putting on her annoyingly cute aegyo voice that the girls except Taeyeon despise (she'd never admit that out loud. As much she loves her dongsaeng, she does not need the extra ego boost). She continues to poke fun at Taeyeon until her leader relents, gently patting her arms in agreement. Yoona releases her and sticks her tongue out, quickly running into the house when Taeyeon gives her a playful glare.

Taeyeon shakes her head.

She misses her girls.

Tiffany comments that she’s looking much more alive than she has been this entire year (and maybe for the past six years, but that's a discussion for later). Taeyeon gives her a confused look but Tiffany smiles softly and opens her arms out for a hug. She falls into her arms and embraces her, taking in the sweet scent of vanilla emanating from her body.

“I missed you Taetae,” Tiffany says, patting her friend on the back.

“You’ve been away for too long,” Taeyeon says, stepping back and taking a good look at her friend. She notes that Tiffany’s eyes are still radiating warmth but she’s gotten a little thinner since the last time they saw each other in person.

“But I’m here now and the girls are here too...well most of us,” Tiffany says, shrugging her shoulders when Taeyeon raises her eyebrows at her.

“It’s been a while Taetae,” She says.

I miss her and I know you do too even though you'd never say that out loud, Tiffany wants to add but bites her tongue before gets the best of her. It's hard enough that Taeyeon doesn't open up to people easily; she doesn't want to shut down their conversation before it's even started.

Taeyeon sighs and rubs her arms up and down as she looks at the ground.

“Six years,” Taeyeon says, kicking her feet on the floor.

Tiffany reaches for her hands and rubs them reassuringly, feeling her heart ache when Taeyeon looks up at her with glassy eyes.

"Sometimes I wonder if she's happy," Taeyeon admits, looking down at the ground again.

Tiffany knows Taeyeon feels guilty over the way they handled the fiasco; she's heard her leader torture herself in her sleep and her cries for things to return to the way they used to be (she'd never confront Taeyeon about this to her face). She feels horrible that her leader shoulders all of the group's problems and takes them with her head held high, but allows that mask to be taken off only in the safe comforts of her room. Tiffany's had her fair share of haters and brutal commenters, but they can never compare to the harsh words people leave for Taeyeon on social media – blaming her for breaking the soshi bond, blaming her for causing some members to leave the company, blaming her for pushing Jessica out, blaming her for everything.

She only hopes her surprise for her leader runs as smoothly as she had planned.

At the corner of Tiffany’s eyes, she notices Yoona waving her arms around with her phone in her hands and mouthing the words ‘they’re close’. Tiffany takes the hint, subtly nods and her head at Taeyeon.

“So, what do you plan on doing for the next few days?” She says to continue the conversation, giggling when Taeyeon’s eyes light up.

“Well, I was going to stay inside my room and hibernate and – hey!” Taeyeon says, yelping when a warm hand latches onto her wrist and pulls her towards the front door.

“See you later Fany-Unnie; we’re going for a walk!”

"Help me!”

Taeyeon grumbles all the way to the beach but can’t help burst into laughter when Yoona spins around and tackles her into the sand.

“Yah!” She says, swatting away Yoona’s playful hands.

“That’s what you get for not getting ready quickly enough!” Yoona says, squealing when Taeyeon musters enough strength to push her onto her sides and tickle her.

“Yah! You got sand in my hair!” Yoona says, shoving Taeyeon off of her and pouting.

Taeyeon guffaws and helps pat her member down, making sure to dust off her clothes and legs. Yoona looks at her with a fond smile and stands still, relishing in the attention her leader gives her (Taeyeon's always been the best at paying attention and caring for her). When Taeyeon stands back up, she frowns at the goofy grin on Yoona's face.

“What?”

Yoona beams widely and wraps her arms around her dear leader.

“I miss you Taeyeon-Unnie,” She says sweetly, giggling when Taeyeon sighs dramatically and wraps her arms around her waist to return her embrace. Yoona decides to add "adorable height difference" to her ever-growing list of Taeyeon Appreciation Traits.

“I miss you too Yoongie,” Taeyeon says, patting Yoona’s back affectionately. She stands back and smirks widely.

“You’ve got sand on your clothes again,” Taeyeon says, pointing at Yoona’s t-shirt.

“Unnie!”

Taeyeon flops onto the couch, thinking she can finally get some well-deserved rest after humouring Yoona’s playful tendencies. She’s proven wrong when Yoona crashes on top of her and presses her into the soft material of the sofa.

“Im Yoona!” She says, crying in laughter when Yoona wedges her hands into her sides and tickles her again.

“You’re not escaping now!” Yoona says, continuing to mess around.

The pair are too busy trying to win their tickle war that they don’t notice Tiffany entering the room. Tiffany can’t help but grin at their antics but she sighs; her surprise must take action now.

She clears loudly to catch their attention.

“You two better stop what you’re doing because we’ve got guests,” Tiffany says, crossing her arms in front of her chest and leaning against the wall as she waits for the troublemakers to cease their war.

Yoona’s head pops up over the couch in faux surprise.

“Guests?” She says, beaming widely when Tiffany winks at her. Yoona looks at the body underneath her and grins evilly.

“Unnie! We’ve got guests!” She shouts in Taeyeon’s ear.

Taeyeon yelps and covers her ears, cursing Yoona when she cackles and removes herself from on top of her.

“You Yoongie,” Taeyeon says, rubbing her ears as she stands up from the couch and turns around. She blinks when she registers two women who she hasn't seen in person for years standing in the living room, their faces free of any sunglasses obscuring their eyes. Taeyeon notes how Jessica shyly darts her eyes around the room before they land on her and she flushes instantly, mentally cursing herself for the effect she still has on her. She switches her gaze over to Krystal who looks at her with an amused smirk on her face.

“Hi Taeyeon,” Jessica says bashfully, raising a hand to rub the back of her neck.

Taeyeon’s eyes narrow in on the blush on Jessica’s cheeks and she follows her gaze downwards, her eyes widening when she sees her top is riding up a little too high and her abdomen is on display.

“Hi,” She says, tugging down her shirt to cover up her stomach.

Yoona laughs in the background and mutters ‘cute’ under her breath as she pats Taeyeon on the and exits the room.

Taeyeon’s eyes flicker between Jessica and Tiffany and she tries to telepathically communicate to Tiffany questions about Jessica's presence when the woman beside Jessica speaks up.

“You look thinner than I last saw you,” Krystal says, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she scrutinises her from head to toe.

Taeyeon gulps when she approaches her and pokes an accusing finger at her chest. She flinches and backs off, but that only prompts Krystal to advance and poke her harder.

“You were supposed to keep in contact with me these past few years!”

“I’m sorry!”

“And you were supposed to eat dinner with me on two different occasions!”

“I’m sorry!”

“And you bailed on shopping with me!”

“I’m...sorry?” Taeyeon says, confused at Krystal’s line of accusations.

Krystal sighs.

“Do you know what I do to Unnies who hurt me?”

“Ummm...no? But I'm very sorry that I hurt you," Taeyeon says.

“I get them to have coffee with me in the morning,” Krystal says, fighting the urge to grin widely at Taeyeon. She gives herself a mental pat on the back when she schools her expression to something more cool and stony and notices the way Taeyeon nervously fidgets in front of her.

“W-What?”

“Tomorrow, downstairs, seven-thirty. Don’t be late,” Krystal says, shooting Taeyeon a stern glare and leaving the room.

Taeyeon just blinks, not sure what exactly she’s gotten herself into. She's pretty sure, no, she's definitely sure that she and Krystal haven't been in contact for five years and all of a sudden she's missed out on outings with the younger woman.

It takes her a while to remember that she’s not the sole occupant in the room and Tiffany’s not-so-subtle cough breaks her thoughts.

“Taetae, won’t you be a sweetheart and show Jessi her room?” Tiffany says, batting her eyelashes for good measure.

“But –”

“I’m busy!” She says, turning on her heels and running off into the kitchen.

Taeyeon rolls her eyes and walks over, reaching down to grab one of Jessica’s bags. Warm fingers brush against hers and she blinks rapidly, dropping the bag on her feet. She yelps and scrunches her eyes closed as she waits for the pain to subside.

“Sorry,” Jessica says quietly, lifting the bag to relieve the throb in Taeyeon's feet.

Taeyeon shakes her head, breathing deeply and opening her eyes. She blushes when Jessica’s eyes gaze at her intensely and she does her best to ignore the warm feeling in her chest as she reaches down to grab Jessica’s bag again. Taeyeon silently leads her up the stairs and into one of the remaining empty bedrooms, nudging the door open with her elbow. She places the bag down beside the bed, watching with a soft smile on her face when Jessica looks around the room and studies a canvas painting hanging on the wall.

She stops herself from smiling when she’s aware of the fuzzy feelings resurfacing inside of her.

This cannot be happening, she thinks as her breathing starts to become heavier.

“I’m going to go,” Taeyeon says, stepping backwards towards the door and stumbling over her feet.

“Taeyeon,” Jessica begins to say, only to sigh when the door closes softly behind her.

Taeyeon manages to locate Tiffany sitting outside on one of the porch chairs, her hands propped up on a table as she reads a book. She taps on her friend's shoulder, falling into the seat beside her when Tiffany smiles and pats the chair for her to sit. The hidden meaning behind her eyes indicates to Taeyeon that she knows she bolted from Jessica's room at the first chance she had.

"Why is she here?" Taeyeon says, apologising immediately when it comes out more like a hiss and ruder than she had expected.

"I invited Jessi here," Tiffany says matter of factly, closing her novel and placing it on the table. She leans back into her chair and crosses her legs, wrapping her arms around her knees as she studies the range of emotions flashing across Taeyeon's face. Under different circumstances, she would have about the crimson cheeks she's sporting but this is a special case of the Taeyeon-thinking-about-Jessica phase.

"But why?"

"I think I speak for the entire group when we say that we miss her. Like you said before, it's been six years and we haven't been together as nine for so long. Bridges may have been burned but you can't deny that she is a part of Girls Generation's legacy and was once a part of us."

"Besides, she wanted to be here when I said we were going on this vacation," Tiffany adds, observing the way Taeyeon chews her bottom lip as she processes the new information given to her. After knowing her for sixteen years, she recognises the look on Taeyeon's face as her "are-you-kidding-me" facial expression.

Tiffany laughs and stands up, patting her shoulder cheerfully.

"Maybe you can ask Jessi why she's here. You know, have a little catch up with her," She says.

The scowl Taeyeon gives her sends her into a fit of giggles.

Taeyeon successfully manages to avoid any further contact with Jessica for the rest of the night by skipping dinner. It comes at the expense of Seohyun bounding up the stairs and knocking on her door until she finally pulls it open and informs the maknae that she's not hungry. Seohyun detects the tone in Taeyeon's voice and nods, wishing her a good night's sleep as she walks back down the stairs and dejectedly informs the rest of the girls.

A part of Taeyeon regrets not joining the girls for dinner. It's been too long since they were nine plus Krystal, but the thought of that happening is a dream too good to be true. She wallows in her guilt by thumbing through her sketchpad, her hands tracing over the drawings of Jessica that she had carefully sketched before locking up her heart.

Yuri enters her room an hour later, carefully balancing a tray of rice, meat and soup. Her heart twists at the sight of Taeyeon slumped against the headrest with her hands wrapped tightly around her sketchpad. She tucks her leader to sleep, smiling softly when Taeyeon's hand slips and uncovers a sketch of Jessica looking out a window.

Taeyeon wakes up before her alarm, questioning herself on why she had set one at seven o’clock. She thinks back to the events that occurred the day before and knits her eyebrows when she remembers that Krystal had asked to speak with her over coffee. Sighing, she climbs out of bed and quickly freshens up, applying a light layer of makeup on her face. Satisfied with the result, Taeyeon exits her bedroom and walks down the stairs towards the kitchen.

She stills when she recognises Krystal’s silhouette on the kitchen floor and she sighs. Taking a deep breath, she walks inside and pulls her jacket closer together.

“Hi,” Taeyeon says.

“You’re up! Let’s go,” Krystal says, slipping off the kitchen stool and grabbing her leather jacket beside her. She puts on her sunglasses and makes her way to the front door to slip on her boots.

“We’re not having coffee here?” Taeyeon says, running after the younger woman.

“No, I know a place nearby so we’re going to go there,” Krystal says, smirking as she watches Taeyeon catch up to her.

They fall into silence as they make their way up the street to a coffee house. Krystal watches out of the corners of her eyes in amusement at how Taeyeon trudges behind her and plays with the sleeves of her jacket. She can’t help but silently giggle at the way Taeyeon scrunches up her nose and furrows her eyebrows.

“Krystal.”

“Who’s that? Your girlfriend?” Krystal says, deliberately turning around to see if anyone is behind her.

Taeyeon rolls her eyes.

“Soojung-ah,” Taeyeon says, shaking her head when Krystal’s smirk widens into a delightful grin.

“Taeyeon-unnie,” Krystal says, immediately latching onto Taeyeon’s arm and dragging her down the street. Taeyeon stumbles after her, shaking her head as she remembers how bubbly the younger woman can be around her.

“So clingy.”

“Only to you.”

“Don’t let your sister hear you say that,” Taeyeon teases, shrieking when Krystal pinches her side.

“Hey!”

Taeyeon instinctively flinches when they enter the coffee house but a reassuring pat on her arm causes her to relax when Krystal looks at her with warm eyes.

“Let me guess, an iced americano?” Krystal asks, smiling when Taeyeon gives her a thumbs up. She shoves the older woman to find them a table, laughing when Taeyeon glares at her but does as she’s instructed. She quickly places their coffee orders and makes her way across the shop to a secluded table Taeyeon’s chosen in the corner of the room. She plops down on the chair opposite Taeyeon and shrugs off her leather jacket, draping it carefully over the chair beside her.

“So, how’s it going with Jess?” Krystal says, facing Taeyeon and deciding to go straight to the point.

“It’s...fine? But is that what you want to talk about since you were going on about how I didn’t keep in contact with you?”

“Oh dear lord, have you had a proper conversation with her since we came?” Krystal says, frowning when Taeyeon shakes her head and stirs her coffee with her straw. Taeyeon yelps when she feels Krystal’s fingers flick her forehead and she sits back, a hand instantly flying to her head.

“What was that for?”

“You’re both idiots!”

“And that justifies you flicking me?”

“Anything justifies me flicking you,” Krystal says, smirking in victory when Taeyeon grumbles and pulls a face at her. She reaches over the table and clasps Taeyeon’s hands in her own.

“Talk to her Taeyeon-unnie,” Krystal says gently, frowning slightly when Taeyeon shakes her head sadly.

“She hates me. You know that,” Taeyeon says quietly, staring at the water droplets pooling at the bottom of her coffee cup.

Krystal squeezes her hands, forcing her to look up at warm understanding eyes.

“Unnie, Jess doesn’t hate you. It’s really silly that you think that.”

Taeyeon freezes at Krystal’s words and frowns.

“What do you mean?”

Krystal just shakes her head.

“Unnie, just talk to her. Please,” Krystal says, her lips turning upwards when Taeyeon nods.

It’s not often that Taeyeon gets time to take out her sketchpad and draw so she decides to take advantage of her free time and sit outside on the porch. Her pencil scratches against the paper as she shades the outline of the ocean in her sketch. She’s so absorbed in her craft that she doesn’t hear the door sliding open behind her and footsteps approaching her.

“Hey,” A soft voice says behind Taeyeon. She turns her head around, blinking when Jessica stands shyly to the side.

“Hi,” She says, not sure how to continue the conversation.

Taeyeon blushes when Jessica giggles – it’s the same hearty laughter that she often finds herself thinking about from time to time. She pinches her leg when she realises that other than the day before, she hasn’t thought about her feelings in a while and they’re suddenly flashing in front of her again.

“How have you been?” Jessica says, sitting down beside her and staring into the distance at the waves.

“I’m okay. How are you? I heard Blanc and Eclare is doing very well these days,” Taeyeon says, playing with her fingers out of nervousness.

“I’m alright. We just launched our Happy summer collection so that’s been fun to monitor, and we have new ideas for a winter production,” Jessica says, continuing to gaze at the ocean.

Taeyeon still doesn’t know what to say but thankfully Jessica quickly continues the conversation.

“I miss you,” She says quietly, just loudly enough for Taeyeon to hear her confession.

Taeyeon snaps her head up and stares at her.

“What?”

“I miss you,” Jessica repeats, turning her head to face Taeyeon. She gives her a soft smile and holds her gaze.

“I miss our conversations about everything and nothing. We used to talk about so many things and even though I have new people in my life, they can’t replace what we had. And I miss that,” Jessica says, looking down at her lap. She blinks in surprise when Taeyeon’s hand grasps her own and gives it a tight squeeze before resting back on the sketchpad on her lap.

“You know, I would have thought you’d be yelling at me or ignoring me for the rest of this getaway since we weren’t really on good terms when it happened. I didn’t think our conversation would be so...civil,” Taeyeon says, surprised by her own honesty.

Jessica tilts her head slightly and smiles softly at her.

“I never hated you,” She says, fighting the temptation to lean over to brush a stray strand of hair behind Taeyeon’s ear.

Taeyeon’s about to open to reply when a shrillish voice rudely interrupts their conversation.

“Kids, dinner’s ready!” Tiffany says, poking her head out of the door with a smug grin on her face.

“We’re both older than you Tiff,” Jessica says, pointedly glaring at her friend.

Tiffany just dismisses her with a wave of her hand and walks back inside the house. Jessica stands up and turns back to Taeyeon, offering her hand to pull her former leader up.

“Sit with me?”

The grin on her face widens when Taeyeon nods and smiles at her.

Dinner runs surprisingly smoothly for the most part. Taeyeon’s never laughed more than she has in her life as she listens to Hyoyeon and Seohyun recount how they ran into each other unexpectedly at the same venue, or when Sunny describes an incident on her latest variety show. The fact that all nine of them are together at the table with Krystal joining them reminds her too much of the longing past so she chews slowly on her pork to distract herself.

A hand falls on her own and she looks up, connecting the arm to the woman sitting beside her. Jessica gives her a warm smile and squeezes her hand before busying herself with more kimchi.

Taeyeon tunes back into the conversation at the dinner table. Somehow, the topic is now on romantic relationships and she smiles fondly at the way Sooyoung’s eyes light up as she talks about her boyfriend.

“So, when’s the wedding?” Sunny says, clasping her hands on the desk as she pretends to interrogate Sooyoung who laughs at how she’s behaving.

“Hopefully soon? We’ve discussed marriage before but with the success of ‘Hospital Playlist’ and the project I’ve been working on, we haven’t spoken about it for a couple of weeks,” Sooyoung says, a dreamy look on her face appearing as she speaks.

“Well he better propose soon or I’m taking back what’s mine,” Tiffany says, giggling when Sooyoung winks and shoots finger guns at her.

“Speaking of marriages, when’s your wedding Sica?” Yuri asks suddenly, dropping her chopsticks and tilting her head to the side.

“What?”

“Oh come on, everyone knows you and Tyler have been together for six years now,” Hyoyeon says, carefully placing her chopsticks beside her bowl and crossing her arms on the table.

“Oh! I’m not dating anyone at the moment,” Jessica says, breaking out into a smile when six jaws drop in astonishment and disbelief at the news. Out of the corner of her eyes, she notices how Taeyeon freezes but quickly recovers and reaches over to place some noodles into her bowl. If she did hear what she said, she's doing a very good job of not showing too much of a reaction.

“You’re not?” Seohyun says, the first person to recover from the shock.

“That’s correct.”

“Krystal, is this true?” Yuri says, turning to the younger sibling.

Krystal nods and busies herself with the remaining pieces of wagyu beef.

“You seemed happy based on the pictures I saw,” Sooyoung says, frowning when the news doesn’t add up in her mind. Out of all the girls in the group, she always thought she and Jessica were the first ones to settle down and start their own families.

Jessica laughs.

“I can’t be happy in a relationship when my heart is with someone else,” She says with a small smile on her face.

Everyone around the table gives her their apologies and hopes she'll find the one.

Everyone, except Taeyeon.

Jessica looks over at Krystal and Tiffany who give her sympathetic smiles.

Taeyeon tosses and turns in bed but the hard unfamiliar mattress makes it difficult to drift off into a slumber. Sighing, she kicks up her blankets and reaches for her phone. It’s still too early in the night so she decides to get some fresh air. Taeyeon quietly shuffles upstairs, careful to tread quietly across the hardwood floor so as to not disturb her members' slumber. She soon reaches the rooftop and frowns when she notices that the door is unlocked. Pushing it open, she scans the area until her eyes fall on brown locks blowing in the night wind.

“Jessica?” Taeyeon says, smiling softly when the woman turns around and waves at her. She walks over and sits down beside her but keeps her eyes fixated on the horizon. They fall into a comfortable silence until Jessica swivels around and stares at her.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

“No, you couldn’t either?”

“I always stay up late,” Jessica says, kicking her legs and down in the air.

Taeyeon laughs at the gesture.

“You didn’t really say much about my break up with Tyler.”

Taeyeon's laughter dies down; she didn’t think Jessica would notice her silence at all. Then again, Jessica’s always been the observant one in the group.

“I didn’t think my opinion mattered when the rest of the girls had said it for me,” Taeyeon says, playing with the hem of her shirt.

Jessica notices the action and stores that into her mental file of adorable things Taeyeon does when she's anxious.

“If my thinking is correct, I’d wager that there’s a lot you want to say but you held back,” Jessica says, wiggling her eyebrows when Taeyeon scoffs at her.

They fall into a comfortable silence, Taeyeon reflecting on her words and Jessica waiting for a response. A minute passes and Taeyeon sighs.

“He’s the perfect guy for you; smart, is financially stable and you make a good looking couple. He helped you when most people left you out for the media. He stayed when almost everyone gave up on you. I just don’t understand why you’d give that up when you had everything,” Taeyeon says, staring up at the night sky.

I gave up on you, Taeyeon thinks and frowns. Something doesn’t add up here.

Jessica doesn't say anything for a while and Taeyeon starts to think the woman's accidentally sleeping on her. She's about to turn and tap the woman on her shoulder when Jessica's voice cuts through her thoughts.

“If he was perfect, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else,” Jessica confesses, her eyes never leaving Taeyeon’s figure.

“I love him but I’m not in love with him. It’s hard to give yourself to someone when your heart is filled with a different person and you’ve been pining for them for so long.”

Taeyeon chuckles; Jessica’s words hit too close to home for her. 

She’s too busy staring at the stars to notice the misty look on Jessica’s face.

As Taeyeon tosses and turns in bed again, she reflects on her conversations with Jessica. Talking to the ex-member reminds her of their late talks when they were both stressed about their schedules and their personal lives, and how they always confided in and comforted each other. She finds it strange that they can naturally chat with each other without any awkwardness even though it’s been years since they last contacted each other.

As she pulls the blanket more snuggly around her frame, Taeyeon thinks back on the implication of Jessica’s words.

I can’t be happy in a relationship when my heart is with someone else.

If he was perfect, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.

I love him but I’m not in love with him. It’s hard to give yourself to someone when your heart is filled with a different person and you’ve been pining for them for so long.

Taeyeon drifts off to sleep, her hands forming tight fists in her blanket.

The sound of Taeyeon’s alarm ringing incessantly in the room causes her to fall off her bed. Whimpering in pain, she drowsily fumbles with the bedside table until her hand encloses around her phone and she shuts off her alarm. She closes her eyes and reopens them a couple of seconds later to glance at the digits of her phone’s clock staring back at her.

Deciding that she’s not going to be able to fall asleep again, Taeyeon slips on her glasses and makes her bed. She yawns and trudges into the kitchen, her eyebrows knitting together when she registers the strange sight in the room.

“Morning,” Jessica says, lifting her head up from her phone and giving her a warm smile.

“You’re up early,” Taeyeon says, sliding into the seat beside her. She reaches over to grab the pot of freshly brewed coffee and busies herself with making her own cup.

Jessica giggles and stretches her arms up in the air.

“I had a lot to think about so I didn’t get much sleep,” She says, pouting as she looks over at Taeyeon.

Taeyeon returns a laugh of her own as she stirs her mug and brings it to , her face scrunching up at the taste of the strong drink.

Jessica giggles again and Taeyeon playfully scowls at her. Jessica just flicks her arm and pushes her phone to the side.

“I didn’t ask before but what are you doing here?” Taeyeon says, playing with the spoon in her coffee cup.

“Ha! Usually you ask that when you meet someone again and not a day or more later,” Jessica teases, swatting Taeyeon’s arm playfully.

Taeyeon giggles and sips on her coffee. 

Don't overthink it Taeyeon, she's just being very playful and isn't flirting with you because no way on Earth would she ever return your feelings, she reminds herself. Taeyeon thinks she and her feelings need to have a long and intimate conversation soon before she does something irrational. Somewhere in the back of her mind, a voice nags at her to stop falling further but she can’t help the fluttering sensation in her stomach that only intensifies when Jessica props her head on her fist and looks over at her with that adorable smile of hers.

, Taeyeon thinks as she feels her face burning up.

“I have some unfinished business to do,” Jessica says, casually reaching over to fix the collar of Taeyeon’s shirt.

Taeyeon reddens and averts her eyes, cursing herself for being so weak. She doesn’t say anything else and continues to play with her spoon, stopping when Jessica audibly exhales beside her.

“Honestly, I thought you hated me,” Jessica says quietly, her gaze shifting from Taeyeon’s shirt to her face.

Taeyeon lifts her head to stare at her with surprised but hurt eyes.

“You know I could never hate you.”

“But do I know you Taeyeon?”

Taeyeon leaves that question unanswered and they fall into another round of uncomfortable silence as they think of ways to redirect their conversation to something more comfortable.

“It was pretty irrational of me to have posted all that on Weibo, right?” Jessica asks, her shoulders slumping as she stares at the countertop in front of her. Her heart flutters when Taeyeon reaches over and curls her ring and pinky fingers with hers.

“No. Your feelings are valid and you were frustrated with the situation. I probably would have done the same,” Taeyeon says.

Jessica sighs and runs the fingers of her free hand through her hair. Taeyeon notes how fidgety and touchy the woman has become in the last five minutes and opens to question her on her behaviour when Jessica beats her to it.

“I named my summer collection after you.”

“What?” Taeyeon says, coughing in shock.

Jessica calmly hands her a napkin with her free hand and she accepts, wiping off the drops of coffee that have spilled from her coughing.

“Well, technically it’s your song,” Jessica says, staring at her intertwined fingers with Taeyeon. 

Taeyeon connects her gaze to their hands and she pulls away, shyly rubbing the back of her neck. A part of her screams at her for being an idiot and letting go but she pinches her thigh to stop herself from feeling.

“The girls should be up soon, I think they said they wanted to go for a walk in the park,” Taeyeon says, trying to change the topic of the conversation and ignore the thumping of her heart. She hears Jessica release another audible sigh and reach over to grab her phone.

“It’s always fun talking to you Taeyeon,” Jessica says, rising from her chair and depositing her cup into the sink. She brushes past her former leader but stops when a hand encircles her wrist and lightly tugs her around. Jessica’s surprised by how gentle Taeyeon acts around her and she can’t help but melt at the sincere eyes looking up at her.

“Are you...happy?” Taeyeon says gently, afraid of the answers Jessica could give her.

Jessica pauses and smiles.

“I thought I was for the past six years, but I realised there are many things missing in my life that I want back,” She says.

Taeyeon thinks there’s more to what Jessica wants to say and she’s holding back from speaking them out loud. She mulls over Jessica’s words but when there are too many thoughts in her mind, she picks one and runs with it.

“Are they back in your life yet?”

Taeyeon’s heart beats faster when Jessica smiles with her eyes and reaches over to tuck a strand of hair behind Taeyeon’s ear.

“Most of them are. I’m still working on the very last one,” She says, her fingers lingering a little too long behind Taeyeon’s ear as she pulls away.

As the girls enjoy a hearty breakfast, Taeyeon leans back on the couch and plays a game on her phone. She squeals when a bottom lands on her legs and she glares at Krystal, who shrugs and continues to sit on her body minding her own business. Taeyeon musters enough strength to remove one leg from underneath the younger woman and nudge her buttocks.

“Unnie!” Krystal says, pouting as she slides off Taeyeon’s legs.

Taeyeon just guffaws and props her feet on Krystal’s lap, yelping when Krystal pinches her toes through her socks.

“Jung Soojung!” She says, kicking Krystal a little harder when she laughs at her.

Krystal’s about to pinch her again when her phone buzzes and she unlocks the device, scanning the contents of the new message she’s received. She hears a gasp over her shoulder and turns around to see Hyoyeon covering in surprise and glee.

“It turns out the roads have been blocked so we have to stay for another few days. Something about construction,” Hyoyeon says, passing her phone around to the members who scan the contents of the message.

“What about our schedules?” Yoona says, helping herself to another portion of rice.

“SM said it’s fine for the six of us,” Hyoyeon says, nodding at Krystal who beams at her and waves her phone to show the text message from her own manager.

“As for the rest of you, you’ll have to contact your managers,” She adds, laughing when Sooyoung rolls her eyes and leaves the room to make a few phone calls.

When Yoona whines for more food to be made, Yuri ruffles her hair and opens the fridge to grab more ingredients. She pulls a face when she scans the contents of the appliance and pops her head up over the fridge door.

“Um girls, we’ve run out of food. Someone needs to go grocery shopping.”

“Oh! Jessi can do that!” Tiffany says immediately, smiling with her eyes when Jessica glares at her.

“Thanks Sica!” Sunny says, shrieking when Jessica delivers a solid kick to her leg.

Tiffany’s eyes sparkle and she tugs on Jessica’s arm to pull her into an empty room. Jessica squeals and steadies herself before she can bump into any objects in the way. She just manages to stop herself from colliding into Tiffany when the excited woman spins around and beams widely at her.

“Jessi, this is your chance!”

“Tiff, I don’t know,” Jessica says, staring at the ground.

Tiffany frowns. The Jessica Jung she knows never gives up.

“What are you talking about?”

Jessica looks up at her and gives her a sad smile.

“I keep getting mixed signals from her. I thought she’d be more reactive to my news or open up to me more but she hasn’t really said much.”

“Ah. I think Taeyeon’s just oblivious and needs it to be very obvious for her to understand your feelings. Or, she’s being a really great actress pretending to not know but then we’d be seeing her in dramas after dramas,” Tiffany says, laughing when Jessica snorts but nods in agreement. She grabs onto Jessica’s shoulders and forces her to look at her in the face.

“Ask Taeyeon to go with you to the market. I’m sure she’d like to spend some more time with you even though she won’t admit it,” Tiffany says, her eye smile reappearing when Jessica nods at her with a confident beam.

 

Taeyeon’s so absorbed with the video of Jessica singing ‘Gravity’ playing on her phone that she doesn’t notice a shadow appearing over her shoulder and peering down at her fingers. She jumps when brown locks spill over her shoulders and a teasing voice enters her ear.

“What are you watching?”

“N-nothing!” Taeyeon says, fumbling with her phone and shoving it under her leg.

The teasing smirk on Jessica’s face and the wink she gives her indicates that she knows exactly what she was watching.

Taeyeon blushes furiously when Jessica sits on the armrest and tugs on her hands to pull her up from the couch.

“Come on, you’re going with me,” She says, giggling when Taeyeon shoots her a bewildered look.

“Where are we going?”

“To the market! We’re on grocery shopping duty.”

Taeyeon stands frozen in her spot as she registers Jessica’s words.

“Did the girls put the two eldest women on shopping duty?”

On one hand, Taeyeon wants to pinch her members' ears for putting her in this genius predicament where she gets to spend hours wandering aimlessly in the market with Jessica. On the other hand, it’s this genius predicament that makes her grin at the extra time they get to spend together before they return to their busy schedules. She watches as Jessica animatedly tugs her along the fruits section and places some apples, oranges and peaches into their basket.

She blushes (again, she’s been doing a lot of that these past few days) when Jessica turns to her and smiles with her eyes.

“It’s great that people don’t know us here,” Jessica says, fighting the urge to pinch Taeyeon’s cheeks when the woman looks at her with her adorably lost but bright orbs.

“Makes it much better to enjoy what we have at the moment, right?” Taeyeon says, squeezing Jessica’s hand.

The squeeze she receives in return makes her heart swell in happiness and she thinks, oh no.

Jessica cackles when Taeyeon jumps in the passenger seat beside her and sings her heart out to the song playing from the car’s audio system. It reminds her of the past she’s been longing for; how they used to go for late night drives to the middle of nowhere and sit in the car and de-stress. She remembers Tiffany’s encouraging words from the morning and how she believed there was a possibility that something could work between them. Deciding to take a leap of faith, she stops the car on the side of the road.

“Is something wrong?” Taeyeon says, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion as Jessica switches the engine off and looks at her seriously.

“So you know how I told you I’ve gotten back most of the things that I’ve been missing?” Jessica says slowly, scrutinising Taeyeon’s reaction in case she tries to change the topic.

Taeyeon nods, taking her arm away from the window and swivelling in her seat to properly face Jessica. She watches as Jessica closes her eyes and takes deep breaths.

“Well, I’m hoping I can get this last one back but I need some help.”

“So we stopped in the middle of nowhere so I can help you?” Taeyeon says, the corners of her lips turning upwards when Jessica giggles.

“Yes,” She says, her laughter dying down and being replaced with a thoughtful expression.

Taeyeon senses the apprehension coming from Jessica and does the only thing she thinks can ease the situation. She unbuckles her seatbelt and leans over, brushing Jessica’s hair behind her ear. A warm hand on her wrist forces Taeyeon to peer into brown eyes that carry an unreadable look she’s seen many years ago.

She still doesn't know what it means.

Jessica lowers her hand to her cheek, studying the way Taeyeon’s eyes flicker downwards and back up to her eyes.

She feels the soft pad of Taeyeon’s thumb on her cheeks and that’s the persuasion she needs to unbuckle her seatbelt with her free hand and lean forward to press her lips on Taeyeon’s.

It’s not quite what Jessica imagined with Taeyeon sitting as stiff as a rock and not responding to the kiss. She begins to pull away in disappointment and embarrassment, only to gasp when Taeyeon’s fingers gently slide through her hair and pull her back in. Taeyeon’s lips meld hard with her own and she can’t help but whimper knowing that she finally has what she wants after waiting and longing for so many years. Jessica moans when Taeyeon catches her bottom lip between her teeth and lightly nips her before leaning back, a beautiful sparkle in her eyes.

Somehow, she feels like she’s falling and drowning at the same time and it’s a beautiful and sweet sensation.

Taeyeon examines her for a few seconds and breaks out into that loveable grin that Jessica dreams about, has dreamed about for years.

“Did that help whatever you want to come back?” Taeyeon says.

Jessica just nods and leans back in for more kisses.

(Somewhere in the back of both of their minds, a rational voice screams at them to talk about what just happened between them.

Deep down, they both know that conversation can wait a little longer.)

They manage to get through dinner without touching each other but Taeyeon frowns when she can’t find any sight of Jessica as she’s washing the dishes. She stacks the last plate on the dishwashing rack and dries her hands with a towel.

“Do you know where Jessica is?” Taeyeon says, rolling down the sleeves of her shirt.

Tiffany and Krystal look up at her with knowing smiles.

“Check the balcony Taetae,” Tiffany says, patting Taeyeon on the arm and returning her gaze to her novel.

Taeyeon tries to ignore the smug grins on their faces as she brushes past them and heads upstairs.

Taeyeon pushes the door to the balcony open and takes a moment to admire Jessica’s form as she gazes at the horizon. It’s moments like this that make her want to stare forever, but she also just really wants to spend all her time talking to Jessica.

“Hey,” Taeyeon says softly, losing her train of thought when Jessica spins around with a wide beam on her face. She can’t help but gape in awe at how the moonlight beautifully illuminates Jessica’s facial features, like how there’s a twinkle in Jessica’s eyes as she looks at her and how curves upwards in that adorable manner and –

“Taeyeon?” Jessica says, causing Taeyeon’s head to snap upwards in surprise.

“Er hi! Definitely not staring, nope,” Taeyeon says, her eyes widening when she realises what she’s blurted out loud.

Jessica smirks and steps closer towards her.

“What were you staring at?” She says, a glint of mischief in her eyes when Taeyeon gulps and backs away.

Taeyeon squeaks when her back comes into contact with the balcony’s railing and Jessica’s arms shoot out and settle on either side of her body.

“Taeyeon? You still haven’t answered my question,” Jessica says quietly, revelling in the way Taeyeon nervously darts her eyes around and tries to look at anything but her...which is amusing in itself since Jessica’s standing in her personal space and being a very huge distraction.

“What question?”

“Taeyeon, you are terrible at redirecting conversations,” Jessica says, raising a hand to cover as she giggles.

Taeyeon can’t help but melt at the fact that Jessica’s laughing because of something she did – or rather, at her. She’s too busy caught up in her thoughts again that she doesn’t notice Jessica’s laughter disappearing and a pensive look appearing on the woman’s face.

“You’re cute when you concentrate,” Jessica says, giggling again when Taeyeon blinks and furrows her eyebrows.

“What?”

“I said, you’re cute when you concentrate,” Jessica repeats, cocking her head to the side and smiling sweetly when Taeyeon quietly coughs and raises her hands to cover her reddening cheeks.

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are!”

“No!”

“Taeyeon, after being in this industry for thirteen years, can you please take a compliment?” Jessica says, grinning widely when Taeyeon shakes her head. She can’t resist the urge to lean forward and press her lips to Taeyeon’s forehead.

“You’re so cute,” Jessica says as she steps back and presses her forehead against Taeyeon’s.

When Taeyeon still remains silent but stares up at her intently, Jessica sighs.

“Taeyeon, if you don’t say anything then I’m going to kiss you somewhere else,” She says, her gaze shifting down to Taeyeon’s lips and back up to her eyes.

Taeyeon tries to breathe normally when Jessica’s breath hits her lips, but it’s hard to focus on that when Jessica’s looking at you with half-lidded eyes and an amused smile on her face as she’s pressed up against you.

“May I?” Jessica says quietly, relief flooding her senses when Taeyeon finally responds with a nod of her head. She leans in and slants over Taeyeon’s, relishing in the way Taeyeon gasps softly and eagerly returns the kiss. She releases a moan of her own when Taeyeon swipes her tongue on her bottom lip and lightly nibbles it. She begins to open , only to groan when Taeyeon leans back and beams widely at her.

“Wow,” Jessica says, breathing heavily as the kiss replays in her mind.

“Wow indeed,” Taeyeon says, leaning forward to capture Jessica’s lips again.

It’s late when Taeyeon and Jessica decide to turn in for the night. They giggle as they trip down the stairs leading to the bedrooms. Taeyeon’s heart swells at the feeling of Jessica’s hand in her own and she can’t help but think how they fit together perfectly.

She also can’t help but feel disappointed when they reach the end of the hallway where their separate bedrooms are. She decides to take a risk and looks over at Jessica, who beams at her with a dreamy look on her face.

“Did you want to sleep with me tonight?” Taeyeon says, her eyes bulging outwards when she realises that her words can take on a completely different meaning. She blushes when Jessica smirks at her and leans forward to press a kiss to her cheek, her lips lingering on her skin as she doesn’t bother to move away.

“So cute,” Jessica says, tugging on Taeyeon’s hands and leading her to her bedroom. She pushes her onto the bed, smiling seductively when Taeyeon gulps and backs up against her pillows. Placing her hands on either side of Taeyeon’s head and her knees on either side of Taeyeon’s waist, she lowers herself down until their lips are only a few centimetres away from each other. Jessica’s heart flutters when Taeyeon looks at her with half-lidded eyes filled with love and warmth and she buries her face into her neck.

“You’re so cute,” Jessica says, smiling when Taeyeon raises a hand to run her fingers through her hair. She squeals in surprise when Taeyeon rolls her over and wraps her arms around her.

“This is just like old times,” Taeyeon says, pressing kisses into her hair.

“Um Taeyeon, we didn’t kiss back then so what makes you say –”

Jessica blinks when Taeyeon cuts her off with a light peck on the lips.

“I meant the cuddling,” Taeyeon says, a silly smile appearing on her face when Jessica dramatically rolls her eyes and snuggles closer to her neck.

“Taeyeon.”

“Hmmm?”

“What does this mean for the both of us?” Jessica says, forcing herself to raise her eyes and peer up at Taeyeon.

Taeyeon smiles softly at her and curls a finger in her hair.

“What do you want it to be?”

“I want this. I want you and everything that comes with it.”

“Is this why you broke up with Tyler?” Taeyeon says, frowning when it occurs to her that she may have played a role in breaking up a stable relationship. She gasps when Jessica interlocks their fingers and presses them to her lips, her hot breath hitting her skin as she pulls away but holds their intertwined hands close to her face.

“It’s one of the reasons why but you shouldn’t feel bad about it. It was never going to work out in the end anyways,” Jessica says, leaning up to press a kiss to Taeyeon’s jaw.

“But how? He gave you everything –”

“The only one who can give me happiness is you.”

Taeyeon falls silent at that statement. Jessica senses her unease and alternates kisses between her fingers, relaxing when Taeyeon leans down to peck her nose.

“Will you let me love you?” Taeyeon says, trying to convey as much of her feelings as possible in her eyes. She thinks she succeeds when Jessica kisses her jaw again.

“Only if you let me do that for you.”

Taeyeon tilts her chin up with their intertwined fingers and kisses her, imprinting her taste and her unsaid words onto her lips. Jessica’s lips part and they continue to kiss each other passionately, communicating years of unspoken ‘I love yous’ into one embrace. When they finally pull away from each other to breathe, Jessica giggles at the sight of Taeyeon’s bruised lips even though she’s sure her own lips match hers.

“You know what else I miss?”

“When you say that, you obviously have to tell me because I have no idea what you’re thinking about,” Taeyeon quips, guffawing when Jessica pinches her waist.

“I miss you calling my name, Taengoo,” Jessica says, lifting her head to look at Taeyeon again.

Taeyeon’s smile widens into a broad grin and she places a soft kiss on the corner of Jessica’s lips. 

Jessica turns her head and kisses Taeyeon sweetly, pulling back to stare at her with loving eyes. The toothy grin on Taeyeon's face and the twinkle in her eyes solidifies the feeling of triumph in her heart and mind that she's found the right missing piece of the puzzle to her happiness.

“My Sooyeon.”

When Taeyeon and Jessica enter the kitchen the next morning, hand in hand with bright dopey grins on their faces, Krystal and Tiffany look at the rest of the girls in glee.

“Pay up,” They say, smirking when the girls whine and hand over fifty thousand won bills.

 

 

 

---

A/N: Thank you for reading this extremely long one-shot! I originally planned this one-shot to have 7000 words. That completely went out the window the more I thought about this story so now I have over 9000 words and 26 pages on my Google Docs. Oops :)

This one-shot came about because 1) I miss Taengsic and 2) the girls reuniting at a wedding made me wonder what a reunion with all 9 girls (and Krystal!) could be like. Obviously this is very far-fetched but one can only dream.

Come say hi on Twitter!