Bitter Taste
Description
Maybe once you embrace the bitterness, you'll find it in your soul, a better place for you.
Foreword
This story is basically, following my own situation as a SONE. Two days ago, a few hours after Jessica's birthday ended, I decided to close my pretty successful Jessica/SNSD fan page on IG. And vowed to know the bare minimum of the girls activities from then on.
No, I did not lose my interest in them. More or less, I'm a die-hard fan. However, ever since a few months ago, I've been seeing toxic behavior flourishing within me as a fan. To put it short, I want them to do, what I want them to do. Like a sasaeng would. And in my place, I DON'T WANT THAT. For them. And definitely not for myself.
I don't want to give myself a chance to be a bad and hurtful fan. So I decided, I'll have to stop being so attached.
Therefore, I stripped myself of the SONE title or Golden Star. I unfollowed every fanacc related to them. The only reason I'm still writing is that I have a lot of ongoing's to finish. And I want to finish them. Besides, it's not like I said I would never involve myself with OT9 again. I love them a lot. So much that I'm sure the way they've affected my final teenage years will stick with me for as long as I go.
I bet I will still love them in my adult years. And maybe beyond that.
But for their sake, and my own as the traits of toxic fans are also opposed of my belief as a person in general, I decided to take a step back, and free myself from them to a majority of this situation, leaving only a little access for me to know what they're up to these days.
To put it short, it's because I love them that I don't want to turn into a toxic SONE.
That's it for my lengthy and maybe, annoying foreword haha, just thought I'd tell you why I write this in the first place.
Because my efforts to leave SNSD, is the bitter taste in my life right now, and I am learning to embrace it. Because I know, they don't need more toxic fans, and if I let myself have even the slightest chance to be one, they would gain another one. And I just never want to hurt any of them, be it by words, or my actions if I had stuck around as an avid fan.
I will most probably stick around as a Taengsic/Jeti writer for a long time tho. Who knows tbh. I love writing. And shipping is my pastimes, kind of. I use them as my character. But the characteristics are to my own inventions. Therefore I have no serious attachments to them which explain enough why I won't be pulling away from writing off the list.
Anyway, if you read this foreword all the way to the end, thank you, I had to let this out to my readers to I had thought. Kind of, lessen the pain...
Please stick around with me for as long as I go as a writer here :) it's, the only way I'm getting myself motivated day by day...
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