Everything right now is in a blurry. As I open my eyes my head starts to ache. Empty bottles were scattered around me as I lay down on the dirty floor. 

"", I muttered.

 I never thought I'd be in this kind of place and situation. Me, the great Amber Liu. The oh so strong and self awared kid.

Heck I never imagined myself passing out on a cold hard floor on my friend's apartment.

As I try to sit down everything came crashing to my mind again.

All the pain, the fights, her smile, the last kiss.

My heart felt like it was struck by a truck again. 

I browse my phone again. I looked at the conversations we had. 7 and a half years.

7 and a ing half years of being together and she called it quits. Tears started to form on the side of my eyes but I tried to surpress it and stood up.
I glanced at my friend who is still sleeping on the couch, the other upstairs. I got out to puff a cigarette.

Have you ever been hurt so bad that you just lose your will to do anything? I feel hurt yet empty. I lost my appetite. All I want to do is drink and cry and tell my story to anyone who throws themselves around me. Hoping that someone can give me an answer as to why she left me that easily. 

"Krys"

 All I can do is whisper her name as I remain standing and looking blankly at space.

"Hey Am, you want coffee?", I looked back and saw my friend who is already awake making her way to the kitchen.

"Nah I'm good", I answered as I enter the house again. 

I felt my phone vibrated from my pocket so I check it. I was silently praying that its her. Already back on her senses, willing to try again. 

But no. It's my other friend checking up on me. Asking me how's everything. I chose to just ignore it for a while and keep my phone on my pocket again.

I enter the bathroom to wash my face hoping it would lessen the headache that I am feeling right now. After splashing cold water in my face all I could do is just stare at the mirror.

What happened to me? This is not me. I'm not this weak. My eyes are still swollen from that non-stop crying from last night. I look like . My life is . I am . She treated me like .

It's been 4 days since she broke up with me. 

She left me for someone else. 

Pretty ed up right? 

You know what's worse? 

She just knew this guy for like 2 ing months. 

She cheated on me on my birthday. 

I found out the next day 'cause I caught her exchanging messages with the guy. The guy that we've been fightng about for the past weeks. The guy that she said I should not be worried about. I've found out that they were together the morning before I picked her up for my birthday celebration. 

Everything started to make sense.

Her irriation on me, her coldness, being y about everything that I do.

I can't believe that the girl that I have loved and adored have been cheating on me for the past month now. How could she do this? She's not like this. Where is the kind, loving and loyal girlfriend that I have admired and cherished for years?

I thought we're solid. I thought what we had was lasting. 

I just wish that someone can just shake me and I would just woke up from this nightmare.

"Krys, please don't leave me. Let's work this out. I can fix this"

"Am, that's the problem. You always fix everything. It feels like I'm always leaning on you. I want to stand up on my own. I want to experience new things on my own"

"Can't you do that without removing me from your life?"

"Am, just.. Please? You're strong. I know you don't need me in your life."

"Not strong enough to live without you", I held her hand as I plead with all my heart

"I'm sorry Am. I love you. It's just not enough for me to stay"