I’m standing in the middle of the crowd, a beer in hand.

Everyone’s singing a birthday song for my friend, Chaerin, as a cheeky -shaped cake topped with sparklers in lieu of normal candles is rolled beside her.

She’s a college friend of mine. We talk a lot and sometimes hangout, but I have never been to one of her pre-Valentines-slash-birthday parties. It’s been her tradition, as she’s the kind of girl who doesn’t believe in relationships and thinks that going out on dates on V-day is stupid.

That’s where we differ. I have been in a long-term relationship, until we broke up five months ago. Jaejoong has been my boyfriend since college, but we have known each other since we were kids. People around us assumed we’ll end up getting married, but that wasn’t how it felt in the last year of our relationship. In more cliched words, we grew apart.

Things we thought we both wanted weren’t exactly the same anymore.

I want stability so I lock him with me, or in our friend’s own words, I have gotten too clingy of him. And why not? I want to end up with him and I thought he wanted me at his mercy too.

But he wanted to enjoy life more. Life that doesn’t involve his girlfriend. He said I was suffocating him with too much attention that he couldn’t even get a decent night out with his guy friends.

I could have adjusted my stand in our relationship, but he started sneaking behind my back. He didn’t cheat on me, that I know for sure. But he found ways to go out without telling me, that it took a minor car accident for me to realize he was actually out with his friends rather than spending time with his grandparents in Daegu.

Then he snapped at me while he was lying bandaged in the hospital, saying things that hurt me and eventually led to us breaking up.

I thought I was going to grieve about it, but I was surprised that I actually felt liberated. That I have actually been feeling locked up on my own while we were together. I didn't realize I pushed my friends away, that I haven’t spent much time with my parents.

I even had time to get a cat now, who I would rather spend the night with than these random people.

Chaerin has always been friendly, so I wasn’t really shocked when I got here to see lots of people celebrating with her.

I wasn’t entirely alone either. I came here with our other college friends- Seungri, Junsuke and Seunghyun. I just hoped Bom was here too, but she’s miles away on a romantic trip with her boyfriend in Bali.

And while I appreciate the boys trying to cheer me up, they’ve been to Chaerin’s B/V-Day party many times already to know some of the people here. Seungri has been chatting up a brunette since we got here, while Seunghyun is with a couple of guys by the makeshift bar too.

Junsuke is stuck with me, but I can see his eyes wandering and waving other guests too.

“You don’t have to stay with me all night, Jun. I’m fine.” I whispered to him as I saw him longing to reach out to a cute guy at the other side of the rooftop deck we were partying at.

He rolled his eyes at me and turned his back on said cutie. “I told you I’m keeping you company, ok? Bom would kill me if she found out I left you alone.”

“Bom isn’t here and I won’t tell. Plus, that cute guy is still eyeing you so you better make your move now.”

I gave him a little push as I saw his eyes dancing in hesitation.

“Look, I can take care of myself, ok? Maybe I’ll find someone to hook up with. Who knows, right? I’m single now.” I wasn’t really on the lookout for a hookup, but I know it will set his mind to relax.

“Ok. I’ll just chat him up a bit but I’ll check on you once in a while.” He looked excited already, and I can’t take that away from him.

“I can take a cab home when I get bored, Jun. Go be with that guy before someone else swoops in.” I winked at Junsuke who is starting to step backwards to go to his conquest.

I waved my fingers to him as a goodbye when I felt a heavy arm around my shoulder. “You doing ok, Dee?” 

I looked up to Seunghyun who’s starting to look red now.

“Perfectly fine. Go find yourself a girl already.” I pushed him away, laughing at how protective they are of me.

“I was actually hoping you’d say that because I just spotted Chaerin’s friend from work, and I heard she’s finally single now. Been waiting for that to happen and I think I just found my chance.”

So everyone’s feeling lovey-dovey and on the hunt tonight, huh?

“Go make your move. I’ll just stay here in a corner or something.” I was on my way to a bench at the far corner of the deck when Seunghyun greeted someone who was already seated there. I haven't even noticed him.

“Hey, man!” 

I looked at the man Seunghyun was ta