It was still pelting hard outside when a rumor waked her up, it took Sunny few moments to realize she was in Korea in a bed that wasn’t hers.

Then she heard it again, a suffocated scream, it was in the room and was coming from the couch. At first her heart jumped in , fear of someone introducing into the house insinuating inside her head. Then she recognized the voice and it was Taeyeon, so she called her. There was no answer, the noise continued, it felt pained even from afar.

Maybe she was having a nightmare. Shallowing the lump in her trachea she jumped outside the bed, reaching in a pit pat of feet on the floor the couch.

Taeyeon was speaking into the pillow, she seemed angry, sad and terrorized as if the world was crumbling under her feet. She felt like an intruder but she couldn’t let her suffer like this, right?

Gently shaking her shoulders, softly calling her name. Eventually she waked up with big frightened eyes, tears shining in the moonlight, it seemed that her heart was jumping outside of her chest, she was hyperventilating. Soft fingertips grabbed her side as they were grasping for an exit, to get a way out and breathe.

She could recognize a panic attack when she saw one and this was exactly that.

Taeyeon was shaking, she took a hand inside her own, squeezed it and with all the gentleness she could master she brought it on her chest, their eyes meeting into the dark. “It’s going to be okay, just breath as I do, follow me. Take big breaths for me.” She inhaled deeply held in and exhaled watching the other girl try to follow the motion. “It’s okay, it was just a nightmare. Just inhale, there… there… follow me.” Sunny smiled a bit when Taeyeon started to calm down, tears wetting her bright white cheeks.

Their hands were still connected on her chest, a hand was still grabbing her side but the grip was softer now, the girl was breathing normally now. She was still staring at her with those endless black eyes, but now she saw only tiredness into them.

Abruptly she felt the hand on her chest escape from hers and two arms circling her waist, then Taeyeon’s head was in her lap, her nose poking her tummy. The world seemed to stop and she felt her hands brushing silky hair without even realizing started doing it. The sense of intimacy that the moment was giving her shocked Sunny to the core, she felt as they were wrapped into a blanket, protected from the darkness and the loudness of the world outside.

Truly it was a sensation that she never adverted, not even when she was little with her parents. Taeyeon let her so near, so close she could sense her lips on her stomach, brushing against the cotton of her t-shirt. It sent shivers up her spine. was dry abruptly and the cold air on her legs reminded her that she should go back to bed. But when she tried to move the arms on her waist tightened, she heard a grunt of protest from below and realized Taeyeon was talking into her sleep.

It was whisper but it touched a cord on her heart. “Don’t go, don’t leave me…” She was proabibly dreaming of someone else, but still it broke something into her. It was a call so sad, so desperate. Biting her lower lip and still caressing blond hair she decided.

Prying those arms from the hold was more difficult that she thought. Taeyeon was very reluctant to letting her go. “I am here, I am not going anywhere ok? I just want to lay down next to you.” She whispered, only then she was able to move and slowly go under the fluffy blanket, finding cotton covered legs and warmth.

The couch was very large, the both of them fit rather well, but the other girl had still an arm around her midst and with strength she didn’t know a tiny lawyer could have she was turned. In a moment she was surrounded, her head on a bony shoulder, arms hugging her close and legs tangled.

Sunny almost squeaked but held it in, to not wake up the sleeping beauty. She was impossibly calm, like it was supposed to be this way, like she was meant to be in that position. Her heartbeat at first skyrocket but then it slowed down, taking in the relaxing scent and the warmth she was surround with, it calmed her.

Her eyes closed without her consent, her limbs stopped resisting and just got comfortable. Taeyeon hummed happily above her head and she smiled unconsciously, not even realizing how safe she felt.

Opening her eyes Taeyeon knew immediately that something wasn’t right, there was something on her that made harder for her to move, something that whines.

Widening her still sleepy eyes she recognized the weight on her body, hairs were tickling the skin of the neck, a warm breath on her collarbone, she was surrounded with softness and candies scent. Sunny’s head rested comfortably in the crook of her neck, her eyelids twitching indicating that she was about to wake up, a hand rested on her stern, their legs were still tangled.

Taeyeon found her arms around the girl and she didn’t dare to move muscle, remembering now slowly the night before, the horrendous nightmare she had, the panic attack and soft words accompanied with caring eyes.

Her cheeks got impossibly red from embarrassment and she did not facepalmed because her arms were occupied otherwise. Her hands started doing circles on a cotton covered back and taunt hips without her realizing, even with her heart thumping away she felt impossibly serene. It was almost a paradox, an impossible duet but it was true.

Finally eyelashes brushed against the skin of her neck, rising goosebumps and shivers. Sunny’s eyes fluttered opened and she pouted immediately, mumbling and just cuddling closer. Taeyeon waited for the realization and the consequent shock, followed by the distancing, none of that happened and she tightened the hold she had.

“You feel impossibly tiny like this, I don’t think anyone managed to do that in my arms.” Her own hoarse voice startled her, didn’t know what come over her, it just escaped her, it was the damn atmosphere, the secure bubble she could sense all around them.

The tip of a nose brushed under her ear and warmth spread all around like wildfire. “And you like that?” It was the munched and sleepy question she got.

Shallowing the domestic feeling at the bottom of she managed a raspy “Yes”.

“Then shut up and go back to sleep, I am tired.” The bossy tone made her follow the order, opened wide in shock.

With the rain still humming outside, her body surround by another morbid one, a steady breath on her collarbone the melancholy was soon replaced with something new but old at the same, a sweet taste at the mouth of her stomach, a strange yet familiar tepid river running inside her veins.

It was as if the world was trying to lullaby her in a dream she forgot an eternity ago.

Barely touching with her lips a small forehead she closed her eyes again, not resisting anymore, letting that dream have her for few hours more.

It couldn’t hurt that much.

When they woke up again it was almost noon and there was the Sun again, the rain stopped. They hadn’t moved a millimeter and the blonde felt like she had slept for a week.

This time Sunny raised first, stretching and yawning like it was their normality. She left feeling impossibly empty and cold while the other girl tip tapped to the bathroom with just tiny smile as a good morning.

Taeyeon just spread on the couch, thinking and rethinking, trying to not think and then groaning at her brain when she heard the shower running and it pictured what could be under it. Whispering that she could join, what was the problem, they slept together.

Palming her whole face she brushed away some tears of frustration, of loneliness and yearning. All sentiments that subsided and now reemerged with the bitterness of the light at the end of the tunnel. Ignoring it all wasn’t simple but by now she was almost good at it, so she waited for her turn in bathroom gulping at the sight of refreshed bunny eyes, a smile lingering on plump lips.

They didn’t talk, silence was the only thing her brain approved anyway. Those stares talked thought, she read easily the same uneasy feeling in those ambers eyes that she could see in hers.

Taeyeon tried to talk even on the stairs but the voice just didn’t come. Then a hand took hers and she squeezed it, interlacing their fingers together.

It was strange, it was exhilarating, it felt life changing.

“Taeyeon I know you are here on vacancy, but I have scheduled a meeting with a new company that’d like to sign with us. Do you think you could go this evening? I booked the Japanese restaurant, the usual one.” Her father was talking while sipping his deep red wine, waiting for her already scripted “yes, of course.”

She still felt that tension with Sunny, and maybe it wasn’t the right choice, but she could really leave her alone with her parents?

“Alright I don’t mind, Sunny would you come with me?” Now Mrs. Kim twisted her nose, not liking the propose. “What is it mom? I can’t bring my girlfriend to a work-related dinner?” She watched her mother shrink and then scoff.

“I am just saying maybe it isn’t appropriate… Don’t you think so honey?” The saccharin tone made her grimace, as if it helped in some way.

Sunny was staring quietly at the discussion, seeming neutral.

“No, I don't, so?” She turned next to her and found bright eyes following her movements, without being able to read throw them.

“At least bring one of your brothers with you, they need to learn and what’s best than watching you on the field?” Her mother smiled big, her father nodded with determination and she knew the game was already ended.

She sighed and dreamed of a future when she could decide of her life, well that wasn’t today.

Emptying her water glass she just nodded and tried to immediately turn her head towards her fake girlfriend, she sensed her stare on her and shallowed loudly. Houston I have so many problems.

“I think we should talk, I don’t know which one of your brothers isn’t going to come with us, but anyway… we should settle things.” Sunny was watching the blond examining a pile of documents, a pair of vintage glasses perched on her nose. She looked great with glasses on, gave her that touch of domestic and softness that usually didn’t have.

Taeyeon raised her eyes from the paper and blinked. “You mean about… about last night?”

She scoffed and closed the book she was trying to read. It felt as a marriage fight, rolling eyes at herself she answered the question. “That also, I meant more in general.” When the other girl just blinked fast she sat up from the bed and stood in front of her. “I know you feel it too, the tension between us, the chemistry.”

Crossing her arms under she chest she waited patiently for the lawyer to tell her wrong.

She didn’t expect that Taeyeon would take of her lens, and facepalm her entire face, groaning in the palm. “Do we have to?” Sunny just nodded, her face severe, her walls crawling up to protect.

“Fine, fine!” The blond closed the file she was reading and looked at her straight into the eyes, she could clearly see the cold that was forming around those black polls and prepared herself. “I wanted to avoid it but… you see I am not ready to start anything at the moment. It isn’t related to you in anyway, it’s about me.”

Block after block she closed, the hole that the gentleness and the warmth managed to open up was already shut tightly. At least she tried.

Adverting her stare to not show anything that could’ve escaped her control she put the usual iron front. “Sure… it’s me not you discourse, typical.”

“I meant it… you are perfectly suitable- “

Sunny interrupted that excuse of an explanation with a raised arm. “Please don’t talk about me as a thing or a contract, I get that all the time, spare me.” She saw Taeyeon short circuit and for a moment she felt bad but just for an instant. “But I am glad we feel the same way, so I say we finish this week, I’ll finish my job and then we go our own way.”

There was something around her neck, like a line of barbed wire wrapped tight, it was making difficult to talk and breathe without cracking but she managed. Maybe a part of her hoped for a different end, a dreamy one with white horses and love.

Server her right, dreaming is just another way to hurt yourself.

Taeyeon looked both relivied and consternated, she hated that expression so much, it was so close to pity that she couldn’t glance at it without feeling sorry for herself.

So she looked away waiting for something to come out from the lawyer’s mouth.

“I… I agree, I am sorry also. I didn’t mean to sound like that I- “ She interrupted her again, having enough of empty words.

“That’s okay, go back to your work.” Then she just plopped on the bed again, retaking the book in her hands, pretending to be okay.

Pretending she didn’t hurt deep inside, that she felt vulnerable and wanted to cry her frustration away into her usual pillow.

But she has few more days to resist and then she could go back to her life, when there wasn’t escapes and possibility. Where love wasn’t in sight and her heart was safe behind thick walls of reinforced concrete.

Sunny gnashed her teeth forcing the angry tears back in, she wanted to cry for being a fool, for softening when she knew very well how the world turned. She was a hooker, an , good for company not for being someone live love.

It hurt anyway, thought.