You looked at it one more time wondering where were you headed now.
Once it was a little hotel in Shanghai’s province, another time it was a cafe in Phuket and a few months ago a restaurant in Bali.

It was hard at the beginning because you never knew when and where would have been the next time you could actually hug him again, smell his sweet scent and rub your hands through his soft hair.
You tiptoed in his life trying to be as delicate as possible, walking through his high and thick walls where he hid.

Yixing was a strong man, or better he wanted you to believe so.

He never showed any weakness in front of you when you first started dating, he always smiled while talking to you on the phone miles away from the only place he wanted to be in that moment.
But after your face disappeared from the screen, he allowed all the tears to roll down his cheeks freely.

You saw his walls falling in Shanghai after 5 months of not seeing each other.
He sent you the address and the plane tickets out of the blue and you were panicking overthinking of why he did it.

The Yixing you knew was a calm and rational man, he always stuck to his schedules and even though you know how much he loved you, you accepted that his priority was not you but his job.

Your friends always told you so from the first time you met him, they told you that you couldn’t compete with music but you didn’t even want it to be a competition.

You wanted Yixing to fulfil all his dreams, you wanted to see his eyes shine every day the way they did while he was on stage and you were ready to support him quietly by his side as he was doing with you.

“I think I am in love with you and I am sorry because I won’t be able to love you like I want to but I don’t think I can let you go either… you decide, you can go whenever you want. you decide if I am worth all of this: the pain the tears and the nights alone, because that it was it will be like. I don’t know the next time
we’ll be able to see each other and I don’t even know where we’ll see each other.”

You promised yourself to never forget that moment, the first time he put down his mask, the moment you realized how much he trusted you.
You still remembered his red eyes looking into yours, searching for an answer while you were still repeating his words in your mind and thinking of something to say.
When you finally spoke, tears started falling down his cheeks because he couldn’t believe that even after everything he said, you chose him.

“I’ll always be ready to go anywhere with you”

- - -

Akizuki, Japan 14th of February 2019.

It was almost 8 pm when you entered the room he had booked for you, he put on some classical music as he always did when he wanted to relax.
You noticed his phone and laptop on the little table, his jacket on the chair and his small bag on the bed already open.
The shower was running as you stepped in the bathroom but he didn’t hear you, as usual lost in his own world.

You quietly undressed and joined him hugging him tightly from behind as a soft laugh left his lips.

“Hey beauty” His soft voice sent a shiver to your spine as the first time he said hello to you.

“You got thin…” You replied as he turned around and caressed your cheeks.

“I’m trying to gain back everything I lost don’t worry… you know I tend to lose weight when I have lots of work”

You hummed and kissed his soft lips, you knew it was useless to tell him to rest or to take a step back. Luckily his team managed somehow to make him take some days off for New Lunars year so he could finally spend time with his family.

- - -

“So how was your holiday at home?” You asked as you were devouring your dinner and he chuckled while watching you.
“It was nice, my grandma wants to meet you, you know… ”

You smiled at him and kissed him one more time, caressing his hair while you could feel his nervousness.
His arms were on your hips in no time and he hid his face in your hair.

“Is there something wrong?” you asked trying to move him to look at his face but he held you too tight for you to do as you wanted, so you just kept caressing his hair hoping to help him calm down

“Are you happy with me? Am I doing enough?” he said softly, almost whispering

“Of course you are, and I am extremely happy with you yixing or you know I wouldn’t be here…”

“I am scared… am I not preventing you to fulfil your dreams?” his voice broke as the last sentence passed his lips.
You knew how Yixing was, constantly overthinking everything and doubting every step he was making and even though he was pretty sure of what he was doing with his career he felt completely lost when it came to you.

 

“What if I told you I am scared it actually is the other way around?”
 

He finally looked at you, his eyes were confused.
He kissed you slowly, capturing your soft lips in his, you could taste his tears in that sloppy kiss as he put all his emotions into it.
Placing his forehead against yours he took a deep breath and looked at you again, you were scared that what you said was actually true.
What if he was not ready for this?  What if he realized he couldn’t put his music aside for you anymore?

“You are making all my dreams came true tho”

Another kiss and again his forehead against yours.

“You are making all my dreams come true. I always wanted a genuine and pure relationship and you arrived into my life, I wanted to feel loved not just as a musician but as an actual person and here you are in my arms. I wanted a family and a place to call home and the truth is I can’t imagine a home without you.
You are the constant in my life, my soulmate and my future. I’ve never been so sure in my life of something like I am sure of this, of us.
I promise you I will do anything I can to make you happy like I am now, I promise you I’ll always wait for your texts and call and I’ll always write you song that only you will hear. I promise I’ll be always honest with you, and even if I am at the other part of the world, you just need to ask and I will be ready in no time to come to you”