So your friends been telling me
you been sleeping with my sweater
and that you can't stop missing me
bet my friends been telling you
I’m not doing much better
cause I’m missing half of me

 

Baekhyun enters the kitchen where Jongdae is making breakfast, or trying to anyway. And he takes a seat at the tiny diner table they have in their tiny kitchen. He looks at Baek for a moment and returns to the stove and sighs.

“Isn’t that Yixing’s sweater?” He asks Baekhyun without looking at him, not noticing how Baekhyun freezes hearing Yixing’s name for a first time in so long. It hasn’t been that long, really, but it feels like that to Baekhyun. “Really, Baek?”

“What are you talking about” Baek says trying to hide how his heart is aching so, so much, “this is my sweater!” Baekhyun says a bit too quietly for someone who’s always a bit too loud; but Jongdae knows better so he won’t push it any further.

 They stay in silent after that, because Baekhyun obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. It’s still too soon, and Jongdae knows this too. Knows he shouldn’t push it. “Want breakfast?” Jongdae asks after a minute.

“Always!” Says Baekhyun as if Jongdae didn’t just mentioned him. It’s just better like this. Not talking about it.

He’s not ready yet.

He wants to move on, of course he does but he can’t. Just. Not yet.

And he misses him so ing much. All he’s been doing lately is missing him like crazy. Missing his kisses, and missing holding his hand. Missing the way Yixing used to look at him, eyes full of fondness and love. Missing how Yixing used to wrap his arms around him making Baekhyun feel protected and loved.

And the thing is this is in fact, Yixing’s sweater. He borrowed it one of those oh so many times Baekhyun slept at Xing’s place. Yixing never asked for it, said it looked better on Baek and kissed his cheek.

The other thing was that somehow it still smelled like Yixing, and it felt like he was still there, embracing Baek in his arms just like one of those times when they were together. And okay, Baekhyun is starting to be pathetic but he can’t help it.

-

Jongdae and Yixing have been good friends since quite a long time. That’s how Baekhyun and Yixing knew each other, dated each other...

He felt trapped between the two when they broke up. He was good friends with both of them; he didn’t want to choose sides. He’s roommates with Baekhyun, been for a while, and he still talks with Yixing, not as often as he’d like because Yixing has been taking his time and was so busy with his new job.

He was at this coffee shop he frequents quite a lot, where Baekhyun works, but today’s was his free day so there was no Baek at the moment. He was enjoying his drink while scrolling through his Facebook app. When Yixing called him, he smiled at his screen, not only Baekhyun was the one missing him.

“Hey, Xing!” he greeted over the phone with a smile on his lips.

“Hi, Dae!” Yixing greeted back, he couldn’t see him but his voice sounded like he was smiling too. “It’s been a long time” he continued, this time sounding a bit sad. Jongdae pouted for a moment,

“I know, how you been?”

“A bit busy, but good I guess?” Jongdae chucked and Yixing added, “I mean I’m doing well!” he chuckled too.

Jongdae knew him way too well, he knew he wasn’t doing that well. It was all in his voice, he was broken too. Just like Baek was. They loved each other so much, god why are they doing this to themselves? He keeps asking himself.

They filled each other about their life for about thirty minutes, there’s only so much that has changed in the past three months. Yixing’s voice sounds sad even when he’s talking about good things or things that should be happy and that breaks Jongdae’s heart.

“He still wears that white sweater of yours,” Jongdae says at some point when there’s a silence. He regrets it immediately, …

There’s even more silence. Jongdae is not sure if Yixing is still there and he’s not sure why he said that either. “Yixing?” he asks and the only thing he gets out of his friend is an mmhm. “He misses you, Xing.”

After a really long pause, Yixing says, “I miss him too”.

 

~

And being here without you
is like I'm waking up to
only half a blue sky
kind of there but not quite
I'm walking round with just one shoe
I'm half a heart without you
I'm half a man at best
with half an arrow in my chest
I miss everything we do
I'm half a heart without you

 

It’s been three months since Yixing went back to China. It’s been three months since he has the job he always dreamed of. It’s been three months since he’s no longer with the love of his life.

He misses Baekhyun all the time, he keeps thinking of him when he shouldn’t. His mind just keeps going back, where they were happy and together.

He wants to think that Baekhyun is okay, that he’s happy. This is what Baekhyun wanted after all so he might be happy, why wouldn’t he? And for Yixing, that’s enough. Baekhyun being happy that is.

When they broke up, when Baekhyun broke up with him, he’s not going to lie he… he was really taken aback, shocked. Yixing felt that they were at their happiest moment, so in love, so so in love. But then again that was how he felt. Feels, because he still loves Baekhyun to pieces.

He thought, Baekhyun, loved him just as much. But then there he was, telling Yixing that he needed time, “we’re going too fast too soon!” he said. And Yixing’s heart broke in that precise moment, listening Baek saying they should take some time, see other people “if you want, Xing” he said too. Yixing feel like crying, like screaming maybe he couldn’t believe the person he loves the most was actually saying that stuff, breaking up as if it was nothing. He wanted to ask why, why so suddenly, Baek? What did I do? He felt like he was about to collapse right there but Baekhyun looked just fine. As if his heart wasn’t breaking and maybe it wasn’t. “Yeah, okay. Whatever you want, Baek” he said with a half-smile, full of pain. To this day, he still can’t believe he said that. Why did he say that?

Baekhyun leaves with Yixing’s heart with him. And he lets him go. Just like that. It’s not like Yixing can make Baekhyun stay with him against his will, could he? If that’s what Baek actually want then he should let him. If he wants to see someone else, be with someone else, Yixing didn’t have any right to stop him, if he didn’t loved Yixing anymore, there wasn’t anything Yixing could do about it.

That same day, Yixing was going to tell Baekhyun the news. About the new offer he got, how excited he was. But he never got the chance to do so.

That’s why he accepted the job, and moved back to China as soon as he could. So he could get away from him, he clearly didn’t wanted to see Baekhyun smiling for someone else, if that was why he broke up with him.

-

Most of days, Yixing wakes up expecting to have Baekhyun curled up beside him, breathing against his neck, just like it used to be. But he always wakes up to an empty bed.

And maybe, if Yixing just keep wishing to Baekhyun to come back to him, maybe it’ll come true.

Sometimes though, he wishes he could move on. Meet new people just like he is supposed to do, but every time he tries images of all those good times with Baekhyun comes to his mind. How is he supposed to move on? When will his heart stop aching like it does? Why Baekhyun did this to him?

 

~

 

Forget all we said that night
no it doesn't even matter
cause we both got split in two
if you could spare an hour or so
we'll go for lunch down by the river
we can really talk it through

 

It’s been five months since Yixing.

Five months since he broke Yixing’s heart.

Five months since he broke his own heart.

Five months since he’s been miserable and not happy at all.

He still hangs out with some of Yixing’s friends, mostly just to check on him. Don’t get him wrong, Baekhyun likes them a lot, they have always take good care of Yixing, specially Luhan. And surprisingly, Luhan as Yixing’s best friend ever, didn’t cut Baekhyun off as he expected. He hurt Yixing, for god’s sake.

Luhan sometimes talks about Yixing, saying he’s doing well, that he’s happy. And he believes that, believes Yixing is happy. That’s all Baekhyun wants.

He just wants his Yixing to be happy. That’s why he did what he did.

-

It was his free day at work, so he was at home. Laying on his bed watching some TV show that Minseok recommended him when he heard voices in the living room. He stopped the episode he was watching to go greet Jongdae who must be back from work, it’s not that he’s that polite, not to Jongdae anyway, but often than not Jongdae buys them dinner, specially when’s Baekhyun’s free day.

But the more he gets closer to the kitchen, the more clearly he listens. Jongdae is talking with someone. He walks quietly, just in case, did Jongdae bring someone home? He grinned to himself.

And he enters the kitchen just to embarrass his best friend, and he-he expected to see anyone, literally anyone but him.

There he was, the guy who he loved so much for so long, seated on his kitchen flashing his dimpled smile to Jongdae, and Baekhyun’s heart felt as if it was going to jump out of his ribcage. He couldn’t stop staring at Yixing. It’s been so long since he last saw him. He wanted to hug him and never let him go.

And then Yixing noticed his presence, when Yixing looked at him right into his eyes, Baekhyun legs started wiggled, he felt like he could breathe properly again.

“Y-yixing…” was all Baekhyun could say, “what-what are you doing here?” he couldn’t stop the way his voice was shaking.

“Why are you here, Baekhyunnie? I thought you were going out with Chanyeol?” Jongdae asked before Yixing could even answer.

And yeah, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were going to the movies, but at the last minute Chanyeol texted him apologizing, telling Baek he won’t make it. It wasn’t like Baekhyun was in the mood to go out anyway. It’s been five months but he still isn’t in the mood. Not yet.

“I… what are you doing here, Yixing?” he didn’t meant to sound rude. He was just desperate. Whywhywhy

“Uh, I… I-I wanted to talk to you, Baek” Yixing said standing up, looking a bit overwhelmed. And nervous. He might think Baekhyun don’t want to see him never again and honestly it should be the other way around. It was Baekhyun’s fault, not Yixing’s.

“I guess that’s my cue to leave” Jongdae said as he stood up too, giving a small smile to Yixing then one to Baekhyun. Please don’t this up  was what his eyes were saying.

Baekhyun hasn’t moved of the same spot since he entered the kitchen. He keeps silent and when the front door is shut by Jongdae, Yixing talks again, “Are you okay?” he looks him up, concern in his eyes. “You look a bit pale, are you sick?”

“I’m okay” he said so, so quietly, sitting right in front of where Yixing was sitting before. Yixing took a seat too, and they were silent for a few minutes.

Baekhyun thought this as his last chance. He knows he was the one who break up with him; he knew he will regret it. He just wanted the best for Yixing. He still does.

He found out about Yixing’s new job from Junmyeon. He was at work, in the coffee shop, and saw Junmyeon with his phone on his ear, Baekhyun knew it was Kris on the other line because Jun was on his own world, and that just happens when he’s talking with his boyfriend.

‘Did Yixing told you already?’ a pause, ‘no, about that offer he got in that company he loves so much?’ Baekhyun knew the company, Yixing told him about it once, he felt happy for his boyfriend until ‘yeah, he’d have to move there’ and then Baekhyun stopped listening because… Yixing is leaving? Baekhyun knew Yixing wouldn’t even think about breaking up with him, but he also knew Yixing wouldn’t ask him to go with him. Not because Yixing don’t want Baekhyun there, but because he knows Baekhyun can’t just leave and- what will Baekhyun do there if he can’t even speak mandarin? He can’t just rely on Yixing for everything. Yixing knows that.

He also knew that Yixing wouldn’t go if it means Baekhyun would be sad, which was much likely. Baekhyun wouldn’t ask him to stay, this is all Yixing been wanted since he meet him. And he couldn’t let Yixing decline this for him.

And honestly, breaking up was the worst idea he ever had. He can’t even remember what he told Yixing that day, his heart broke and he felt so much pain, he just remembered that Yixing let him go, and he thought that was the best decision he ever made.

He wanted to take this chance, to apologize to Yixing for lying to him, for breaking his heart, for making him believe that he didn’t wanted him anymore, didn’t love him anymore. Baekhyun could only hope Yixing would accept him. Even as friends, he won’t care.

Yixing spoke first, looking right into Baekhyun eyes, “Let’s forget all we said that night, Baekhyun” he said while reaching for one of Baekhyun’s hands that were shaking on the table. “Please” he squeezed Baekhyun’s hand in his. Eyes full of love. Baekhyun’s heart was beating so fast and so loud, he could hear it in his ears.

“You didn’t even say anything” he tried to chuckle, but it sounded more like a sob. He squeezed Yixing’s hand back. “Will you really forgive me? I broke your heart, Xing. You should hate me”

“Maybe, yeah, but I can’t” he paused for a few seconds, “I know why you did it, don’t know why I realized this late” he said with a small smile, dimple showing. “Let’s just… can we just-“Baekhyun stood up, and walked to Yixing’s side making him stand too, pulling Yixing in a kiss.

It’s been five months since he kissed his lips. He missed this, missed Yixing’s kisses, misses biting Yixing’s plum bottom lip. Missed how Yixing would put his hands on his waist to pull Baekhyun even closer to him, how Baekhyun would pull at the other's hair not too hard, just in the way he knows Yixing likes.

The kiss was messy and wet because Baekhyun was crying, he just couldn’t believe someone like Yixing still loved him as much even after what happened between them. Even after he was so stupid to break him like he did. Yixing was just so selfless, so full of love, and was willing to forgive Baekhyun, to take him back.

They stopped kissing, they were just standing there, hugging each other, not letting go in case the other one would disappear.

“I love you so much” Baekhyun whispered into Yixing’s ear, “I won’t up again, I promise. Thank you-“he was stopped by Yixing that pushed him away a bit to cup his face in his hands making Baekhyun look at him in the eyes.

“I love you too, baby” giving Baekhyun a peck on the lips. “We’re gonna be okay, yeah? We’ll make this work. Let’s forget it all, please” another peck on the lips.

Baekhyun couldn’t stop his tears, couldn’t stop how his heart felt warm again. That terrible ache in his chest was disappearing. How did he think he could live without this amazing boy, who loved him no matter what?  

It may be hard, but if Yixing will still love him, if they will be able to have each other in each other’s arms, for the rest of his life, then they can make this work. They will. They need to.

Fin~