Lisa woke up in the middle of the night,between the cold night, and the wind coming out from her open window striking her arm and her face, but the breezy wind in the middle of August wasn't the real reason why she woke up, it's because of the feeling that something heavy is lying on her chest, she blink rapidly and shrugged whatever was on her, but she heard a silent groan of protest.

 

"urgh.  Can you stay still? I'm trying to sleep here."

 

A small smile spread across her lips when she notice the owner of that husky voice who's comfortably lying on her top. None other than her best friend.

 

 

"You should be next to me, not on top, I can't breathe Chu." Lisa tells her, trying to sound annoyed as much as possible but the smile spreading across her face grew even wider when the older girl scoot more closer to her, snaking her arms on her nape and buries her face in the crook of the younger girl's neck without even uttering any word.

 

Lisa sigh in deafet and lightly shook her head, knowing that whatever she does, it will not going to move from her top, but the smile still crept on her lips, almost hurting her cheeks but she doesn't mind. She wrapped her arms on her best friend's back and leave a kiss on the older girl head before she continued her already distracted sleep with contented smile plastered on her lips.

 

 

Lisa loves this, that's why she let Jisoo be on top of her even though she knows that she'll feel numb the next morning, she loves the fact that Jisoo still found her peace and comfortableness in Lisa's arms.

 

 

Lisa loves everything about Jisoo.

 

 

Lisa loves the way Jisoo's heart-shaped lips formed in a big heart when she's smiling at everything, Lisa loves Jisoo's silly antics, Lisa loves the way how Jisoo will nag the hell out of her if she skipped her classes because of her dancing and photography career, Lisa loves how Jisoo will throw tantrums at her because she didn't buy her chicken skewer that she asked for. Lisa loves the way Jisoo controlled her own life, even if Chaeyoung is 100% against on it, but Lisa don't give a flying , she still loves it.

 

Lisa loves Jisoo.

 

But did Jisoo love her?

 

Of course! Jisoo loves Lisa.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

"Hey Lis–oh." Chaeyoung stopped on her track when she opened the door of Lisa's bedroom without even knocking and she saw the two woman lying in the latter's bed, but not in most comfortable position, at least on her perception, she should by now, used to it.

 

She's not new to this scene, but she can't help but to still surprised every time she had the chance to see them, like this.

 

 

Lisa propped her head's up to see her other friend, hushing her not to be loud, to avoid waking the girl on top of her.

 

 

"What the ?" Chaeyoung mouthed, pointing at them with wide eyes.

 

 

"What do you want?" Lisa asked, ignoring her friend's reaction, because she knew, she knew that Chaeyoung would not gonna stop her from reminding her that what's she's doing right now is wrong.

 

 

"I'm here to..to ask you if you got things ready for.." She's hesitant if she should proceed talking, knowing that there's a woman lying on top of her friend, not of course, but still. 

 

 

"I've prepared everything last night chaeng, don't worry." Lisa answers, before Chaeyoung could finished her words.

 

 

"Okay, now, get the out on your bed!" Chaeyoung said, whispering the last sentence, hoping that Jisoo is fell asleep deeply.

 

 

Lisa stifle a chuckles and shook her head in Chaeyoung's, being a nagger friend, who keeps reminding her that everything is not right, everything is wrong between them, and I'm just hurting myself furthermore.

 

 

Chaeyoung on the other hand, squeezing her temple in so much distress, not up to another crying Lisa on her bed in the middle of the night, because of the woman, lying comfortably above her.

 

 

"You're hurting yourself , now get the out on your bed–."

 

 

"Chaeng!" Lisa cut her off, raising her voice a little, afraid that Jisoo might hear her. "Why don't you go outside and take care our breakfast?"

 

 

"You're ing unbelievable Manoban." Chaeyoung said, shaking her head in disbelief but soon oblige and shut the door behind her, trying  not to make any sound as much as possible. She maybe mad at Lisa, but she's not that bad to wake up Jisoo with loud thud of Lisa's door.

 

 

After Chaeyoung finally vanished inside her room, Lisa took a deep sigh.

 

 

Deeper than she's ever been done in her whole life, and Chaeyoung's words began to rattle in her mind.

 

 

"You should've told her earlier."

 

 

Then she comes up with 'what ifs'. A lot of what ifs that she had begun to feel fear, fear of ruining their friendship, fear of losing her, fear that she might never see her best friend again. So she chose to keep the what ifs that she had in mind. She took another deep sigh.

 

 

"That's deep." Suddenly Lisa's heart stopped, Did she hear Chaeyoung? Lisa was preparing for an explanation on her mind, because she didn't know if she had heard what Chaeyoung had said, damn I'll beat the hell out of her if in case Jisoo heard her. "What are you thinking?"

 

 

That question linger in Lisa's mind for a moment.

 

 

You, I am thinking about you, and the chances I missed.

 

 

"Nothing." Lisa said instead, "I'm just trying to catch my breath because you're heavy."

 

A small chuckles on Lisa's neck sent her to nearly end. The tingling feeling on her stomach,like there's a thousands of butterflies wanted to escape, her breath keeps hitching every time Jisoo's breath hit her skin on her neck.

 

Lisa wiggled her body to shrugged off Jisoo beside her. Jisoo laughs while letting herself rolled down on Lisa's side and Lisa thinks it's the most beautiful song she had been heard.

 

Jisoo's laugh is Lisa's favorite music, She could even listen to it all day if she like, but no. Can not be.

 

"What are you thinking?" Lisa asked after a minute of silence engulfed them. Both staring at the white ceiling, where the sticker of Picachu, that Jisoo pasted two years ago, almost ripping out.

 

 Jisoo took a sigh before turning to her side to face Lisa's side profile.

 

 

"You'll be fine right?"

 

No, I'm not, never will, not even a bit of being fine. No!

 

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" It was a lie, Lisa blink rapidly to prevent the tears that she was holding since Chaeyoung walked out of her room, from dripping. "Y-you? You'll be fine?"

 

"She's nice Lisa."

 

 

"I know." Lisa whispered, She didn't even know if Jisoo had heard her. Because Lisa could hear her heart shattering into zillion pieces more than her own voice that time. "I know Chu."

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

the warmth of the sun beating down on her skin brought peace to her weary heart and to her exhausted mind. Lying on the grass, in the middle of the park, with her head on Chaeyoung's lap.

 

 

"Does it hurt?" The blonde girl asked, while running her fingers to Lisa's blonde locks, scattered throughout her thigh.

 

 

"When I fell from heaven?" Lisa asked cockily, a grin spreading across her lips.

 

 

"No.." the older girl trails off, she looked down to met a pair of doe eyes with dark chocolate brown orb, dark circles sitting under her eyes, and exhausted gaze. "When you fell in love with your best friend."

 

 

Lisa stiffened for the sudden question, she hears it again. The sound of her heart, shattering.

 

"It is." Lisa whispered, choking back her tears that started to form from the back of her eyes. "It's breaking me."

 

 

"You think you can go?" The blonde girl asked again, not even daring to tear her gaze at the younger girl.

 

 

"I have to."

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Lisa feels her hands are shaking along with her knees, no, actually her whole body is shaking. To the extent that she can't even feel the older girl's hand that holding hers. she was numb, she felt nothing but pain, which gradually killing her. Slowly till her heart give up from its beating. Oh, how she wished it would stop from beating.

 

 

"Lisa calm the down!" Chaeyoung yelled, pulling the car at side of the road. "I thought you can?!" She half yelled angry, but worried at the same time to her friend.

 

 

"I d-don't think I- i can do it Chaeng." Lisa said stumbling her words, followed by loud sobs escaping from her trembling lips. Lisa covered her face with her hands as her crying grew even louder. "It hurts Chaeng, I.. c-can't do this."

 

 

Chaeyoung engulfed the younger girl into a gentle hug, scared that she might broke the latter furthermore because of how fragile she is at this moment. Caressing her back while she keeps whispering comforting words to her friend.

 

It's fine Lisa, it's alright, I'm here, I got you, please. You can do this. Stop crying.

 

Soon enough, after Lisa's cries died down,leaving a softly sobs and sniffled can only be heard from her, Chaeyoung tip back to wipe the tear stain on Lisa's cheeks tainted with red, along with her nose, bloodshot eyes and smeared eyeliner across her beautiful face.

 

"Jeez! You look stupid!" Chaeyoung hissed, reaching for her make up bag from the back seat, rummaging inside to look for her wet naps, and wipes Lisa's smeared eyeliners. "You told me that you can! You're stupid for letting us get here! You should've told me when I asked you first if you could, you should've said you couldn't!" The older girl said, feeling upset,mad, sad and hurt for her friend's situation.

 

Lisa let her, she let Chaeyoung to hurt her with her words, but she can't, she doesn't feel hurt in any words of the older girl. Because nothing could hurt her more than she does now.

 

Chaeyoung finished removing the smeared make up and sigh exasperated. "Am I going to fix your make up again? Or we were going down town to have some soju?"

 

 

Lisa stared at the older girl, waiting for her answer. Lisa shut her eyes off before taking a deep breath and emitting it in the air, slowly.

 

 

"Fix my make up."

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Lisa is there, standing at the altar, wearing her most fake smile that you could rarely ever seen at her,

 

she's not like that, she used to be that bubbly person, she used to smile that her eyes crinkled into a crescent moon, she used to be genuine, she used to plastered her radiant smile that could light the entire universe no matter how dark is it.

 

But not now, not this time, and she knows, that it will definitely not ever again.

 

And with the signal of Chaeyoung, the wedding coordinator, that the wedding ceremony was about to begin, she prepared herself, with the big changes that would take place in her life, and in the life of her best friend.

 

Chaeyoung mouthed her, stay strong Lisa.

 

She didn't think that she would need that until now.

 

 

The crowd stood up, snapping their heads at the entrance, where all the pretty bridesmaids starts getting in one by one, and Lisa felt she's gradually dying.

 

Until the door shut closed again, knowing that the love of her life is standing behind that close door.

 

 

 

Chaeyoung took another glance at Lisa, making sure that her friend is still breathing, their eyes met and Lisa nods at her with small smile, assuring the older girl that she's fine.

 

She's not, because she's dying.

 

 

Their eyes met immediately as soon as the door revealed the stunning bride, and Lisa feels her heart stopped from beating for a second and starts beating again but multiple times faster than its usual.

 

She's so beautiful. Lisa said on her thought.

 

 

Jisoo started walking in on the aisle, heading where Lisa is waiting for her, but still didn't take her eyes off to the younger girl.

 

 

Lisa hold the gaze, they were looking into each other's brown orbs, with different emotions, until her sight became blurry, because of the tears that started to soaked her cheeks.

 

 

 

 

Don't cry love. Jisoo wanted to yelled at Lisa, but she chose not to, instead, she smiled, her heart-shaped lips that Lisa is dying for her to taste, but it's not enough, not enough to make her best friend feel better, not this time.

 

 

Jisoo knows everything, Jisoo heard everything, Jisoo knows what Lisa feels about her, she knows.

 

 

 

But she didn't do anything, she doesn't have the courage to do something, to prevent her best friend from hurting.

 

She's a helpless coward.

 

 

That's what she is, in their friend's eyes, in her parent's eyes and in everyone's eyes.

 

 

Jisoo is a coward.

 

 

 

 

Jisoo finally reach the altar, wherein Lisa is standing and waiting for her, alive but not living, dead inside but not departed.

 

 

 

Jisoo extend her arms to Lisa, but the younger girl just stared down to her best friend's hand, hesitating if she should hold it or not.

 

 

 

But Lisa, being Lisa. She doesn't want the most important woman in her life to feel upset.

 

 

 

With shaking hand, she held Jisoo's hand.

 

 

Lisa wants to yell, to shout at Jisoo, to tell her that she's dying inside, to tell her the pain inside her, to scream at her that Jisoo is being unfair, She wants to tell her every harsh word she could muster to hurt the older girl's feelings. she wants it.

 

 

 

"You're so beautiful Chu." She uttered instead.

 

 

 

Jisoo smiled at her, barely made it to her eyes. Please, be mad at me. Shout at me, hurt me with your words, hurt me physically, because that's what I deserve.

 

 

 

 

"You'll be fine?" Jisoo asked instead.

 

 

Lisa didn't expect that, she froze a bit.

 

No! ing no!

 

 

"Yes, of course." Lisa said instead, even if inside her, she was tearing apart. "Congratulations Chu."

 

 

Jisoo squeezed her hand tightly, like her life depends on it, holding back her tears, but when Lisa leaned closer to her to give her best friend a tight hug and whispered the words she's been dying to hear from the younger girl since forever. "I love you Jisoo."

 

She broke down, she feels that her world crashed down in an instant.

 

She wants to punch Lisa, she wants to scream from the top of her lungs that she's stupid! So ing stupid that she didn't admit it before! Before she met Jennie!

 

 

"You're so stupid." She whispered back, but Lisa manage to chuckles on her best friend's antics. "I hate you."

 

 

 

"I know Chu, but as long as I want to asked for your forgiveness, you're soon to be wife is waiting, unless you want me to be your wife instead of her?" Amidst the pain they're feeling now, Lisa is still able and dared to throw some jokes.

 

 

Jisoo is not having it, they're not having it, even Chaeyoung whose watching them across is not having it.

 

 

Lisa broke the hug, not because of the gaze they're receiving from the guest, but because if Jisoo didn't let her go, she might ended up dragging the girl out of that church.

 

 

"You'll be fine, yeah?" Lisa asked when she found Jisoo's breathtaking beautiful face and their gaze locked again.

 

 

No, I'm not.

 

 

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" Jisoo said, trying to be sounds cheerful but failed miserably,

 

 

 

"I know you are." Lisa tells her, with force smile.

 

 

Lisa took stepped backward to give way to Jennie.

 

 

 

Right, Jennie, the woman whom she will marry. The Jennie who did nothing but to love Jisoo unconditionally, that she didn't do. The Jennie who proposed to her best friend a month ago. The Jennie whose so damn lucky when Jisoo said Yes. 

 

One last squeezed on her hand makes her want not to let go, because she'll miss the warmth of Jisoo's palm against her, she'll miss the tight hugs, she'll miss the kisses on her cheeks, she'll miss the night that Jisoo will sneak inside her room to sleep on her top, to find comfortable against her warm hugs.

 

 

 

She'll miss Jisoo.

 

 But no, it can't be, because Jisoo is now in Jennie's.

 

 

 

Jennie took Jisoo's hand from her and Lisa gave her best friend's hand to her, 

 

And for the third time that day, Lisa heard her own heart, shattered.

 

 

Because Lisa knows that from that day on, everything will going to change.

 

 

 

And no, she's not going to be fine.