You watched as the setting sun bathed the streets in a warm glow. To you, everything looked better during the golden hour—no matter how many people and cars rushed against time, the seconds seemed to slow down as daylight rolled over your side of the Earth and went to illuminate the other.

“Hey. Are you listening?”

You glanced to your side and saw Chanyeol looking at you.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I was just looking at…”

“The sunset,” he chuckled. “Yeah. We all know how fascinated you are by sunsets.”

It was true. Sunsets were one of the few things that you could focus on without feeling like you were being suffocated. You weren’t allowed to do sports anymore, so when you weren’t working, you poured all your energy into painting. The pictures you painted somehow always gravitated towards sundown—the canvas would be smothered with orange hues whenever you felt good, and pink or purple replaced it when you weren’t. Even if you weren’t painting about the sky, those colors would always be present in your portraits, like they were the only colors that your mind knew.

You always had a thing for it, but after the incident, something felt different. It reminded you of something important but couldn’t quite remember.

“Sorry,” you smiled shyly. “What were you talking about again?”

“I said I had a dream.”

Jongin and Kyungsoo, who were seated across the table, looked up at the same time at Chanyeol’s last word. Chanyeol then started cutting his steak a little too excitedly.

Dream.

You took a sip of water and swallowed slowly while you carefully chose your next words.

“Dream, as in… a regular dream or that kind of dream?”

Dream wasn’t a word that was taken lightly. Technically, it meant the succession of random images in your head while you slept, but it also meant getting a glimpse of your future—your future partner, to be exact. The person you would be spending the rest of your life with will appear in a “special dream” and people who have experienced this had said that you would just know when that dream comes.

A year ago, your sister woke you up in the middle of the night. She was sweating profusely for someone who slept with the air-conditioning blasted on high. At first, you thought that she had caught the flu and had woken you up because of the pain, but the smile that was plastered on her features told you otherwise. She described it as the best dream she ever had, the kind that you would never want to wake up from.

She had also said that from the moment you open your eyes, everything will seem to sparkle, like the last puzzle piece in your life had fallen into place and the world suddenly made sense. Last month, she married the man that she had woken you up for.

“That kind of dream,” Chanyeol confirmed. “The dream.”

Kyungsoo started taking a special interest in his half-eaten pasta and pursed his lips as if he wanted to say something. However, he remained quiet, and Jongin spoke up instead.

“What was it like?”

Chanyeol set down his fork and knife and stared at the window with a wistful smile on his lips.

“It was like… like a movie,” he began. “I dreamt that I was at work. I was working behind the booth, scanning through song requests for the show and suddenly this girl showed up and everything behind her became blurred. It was as if the world stopped spinning just to focus on her and when I looked at her face, she had this glow that warmed me up from head to toe and… and I just knew. I thought, ‘So this is what it feels like. This is what the dream feels like.’”

You all looked at him in awe, amazed by how vivid he remembered it.

Usually, dreams are forgotten almost immediately after people wake up. The Dream, on the other hand, lingered in the subconscious forever, eternally branded at the back of people’s heads. Doctors and other scholars said that it was the only dream that we could remember from start to finish, which is probably the reason why people who had experienced it could narrate it perfectly, even the most insignificant details.

“Do you know who she is?” You asked.

Chanyeol shook his head, and you weren’t surprised. Most people get The Dream even if they haven’t met their significant other, or, rather, they haven’t realized that they already met them. This was because the human brain wasn’t capable of inventing faces, science explained. People subconsciously remembered the faces of strangers they had seen at some point in their lives, and their minds utilized them to fill in the gaps in their mental pictures when they dreamt.

For you, it seemed terrifying to know that your life was intertwined with someone that you didn’t even know well enough, but you didn’t mention this at the table because Chanyeol was obviously really happy about it.

You were happy for him too, but you couldn’t help but think about what could have been with him.

Chanyeol paid for the early dinner the four of you just had, saying that it was his treat for getting The Dream.

Kyungsoo asked if he could leave first because he didn’t feel well, and Jongin offered to drive him home and said that he shouldn’t take the subway if he was feeling sick. Kyungsoo nonchalantly accepted Jongin’s offer and you and Chanyeol waved goodbye at them as Jongin’s car pulled out of the parking lot and drove away.

You started walking away and Chanyeol had to jog to keep up with you.

“Hey, wait up,” he said as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. “Where are you going? Are you going home?”

You shook your head and pointed at the smoking area just behind the restaurant that you ate at. “I want to smoke a stick or two before I come home to the essays that I need to grade. Is it just me or are twelfth graders getting dumber every year?”

Chanyeol laughed. “You’re too mean to be a teacher.”

“So I’ve heard.”

You took a stick out of your pack and lit it, the paper and tobacco cackling from the heat. You inhaled the cold November air along with the smoke, your lungs expanding to take in death, only to blow it out again. You flicked at the of the cigarette and watched as the grey ashes fell gingerly from the burning tip down to the ground, thinking of how much it resembled snow and how something so deadly could look like something beautiful.

“Hey,” Chanyeol softly said as he squeezed your free hand. “You’re spacing out again.”

It wasn’t like you did it on purpose, spacing out. It was part of the aftereffects of your trauma, your doctor had explained, how you could notice even the smallest details of things, from the sounds a person made while chewing to how the lights of the skyline that can be seen from your bedroom window flickered as if they were stars.

You were hyperaware of your surroundings, like your body automatically paid attention to every single thing to avoid trauma-related cues. Dr. Kim had associated it with an increase in your fight-or-flight response, a common symptom among people with whom you shared the same burden with.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. “What were you saying?”

He sighed and looked at the moon, which hung too low in the night sky given how early into the night it was. “I said that you didn’t look too happy when I told you guys about The Dream.”

You took another drag of your cigarette while you thought of something to say. Were you that obvious?

“Of course I’m happy for you, what are you talking about?” You said as you exhaled smoke. “I just… I thought of how afraid I would’ve been if I dreamt of someone I haven’t met yet. I think it’s easier to fall in love when you know who they are.”

You weren’t exactly lying, but Chanyeol scoffed anyway, knowing all too well that you were holding something back. He knew you better than you knew yourself.

“Sure.”

“Yeol,” you sighed. You knew where he was steering this conversation to. “You know we can’t talk about that anymore.”

Chanyeol looked down and put his hands inside his pockets. “About what?” He stupidly asked while kicking the pebbles on the pavement.

He already knew what you were pertaining to; he just wanted you to say it. He had tried to start this conversation with you at every chance he that he got, but you shut it down whenever he did.

It wasn’t because you didn’t want to talk about it; it was because you felt that it was unfair for both of you to linger on something that just wasn’t meant to be. It did keep you up at night sometimes, but you didn’t want Chanyeol to do the same—especially now that The Dream came to him. It was like forcibly reopening a wound when your body had just begun healing; it wasn’t right, and it definitely wasn’t healthy.

But you were also aware that no matter how many times you try to avoid having this conversation with him, he would just continue to bring it up until it blew up on both of your faces.

You exhaled. “Do you really want to talk about it?”

Chanyeol’s head snapped back up. “Yes.”

“Okay.” You put out your cigarette on the receptacle. “But I’m having this conversation with you just this once. Go.”

“Tell me honestly how you felt when you heard about my dream. No bull.”

He held out his pinky finger like a little kid, gesturing you to promise him that you would tell the truth.

You smiled despite rolling your eyes. “Alright,” you said, intertwining your pinkies together and touching your thumb to his. “I wasn’t lying that I thought of how afraid I would be if that happened to me. But I wasn’t lying when I said that I was happy for you, either.”

“I know.”

“Our relationship is just so complicated, Yeol. You know that.” He nodded, listening intently. You continued, “We’ve been best friends for, what? Seven, eight years? And when you came to my place that night and hugged me and told me that you didn’t care about The Dream and you wanted to be with me… it terrified me. So much.”

You didn’t realize that you were shaking until Chanyeol pulled you into his chest and soothingly rubbed your back.

He was so warm—he always had been, and you couldn’t remember the last time that he hugged you like this. You didn’t want to cry, but your tears just flowed out from your eyes, staining his shirt.

“I wanted to say yes. God knows how much I wanted to. But that isn’t how the world works, Yeol. We couldn’t make it work even if we tried. There’s someone out there for both of us, and that isn’t each other. Look, you found yours now,” you said breathlessly.

You looked up at him to gauge his expression at your admission. His huge, round eyes bore into yours and you could see a million different emotions stirring up inside them: love, hurt, but above all, sadness. His eyes gleamed with regret, and yours probably did too.

You hated The Dream.

It stopped you and Chanyeol from happening without even giving you the chance to begin. You hoped that you would never get it, and from the countless textbooks that you have read, it was possible. Some people were destined to live their lives on their own without having someone waltz into their dream uninvited and you wanted to be just like them.

Who was the universe to decide your other half for you? It was unfair. It was cruel. It was painful.

Chanyeol kissed your forehead and you held your breath to stop yourself from crying even harder.

“If you’re happy for me, why are you crying?” He softly asked.

“I just hate the world.”

He chuckled as he hugged you even tighter. “That makes two of us.”

The walk home had been silent, neither you nor Chanyeol said a word while you strolled through the streets holding hands.

At first you declined when he offered to walk you home because you didn’t want to burden him, but he just smiled goofily and said, “I didn’t bring a car so I’m walking whether I take you home or not, so might as well.”

You walked everywhere, and even though it was tiring, it was where your mind was at peace.

You knew that Chanyeol didn’t bring a car on purpose just so he could walk you home, and you hated how your heart swelled at the gesture. He was perfect, fictional-character-type-of-perfect, but like all other perfect things, he just wasn’t for you.

You gently rubbed your thumb against the back of his hand, thinking that it would be nice if the two of you ended up together in some alternate universe or in your next life.

If reincarnation was real, you would still want to be born as a part of his life, and you hoped that the universe would decide to be generous once and for all and let you be reborn as his other half.

“Well, this is me,” you said as the two of you arrived at your front door. You turned around to face Chanyeol, your hand still linked with his. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“You’ll see me every day.”

You chuckled. “Yeah, don’t make such rash promises.”

You tried to slip your hand off of his but he pulled it back until you were once again engulfed in his embrace.

“I mean it,” he whispered against your ear. “You’ll always be my first love.” He kissed your cheek before pulling away. “Goodnight.”

That night, you dreamt of being at the beach, your body dipping into the soft, white sand and your eyes looking at the sunset.

The sky was painted with a thousand different colors, not just the usual orange, pink, or purple that you used when you painted. The kaleidoscope of hues reflected onto the water where they seemed to dance along with the ocean and you just wanted to drown in all the colors.

It was the most beautiful sunset that you have ever seen, even in your dreams, but you were so focused on taking in its beauty and you failed to realize that the sunset was ending.

At the final second, just before the sun drowned into the water and took all the colors in the sky with it, you saw a green flash burst from where the sun last peeked and you felt something that you thought you had forgotten—hope.