*Sigh*

“Would you stop that? It’s getting annoying.” Sica said from her bed. Instead of looking at her, I scratched my head, or rather messed up my hair and buried my face to the pillows. “Yah, Sooyoungie, do you have a problem?” Sica’s tone suddenly changed from annoyed to a concerned one. I heard some noise on my left side where I guess Sica sat up from her lying position and was now facing me, probably wanting some answers that I couldn’t give. 

“Nothing. I was just thinking about something.” I lazily responded.

“Can you be more specific? I don’t wanna guess. But whatever your problem is, maybe I can help. I’m your best friend after all.” She announced.

“Yeah, like that’ll help.” I sarcastically said. She threw a pillow at me and I threw it back at her without looking. But I pondered on what she said. Maybe she can help me without knowing. What am I thinking? This is Jessica! She’ll never rest until she gets some answers. However, I seriously needed someone to talk to right now or else, I’ll go crazy. I pray that she’ll hear me out and let it go if I tell her. So…. Here comes nothing.

Once I’ve made up my mind, I sat up quickly which I think caught Jessica’s attention. “Fine. I’ll tell you.” I said, still not facing her. “Okay.” She sat on my bed and expectantly stared at me.

“But you have to promise that you won’t ask any questions or anything. You’ll just have to hear me out and you will be the one to answer my questions. Got it?” I said seriously, now facing her. She nodded her head furiously and she didn’t bother to hide her excitement. I didn’t expect her to take it that easy. Woah, I guess she really wanted to know..

I inhaled deeply, trying to get ready for whatever I’m gonna say. “Can you just hurry up? And stop being so dramatic!” Jessica said impatiently.

“YAH! Do you wanna hear it or not?!” I retaliated. She made a gesture which looked like she zipped shut which I took as a good sign.

“Alright. Don’t laugh okay?” Jessica bobbed her head in response.

Again, I composed myself and said, “I-I think I like someone.”

Jessica’s eyes widened and stared at me in disbelief. was slightly open and her face could only be described as in full shocked mode. After seeing her reaction, I immediately regretted what I’ve done and covered my face in the pillow I was hugging.

I was waiting for Sica to comment but she wasn’t saying anything. I peeked through the pillow and she had this expression like she was lost. Oh… she’s asking for my permission to talk. “Go on.” I monotonously said.

“WHAT?!” She suddenly erupted. “Who? What? When?” She bombarded me with different questions that I said I wouldn’t answer.

“No! I told you! You can’t ask me anything!” I stopped her before she could ask any more.

“But that’s when I didn’t know what your problem was!! You can’t just tell me that you like someone and not say any details!” She whined in a shrill voice.

“Yes I can! And you promised me! I just want someone to talk to! To just get it off of my chest and I thought I could tell you without having to deal with your questions. I shouldn’t have said anything.” I said, defeated and disappointed at the same time. Jessica went silent and displayed and apologetic expression.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“So…? What’s the problem Sooyoung?” She asked cautiously this time.

“Well as I’ve said, I think I like someone.” I repeated.

“You think you like someone? You’re not sure?” Jessica was analyzing the situation rather seriously than I expected. So I think that I have to say all I’m allowed to say to her. After all, she’s the only person I trust with all my heart.

“Yeah. I’m still not sure.” I quietly replied.

“I know I’m not supposed to ask you anything but it’s not about this person. So can I ask how do you feel when you see him?”

“Uhhhh….” I contemplated the facts. Should I tell her…? I don’t want her to get weird on me. Ugh, this is so hard. Sica was expecting for an answer. I can lie but I don’t want to either. It’ll make the burden in my chest even heavier. I might as well come clean.

“That’s why I’m not sure Sica… because… the person is….”

“Yes?” I think she’s dying of anticipation.

“She’s a girl and I think I’m biual.” I confessed without looking at my room mate. Truthfully, I didn’t look at her coz I’m ashamed and at the same time, I’m afraid of what her reaction would be. But all my fears were taken away when I felt hands grab my shoulders and pulled me into a hug.

“Aww… Sooyoungie… C’mere.” I hugged her back but I was still confused. “It’s not a big deal.”

When she pulled away, I saw a genuine proud and happy expression etched on her face. She didn’t say anything so I was the one who broke the silence. “You’re not uncomfortable or something?” I asked, not really grasping what was happening.

“No, why would I?” She said. When I didn’t reply she added, “I’ve always had this feeling that you were.”

“WHAT?! Was it obvious?”

“Hello? You’re with me since childhood. And I like to observe people, and unfortunately, you were the easiest to read. I didn’t say anything coz I want you to figure it out on your own. And finally, you did so~~! I’m so proud of you!!” Sica enveloped me into a hug again. “So? Let’s continue. How do you feel when you see her?” It’s a typical conversation for us, jumping from one topic to another.

I didn’t really want to let go of the previous topic but she threw a question that distracted me. “Well, when I look at her, I feel like I’m floating. Like I can’t believe she’s in front of me, talking to me, or even knows I exist. I feel butterflies in my stomach whenever she would give me this amazing heart-melting smile. Last time, our hand grazed and it sent electricity throughout my whole body.” All the while I was talking; a stupid smile was plastered on Jessica’s face. She looks really amused. “But of course, I can’t tell her this. We’ve just know each other in a while and I think she would freak out if she knew that I have feelings for her. So… Sica… What should I do?”

Jessica took her time in answering my question. “Hmmm… You have a point. I would also freak out if some random girl would tell me they like me. But in your case, maybe you should try to get to know her more, or let her know you. I don’t want to say that you love her already coz that’s a big word. Maybe you have a crush on her or something.”

“I really don’t want to feel these things Sica. I want everything to stop. I don’t want to have feelings for her.”

“Why not?” As much as I am tempted to answer her question, I stopped myself. “Because! I want to marry a guy, I wanna have kids. I’ve always pictured myself like that. Besides, I don’t want to get hurt and I’m pretty sure it’s a hopeless situation so I wanted to stop.”

“Then try to stop.”

“It’s not that easy. When I see her I just…”

“Then don’t meet her. That’s not too hard right?”

I can’t NOT see her.I didn’t tell Sica more coz I’m tired of explaining myself. Also, I fear that this conversation would go somewhere that will eventually go out of control. So instead I said, “So how did you know that I was…. You know…”

“Oh..” Sica said, catching up with the conversation. “How old are you? You don’t have a boyfriend, and every thing seems pretty much neutral to you. You see a hot guy, you squeal, you see a gorgeous girl, you also squeal. Also, when we go clubbing and you get drunk, you flirt with everyone.”

I nodded my head in understanding. “Fair enough. I won’t argue with that anymore. Thanks Sica.”

“You’re welcome.”

It was those rare Saturday evenings where I’ve got nothing to do. I felt kind of refreshed that I told Sica about me and well, at least one person knows. I don’t want to carry this thing around forever on my own. I’m happy she didn’t react the way I expected her to. I guess I’m really lucky to have her.

I got up from bed and took a shower. I didn’t have anything planned today so I guess I’ll take a walk in the park. I didn’t want to go clubbing. That was before I saw my phone ringing.

I took a glance at the caller for it might be someone that I didn’t want to talk to but when I saw who it was, I did a double take. The screen displayed, ‘Shorty’.

My heart picked up its pace. Why is she calling me?

Yes, it is Taeyeon. I needed to name her differently on my phone just in case it got lost or someone would see it. I really don’t want to explain how the hell Kim Taeyeon’s number got into my phone. Especially to Jessica.

I hurriedly snatched the phone off of the table and before pressing the green button, I huffed in readiness to what was coming. “H-hello?” I said unsurely.

“Hello! Sooyoung-sshi?” I heard her voice from the other line say. If my heart wasn’t beating fast earlier, now I feel that I’m running out of air for I think it was welling up in my chest right now.

“Yes?” I said as calmly as I could. I didn’t know if I sounded breathless but I think she wouldn’t notice coz of the background noise on the other line.

“Uhh.. Are you busy right now?”

Thank God I wasn’t. “No. why?

“Really? That’s great! Uhh…” She paused. “Are you going to do anything tonight?” She asked. I couldn’t stop my eyes from widening in shock. It’s a good thing she can’t see me.

“Why?” I slapped myself internally for asking and not answering. Why does it matter? Maybe she’s about to ask me out and maybe I just blew it! Or is she?

“Uh.. I was wondering if you could maybe see me?” I was about to answer the question but I heard someone calling her out on the back ground. So I suddenly heard her say, “Sorry but I need to go. I’ll just send you a text message and I hope you reply. Bye!” The line went dead even before I was able to talk.

I stared my phone in amazement, like I couldn’t believe what just happened. Taeyeon just called me and she wanted to see me. I can still feel my heart pounding restlessly on my chest like I ran more than 5 miles without resting. The effect she has on me.

Just as I was setting my phone down, it blinked, indicating someone sent me a message. And from what transpired earlier, of course it was from Taeyeon. The text contained the address of her current location. I figured it was some kind of hotel. She also said that if I would go, I should wear a semi-formal or a cocktail dress and I had to be there by 8PM. I shook my head unconsciously from what I’ve just read as I glanced at the watch. It’s almost 7.

Where would I get a semi-formal or cocktail dress in less than an hour? I think it will be a formal party so, how do I even get ready?

But I didn’t really need to come right? She said in the text message that if I was busy then I could refuse.

However, I really do want to come. I didn’t want to disappoint her.

I scrolled down the message further and there was a PS which I didn’t see earlier. It said, “I would really appreciate it if you could come. :)”

Now, I really have to go and I have to find Jessica.