Out in the wind, speeding along the road. Her legs pedalling as hard as they can. The wheels turning, her bike, the wind in her hair. Taeyeon’s happy place.

 

She met her in college, biking to class as fast as she can, waking up ten minutes past her alarm and having to make up for lost time. When a car had pulled out into the street as she got to campus and she unceremoniously went flying when she crashed into the car.

 

Laying flat on the ground and looking up to see a girl so beautiful it made her heart ache even in the pain of landing on asphalt. Asking “Oh my god, are you okay?”

 

It wasn’t how Taeyeon had imagined getting a date, but taking a hit to the pavement and getting checked for a concussion was very much worth it. Jessica, the girl who made even the pain of crashing her bike feel worthwhile.

 

Taeyeon hoping she had charm beyond crashing. Being with Jessica feeling like the easiest choice in the world. Listening to her talk about computers, Jessica studying I.T and Taeyeon not understanding a word of it but loving her all the more. When they’d go out on the broke student budget they could muster together and it felt like they were the richest people in the world.

 

The days when they were younger, like any young couple that would struggle sometimes. Coming home now, taking a ride on her bike after work.

 

Coming up the driveway. Past their car and storing her bike away.

 

Walking through the house, not seeing Jessica. Trudging upstairs to see her looking over outfits in their bedroom.

 

“Hey babe.” Taeyeon says, a smile coming to her when Jessica turns around to see her.

 

“Mm, hey hon’, how was you ride?” Jessica asks, her attention mostly focused on the dresses she’s laid out, Taeyeon wrapping her arms around Jessica’s waist.

 

“Good, I could really sit down though, my legs are on fire.” Taeyeon says, though she doesn’t move, content to hold Jessica. her hand over Jessica’s, admiring the wedding ring she’s seen so many times but never fails to make her happy.

 

“Oh my god, Tae you’re so sweaty. Agh, I already took a shower!” Jessica laughs, trying to get Taeyeon to let go of her, Taeyeon bursting into laughter, almost rubbing into her on purpose.

 

“It’d be a shame if you had to take another one.” Taeyeon grins, Jessica turning around in her arms.

 

“That sounds fantastic right about now. But you know we’d take longer than just a shower and we’ll be late for dinner.” Jessica groans, Taeyeon’s eyes going wide. Jessica chuckling. “Don’t tell me you forgot.”

 

“I might’ve. Do I have time to shower?” Taeyeon bites her lip, Jessica nodding.

 

“Yes, barely. You were out awhile.” Jessica says, Taeyeon shrugging.

 

“I’m getting old.”

 

“Tae, you’re thirty-seven, I don’t think we’re old just yet.” Jessica rolls her eyes, Taeyeon pressing a kiss to her lips, before walking into the bathroom.

 

“Love you.”

 

“Mhm, love you too.” Jessica laughs, though the smile on her lips is filled with joy.

 

Rushing out the door when Taeyeon gets dressed. Going to meet friends of theirs from college they hadn’t seen in awhile. Jessica leaping at the chance to get them all together, like the stars had aligned with everyone being in town.

 

Taeyeon never having cared to make many friends in college. Trudging through a degree she never wanted to get, the only solace in her time there, meeting Jessica.

 

Their fingers entwined on the way to the restaurant. Taeyeon glancing over at Jessica, her bright brunette hair flowing past her shoulders, her lips a shade of red and a black dress dropping barely above her knees.

 

“You’re staring.” Jessica says, keeping her eyes on the road, though Taeyeon can see the knowing look in her eyes.

 

“You’re just really beautiful.” Taeyeon brings Jessica’s hand to her lips, kissing her knuckles lightly. Jessica’s smile so bright. Pulling into the parking lot, leaning over to kiss Taeyeon when she turns the engine off.

 

“Let’s go inside hmm?” Jessica says, grasping at Taeyeon’s hand. Seeing her nod.

 

There’s a certain nostalgia, seeing friends from such a long time ago. Irene, Seokjin, Gyuri, Lizzy. How much they’ve all changed, from the students they all once were, dreams, ambitions.

 

Listening to everyone talk, Taeyeon happy to see Jessica so vibrant. Talk of accomplishments, where they’ve gone. Irene, owning several restaurants. Seokjin a vp at a company Taeyeon had forgotten the name of the moment he said it. Gyuri designing clothes and Lizzy an accomplished vocalist.

 

“So Jess, how’s it going in IT? Fixing people's computers still?” Seokjin asks, Jessica nodding.

 

“Well, sort of. I’m the head of the department, so anything in my field, I manage it.” Jessica says, a little nervously. Taeyeon holding her hand a little firmer, her and Jessica exchanging a smile.

 

“Wow, you’re doing great. You were so crazy smart in college.” Lizzy says, their friends nodding. “And Taeyeon, what have you been up to?” she asks, Taeyeon having heard everyone go around. Swearing it’s like a conversation of the careers her parents had expected of her.

 

“I uh, deliver mail. Out on the bike.” Taeyeon says, their friends nodding, what Taeyeon can only feel like is feigned interest.

 

“That’s.. Cool, you always loved your bike right. I remember you going everywhere on it.” Gyuri says, a little halfheartedly. Jessica barely able to stop herself from glaring at Gyuri.

 

“I could use another drink, anyone else?” Seokjin says, changing the topic as quickly as he can. Jessica seeing a look in Taeyeon that makes her pained, not an irritation, a sadness.

 

Taking Taeyeon home as soon as Jessica finds a polite time to leave, saying no to a drink. Driving home, Taeyeon looking absently out the window.

 

“Tae, you okay love?” Jessica asks, Taeyeon barely looking at her.

 

“Hmm? Yeah, I’m fine.” Taeyeon shrugs, Jessica sighing.

 

“You know I love you right?” Jessica assures, reaching out for Taeyeon’s hand, entwining their fingers like it’s the most natural thing to do.

 

“I love you too.” Taeyeon looks away from the window and to Jessica, her gentle smile one that warms Jessica’s heart though she still sees something in Taeyeon’s eyes that concerns her, something she’s seen before

 

“You still hungry?” Jessica asks, Taeyeon chuckling.

 

“The food was awful.” Taeyeon giggles, Jessica grinning.

 

“It really was.”

 

A pair of burgers and fries later, Jessica and Taeyeon lay out on the couch in their living room, the tv playing something neither pays much attention to, Taeyeon with her head rested on Jessica’s chest, both very content to stay put.

 

“Our friends are .” Jessica says, Taeyeon laughing.

 

“You don’t need to say it for my sake babe.”

 

“Tae, you’re my wife. Also god they were insufferable to talk to, I really love hearing about how great it is to fire people.” Jessica rolls her eyes, Taeyeon nodding.

 

“That did seem inhumane.” Taeyeon says, looking up at Jessica. Simply looking into her eyes.

 

“You wanna go to bed?” Jessica asks, Taeyeon shutting her eyes.

 

“That sounds very nice.” Taeyeon sighs, Jessica a hand through Taeyeon’s hair.

 

“You know it’ll hurt my back trying to carry you up there.” Jessica laughs, Taeyeon moving to stand up, reaching for Jessica’s hands.

 

“I wanna cuddle.” Taeyeon grins, Jessica more than happy to follow her upstairs.

 

When Taeyeon comes home from work everyday, Jessica watches her go out on her bike almost the moment she gets home. Some nights when Taeyeon barely says a word to her, going to bed and shying away from cuddling up to Jessica.

 

Jessica swearing she sees so much of the light in her eyes draining away. Whether it’s something she’s seen for awhile but only recently worsens. Her mind going to ideas that maybe Taeyeon has lost the passion in their marriage, or where her mind drifts that’s even worse, that she’s having an affair. Trusting Taeyeon with all her heart, what hurts most the idea that Taeyeon’s in pain, what scares her that Taeyeon hasn’t told her.

 

Waiting for Taeyeon to come home from work, listening to her put her bike up. Heart pounding nervously, watching the door come open and Taeyeon come inside.

 

“Hey hon’.” Taeyeon waves, heading towards the stairs to grab her cycling gear. Jessica taking a deep breath.

 

“Tae, can we talk?” Jessica raises her voice, pushing past her nerves. Taeyeon stopping still, looking back at Jessica.

 

“I.. yeah.” Taeyeon nods, coming to sit down beside Jessica.

 

Jessica seeing Taeyeon barely able to look at her.

 

“Babe, you know you can talk to me about anything right?” Jessica asks, Taeyeon biting her lip nervously, Jessica feeling her stomach drop. “Tae?”

 

“I know.” Taeyeon nods, Jessica seeing her eyes a little red, forming tears.

 

“Sweetie, please talk to me. I love you.” Jessica reaches for Taeyeon’s hand, surprised to see her take hold of it so quickly, Taeyeon leaning over to Jessica, resting her head on Jessica’s shoulder.

 

“I shouldn’t.. I shouldn’t feel like this.” Taeyeon whispers, clutching at Jessica.

 

“Feel what babe?” Jessica asks, not hesitating to pull Taeyeon into a tight hug. “I love you Tae, it’s okay.”

 

“I shouldn’t feel so.. So sad.” Taeyeon whimpers, crying against Jessica’s shoulder.

 

“Oh, oh honey. Is that why you’ve been like this?” Jessica asks, Taeyeon nodding, trying to wipe her tears away. Jessica brushing her fingers gently along her cheek.

 

“I have you, we have a house, jobs.. I don’t, I don’t have a good reason to feel,” Taeyeon murmurs, Jessica silencing her with a kiss, running her hands through Taeyeon’s hair, looking into her eyes.

 

“Shh, Tae, it’s okay, a good reason? You never have to worry about that, you never, never have to worry about that.” Jessica says, Taeyeon nodding. “Can you tell me babe. What’s been on your mind?”

 

Seeing Taeyeon hesitate for a moment, Jessica braces herself, her mind running a thousand miles a second, Taeyeon holding Jessica a little tighter.

 

“I-I’ve been thinking about.. If I tried to cycle again.” Taeyeon sighs, Jessica staring blankly for a moment. “Competitively. Like before I’d gone to college.” she says, her voice shaking. Jessica blinking like making sure Taeyeon is in front of her, to make sure she’d just said what she had.

 

“Oh my god, Tae. I’ve been going crazy thinking about what’s gotten you down. I thought.. I don’t even know what I thought.”

 

“You have?” Taeyeon asks, Jessica laughing, realizing she’s also been crying.

 

“Tae, I’ve loved you for seventeen years. I can tell when something is wrong.” Jessica rests their heads together, breathing a deep sigh of relief. “So, is that why you’ve been riding your bike so much?”

 

“It just, riding helps me think.” Taeyeon nods, Jessica smiling.

 

“I know babe, I know. So, competitive cycling?”

 

“Well, yeah. But it’s just, it’s a pipedream.” Taeyeon sighs, Jessica feeling her heart drop. Knowing it’s what Taeyeon has been thinking for such a long time, why the light drains from her eyes and she barely says two words to Jessica. “I’m too old, what person can start competing at thirty-seven? And, we were talking about kids and we couldn’t if I..” Taeyeon begins to ramble, Jessica reaching for her hands, entwining their fingers.

 

“Tae, we can still have kids for awhile and I can’t believe you’re too old to start.” Jessica smiles, assuring Taeyeon, looking down at Taeyeon’s legs. “I mean, christ. Your legs are already like tree trunks from how much you already bike around.”

 

“I.. oh, oh. I didn’t know you liked that so much.”

 

“Oh my god Tae.” Jessica rolls her eyes, staring at her with a look Taeyeon only knows is serious. “Tae I’d thought, god I don’t even wanna say what I thought was going on.”

 

“Did you think I was having an affair?” Taeyeon ponders, Jessica’s eyes going wide.

 

“Tae! You know I trust you.. It might’ve crossed my mind, you were just so,” Jessica sighs, Taeyeon kissing her hard before she can finish her thought.

 

“I’m sorry, I never wanted you to think that. You’re, you’re the only person that still makes me happy.” Taeyeon murmurs, Jessica feeling her heart ache, wondering how she couldn’t have known what Taeyeon was feeling. “I love you Jess, I would never do that.” Taeyeon starts to cry again, Jessica nodding, kissing Taeyeon with every piece of love she can summon.

 

“I know babe, my mind’s just been going crazy.” Jessica shuts her eyes, just feeling Taeyeon. Like a thousand pounds have been lifted off her shoulders. “So, you wanna race?”

 

“Jess, it’s just a,” Taeyeon begins to speak, her tone of a disappointment, Jessica pressing a finger to her lips.

 

“Don’t you dare say pipedream one more time.” Jessica runs her hands along either side of Taeyeon’s head, pressing a kiss to her nose. “You’re gonna at least try, okay?”

 

“Jess, where would I even start?” Taeyeon groans, Jessica thinking for a moment.

 

“Let’s find out.”

 

Twenty minutes later, Taeyeon’s head rested on Jessica’s shoulder as Jessica looks on her laptop, surprising Taeyeon when she shouts excitedly.

 

“Found one!” she says excitedly, Taeyeon staring at the screen, the picture of a poster for a race in a city an hour away. “It’s open entry, next week.” Jessica smiles bright, her excitement almost contagious.

 

“Babe I don’t even know if my bike’s good, it’s old and..” Taeyeon begins to doubt, Jessica shaking her own head.

 

“Tae, you’ve been tinkering with it for as long as I’ve known you. If a guy can set a speed record with a bike built out of a washing machine, you can do this.” Jessica tilts her brow, Taeyeon knowing she’s right.

 

“I wish we hadn’t watched that movie.” Taeyeon chuckles, Jessica grinning ear to ear.

 

“Too bad, I’ve already seen it.” Jessica says, reaching to pull Taeyeon onto her lap. Both of them laughing. “Tae, if you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to. We can figure something out, we always do.” Jessica runs her hands along Taeyeon’s hips and up her sides, Taeyeon relaxing into her touch.

 

“I want to, I.. I really do. So let’s go next week.” Taeyeon nods, Jessica bursting into a bright smile.

 

“Yay! Babe you’ll do so good.” Jessica peppers light kisses on Taeyeon’s cheek, laughing when Taeyeon feigns trying to fend her off.

 

“This is okay? Really?”

 

“Tae, you could tell me you want to be an astronaut and I’d drop everything to help you do it.” Jessica says, Taeyeon knowing she means every word of it. “So if you wanna do this, go get on that bike of yours and work hard you hear me?” Jessica says, Taeyeon laughing at her feigning tough.

 

“Yes ma’am.” Taeyeon grins, Jessica expecting her to get off her lap and go out on her usual ride, Taeyeon simply looking at her.

 

“Not in the mood to practice?”

 

“Kinda feel like a different kind of ride.” Taeyeon bites at her lip, Jessica’s eyes going wide before she feels the same urgency that Taeyeon does.

 

“I think we can make that happen.”

 

Laid out in bed, their sheets tossed around and limbs tangled up with each other. Taeyeon with her head on Jessica’s chest and their fingers playing against each other’s.

 

Jessica breathing a content sigh, looking down at Taeyeon. Her eyes closed and shuffling up slightly for a more comfortable position.

 

“I missed you.” Jessica whispers, breaking their comfortable silence. Taeyeon nodding against her chest. “After that dinner, did that make you feel like this?” Jessica asks, barely above a whisper. Taeyeon looking up at her. Shaking her head.

 

“No, that just didn’t help.” Taeyeon sighs, pressing a kiss to Jessica’s collarbone, trailing down, not rushed or wanting, just feeling. “I just, it made me think. I don’t care about a fancier job, or that I haven’t done something better,” she looks up at Jessica before shutting her eyes again, running her hands along Jessica’s sides. “I couldn’t.. I can’t think about if I lived with never even trying to live that dream. If I never even tried to do what makes me happy.”

 

“Oh Tae, love.” Jessica whispers, wiping away the tears she sees drop down her cheek. “How long has this been going on?”

 

“A couple years, sometimes it’s just been in my mind and it felt like nothing. Sometimes it’s..”

 

“This?” Jessica whispers, Taeyeon nodding. “Tae, why did you never say anything?”

 

“I was scared. That you’d be disappointed.” Taeyeon holds Jessica’s hand to her lips, kissing along her knuckles and fingertips. “Or.. hate me.” Taeyeon sighs, Jessica leaning up. Pressing against Taeyeon, grasping at her back.

 

“I could never hate you, never.” Jessica whispers into Taeyeon’s neck, holding her as close as she can.

 

“I know, that’s why it scared me.” Taeyeon’s perfect brown eyes looking into Jessica’s, kissing her like she needs to, more than breathe. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Riding through the week, Taeyeon catches herself pedalling a little harder when she’s working. When she goes on her afterwork ride and comes home her legs feeling a little more tired than usual.

 

Till she’s in the parking lot at the race start. Staring around at all the other riders as she unpacks her gear.

 

“This is, a lot of people.” Taeyeon says, feeling her nerves looking around at the competition. People who she can only think must come to events like this for the fun of winning easy competition. Other women who she swears look like they could never so much as be fatigued.

 

“Hey, look at me babe.” Jessica steps in front of her, Taeyeon glad to not look at her competition. “You’re gonna do great, no matter where you place. I’m so proud of you just for being here.” Jessica smiles, Taeyeon feeling herself ease a little. “Let’s get you ready to go.”

 

Waiting in line to get signed up, Taeyeon can’t help but look around at the competition. Jessica heading off to look at some merchandise while she waits in line. Rolling her bike forward when she comes to the front of the line. One of the officials asking to take her bike for inspection, reluctantly letting it go.

 

“Hey there. Can I get your name?” one of the women at the table asks her, Taeyeon nodding.

 

“Jung Taeyeon.”

 

“Okay, Taeyeon. The circuit is fifteen miles, stay with the barriers and you’ll be good.” the woman says, Taeyeon nodding as she takes the number to wear during the race. “Good luck.”

 

“Hey babe, you all ready?” Jessica asks, finding Taeyeon after she’s signed up. Taeyeon staring, brow raised at the shirt she finds Jessica wearing. Very colorful art depicting cyclists, on a bright orange shirt, with the event name presented in bright blue.

 

“Really getting into it huh.” Taeyeon comments, Jessica nodding excited.

 

“Of course, it’s your first race I’ve ever seen you at. I needed something to commemorate it.” Jessica smiles so happily it lifts Taeyeon’s spirits.

 

“Thank you, for getting me to do this.” Taeyeon grasps Jessica’s hand, both of them hearing the call for the rider lineup.

 

“I love you Tae. You’re gonna do great.” Jessica leans in to kiss Taeyeon, the softest touch to her lips. “I’ll be watching from the side.”

 

“I love you.” Taeyeon nods, heading off to lineup.

 

Sat in the middle of the pack, Taeyeon not sure how many people are around her. Just knowing wherever she looks, she sees people she can only think are far more prepared than her.

 

Hearing the sound of the start countdown, readying her feet on the pedals. The buzzer going off and the pack taking off around her.

 

Jessica watching the start, trying to find Taeyeon in the crowd of cyclists. Surprised at how fast everyone takes off, shooting into action, a blur of bright colors and spinning wheels.

 

Taeyeon watching the riders around her, waiting for the crowd to loosen up. Seeing everyone begin to loose away from each other, Taeyeon pushing hard when she sees an opportunity. Slipping past, riding around. Moving smoothly into a corner so fast she can only think it’s dangerous, though her legs continue to push.

 

Like she could never forget how to ride a bike, Taeyeon feels something she hasn’t felt in almost twenty years, the rush of racing. The eager push to the front and the constant furious rush.

 

Jessica waiting to see Taeyeon come around in the circuit. Her eyes going wide when she sees the first few coming around the corner for the first lap. Taeyeon keeping up with the front, Jessica excitedly shouting, cheering her on, looking to her side and shouting without a care. “That’s my wife!” she yells, startling some of the spectators beside her, not a care in the world.

 

Watching Taeyeon speed away, cheering loudly.

 

Feeling her legs begin to hurt, Taeyeon contemplates dropping back. Seeing the people in front of her continue strong. An urge she knows she shouldn’t indulge, that she thinks could only hurt her, to go faster.

 

Pushing a little harder, putting her legs to the test.

 

Catching up through the laps, Taeyeon caught barely behind one other rider. Seeing the flag for the final lap, Taeyeon swearing her legs are already on fire. The couple feet between second and first place feeling impossible, till they come down the final stretch.

 

Taeyeon shouting almost feral, a strength she didn’t know she had. Riding harder than she’s ever done, barely a wheel ahead as she comes over the finish line.

 

Coming off the circuit and wanting nothing more than to collapse off her bike. Feeling the familiar hold of Jessica’s arms.

 

“Holy , Tae you won!” Jessica holds her, Taeyeon grateful knowing her legs aren’t quite ready to hold her up.

 

“I.. what?” Taeyeon gasps for breath, the only thought in her mind the furious pain and Jessica.

 

“That was incredible, well done.” Taeyeon hears, looking to her side. The woman she’d barely managed to pass. “I haven’t seen you at any of these, you’re an ammature?” she asks, Taeyeon glancing at Jessica. Jessica shrugging.

 

“Uhm, that’s the first race I’ve done since highschool.” Taeyeon catches her breath to speak, the woman staring at her filled with surprise.

 

“Really?! What’s your name?” she asks, Taeyeon still catching her breath.

 

“Taeyeon. This is my wife, Jessica.” she smiles, looking at Jessica.

 

“I’m Tanya. Congratulations Taeyeon.” she reaches out her hand, Taeyeon exhaustedly shaking it. Tanya waving to the two of them as she walks off. Taeyeon seeing Jessica’s smile, fully realizing what she’s done.

 

“Oh my god I won, Jess I won!” Taeyeon hungs her close, Jessica bouncing on her feet excited.

 

“Babe I had no idea you were so fast.” Jessica smiles, Taeyeon numbly nodding.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Taeyeon whispers, finally taking her helmet off. “Cause I don’t think my legs work right now.” they both burst into hearty laughter, no care for the crowd around them.

 

“We should get you somewhere to sit down.” Jessica laughs, helping Taeyeon out of the crowd. The spectators cheering on the riders coming in to finish.

 

Taeyeon happy to have a seat and practically drown herself with a bottle of water. Event officials congratulating her on the win and a pile of prizes Taeyeon didn’t expect.

 

Happy to go to the car when it’s all done and the crowd begins to head home. Taeyeon walking her bike in one hand and holding Jessica’s waist by the other, besides the pain in her legs, feeling on top of the world.

 

“Taeyeon, Jessica.” they both hear. Taeyeon looking back to see the same woman who’d come second. “Hey, a couple of us are heading to get some food. We’d love you two to join us.” Tanya says, motioning to a group of riders behind her packing up their gear.

 

Taeyeon sharing a glance with Jessica. “A little celebration sounds nice.” Jessica says before Taeyeon can think of going home and calling it a day.

 

Sat in a crowded sports bar, Taeyeon is more happy than anything to sit down. All the riders around them talking happily, Taeyeon watching Jessica talk, smiling seeing Jessica rave about Taeyeon’s performance in the race.

 

“This is really your first race since highschool?” one of them asks, Taeyeon nodding. “How old are you?”

 

“Thirty-seven.” Taeyeon says, Tanya especially staring wide at her.

 

“And you’ve never done other sports?” she asks, Taeyeon shaking her head.

 

“I just ride the bike after work.” Taeyeon admits, a little nervous. “I uh, didn’t think I was that fast.”

 

“Winning your first fifteen mile circuit, I mean Tanya here’s a pro and you sped past her.” one of them says, Taeyeon’s eyes going wide.

 

“Really?” Taeyeon asks, Tanya nodding.

 

“Events like this are good practice, but you really showed some potential out there.” she says, everyone nodding vigorously. “It’s tough, doing the fifteen mile. But I’d love to see you at a sixty.”

 

“Sixty?” Taeyeon’s eyes go wide, like she swears she couldn’t have possibly said that.

 

“It’s the pro circuit distance. You gotta train for it, sixty miles, at speed. You think you’re in pain now, it’ll start hurting then.”

 

“I don’t uhm.. I don’t know if that’s something I could do.” Taeyeon sighs, Jessica nudging her shoulder.

 

“Taeyeon, you just won, with what. How much training?” Tanya asks, Taeyeon thinking.

 

“Uh.. I rode a little harder for a week.”

 

“With some work, you could do it. I mean, we both know you have the speed.” Tanya says, beyond certain.

 

“Jess?” Taeyeon looks to her side, Jessica rolling her eyes before kissing her.

 

“Tae, sweetie. This is what you wanted to do right?” Jessica says, Taeyeon nodding. “Sounds like you should get training then.”

 

Coming home , the sun beginning to set. Taeyeon sleeps most of the way home in the car, Jessica gently waking her up when they get home. Taeyeon stumbling into the shower, wiping the sweat away and feeling her muscles relax.

 

Feeling a touch at her back, her lips tilting up, feeling a warm form press against her.

 

“You did great today Tae.” Jessica whispers, letting the water fall over them. Taeyeon melting into her touch. Jessica washing Taeyeon’s hair, hearing her sigh comfortably. “Come to bed hon’.” Jessica reaches to turn off the shower after they’ve been under the water awhile. Drying off with Taeyeon and putting on a bathrobe. Taeyeon laying on top of her in bed, letting herself go limp and rest.

 

“I’m gonna have to train a lot more.” Taeyeon groans, Jessica along her back, urging Taeyeon to look up at her.

 

“Tae, you were amazing today and.. If you wanna do this, I think you’ll be really good at it.” Jessica says, Taeyeon nodding.

 

“I’ll have to cut back on work, or maybe quit to do this.. It just feels so fast. Like a month from now I’m just going to regret this.” Taeyeon sighs, Jessica holding her gaze. Pressing a kiss to Taeyeon’s nose.

 

“Trying to predict the future is silly babe. How do you feel right now?” Jessica asks, Taeyeon feeling her sincerity, how much she cares, loves.

 

“Besides how sore my legs are?” Taeyeon mutters, both of them laughing. “I feel, happy.”

 

“It’s your dream right?” Jessica whispers, Taeyeon nodding. “I think it’s time you go for it.”

 

Finding a race a couple months away. Taeyeon sets her sights on it, barely a clue how to train intensively. Almost twenty years since she’d so much as thought of training for anything.

 

Pushing to limits she didn’t know she had. Riding further and harder than she usually does. Finding herself on the outskirts of town when she thinks of turning back and then going a little further.

 

Using the exercise bike Jessica had bought years ago that neither got much use out of it when it’s rained and too wet for her to use her bike.

 

When Jessica sees her and she’s laid out on the floor, pedalling against the air and Taeyeon simply waves to her.

 

“You hungry?” Jessica asks, Taeyeon nodding excitedly down on the floor. Jessica laughing as she walks around her.

 

Watching Taeyeon for a moment, Jessica seeing her work hard, determined, not able to help the nostalgic smile, a fire in Taeyeon’s eyes she hasn’t seen for so long, maybe ever since they’d left college.

 

Seeing Taeyeon train so hard, Jessica swearing there’s barely a moment of the day where Taeyeon isn’t pushing herself to new limits. Jessica knowing Taeyeon to have been in shape most of her life, seeing her in a whole new light.

 

Taeyeon’s race in the morning, laying outside in their yard as the sun begins to set. Looking into each other’s eyes, comfortable in the silence.

 

“You think there’s a chance tomorrow?” Taeyeon whispers, afraid she’ll shatter the moment. Jessica nodding, the smile she gives Taeyeon, warming her heart.

 

“I don’t know, you’ve been working so hard.” Jessica reaches to push a strand of Taeyeon’s hair behind her hear, forever enchanted with Taeyeon always searching out her touch. “I think you’re gonna be incredible tomorrow, that I’m gonna cheer for you till my voice hurts and then cheer a little more.” Jessica laughs, seeing Taeyeon lighten up a little more. “I think this is the happiest I’ve ever seen you, I think this is what you were meant to do.” Jessica whispers, so soft it makes Taeyeon’s heart ache in the best way.

 

“Close second.” Taeyeon says with a grin, Jessica tilting her brow curious. “Marrying you, that’s the happiest I’ve ever been.” Taeyeon says, staring concerned when Jessica begins to tear up. “Babe?”

 

“Kiss me you idiot.” Jessica laughs, Taeyeon not wasting a moment to lean over Jessica and kiss her with every ounce of love she has. “I love you so damn much.”

 

Race day is far more intimidating than Taeyeon expected. More riders, sterner competition and far more organized than a small town event, cameras for tv and spectators lining the whole circuit. Banners for their favorite competitors, whole teams of cyclists decked in sponsor signage.

 

Taeyeon staring bewildered at it all.

 

“Babe, don’t go in your own world now. How you feeling?” Jessica snaps her from her thoughts, Taeyeon sighing.

 

“Nervous. This is, a lot.”

 

“You’ll be alright when you get going. You wanna get stretching before you’re on the track?” Jessica asks, hoping it’ll keep Taeyeon’s mind off her nerves for a little bit. Taeyeon nodding, Jessica looking around as Taeyeon limbers up.

 

Not exactly knowing the sport herself, though the women she sees beginning to get into position on the start line she can tell have ridden ever since their feet could reach the pedals. Some she’s sure are professionals groomed for it from a young age. Looking at Taeyeon, her bike she’s held onto for so many years, something she can only imagine those pro’s wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. But something definitively Taeyeon.

 

“Hey babe, I think it’s time to line up.”

 

“Looks like it.. Wish me luck?” Taeyeon clips her helmet on, Jessica hugging her tight.

 

“I love you hon’. Good luck.” Jessica waves as she heads off, Taeyeon giving her one last glance back, needing one last bit of strength.

 

Sitting in the pack of riders waiting to start, waiting for the buzzer. Taeyeon thinks of what brought her here. When she was a child and she’d watch the sport with her dad, cheering at the tour de france and imagining a day where she’d be doing it, racing with the best.

 

Days of highschool, where she thought of chasing that dream, imagining how she’d go when she could pursue a career of it. Going off to college, her dad calling the idea of her being a pro a waste of time.

 

The passion for it all that never quite managed to leave her. Hearing the buzzer begin to countdown.

 

One.

Years without much practice or even a thought to pursue her dream.

 

Two.

 

Responsibilities, life, what told her pursuing a childhood dream was nothing but that, a dream.

 

Three. Go

 

The pack taking off far faster than she’s used to, Taeyeon bursting into action, searching for her push to the front.

 

Drifting into a corner, Taeyeon figuring she’s in the middle of the pack, though the speed is menacing. Whirring through the street, nothing but the sound of wheels spinning and gears changing.

 

Jessica watching nervous, seeing riders coming around the first circuit, struggling to spot Taeyeon as they come by, knowing she must be with the group still. Shouting regardless, “Go Taeyeon!!” she shouts as loud as she can, drowning out some of the spectators beside her.

 

Taeyeon seeing an opening as she turns into another corner. Pushing a little harder, almost surprised when her legs don’t protest at the effort. Coming free from the group, keeping up her pace, biding her time for another push.

 

Other riders catching up with her, some not hesitating to give a little more to get ahead. Taeyeon swearing the front seems impossibly far ahead. Trying to focus on herself, a long race still to go.

 

Catching up with every corner, pushing for a lead where she can find one. Her feet turning the pedals with ferocity. Intent to push sixty miles and not dare to stop.

 

Jessica watching her come around each pass of the circuit, cheering Taeyeon with each pass. Listening to the calls for how far in the race is. Twenty miles in, wondering just how Taeyeon’s faring.

 

Legs feeling the hurt, pushing through the pain. Finding her way to the front, another ten or so riders ahead of her and no look of anyone slowing down.

 

Forty miles, her legs burning so hard her mind can only tell her to stop, though she pushes regardless. Coming into a corner, glancing to her side, a rider trying to pass her. Taking the turn too sharp and their wheels brushing together before Taeyeon feels everything spin out.

 

Her bike sliding out from under her, falling onto the street. Her leg scraping against the asphalt, head thudding against the ground as she almost slams down, her bike sliding away from her.

 

Not even hearing the passing riders around her. Her vision blurry as she stares up at the sky and feels the searing pain of her leg being scraped by the asphalt.

 

Finding herself shoot to sit upright without much thought, seeing race medics rushing towards her, kneeling in front of her and the other rider.

 

“It’s alright, we’ll get you off the track and to the tent. Do you feel anything broken, much pain?” the medic asks, Taeyeon blinking to clear up her vision, the breath having been ripped from her lungs at the surprise of the crash.

 

“Just, my leg.” Taeyeon groans, looking down to see the state of it, bleeding from the speed of the fall into the asphalt.

 

“Alright, just stay there we’ll get you off the track.” he repeats, Taeyeon seeing her bike ahead of her. Shaking her head. Pushing herself to stand up, the medic protesting and Taeyeon’s torn up leg a stinging pain unlike any Taeyeon’s ever felt. Limping to her bike and picking it up.

 

Hearing the spectators begin to shout her number in encouragement. Getting back on her bike and pushing off, her feet slipping before she finally finds her footing and she starts to fly back off into the race.

 

Passed by most of the riders, Taeyeon gives more than she knows she should. Looking ahead, even through bleeding and bruising. Heart pounding like it threatens to explode, lungs catching any breath they can manage. Another twenty miles, no stopping.

 

Jessica watching the crash on the monitors, clutching at her chest nervously when she notices it’s Taeyeon. Staring in bewilderment when Taeyeon gets up and limps back to her bike, Jessica only imagines she must be relentlessly high on adrenaline, or furiously dedicated.

 

Jessica tearing up watching her. “You can do this Tae!”

 

Taeyeon feels like she can’t hear anything beside the relentless turning of her wheels, drowning out the world around her. Passing, slipping through the pack like she sees every opening. Her body so exhausted, Taeyeon hoping only for one more pedal, one more pass, one more corner.

 

One last lap, multiple riders far ahead of her but no pack, no group. Her feral shout as she gives one last push her body shouldn’t even have. One more pedal, one more pass.

 

Over the finish. Not first, but finished.

 

Cameras clicking, the crowd cheering loudly. Taeyeon immediately seeing Jessica. Getting off her bike, finding the strength in her legs to carry her a little further. Fingers running into Jessica’s hair and kissing her like nothing else matters, that there really isn’t anything else that matters.

 

“I love you.” Taeyeon gasps, both of them hearing the sound of clicking cameras. Both of them laughing.

 

“I love you Tae.” Jessica smiles so happily it makes Taeyeon forget the pain in her body for a moment. Looking around at the cameras, most focused on them. “I think you’re a little famous after that.”

 

“Right now, I really don’t care.” Taeyeon grins, kissing Jessica again. In their world, happy to be.