OST : "My Miracle" by CNBLUE. Please listen while reading. 

Sweetness was so underrated. Especially sweetness in the form of words coming from the man you love. Three years ago, if someone told her she would be rendered speechless and paralyzed by a man’s words, she would laugh out loud. She had always believed she was made from intelligence, determination, and  good sense. Falling head over heels for someone was just not something she would do. Someday, maybe, when she was 28 or 32. When she got her Master Degree and had performed in four musicals or five.

She was forced to swallow it all back, all her beliefs, her plans, and her views of the world. A man named Jung Yong Hwa had turned everything inside her upside down. The only name her heart whispered for two years and counting. The man who seeped into her consciousness, broke her calm and unreachable demeanor, and owned her like no one else ever would.

With him, she had taken big steps. Giant leaps that she almost thought could only be taken by those who had wings.

For example, saying yes to him at Kawagoe, changing her status from on screen wife to real life girlfriend.

Or when she decided to give herself to him, in all entirety, that night in Niigata.

And learning new things just because she knew he loved it. Playing guitar, composing songs, and expressing feelings.

And the biggest step of it all was living with him as much as she could, without ruining their schedules and her relationships with her Eonnie-deul and parents, just because it felt like heaven.

He had bought an apartment for them in the heart of Seoul. The place had turned into her sanctuary, more important to her than her dorm or her parents’ house.

Right now, she halted writing her diary and looked around the place. It was filled with the things they both liked, mixing together like the color pink and blue, as comfortable as a warm blanket.

The place was still except for the hum of the central air conditioner. Outside, rain poured down. She had been lying on the floor, propping herself with a pillow, writing her diary for the last thirty minutes.

Yong Hwa had arrived in Incheon less than 10 minutes ago. She had come to their place as promised, eager to see him again after four days.

And suddenly, she remembered the first morning they stayed here.

She woke up first, acknowledging the fact that they were together in their own apartment, knowing  they still had two days before they had to run in different directions, catching dreams and fulfilling wishes. She turned around and saw him, still sleeping, face peaceful like a child, breathing deep and even.

She spent minutes like that, the sun streaming between the blinds, following every crook and inches of his face with her eyes, wanting to touch but afraid of waking him up.

And then his eyes were opened. Slowly, adjusting, taking in. His eyes widened when he took in her form, before he broke into a smile and reached out for her waist, pulling closer.

“I’ve been wanting this for a long time, you know?” he croaked, fingers straightening the curls of her long hair.

“Wanting what, Oppa?”

“Seeing you first in the morning, knowing you’ll also be the last I’ll see before sleeping tonight……..”

Her breath was caught in , and she could feel that if she tried to say something, it would turn into a sob.

He knew it, so he just pulled her above him, enveloping himself with her weight.

Seo Hyeon smiled to the memory. It was indeed one beautiful morning.

And then she heard a few clicks as someone keyed in the pass code into the apartment and the sound of the front door being opened.

Today would be beautiful too, she thought, as she got up and approached the smiling guy.

“Oppa. Welcome home!”

*********************************************

One Tuesday morning, she was cooking Naengmyeon, straightly following the steps from a printed internet recipe. Ever since she became Yong Hwa’s girlfriend, she had endlessly struggled learning to cook. She treated the issue as serious as she was when she learned to dance and play a new classic with the piano. Constant hard work.

He would always say it tasted good. But she had learned not to trust his praises blindly. From the guy who ate all that disastrous salty kimchi they made on WGM, “Delicious” might always be a white lie.

It’s actually simple. You have to repeatedly taste your food when you cook them. She had made that her cooking law. With that, she knew she would never stray too much into disastrous results.

Everything was bubbling nicely on the stove, spreading the aroma of spices in the air, when he appeared behind her, hugging her waist and kissing her cheek.

“What are you cooking?”

“I’m making you Naengmyeon.”

“Hem…..”

“I need to put this in the fridge to cool. We’ll be able to eat this at lunch.”

“Great.”

She should be cutting the cucumbers and pear by now but he was holding her snugly, and therefore she leaned back to him.

“I wish to see you like this too, ten years from now.”

She turned to look at him, braving to see his eyes that could make her feel weak on the knees.

“With a wedding ring on this finger” he rubbed her fourth left finger, “My name on it, and our children waiting impatiently for the food, saying, “Palli, Omma! I’m hungry!"

He did it again, squeezing her heart and made her thanked whatever forces that made them crossed paths.

“You have a way with words, Oppa……jeongmal………”

“I know. I plan to seduce you with that skill as long as you’ll let me.”

And like that, Yong Hwa easily scored his morning kiss. Because really, it’s not like it crossed her mind to resist.

*********************************************

Not everything was smooth sailing. No, of course it wasn’t. There were times when they couldn’t meet for weeks, surviving on technology to keep up with each other’s lives. It took a toll on them, those separations. The world gradually became bleak and deafening when they couldn’t see each other for a long time.

Sometimes he worked so hard he was afraid to call her, fearing he would pick fights just to let all the exhaustions out.

Jealousy too, crept in once in a while.

Her admirers never subsided, it only got more as time went by.

However, it had never been something to worry about. She had never treated anyone else with the intimacy she shared with Yong Hwa. Yes, some she considered really close friends, and she showered them with attention too, sending vitamins or considerate e-mails. Her feelings was locked though, and everyone knew this. Everyone in the industry knew she belonged to Jung Yong Hwa, and though he nagged at her habits of being overly kind to the male species, at the end of the day, he knew he had her under his spells.

And yet, Yong Hwa was more prone to temptations. Seo Hyeon was reserved and shy. But he was kind and cheerful, funny and easy to talk to. Girls instinctively warmed up to him, regardless of the fact that he was taken or not. He was just very attractive and very fun to be with. Min Hyuk described his Hyeong as “magnetic”, and it was true.

With Seo Hyeon, people admired but not many dared to approach.

With Yong Hwa, girls giggled and flirted openly, all batting eyelashes and throwing pretty smiles.

She knew her Oppa was high in demand. It would be a lie if she said she was not proud of having someone so desired by many. And she knew, more than anyone, that it was his nature to be friendly.

Of the amount of fellow celebrities having crushes on him, she also knew it well. It was her Eonnie-deul who were the first to warn. “Keep your eyes on A” or “Watch out for B”. And usually, she could wave it all off with a laugh.

But recently, she heard rumors that several members of a girl group were keen to have Yong Hwa for themselves. It was a wonder how they could all crush over the same guy, and how they ignored the fact that he was dating someone. She heard they tried, and hadn’t given up hope that he would soon choose one of them over the maknae of SNSD.

She reached her limit when three people asked, “Is it true, that Yong Hwa often talked on the phone with her?”.

So when Yong Hwa picked her up one day, after she had a long day recording for her group’s new Korean album, she asked straight forwardly before they even left the parking lot.

“Is it true, that you often talk with that girl on the phone?”

Yong Hwa was surprised with her tone, it swayed so much like she would cry sometime soon.

“Which girl?”

“You know who. From that girl band. The one who always tried to talk to you whenever they had a performance on the same stage as CNBLUE. I heard she really likes you and got your number. And I’ve been hearing that you talk with her on the phone.”

“Who told you that?”

“Too many” she answered, tears already falling from her eyes.

“Yah, yah……don’t cry. Why are you crying just from something like this?”

“I don’t know. This is harder than those rumors of you and Park Shin Hye Eonnie. At least I know who her real boyfriend is. But her…….she seems so……..determined and doesn’t care at all that you’re with me……..”

“Aigoo, uri Seo Joo Hyeon……..” he exclaimed, fingers brushing her tears, but unable to stop it. “How come you still get so insecure? Everybody around us knows we’re together.

She was weakly pushing him away, crying bitter tears by then.

“Did you or did you not talk to her on the phone?”

Yong Hwa relented and took out his phone, opening the call logs and showing her two calls that he did with an unsaved number.

“Here, look. It’s true. She got my number. I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but she did. She called me, said who she was, said she admired my songs and performances. I answered politely then said I need to take my flight to Japan. The second time she called, she asked me out for a drink and I answered straight away that I am thankful but I’m with you. Yes. I mentioned your name. I just want her to get the idea that I’m not available for anything. I also told her I would appreciate it if she left me the hell alone because I’m not looking for another girl.”

“……….Jinjja? Is that really……..really all of it? Nothing else?”

“That’s it. I swear. Please believe me and stop crying or else I think I will not be able to handle this.”

She tried to acknowledge what she felt with the information, trying to form a warning, a threat, anything. But she ended up just throwing her hands around his neck and hugging him tight.

“I was so worried” she sobbed in his neck, “I couldn’t sleep last night, fearing you might—“

“What? Like someone else? Tempted? Cheated on you?”

She pulled away and nodded, albeit with embarrassment, drying her damp cheeks.

“Jasshik. Hyeon-ah……how can you still feel insecure about me? After everything, you still think that’s possible?”

He read her eyes and was shocked to still see a yes in her eyes. Yes, Oppa. I’m afraid that could happen.

She didn’t say it, but he knew.

“Tsk” he cursed inwardly, before holding her cheeks steady with his hands.

“Seo Joo Hyeon. You listen to me. I can lose a lot of things. My money. My career. My fans. My songs on the charts and my face in the magazines. But there is one thing that I can’t lose. There is one thing I'd rather die than losing. And it’s you. Got it? I’m never going to lose you. And I will never, ever be stupid enough to play around with anyone else. I will never risk what we have. It just won’t happen.”

She blinked, trying to even her breathing.

“Are you with me? Do you understand?”

She nodded.

“Good. Can I take you home now?”

“Yes.”

“Great” he pecked her lips, put the seatbelt on her, and drove out of the building, the tinted windows of his car protecting them from possible curious onlookers.

**********************************************

Hopping on planes was nothing new. Exhaustion was definitely not a stranger, even like a friend now. But coming home to her was something new. Ever since they had their own place, they met there every week, most of the time. It had started since May and became the highlight of his life. Seo Joo Hyeon, for him, was the love of his life. He would always be grateful of the fact that he was the one she ever loved , kissed, and shared passion with.

He had acknowledged and also accepted the fact that he loved her more than she loved him. She would of course argue that. “I love you just as much, Oppa. We are equal.” She said that once, and he knew she’d say it again when opportunity arose.

But no, it couldn’t be. She couldn’t possibly think of him as much as he thought of her. Day and night, wherever he went. She couldn’t possibly compare him to everyone, like he did with girls nowadays. Girls were either not as polite as Seo Joo Hyeon, not as pretty as her, not as smart as her, not as interesting as her, and so on, and so forth.

He missed her like crazy whenever they were not together, and he craved for her more when they met. She became the inspiration of his songs, his motivation to be better, and the reason for everything good he did the past two years. From the look of things, he would continue this way until he died. He just refused to live any other way.

He reached their place late at night, body stiff and stomach empty, keyed in the passcode, and entered the silent apartment. It was 1 am and he knew she had an exhausting day too and would be sleeping by then. Moving quietly, he went straight to the kitchen, opening the fridge and gulping some water.

“Today’s dinner is my Omma’s special Bulgogi. Just heat it up” the note on the fridge door said, written neatly in blue ink.

Yong Hwa took the bowl of rice and Bulgogi from the fridge, wrapped neatly in a plastic wrapper. He then put the bowl inside the oven, and clicked it on. While his dinner was warming up, he took a shower.

Afterwards, he put on comfortable t-shirt and shorts, and padded back to the kitchen, taking the bowl from the oven and ate everything clean, almost the remnants of sauce at the bottom of bowl. That done, he went back to the shower to brush his teeth, and finally, finally circling his arms around the sleeping form of Seo Joo Hyeon.

For a while, he let himself held her like that, hands around her waist, one leg wrapping her legs, and head buried in the silk threads of her hair. Just like that, he felt warm, lucky, grateful, and content.

But of course, he was only human. He missed her, and he wanted more. So he moved to the other side of the bed, facing her to be able to rain kisses all over her face.

“Oppa?” she called, as his hands roamed slowly all over her.

“Hey.”

“You’re back.”

“I am.”

“Was the food good?” she asked.

“Very good” he answered, slipping down the strings of her nightie, kissing her bare shoulders one after the other.

She finally opened her eyes, and they stared at each other. He was propping his weight on his palm, and she was looking up amidst sleepiness.

“How was Japan?”

“Still there.”

She chuckled, and saw the black rings under his eyes.

“I have missed you, Oppa” she whispered, tracing the shadows, “Have you missed me?”

“Terribly” he confessed, before letting go of his weight and lied fully on top of her, feeling her arms and legs warmly embracing him.

“I love you” he said on her lips. “It’s a miracle to have you.”

“I love you too…………and you always say the sweetest things after midnight.”

“My mind is the clearest at this hour. You know that.”

“And my mind is the fuzziest at this hour, you know that, right, Oppa?”

“Ne. So just listen. There’s no need for answers.”

She waited for the punch line, lying quietly beneath him.

“I want to be by your side, Sarang-ah. Forever more.”

He waited for a reaction, and got it when he saw her eyes got wet with tears, dampening her eyelashes.

Seo Joo Hyeon often proclaimed she was not good in expressing her feelings. She was better in sincere actions though. Like how she pulled down his head that night, kissed him deep and lovingly, wiping away his exhaustion and filling him with her soul.

*********************************************

She was definitely not someone who could say much fancy words to the people she loved. Though she read books and knew many eloquent phrases, it had always been easier for her to write letters than making witty dialogues. But there were bursts of bravery and spontaneity. And those moments usually knocked him flat like a straight arrow.

It happened recently, one Monday after lunch. He was composing a song, strumming on his guitar for the last hour, and she was making a paper for school, pouring over notes and typing on her laptop.

She must have been distracted for a while though, because she said to him out of the blue,

“Do you know, Oppa, that this Earth’s population has reached 7 billion?”

“Oh? Jeongmal? Wow. That’s a lot. Seven and nine zeroes. Seven billion people……..wow……..”

“Ne. And South Korea’s population is big too. Do you know?”

He shook his head absent-mindedly, still strumming his guitar and scribbling notes.

“The population of South Korea is 50,000,000 people, Oppa. Imagine that”

“Wah………..daebak. Imagine all those people listening to our songs………”

“Don’t you think it’s amazing, Oppa? Between 7 Billion people on Earth, and 50 million people in South Korea, we could meet and found each other?”

He wasn’t really listening, since he thought she would go on about trivia of the world population and he had this paragraph in his head that he needed to give some melody to. But his fingers really stopped strumming his guitar after several seconds.

“What did you say?”

“I said, isn’t it amazing that we met between all the billions of people on this earth?”

He processed the information in his head and found that he was practically speechless.

“And isn’t it beautiful, Oppa, the fact that we fall in love with each other among all the thousands of people we have met in our life?”

His throat went dry and he was positively sure that he was gaping.

“And more importantly, which I think you must know, that above everyone I know, you have become everything. The highest on my list, even above my parents and my Eonnie-deul.”

Yong Hwa froze on his seat, gripping his guitar for dear life.

What the hell is she saying?

She threw him an amused look before standing up to come to his side.

“It’s true, Yong Hwa Oppa. You have become my everything” she said, kneeling in front of him, placing her hands on his lap.

“Ss—Seo—Seo Joo Hyeon……….”

“Everything” she emphasized, eyes smiling.

He wanted to say something. Anything romantic or memorable. But his tongue felt awkward inside his mouth and he was busy telling himself to breathe. Inhale and exhale.

In exchange, she was the one capable of moving. She took his guitar and put it carefully on the couch, before she climbed and sat on his lap, arms circling his neck.

She kissed his forehead, and his nose, and both his cheeks, and from one end of his jaw to the other, before she pecked his lips. Once, twice, thrice, before she bent down to rain his neck and shoulder with more kisses.

“Y—yah……..what did I do? What did I do right?” he asked. Even in his own ears, he sounded weak and disoriented.

“Being you” she answered shortly. “I was browsing the internet, and I read that this is our 900^th day together. I’m sorry I forgot, Oppa. Everyday felt like a celebration lately that I stopped counting days.”

“I—I forgot too. Mianhe. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Aniyo” she shook her head. “I don’t need more gifts. I’m happy as we are now. I just need you.”

It’s rare enough that she spewed sweet words like this. By the time she said her last sentence, his hands were already gripping her cotton dress so tight.

“Here I am. You already have me.”

Seo Hyeon laughed, smacking his shoulder. “Oppa! That’s so cheesy!”

“You started this………….”

“I guess so.”

“Be responsible with what you start”

She bent down and kissed him once.

“Is that enough?”

“No.”

She kissed him once more, longer this time, tongue sweeping his lips.

“How about that?”

“Not even close.”

“Aish. Algessumnida.”

And she then tilted his chin, kissed him with everything she got, tongue teasing him inside, teeth nipping his lips, him until they could hear the sound, over and over again, making him drunk and intoxicated.

Miracles happened. That’s what he thought at the back of his head, before Seo Hyeon buried one hand inside his hair, another hand on his back, pressing her body against his, and he lost himself to her advances.

Love is a precious, valuable gift. Meeting the pair of your soul is a once in a lifetime occasion.

Loving someone with all your heart definitely means a life worth living.

One thing that Yong Hwa and Seo Hyeon could say and definitely most proud of, is the fact that they have never let go, and have let their love bloom despite all the circumstances against them.

What they have is worth fighting for.

Neither of them will ever give up, regret, or let go of the other.

For they have decided to create their own happy ending.

***************************************************

Author’s Note :

Jung Yong Hwa is in a cheesy mood, so I guess I’m having a cheesy mood too.

“My Miracle” was like the answer of everything I believe about Yongseo. Like a love letter becoming public. I love the lyric very, very much.

I think we can nickname SNSD’s Seo Hyeon as “Miss Sunshine” and “Miss Miracle” now, beside “Goguma Princess” and “Cheonsa”.

I had my birthday last July 25, and I am very thankful to all of you who aid happy birthday to me on twitter or here in LJ. Thank you so much. I had a great time.

This fic is also created to celebrate July 30, 2012, Yongseo’s 900^th day.

Happy 900 days, Yongseo.

Happy 900 days, Gogumas. Is it amazing that we are still here, together?

Thank you for all the comments you gave me in all of my fics. I confess I have less time to reply now, and I think I better spend the spare time I have in writing more fics. But please know that I cherish all the comments, even only one line. It inspires me and motivates me to keep writing Yongseo. So I beg that you’ll comment on this one too.

PS : Happy fasting to all of my Moslem friends.