"I try to tell myself that everyday. That I'm doing all this to meet them again. That, for some strange divine reason, they'll be at the end of this all to meet me. To meet us."

It really is at the end where they meet.

She stares at the barely noticeable mark on her foot, small enough to mistake it for a scratch - but Chaeyeon knew. It was from when she tripped over and kicked a zombie away, its teeth grazing her in the slightest; Chaeyeon sighs deeply. She should have known.

She feels as if the universe is playing a dark and twisted game on her, making her feel like she was winning - but in the very end, things just aren't in her favor, and Chaeyeon figures that things have always been that way. She blames herself for being so stupid, for actually believing that there may have been a chance for her to have a normal life again. All that she's done until now, and for naught - Chaeyeon thinks that it would have been better if they had just left her behind at the drugstore to rot and eventually turn into one of those monsters. It would have been the ideal scenario, because then the others wouldn't have to worry about someone who could endanger them at any minute. She sobs into her arms, making sure that she isn't too loud - she was alone outside, as she should be.

Chaeyeon thinks that if she turns by tomorrow morning, there would be someone to kill her already. It's not like there were others who were bitten just like her - she doesn't know how long it takes, but as long as she isolates herself for the night, she won't be able to hurt anyone else. She wonders about what it's like to be one of them, asks herself if they were really as mindless as they seemed, or if they actually had a few thoughts here and there that they just couldn't process and communicate clearly. Chaeyeon laughs, finding it unbelievable that she could think of such things in the situation she was in. All she can do now is cry and complain about the unfairness of it all, blaming the heavens for her pitiful situation - it was inevitable. She would turn, and they'd have to kill her. The thought angers her, but it is quickly replaced by sadness, by regret. She should have known that things would never get easier. Not in this world.

Not for her.

She looks to the sky, what she thinks will be her last time, and savors it. Chaeyeon tries to memorize every inch, every star, every bump of the moon visible to her. Five minutes feel like forever and when Chaeyeon thinks she's memorized the sky enough to be able to see it in the afterlife, she closes her eyes, and lets herself lay down on the ground.

She knows it's pointless, to yearn for something she can't have anymore, but she whispers it anyway, hoping some god out there will pity her and listen to her. Just this once.

"Please give me more time."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Sakura wakes up, she's confused to find that Chaeyeon wasn't in the bed below her. She looks around the whole room, seeing if Chaeyeon slept beside the others, but she sees no sign of her. Sakura yawns, stretching her arms, and figures that Chaeyeon must have stayed outside to watch the sunrise. She smiles at the thought of the girl and heads out, making sure to close the door carefully so the others wouldn't wake up at the sound.

Sakura walks to the space they were sitting at last night, greeting the other people in the compound that she saw on the way. Her steps are light and cheerful, having been able to get a good night's sleep for the first time in a while, and she hums to a joyful tune. When Sakura reaches the place, though, she squints at a figure laying on the ground, her eyes widening when she realizes that it's Chaeyeon. Sakura quickly runs to her, worried that something might have happened, but stops in her tracks when she sees the younger girl sleeping peacefully, breathing steady and mouth slightly open. Sakura chuckles at the sight, crouching down beside the girl. She pokes her shoulder a few times, then her cheeks - it doesn't take too much before Chaeyeon is stirring awake, opening her eyes slightly to adjust to the sunlight.

When Chaeyeon's eyes focus on Sakura, she jolts awake - her eyes are frantic as she checks her hands and legs as if she was looking for something. Sakura merely raises an eyebrow at her, figuring that the girl must have had a bad dream or something.

"Good morning?" Sakura says, slightly amused at Chaeyeon's actions. 

Chaeyeon looks at her with panicked eyes, visibly calming down when she noticed that Sakura was just staring at her curiously. She hadn't seen the bite mark - Chaeyeon breathes a sigh of relief. Her calmness doesn't last for long, though, when her eyebrows furrow into a look of confusion - she hasn't turned yet.

"Good morning." she says in a low voice, still trying to think about why she didn't turn overnight. 

"Why did you sleep here?" Sakura scolds, pointing a finger at the ground.

Chaeyeon smiles nervously.

"I f-fell asleep..."

Inside Chaeyeon's head was a mess of thoughts. She was sure she'd turn overnight - it seems like hundreds of possible reasons cross her mind before she settles on the most probable one, wherein the smaller, tiny bites just take longer to spread throughout the body - it doesn't comfort her, but it helps her calm down a little, give reason to the otherwise terrible situation she's in.

"Chaeyeon? You okay?" Sakura waves a hand in front of her repeatedly, snapping the girl from her reverie. Chaeyeon gives her a tight-lipped smile, standing up and dusting herself off. They go back to their room, where the others are still sleeping, and wake everyone up for breakfast.

Chaeyeon can't help but wonder if the gods really did listen to her plead.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Junghyeon had told the two of them to rest for the time being, for them to get accustomed to the way the community worked. They'd start on missions as soon as they were ready, but due to the fact that the community was up and running at its peak, Junghyeon figured it would be long until they absolutely needed to go out. The other girls were assigned to internal duties, too, so they usually didn't leave the compound, meaning they were a lot safer. This comforted Chaeyeon in the slightest, though she is still uneasy at the fact that she could single-handedly overturn whatever they've built here - only when she turns, though.

(If she turns.)

Chaeyeon is sitting on her bed, her back flat against the wall - she's playing with her fingers, sighing every now and then. Her members were outside, doing their assigned tasks like cleaning, organizing supplies, and helping lead Junghyeon's squad (for Eunbi) - Sakura was probably with Minju somewhere, learning about how things worked in the compound. Chaeyeon wishes she could be with them, help them at least, but she just couldn't. It was too dangerous - she was too dangerous.

She holds her head in her hands, trying to steady her breathing. She hated isolating herself. Just when everything seemed to have gotten better, when they were in a better situation and around better people - everything just got worse for Chaeyeon. She couldn't possibly hit lower than this, so here she is, counting down the days until she becomes one of the flesh-eating monsters she despised so much. She thinks it must be her karma for sympathizing with them while she was bashing their brains in.

Chaeyeon lets out another sigh, shuffling over to reach for something in her belongings. It's a small notebook, one Chaeyeon has kept even before all of this happened. It's filled with polaroids, notes, scribbles, song lyrics - anything Chaeyeon could think of and wanted to keep. At one point, it became the members' little diary, their notes and photos filling its pages as well. She smiles at it fondly, flipping over its pages and remembering each moment that happened.

She sees a polaroid from when they were on the set of a music video, Chaewon and Minju cuddled up together in their puffy coats. Chaeyeon remembers that day as a particularly fun yet tiring one - they had to do multiple takes, and the various angles and backgrounds made Chaeyeon feel dizzy. She chuckles at the memory and glances to the small note below it, reading '181205 - Ssammu x Frog.'

The next one that makes her smile is a photo taken at the dorm, where Hyewon was feeding Sakura a piece of takoyaki. This was when they had food delivered - Chaeyeon remembers how everyone was really happy at the fact their manager told them they could eat anything they wanted for that one night. She almost skips to the next page when she notices the writing beneath, in barely visible black ink. The note makes her chuckle.

'190216 - I'm jealous.' 

When Chaeyeon gets to the last few pages, clearly remembering them as empty since she hadn't written there yet, she's surprised to see a tiny note from what looks to be Wonyoung's handwriting. She lifts it closer to her face, squinting her eyes.

'Tell her today, unnie! Fighting! -190628'

Chaeyeon's breath hitches, seeing those numbers. 

Exactly one day before Sakura was supposed to fly to Japan.

She doesn't know what causes it, but Chaeyeon's breaths suddenly become shorter, quicker - she closes the notebook with shaky hands, holding onto it tightly - Chaeyeon feels as if something is surging through her veins and her heart and she doesn't know how to stop it, doesn't know how to keep herself calm. Chaeyeon is sweating, her vision blurry and her chest tight when she hears soft chatter from outside, barely hearing the loud 'Chaeyeon!' before her body goes slack, the last thing she feels being a sharp pain in her stomach.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When she wakes up, she feels hungry. 

Chaeyeon's eyes flutter open ever so slightly, looking up at the ceiling - she struggles to sit up, a pair of hands helping her up, and she looks to the direction to see who it is but it doesn't register in her mind. She sees the person's mouth moving, but Chaeyeon can't understand anything - she hears mumbles, sounds, and static, but she can't decipher what they're saying - their eyes are worried, there's more people in the room now, and everything just feels so slow.

It's like Chaeyeon is struck by lightning when everything comes back to her at once - the brightness of the lights in the room, people's voices, faces - it was Eunbi who helped her up,  looking at her worriedly and asking her if she was feeling better. 

(That was the strangest thing Chaeyeon has ever felt - she could see and hear, but she could not recognize and understand - 

for a moment, she felt lifeless.)

"I," Chaeyeon tries to speak, but it comes out as a small croak instead. 

Chaeyeon shakes her head. "What...what happened?" 

Eunbi clears , taking Chaeyeon's hands into hers. 

(Chaeyeon almost winces - Eunbi's hands felt like fire.)

"You passed out. Good thing we were right at the door, or else something worse might have happened. Do- do you remember what you were doing before you started hyperventilating?"

Chaeyeon furrows her eyebrows together in thought.

She didn't.

Chaeyeon shakes her head. "I was just sitting here."

Eunbi's face turns into a look of confusion. 

"You weren't looking at this?" she takes out a small notebook from behind her, showing it to Chaeyeon. 

Chaeyeon's eyes light up in recognition, pointing at the notebook weakly with a small, sad smile.

"I...haven't looked at that thing in ages."

Eunbi exchanges a look with Yujin, who she was with when they came in the room and found Chaeyeon. She was sure that they saw the notebook in Chaeyeon's hands, and that she was gripping it so tightly that her knuckles turned white - Yujin shrugs.

"I'm here! What - what happened?" Sakura pants, leaning against the door - she had been talking with Junghyeon about their plans when she overheard two elders talking about one of the 'new recruits' passing out. Sakura knew that she and Chaeyeon were the newest people to enter the community, so she didn't think twice before running.

"Chaeyeon unnie passed out." someone mumbles, but Sakura couldn't care less who it was - she made her way to Chaeyeon's side, grabbing the girl and looking frantically to see if she was okay. Chaeyeon carefully removed the older girl's hands from her arms, meeting Sakura's worried eyes with a comforting smile.

"I'm fine, Saku-chan." Chaeyeon says, her walls immediately going up - she couldn't afford to break in front of Sakura. Not right now.

(Chaeyeon tells herself again and again -

Be strong.

Be strong for her.)

Chaeyeon's eyes look away, afraid that she might cry if she looked at Sakura for too long - her eyes scan the room, seeing everyone else standing, their faces worried and...sad. 

Chaeyeon's eyes meet Wonyoung's, and the younger girl gives her an unexpected smile.

Chaeyeon clears .

"Thank you for worrying, but - but really, I'm okay. I just...just have to rest."

Eunbi puts a hand on her shoulder, as if to ask, 'really?', and Chaeyeon nods. Eunbi smiles at her, then at everyone else, and tells them to get back to work. There's tired whining and complaints coming from some of them, and also some 'I love you Chaeyeon unnie!' and 'rest well!'s. When everyone has left, it's just Sakura and her, neither of them wanting to say a word.

Chaeyeon merely sighs. She didn't want to lose in their game of nerves - Chaeyeon's afraid she might end up confessing about the bite. She just lays down, fluffing up her pillow, taking one last glance at Sakura before closing her eyes, hoping to get some sleep.

It's not long before Chaeyeon is half-asleep, fluttering back and forth between consciousness and her dreams. Sakura stands up, sighing, walking to the door before muttering a small 'please take care of yourself.'

Chaeyeon wishes she could.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________