Dear love, for nothing less than thee
Would I have broke this happy dream;
It was a theme
For reason, much too strong for fantasy,
Therefore thou wakes me wisely; yet
My dream thou breaks not, but continues it.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Things weren't always like this.

Baseball bats, big knives, ice picks - Chaeyeon never used any of those before all this. A regular day consisted of waking up and spending the day with her members, choosing whether to order milk tea or dinner and playing rock, paper, scissors to decide who got to wash up first - not this.

A few zombies approach her, their movements sluggish and dragging. Chaeyeon thinks to herself how she'll never get used to this sight - their appearance, though very human, with all the body parts one could think of - as human as they looked, they were still greyish, rotting away, and groaning unintelligible noises and grunts. Chaeyeon pushes the thought of maybe this was someone I used to know aside and raises her knife, Sakura doing the same thing with her baseball bat a few meters away from her. There weren't many of them - five, at best, and Chaeyeon thinks it'll be easy this time.

They had just finished collecting supplies from an abandoned house when they were greeted by the zombies, probably attracted by the sound of their rummaging. Sakura had initially wanted to just run past them, but Chaeyeon insisted on fighting, saying her skills had gotten a little dull since the last time they had to fight was a week ago. Sakura couldn't disagree, and here they were now.

Chaeyeon stabs one in the brain as soon as it gets close to her, pulling her knife out immediately to fight the other one right behind it. The blood - or whatever liquid it was - didn't make her falter anymore. It's not like she hadn't done this before - they've been on the road for weeks now and fighting the creatures off was something she had to learn. Her thoughts got the better of her in the beginning, though; she couldn't stop thinking about the fact that these very same monsters used to be living, breathing people. 

(She doesn't think twice before she kills them - the thoughts come in after, with her wondering what kind of life they might have had. It hurts her the most when she entertains the possibility of these zombies being someone she used to know.)

She looks back at Sakura after the second one drops to the ground and walks over to her, hoping to aid her partner.

"You doing good there?" she asks, wiping off the little splatter of blood that got on her cheek.

Sakura nods wordlessly, hitting the zombie's head with her bat. She hits it one more time to make sure before moving on to the next one, hitting it with the same strength and vigor - Chaeyeon takes care of the last one, stepping back as its blood splattered everywhere.

"You've gotten pretty good," Sakura compliments, earning a small chuckle from the younger girl. Chaeyeon stares at the scene before her - five zombies at their feet, blood on the road and on their clothes and on their faces - then she looks at Sakura; Sakura who has a little blood on her forehead, Sakura who was holding a bloody baseball bat, Sakura who was smiling at her as if she didn't just murder two things who were once humans -

and Chaeyeon smiles. 

They walk off together, hand in hand, back to the small house where they had been camping out at since the apocalypse started. Chaeyeon estimates they found about a week's supply of food and other necessities, and adding that to their already present stash would make about two and a half weeks' worth of supplies. 

The sun was high up in the sky, shining on them ever so innocently. Chaeyeon almost laughs at the irony of it all - if it weren't for the countless dead bodies they'd stumble upon once in a while, she'd think it was a nice, beautiful, normal day.

As she settles down in her room, though, with Sakura seated beside her, her head on her shoulder,

Chaeyeon thinks she could live with this.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It's one night when Chaeyeon hears Sakura's sniffling. She couldn't sleep, like most nights, and she didn't mean to hear Sakura crying but she did. It doesn't take a minute for her to sit next to the older girl, patting her back to comfort her.

"I miss them so much, Chaeyeon," she hears Sakura say, her voice cracking and weak. Chaeyeon's heart breaks - it always does, whenever this happens - but she had to be strong. For the two of them. 

Chaeyeon could not imagine the worry Sakura was feeling. Her family was a country away - she remembers the last video call Sakura had with her parents before everything fell apart, their last words being 'see you soon'. It's moments like these when Chaeyeon remembers that so much has been taken from them - their friends, their families, everything. 

"It'll get better, Saku-chan. Please believe that."

(Chaeyeon has a hard time believing herself.)

Sakura looks at her, with swollen and tired eyes, traces of her tears still on her face.

"What if it doesn't? What if I never see them again? What if...what if they've already turned into those...those things?"

Chaeyeon takes in a deep breath. She thinks these thoughts every day, wondering endlessly if things will ever be the same again. She had no idea where her own family was, or where the other members were - she's had nightmares of visiting them all and seeing that they've been mauled and turned into those monsters. It never leaves her mind, all the what ifs, but it's what makes her go on.

"...what if they're okay?" Chaeyeon's voice is small, no sense of confidence or certainty in it at all, but there was a tiny speck of hope.

Sakura stops sniffling.

"What if they're out there, looking for us like we're looking for them?"

Chaeyeon turns to caress Sakura's cheek, wiping her tears. She gives her a sad smile, her voice shaky. 

"I try to tell myself that every day. That I'm doing all this to meet them again. That, for some strange divine reason, they'll be at the end of this all to meet me. To meet us."

Sakura nods. She had considerably calmed down now, her breathing much slower than it was earlier. She closes her eyes, taking Chaeyeon's hand from her face and holding it tightly.

"Thank you, Chaeyeon."

Chaeyeon takes over night duty that day, letting Sakura sleep. Sakura was reluctant to let her at first, but she eventually gave in. 

Tonight, Chaeyeon is filled with thoughts again. She gazes up at the sky, admiring the stars, and thinks it's unfair for something so beautiful to be part of the chaos that has taken over the world. 

She glances at Sakura and thinks the same.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Chaeyeon unnie, I'm scared."

Chaeyeon's head turns to the sound of the small voice, automatically spreading her arms wide to embrace Wonyoung. It doesn't take long for the younger girl to step in, engulfing Chaeyeon in a big hug.

"Hyewon unnie's scary story was really creepy," Wonyoung mumbles.

Chaeyeon pats her back rhythmically, something she does with Chaemin whenever the girl would say she was scared as well - taking care of the younger ones had become second nature for her, and in this moment where Wonyoung is in her arms, she can't help but think about her younger sister.

"I told them not to take it too far," Chaeyeon grunts, taking a mental note to scold Hyewon later. Wonyoung chuckles, sighing in content.

It was days like this when Chaeyeon felt it the most - the warmth. They were sharing scary stories earlier, seated in a circle with their fried chicken in the middle. Hitomi covered her ears the whole time, and the more mischievous ones like Yena and Hyewon kept telling stories that Chaeyeon admits gave her goosebumps. Most of them were sleeping right now, though, tired from the day's schedules, but Chaeyeon figures Wonyoung might not be the only one having trouble sleeping.

(Hitomi was really freaked out earlier, as well - Chaeyeon wishes the girl is alright.)

"Why are you still awake, unnie?" Wonyoung pulls away to look at Chaeyeon. Chaeyeon merely shrugs, taking a quick glance at her room's door - Wonyoung barely notices this.

"She locked you out again?" Wonyoung asks, amused, as she tries to stifle her laugh. Chaeyeon's lips jut out into a pout.

"Kind of, but also just because I couldn't sleep." Chaeyeon smiles.

Wonyoung nods, positioning herself to sit beside Chaeyeon instead. She knew that Chaeyeon often had many thoughts - there have been many nights where she woke up to get a glass of milk and saw Chaeyeon sitting at the same place, looking outside their window. 

Wonyoung holds Chaeyeon's hand.

"When will you tell her?"

Chaeyeon freezes for a split second. It was an innocent question, one Wonyoung had asked before - but it doesn't get easier. 

(When she gives you a blanket because you say it's cold, when she says she wants you to dance in front of her forever, when she says she's thankful that you debuted together -

Chaeyeon thinks of it every night, and every time, it just doesn't get easier.)

Chaeyeon sighs, giving Wonyoung a tired smile.

"Someday."

There was just too much at stake.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chaeyeon remembers it all too clearly. 

The day everything fell apart - she was just accompanying Sakura at the airport, waiting for her to finish checking in. She was supposed to fly back to Japan on that day, as it was their few days of rest. The other members - including Nako and Hitomi - were still back at the dorms since they were not planning to leave for their hometowns any time soon. The two were simply resting on a bench, eating the sandwiches they had bought and talking about trivial things when the loud blazing of alarms and announcements filled the airport.

"Attention. All outgoing flights have been canceled. Please remain calm and stay in the airport for your safety, and wait for further announcements."

They had looked at each other then, confusion and fear in their eyes. Everyone else at the airport was groaning, annoyed that their flights had been canceled. Something big must have happened for all flights to be canceled, and Chaeyeon just knew that something wasn't right. Sakura was on her phone, searching for news about what could have possibly caused this - when she stumbled upon an article posted not less than ten seconds ago, she held onto Chaeyeon's hand, her fingers shaking - she showed Chaeyeon the article, and the latter gasped.

'Flesh-eating humans have been reported in multiple parts of the world, their numbers said to be multiplying by the minute...'

Chaeyeon gulped. She immediately sent messages to the other members and to her family - Sakura did the same, her whole body shaking.

"Will we be okay?" Sakura had asked, her voice barely above a whisper, the fear in her voice evident. Chaeyeon didn't have time to reply when their heads whipped to the direction of the immigration gates, the sound of people's screaming and their quick footsteps being the only things they could hear - before they knew it, they were running as fast as they can, away from everything that was happening.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chaeyeon's been awake for the whole night, keeping watch and looking out for possible threats. That was their routine - switch night duty every other day, live off of the supplies they had, go out to get more when needed - it almost seemed too easy for Chaeyeon, but she knows she should be thankful enough. Their location put them at an advantage - slightly higher place, no neighboring houses - it was the perfect place to stay at, far from the streets which were crawling with zombies. The days of running that they did after the outbreak began seemed worth it when they found this place, void of any inhabitants yet stacked with food and supplies. She wishes she were here with the others, too.

Chaeyeon sighs, admiring the skyline - the break of dawn never failed to leave her breathless, the sunrises she's seen from this very same place looking different every time. She sees the tall buildings, those that used to light up at night - they were all dull now, and the once bustling streets had become barren. It's almost fascinating how everything has changed so much - Chaeyeon wonders why it had to take a whole zombie apocalypse for her to be able to appreciate such scenery.

"Good morning," Chaeyeon hears her best friend's sleepy voice, walking out from the room and rubbing her eyes. Chaeyeon hums, patting the space beside her. 

"Morning. You woke up early today."

Sakura scoffs. "I barely slept."

Chaeyeon gives her an understanding look, not wanting to probe further. She knows that the girl has been having nightmares - they both have. As normal as things may seem right now, Chaeyeon knows that they're far from that - all she could do was live in the moment, waiting for the next thing to happen. She resumes looking at the view, propping her head on her hand.

"It's pretty," Sakura mutters, stifling a yawn.

Chaeyeon nods. "One of the reasons I like night duty."

"The stars are pretty, too." 

"Isn't it funny how we're just sightseeing when the world's practically over?"

Sakura shrugs, looking sad.

"If I were to die tomorrow, I'd be happy knowing that I died with the image of the sky fresh in my mind. Sometimes the things we see every day are the things we end up ignoring, and I'd hate to die without remembering how beautiful the stars are."

Chaeyeon stays mum, thinking about what Sakura said. She was right - with the fact that their lives could end at any moment from now, it was time to pay more attention to the little things - as much as she ignored those trivial things before this all started, she should appreciate them from now on, and recognize their significance.

(Maybe it was time to let go of all her secrets, too - but there's a lot more going on than her unrequited feelings for her best friend, and she'd hate to create a rift between them that could ultimately cause their deaths.)

"You're a bit too serious for someone who just woke up." Chaeyeon jokes, lightening the mood a little bit.

Sakura playfully punches her arm. 

"Shut up. Anyway, we have to go out today. We have about three days' worth of stuff left."

Chaeyeon sighs, nodding dejectedly. After a few seconds of silence, Sakura speaks again.

"Dibs on the knife!"

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sakura is looking through their remaining stuff when she hears faint noises come from outside. On instinct, she grabs the baseball bat, treading lightly - when she sees what's causing the noise, though, she lowers her bat to her side, stopping to watch.

Chaeyeon was dancing, her eyes closed and her movements feeling even lighter than Sakura remembers. There was no music - their phones lost battery, and electricity was cut off weeks ago - but Chaeyeon still looked so natural, so perfect - her clothes were oversized and awkward, having been found from when they first entered this house, and her face and arms had multiple bruises from all the running and fighting they've been doing - but time seemed to stop then and there, Chaeyeon seemingly creating her own music from her choreography. It was like she was in her own world, and Sakura almost felt like an intruder.

Time seemed to go both too fast and too slow for Sakura as she just watched in awe. When Chaeyeon is finished, she takes a deep breath, and a small smile was on her face. So this is how she's been relieving her stress, Sakura thinks.

"Oh. Hey there," Chaeyeon says, finally discovering Sakura.

Sakura says nothing, running to Chaeyeon and giving her a tight hug instead. Chaeyeon doesn't see it but Sakura is smiling - she wraps her arms around her, swaying slightly.

"Everything okay?" 

Sakura shakes her head, wiping her face when she pulls away. She sniffles before giving Chaeyeon a big smile. "You ready to go?"

Chaeyeon nods, a puzzled look on her face. Sakura just laughs weakly at her and they quickly get back to preparing; it wasn't weird for them to bring everything they had whenever they went out like this since they were sure that one way or another, they'd have to leave the place eventually. Chaeyeon says a little prayer, wishing for luck. They were going to need it.

_______________________________________________