Chapter 33

“Hello?”

“Hey, Sumi, how are you?” Sumi smiles at the sound of Namjoon’s voice.

“I’m good, how are you?”

“Yeah… struggling to work these days,” Namjoon chuckles.

“Oh, why?” Sumi frowns, getting up from her computer and heading to the kitchen.

She is currently working on the script Director Lee asked her to write. She wants to get it over and done with so she can start producing it with him, but she can’t rush it either. At least her writer’s block is gone.

She grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and heads to the lounge room.

“Yoongi is being a pain,” Namjoon sighs, “Are you busy?”

“No, not at all,” Sumi replies, starting to feel curious.

“Good, want to meet up for coffee?” He asks, sounding relieved.

“Sure, I can do that… where do you want to meet?”

“How about that little café we went to in high school?” He chuckles.

“Sounds good,” Sumi grins, “See you soon?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there,”

Namjoon hangs up. Sumi puts her phone away, slides on her shoes, grabs her bag, and heads out the door, leaving her water bottle on the coffee table.

Namjoon and Sumi were really close in high school. They became close after Sumi and Yoongi started dating, with Yoongi introducing them. They used to study together and bond over art. They never saw each other as anything else. He would comfort her and give her wise advice. She would inspire him to write creative, poetic music.

In record time, Sumi is walking into the little coffee shop they used to study together in. It’s a cute, quiet café covered in ocean and beach-themed décor.

Namjoon is sitting at the table they used to claim, two drinks in front of him. One is a bubblegum milkshake, and the other is a cookies and cream milkshake.

He remembered my order…

Sumi takes the seat across from him, taking a sip from the bubblegum milkshake.

“It’s been a while since we’ve done this, huh?” Namjoon smiles, taking a sip from his milkshake.

“It has,” Sumi grins, “I missed this place,”

“I missed this milkshake,” Namjoon groans with delight as he takes another sip. Sumi giggles, watching Namjoon carefully.

Sitting in such a nostalgic place, where the memories of their youth live, Sumi can’t help but realise how much Namjoon has changed. His hair is longer and coloured, giving him a youthful vibe. His jaw is stronger and more prominent, and his eyes are brighter and more mature. He no longer has that deep, raw passion he had in high school. Instead, he has this confidence and maturity. But she can still see the adorable kid who used to scold her for her handwriting, or for not doing her homework.

When did we grow up?

“So, why did you want to meet?” Sumi asks.

“What makes you think there’s a reason?” Namjoon asks quickly, already looking guilty. Sumi raises her eyebrows at him, smirking.

“You are a terrible liar,” Sumi admonishes, “Tell me, what’s up?”

Namjoon sighs, blushing a little.

“I told Jennie that this was a bad idea,” He looks up at Sumi, “The plan is all ruined,”

“Plan? What plan?”

“Ah, well… the plan was to hang out, catch up and then…” Namjoon clears his throat, muttering, “And then I was to subtly suggest you go on a date with Yoongi…”

Sumi scoffs.

“Really? Well, that was a terrible idea,”

“I know right!” Namjoon chuckles, relaxing a little, “I should just be honest,”

“Honest?” Sumi frowns, “No, it’s a terrible idea because we don’t like each other. That was ruined ages ago, over 3 years ago specifically,”

Namjoon frowns, leaning closer.

“You know, when Jennie told me you were in denial, I didn’t realise it was this intense,” Namjoon sighs, “Why do you think he doesn’t like you?”

“Because he left for America,” Sumi grumbles, “He left me! We were fighting all the time. Then, when he gets back, what do we do? Fight! I caused him so much trouble… why would he like me?”

Namjoon contemplates Sumi’s words, watching her carefully. He seems to be thinking of the right words to use.

“Do you remember when we all went to the beach together?” Namjoon asks cautiously.

“In high school?” Sumi frowns, “Yeah I remember that… why?”

“Do you remember when Jennie flirted with Yoongi because she was mad at you?” Namjoon chuckles.

“Yeah, I remember that,” Sumi responds, smiling at the memory.

We were so childish.

“Do you remember how I pulled her aside and questioned her?” Namjoon enquires further.

“Oh yeah!” Sumi laughs, “You were so jealous at that time!”

Namjoon stares at Sumi blankly, waiting for the pieces to come together. But they don’t. Sumi just stares at Namjoon in confusion.

What is he getting at?

“Do you remember how Yoongi was ignoring you?” Namjoon continues, gesturing vaguely as if trying to jolt her memory or push the pieces into place.

“Yeah,” Sumi scoffs, “It was childish,”

“Yeah… he was so angry at you… why was that again?”

“Because I hugged Jungkook or something?” Sumi frowns. Namjoon continues gesturing towards her, hinting more and more.

“What? Are you saying he was actually jealous or something?” Sumi laughs, “When I suggested that, I was kidding!”

“So? It was true!” Namjoon says, looking exhausted, “Listen, I know Yoongi really well. He has feelings for you, big feelings for you. Hell, I think he loves you,”

Sumi blushes.

“But… he doesn’t… do you think so?” Sumi frowns.

“Yes! He really does, and you have big feelings for him too, don’t you?” Namjoon looks excited, finally getting through to her. Sumi’s heart starts racing. Does she truly like him again? Or is this just nostalgia?

“It doesn’t matter,” Sumi concludes, looking down at her milkshake, “Who cares if I like him and he likes me, don’t you realise the most important part in all of this?” Sumi looks up, tears in her eyes.

Namjoon stares at her, completely bewildered.

“What is the important part?” Namjoon says slowly, “You both like each other so you should be together, right?”

“No,” Sumi snaps, “We are bad for each other. I remember thinking, hoping that when he gets back we would be better people, more mature than before. But we’re not. I’m not. I still get jealous, I still struggle with intimacy because I am awkward, I still struggle with affection… I’m not ready… my relationship with Jungkook was proof enough!”

Namjoon sighs, finally realising why Sumi denies her feeling so much.

“Okay, I see… and what’s stopping you from learning and working on these things with Yoongi?”

“Everything… I don’t want to hurt him… I don’t want him to get sick of me and leave…”

Namjoon closes his eyes, sighing deeply. He appears to be getting frustrated with her.

“Yoongi isn’t a perfect person either, you know?” Namjoon supplies, “He gets jealous too, he is insecure and doubts his actions… he worries he’ll never be good enough for you…”

“See? We have things to work on,” Sumi replies as-a-matter-of-factly.

“So, what you’re telling me is, you strive for perfection and you want your partner to be a completely perfect human being, is that it?” Namjoon snaps.

“What? No!” Sumi frowns.

“What’s next, huh? Plastic surgery? You plan on meeting the expectations of perfect in everyone’s eyes?” Namjoon scoffs, “Because I hate to be blunt but… you’ll never be perfect, Sumi. You’ll never be the perfect girlfriend or a saint of a being. Because you’re human. Humans aren’t perfect, and they never will be,”

Sumi looks away, letting her brain take in his words.

Does she truly hold herself to such a ridiculously high standard? Does she hold him to that same standard?

I don’t know… I need to think…

“Listen, Sumi… just think about what I’ve said, okay?” Namjoon reaches forward, taking Sumi’s shaking hand into his. Sumi looks up at him, her head hurting from holding back the tears, “You like him, he likes you… grow together, hey?”

Sumi smiles, a tear escaping her eyes.

“I’ll think about it, Namjoon,”

“Where are we going?” Yoongi grumbles, letting Hoseok lead him down the busy street full of restaurants, clothing, and beauty stores. It is quite late at night, so there are many people out and about, enjoying the Seoul night activities as it comes to life. 

“We are going to go drink at this little bar I found,” Hoseok says truthfully.

“Why?” Yoongi grumbles, looking around hesitantly.

“Because we can,” Hoseok looks at Yoongi and grins.

Eventually, they reach a small bar, hidden behind a huge restaurant. It has a comforting wooden aesthetic with raw timber on most of the surfaces. Hoseok leads him to a small table.

“Excuse me! 2 whiskeys please!”

“Yeah!”

“So,” Hoseok leans forward as Yoongi slides onto the bar stool, “How was your day?”

“Fine, I guess…” Yoongi looks around the room, admiring the aesthetic, “This is a nice place…”

“My officer buddies come here all the time,” Hoseok explains, “It’s a great place for deep, meaningful conversations with your best friend about your feelings…” Hoseok wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Yoongi sighs.

“Jennie set you up for this, didn’t she?”

“Well… not quite…” Hoseok grins, “Namjoon thought Jennie should take you out bowling or something, but she is just too frustrated at you two,”

“I see,” Yoongi smirks, “I guess you’re here to try and explain to me that I have feelings for Sumi, and I need to own up to them or something?”

“Oh… wow… that was easy,” Hoseok laughs. Hoseok thanks the server as their drinks arrive. They both take a sip out of their glasses, smacking their lips appreciatively.

“So, when are you going to ask her out?” Hoseok asks bluntly.

“Not any time soon,” Yoongi sighs, “She may have some feelings for me… but she really did like that jerk… it’s going to take her time to get over him. I don’t want to try anything too soon and ruin the relationship, you know?”

“Fair,” Hoseok nods, “What makes you think she still has feelings for him?”

“Well, she hugged him, let him kiss her… and she still keeps in contact with him,”

“So do I… it’s what good friends do,” Hoseok raises his eyebrows, still smirking.

“Yeah, well… you didn’t sleep with Jungkook, Hobi,” Yoongi snaps, “She’s different. I know she still likes him…”

“Listen… he hurt her quite badly. I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt and talk to her…”

“If I talk to her too soon, I’ll scare her off… if I leave it too long she’ll move on to someone else… I can’t win, can I?”

“Yoongi…” Hoseok takes a sip of his whiskey, “You only live once, my friend. You need to take a chance…”

“A chance?” Yoongi scoffs, glaring at Hoseok, “Why did they get the to talk to me about love?”

Hoseok stares at Yoongi for a moment before looking away. Yoongi bites his lip as he realises what he just said to his friend.

Did I have to say something so cruel?

“I… Hobi, I didn’t mean…”

“Don’t bother,” Hoseok sighs, taking another sip, “I was expecting you to redirect the conversation like that…”

“No, I shouldn’t have said anything like that…”

“You know,” Hoseok chuckles, finally looking up at Yoongi with sad eyes, “I’m not a , you know… I had a girlfriend in high school,”

Yoongi furrows his brow, trying to think back to high school. Yoongi never saw him with a girl, nor did Hoseok ever say that he was dating someone.

“When?”

“I had a childhood friend… she was the daughter of my mother’s friend. We grew up together,”

Yoongi stays silent as he watches Hoseok warily. He has never heard this story before.

“She was beautiful. An amazing dancer. I fell for her in elementary school… then she died 6 months after we finished high school,” Hoseok takes a deep, shaky breath, taking another sip of the whiskey.

“Oh… I’m sorry…”

“I confessed to her 3 days before she died… she felt the same… I had 3 days with her…”

“Hoseok…” Yoongi takes a sip, “Why didn’t you tell us about this?”

“You never really asked…” Hoseok smiles, “It’s okay… it’s been 3 years now… but I should’ve confessed sooner, or maybe I should have kept it to myself? Who knows,” He shrugs, “But what I do know is… it doesn’t matter. Whether I had 3 days or 3 years with her… I don’t regret anything…”

Yoongi nods, watching as a silent tear slides down Hoseok’s face. He wipes it away quickly, taking another sip.

“Don’t worry about what you should or shouldn’t do, or regret… just try… live your life, Yoongi,”

Yoongi and Hoseok sit in silence for a long time. Yoongi takes Hoseok’s story to heart, thinking over all his regrets and concerns. What’s the point? Yoongi wonders, Why worry about what hasn’t happened? Why waste my only life like this?

I need to see Sumi.