I would love to tell you I went home with Jinki after that, and everything was ok, but that's not what happened. I sat with him in the police station, curled up in his arms as I tried desperately to stay awake. They needed me to answer questions, and I was still afraid. What if this was another dream? I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle waking up to nothing. The officer I was speaking to stared at me for a long time before I realized I was supposed to be telling him something.

 

"What?" I asked. He sighed.

 

"How about you eat something?" He suggested. He got up and went into the next room, coming back with a sandwhich. "Here you go."

 

I took it from him and stared at it for a moment before biting into it slowly. When I had stayed with Jinki he made me eat apple sauce and jello and pudding for the first two days, then heavy soups, and then sandwiches and other "real" foods. Within a few minutes, I understood Jinki's approach. I vomited all over the floor, then hid my face in Jinki's jacket. I was filthy and disgusting, and now I was wasting food. I tried, over and over to remind myself that I wasn't going to get in trouble, that these people were not my parents, but when someone touched me, I screamed anyway. Jinki pulled the jacket away from my eyes so he could see me, and I pulled back from him refelxively. The worst part was knowing he would never hurt me, but I couldn't prevent the fear that shot through my body, and my reaction probably made him feel terrible.

 

 I hated my parents for the first time, then, for making me so afraid. I shouldn't have been, and some part of me knew that. If the way my parents treated me was normal, I wouldn't act so strange. They had done something wrong. I had flashes of the many things they had  done to me, my thoughts lingering on one really bad night just a few days before. My father pulled me out of the icy shower and threw me into the back yard with no cloths. I was out there most of the night, only let in just before the sky lightened up. I forced myself to see what was in front of me instead of my memories. I made myself see Jinki, who had been quietly waiting through my entire episode. He stared at me with puppy eyes, and I pushed my face into his chest, taking in his scent, and felt his arms go around me. I took a deep breath and relaxed, thinking of his small apartment, and the bed that was just big enough for the two of us.

 

"Taemin?" He said softly. I wanted to answer him, I really did, but I couldn't get the right signals sent from my brain to my body. "Taemin, you have a fever. Are you alright?"

 

I felt him moving me, but I couldn't do anything about it. I wanted to hold on to him, to his heat, and go home with him. If he would just let me relax this time, I would do everything he asked of me. I would answer the questions, and I would tell him what happened, and I would...well...I would have to think of something nice to do for him, because he really didn't ask that much of me. I fought to open my eyes, to tell him that, but when my body finally agreed, I was staring at white all around me. I blinked tiredly a few times and forced my head to turn so I could look around, only stopping when I saw Jinki's jacket on the chair beside the bed. But where was he? I sat up, and something started beeping, and I looked around me at all the monitors. I saw tubes everywhere, and it took me a moment to realize they were going into me. I started panicing, and the machines around me bagan to beep even faster, and I screamed and looked around me, trying to understand what was going on.

 

A door opened, and men and women came rushing in, pushing me back onto the bed, and I struggled against them, tears forming in my eyes and finding their way out and onto my face. I was so scared. What had I done wrong? Was it because I screamed? I stopped struggling, and apologized, over and over, but they continued to hold me where I was while I cried. I couldn't make sense of it. What was I in trouble for now? And where was I? Where was Jinki? And what were all of these things beeping around me? I shoved at them again, but I had almost no strength.

 

"Jinki!" I called for him instinctively, though he was nowhere to be seen. I felt like I was choking on my own saliva and tears, and I sobbed. "Jinki! Jinki!"

 

"Get off of him!" The hands all released me before I could even think of who the voice belonged to, though I was sure I'd never heard it. I brought my hands up to my face instintively and wiped at my tears, rolling a bit to the left and coughing as I gulped down air. "Taemin?"

 

I looked up and saw Jinki, and realized he was the one who had yelled. I'd never heard him raise his voice. He held up his hand so I could see it, and I grabbed ahold of it, clinging to him. I rubbed at my eyes with my other hand while he held me, sliding onto the bed beside me. He looked around at the other people in the room, and I turned my head to look along with him. The people around the bed were doctors, or nurses, maybe both. I buried my face in his side, trying to calm down, trying to stop my own humiliating hysterics, but all I could think of was all those hands crushing me into the bed. I let out a sob and Jinki looked down at me for a moment, before collecting me closer to him. I focused on his heartbeat, and then his breathing, trying to get mine to match his so I wouldn't be in trouble again. I could feel my sobs slowing down, and Jinki moved slightly.

 

"It says on the door not to stress him out. It says to come get me or Jessica before anyone comes in here. Did you all forget how to read?" I'd never heard Jinki speak so harshly, and I stared up at him with damp eyes, but he wasn't looking at me. He ran his fingers through my hair as best as he could, but they kept getting stuck. I reached up to move my hair out of my face and saw black, dried blood on my fingers.

 

"Wh-what happened?" I asked. He looked back down at me when it became clear no one else was going to explain.

 

"You were very sick, Taemin." He said, looking at me with sadness in his eyes. "We really...we weren't sure if you were gonna get better."

 

"How long was I.." I started to ask, but I couldn't finish the question, seeing how hurt he was.

 

"It's been a week." He admitted. I shrank a bit into the bed, guilt welling up inside me. "You had a feeding tube until about an hour ago. And you have a catheder."

 

"What's that?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know. He glanched down the bed, toward my lower half.

 

"It's so you could still pee." He told me. I blushed and tried to hide my face, but he shook his head, his eyes pleading. I relented, chosing to rest my head against him instead. He pointed to a tube in the back of my hand. "This is an IV so you could stay hydrated." He pointed to my other hand. "And this was so they could take blood."

 

"Take blood? For what? I need it." I said, starting to panic. He sighed softly, shaking his head a bit.

 

"Tests. To see if you were getting better." He told me. I swallowed, nodding slowly.

 

"I'm sorry I scared you." I told him. "I was just really tired."

 

"It's alright. Do you feel better now?" He asked. I nodded. I hadn't felt this good in a long time.

 

"Can I go home?" I asked. Jinki looked at me with confusion on his face.

 

"You..want to go home?" Jinki asked. I nodded, moving to sit up. He helped me, but held onto my hands.

 

"I miss it there. Is it ok?" I asked. He looked upset, and I felt my heart sink. The room had gone silent around us, and I felt uncomfortable. "You...don't want me to?"

 

"Taemin..why would you go back? They hurt you." Jinki said, a desperation in his voice I had never heard before. "Did you see how you looked when you got here? We took pictures. I'll show you."

 

"Jinki.." I paused, realizing what he was saying. "Where my parents live..that's not home. I meant..with you."

 

"Oh, my god." Jinki breathed out. I looked at my lap, and he kissed the top of my head. "We're working on that, 'Minnie. Will you be able to tell everyone what happened? What they did?"

 

Again I thought back on the things they had done. Hot sauce in my underwear. The times my mother held me down to scrub me with a sponge. The way my father would taunt me about my height, first because I was so small growing up, then because I suddenly grew so tall. All the times they told me I was stupid. I was ugly. I didn't deserve to be alive. I could feel myself shaking as I recalled how my father would lock me in the closet just outside the bathroom, then leave the water going until the inevitable happened, just so he could beat me for making a mess, then sometimes leave me in the soiled cloths for days. No outfit changes without permission. I thought about them telling my teachers that I was just stupid. Thought about them telling the nurse how clumsy I was. Thought about how they said they would kill me if I ever told, and I knew they were going to do it. I knew they would, and I felt the tears coming again as the fear took over every part of me.

 

"No!" I shouted. Then I flinched, coming back to reality, and pulling away from Jinki. "Sorry. Sorry."

 

"Taemin, I asked if you could. I didn't say you had to. We can figure something else out." He assured me, trying to calm my nerves.

 

"Why can't I just go with you?" I asked, knowing how pathetic I sounded. I didn't want people to stare at me anymore. I just wanted to watch tv and drink cocoa. I wanted to sleep in his arms. I wanted to kiss him and feel those amazing feelings I only felt with him. He sighed.

 

"Your parents would have to sign away their parental rights, and give them to me for that to happen. Or we would have to take them to court." He explained. I felt my heart sinking.

 

"Those aren't...the only options." Jessica's voice floated in from the doorway.

 

"What do you mean?" Jinki asked. I sat silently, nerviously, waiting for her to elaborate. She looked at me, then Jinki.

 

"Well. Have you ever thought about getting married?"

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I've been up almost 24 hours and I was slightly intoxicated when I wrote this. It took me two hours to edit, and the next chapter is already written as well. That should be up later on today. Please don't hate it D: