Note: Since I’m currently going to college in the Philippines and Forever Alone Day—ahem—I mean, Valentine’s Day is coming up, I’ve decided to make a bunch of one-shots until February 15. Yes, 15. Just because I feel like it. Anyway, this for this first one-shot, I’ve decided to incorporate some Filipino stuff in it. Particularly, the creature called “aswang” or “tik-tik” which is basically a woman with huge bat wings with half of her body missing. It’s said to victimize pregnant women. Yep. So let’s how this one’s gonna turn out, shall we? Here it goes…Enjoy!

Brief Foreword:

Plot:

Korean artists from different talent agencies have a concert tour throughout Asia. Currently, they are stopped at the Philippines. While staying there, they decide to explore a bit with the help of a tour guide and stumble upon a strange creature.

Characters:

JYJ members—

·         Kim Jaejoong

o   Some weird guy…

·         Kim Junsu

o   Likes to make fun of a bunch of stuff and speak in wrong grammar, just to annoy Yoochun

o   Easily bored…’nuff said

·         Park Yoochun

o   Le grammar nazi…'nuff said

Kwon Boa

·         Yoochun’s girlfriend

·         Is in that time of month…enough said

Zhang Liyin

·         Junsu’s girlfriend who acts almost exactly like Junsu, making them “the perfect couple,” according to Yoochun

---

    

     The members of JYJ, Kim Junsu, Kim Jaejoong, and Park Yoochun sat at different spots in their hotel room with nothing to do. They had just finished rehearsals for their upcoming performance, and were admittedly tired, but extremely bored. All they wanted was a vacation—without work. They wanted a break from the fans, the paparazzi, and the interviewers who practically cannot get enough of them. Instead, they got the complete opposite: a working vacation. Apparently, the talent agency heads and their managers thought it was a great idea. “A superb idea!” they said it was. Do they actually know how it’s like to work day and night with barely any rest?

     Jerks…

     Currently, they were in the Philippines. At which part, they knew not, but it was some rural area. There certainly weren’t that much people, for sure. At least in this country no one knew them that much, which made them wonder why the agency chose this venue for their concert in the first place (but hey, the bosses sent them here, so what the hell— logic!). If there was anything they could get out of this, it would be the fact that there won’t be as many fans crowding them as there had been in the other countries they’d visited. That’s a relief.

     “Yah, I wanna go somewhere,” said Junsu, the groups youngest member as he was trying to solve a rubix cube.

     “Where would we go? We can’t even speak the natives’ language here. How are we gonna get by?” replied Jaejoong, who was sitting across him.

     Junsu was about to answer when Yoochun suddenly interrupted angrily, “hey!”

     “What?”

     “You should never end a sentence with a preposition! The proper way to say that sentence is—”

     “Shut up, Yoochun,” the eldest one said nonchalantly, earning a glare from his band-mate.

     “But I doesn’t like staying heres! I wants to leave…me bored,” reiterated Junsu.

     “Not until you correctly say your request and cease making intentional subject-verb agreement errors! You know perfectly well you aren’t supposed to place an s on a verb following a singular subject. It is most improper! This is why so many native English speakers are making fun of us.” Yoochun indignantly said.

     “Says the man who said ‘theory of o’ in a rap, which is—if I may add—completely unrelated to the song in which you input such a phrase,” Jaejoong argued.

     “Oh, you, Jaejoong!”

     “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Yoochun? Why don’t you call Boa and we can go ahead and have a ?” he paused to look at Junsu, who already had a confused look on his face, “you and Liyin can join too, if you like. s are always fun when there are more people to do it with.”

     “Okay, first of all,” began Junsu, “that’s disgusting, and second of all Liyin and I would never—”

     “Jaejoong! What did I just tell Junsu? You cannot end a sentence with a preposition—ever! I can’t believe you of all people will make that mistake. I can understand Junsu, but—”

     “What do you mean ever? For your information, Mr. Merriam-Webster, you are allowed to end a sentence with a prepositional word under the circumstance that it functions as an adverb, such as an adverb of location. Take that, you grammar nazi!”

     “Ah, you are correct, my friend. However, may I remind you that your sentence, ‘s are always fun when there are more people to do it with’, the word ‘with’ does not function as an adverb but an unnecessary preposition. In short, you are guilty of committing a grammatical error,” corrected Yoochun.

     “Ooh, I’m so scared!” said Jaejoong in mock-panic. “So tell me Yoochun, have you found out the theory behind yet?”

     “Hyung!” Junsu shouted, ceasing the older members’ banter, “can we just leave already?”

     “Fine, go and call Boa and Liyin. I think Boa can get us a tour guide,” Yoochun said.

     About ten minutes later, Boa and Liyin arrived and the five of them all went downstairs to the parking lot in Yoochun’s car. They drove to some park where they got some fat tour guide lady who was kinda creepy since she was giving Jaejoong and Yoochun “the look” (if you know what I mean…). Other than that, she showed them awesome sites and they even rode mules to a volcano crater. And it was kind of a bummer for Liyin and Junsu because they really wanted to go skinny dipping in that crater because the water looked so nice. Unfortunately, the tour guide said it had some sulfur content, so skinny dipping would not be a good idea at all unless they wanted their skin, flesh, and burned to ashes. In about five hours into the tour, they stopped at some hut near some beach and ordered food. While they were at the hut, the fat tour guide lady saw a black cat and freaked out.

     “What’s wrong with you?” Boa asked, looking strangely at the tour guide lady.

     “A black cat!” replied the latter.

     “Okay…”

     “Rumor has it that there are a lot of strange creatures here. One of them is a female bat-like creature called aswang!”

     “What does that have to do with a black cat?” asked Yoochun.

     “I know right? If it’s a bat-like creature shouldn’t it have something to do with bats and not a cat? Because technically, a bat is a rodent and is therefore a cousin of the mouse and the rat. And you know what? I don’t really see the difference between mice and rats because they look exactly the same, except for the size. Mice are much smaller and rats are big and ugly which reminds me—”

      “Hey Liyin!” Boa rudely interrupted.

     “Excuse me, Boa but I was talking! It’s not very polite to interrupt someone while—”

     “I don’t give a damn about politeness, so shut the eff up before I sock you in face!”

     “You know, you can’t really technically punch someone in the face,” Yoochun said. “Your hand would have to physically penetrate her skin and—”

     “You too!”

     Jaejoong and Junsu laughed as just watched the three argue about whatever they were arguing about.  The tour guide, on the other hand, just stared at the cat which was still somewhere in the distance.

     “Hey Boa,” said Junsu, still smiling. “Is it that time of month? Because you don’t usually explode so easily, especially on Yoochun’s pedanticness.”

     Boa glared and was about to retort when Yoochun spoke.

     “Junsu, here you are again with your wrong English. ‘Pedanticness’ is not a word. Simply adding the suffix –ness to some random word doesn’t automatically make it a noun. The proper word to use is ‘pedantry’,” he said.

     “Well guess what, hyung? I don’t care! Nobody does, as a matter of fact. Now why don’t you do us all a favor and shut up?” Junsu answered.

     “Why don’t we just let the ol’ woman talk here? Now what was it about that creature again?” asked Jaejoong.

     “It’s called an aswang. It also goes by other names, actually, like manananggal and tik-tik. They can transform into any kind of animal, like cats, dogs, pigs, bats, and much more. They like eating pregnant women’s fetuses and also eat unsuspecting travelers at night! They look like normal human women during daylight, but when nighttime comes, their upper bodies separate from their lower bodies and they grow bat-like wings to hunt for food,” explained the tour guide, a terrified expression etched on her visage.

    “And these creatures are only female?” asked Boa.

     “Yes.”

     “That’s so ist! So they think females here are bloodsucking monsters or something?”

     “And it is believed that a woman can transform into an aswang if she comes in contact with its saliva or sweat,” added the tour guide.

     “That’s disgusting.”

     “Ooh, ooh, ooh! So they’re like vampires, except they’re just women?” asked Liyin excitedly.

     “That’s right,” replied the tour guide.

     “So do they like, sparkle too when they die? Because in Twilight the vampires sparkle when they die,” asked Junsu.

     “And when I get attacked by this woman, do I turn into a woman too? Because that would really . I like being a man,” said Jaejoong.

     “Twilight’s gay, man. How can you even mention that?” said Yoochun.

     “Hey! Twilight’s awesome and Stephenie Meyer is a genius!” Boa said indignantly, hitting Yoochun’s head.

     “Then clearly, you haven’t read real literature. If you want a real vampire story—” before he could even finish, Boa punched his face.

     “Don’t ever insult Twilight! Edward’s hot and Bella’s my role model.”

     “How can you say Twilight’s gay, man? How much more offensive can you be?” Jaejoong added, on the verge of tears. “I’m gay!”

     “Oh, you are? You don’t say?” Boa asked in mock surprise.

     “Yeah, dude. It’s kind of obvious, especially with the way you act around Yunho. Come to think of it, I think our group splitting up was for the best since I was so sick of seeing you whine about Yunho all the time since he doesn’t swing that way, if you know what I mean,” added Yoochun.

     “He’s right; you coming out of the closet was pretty expected,” Junsu added as well.

     With that, Jaejoong got up and ran away as he cried like a little girl. “How can you be so unsupportive of me? You guys are so insensitive!”

     Suddenly, the cat that the tour guide was staring at turned into an ugly old lady and spit on Liyin. Before she knew it, her body split in two and she grew wings. The fat tour guide lady fainted at the sight.

     “Hey, check it out, Junsu! I can fly!” exclaimed Liyin.

     “Awesome!” he cried. “Hey, check it out, you guys, my girlfriend’s a hot flying monster!” he said to Boa and Yoochun while pointing at Liyin.

     “Hey Junsu, I’m hungry. Let’s go fly somewhere there’s a pregnant woman. Oh, and would you mind bringing the lower half of my body while I carry you?” requested Liyin.

     “Can we have on the hotel rooftop afterwards?” asked Junsu, practically drooling with excitement. The only thing missing now was a , which was slowly protruding out of his pants.

     “Sure, why not?”

     And with that, the two flew up in the sky along with Liyin’s upper body, leaving Boa and Yoochun alone.

     “What the just happened?” Boa asked, looking up at the sky.

     “I don’t know, but aren’t they just perfect for each other?” replied Yoochun.

     “Agreed.”

     After a few minutes of silence as they looked up at the sky, still puzzled about what had just unfolded before them, Yoochun asked, “hey Boa, wanna make out?”

     “Sure, why not?”

     They made out, and they all lived happily ever after!

     …except for Jaejoong because he’s never allowed to go near Yunho because of a restraining order. Apparently he’d been stalking him even after the band split in two. Poor thing.

THE END

Hope You Enjoyed!