Choked sobs and soft whimpers are the only sounds that Jiso has been hearing from Yves’s bedroom. She can’t ask Yves because the girl wouldn’t let her in neither will she come out of her room. It’s been two days since she came home from her little trip with Hana; she’s been crying ever since. The moods when she was leaving and when she returned was a stark contrast. 

Did they have a fight? 

How bad was it? 

----

Yves has been hiding in her bedroom since the day Hana found out her involvement in the accident years back. Her tears never seem to dry, her mind replaying the scenes from the car over and over again, not allowing her eyes nor her body any leeway to rest or her tears to cease its production. Cry, sleep, wake; those were the same repeated patterns of actions that she has been following. 

It was hard to do anything else. Even in her demolished state, she misses her girlfriend, now, ex-girlfriend. She closes her eyes, dark with eyebags and red from the overproduction of tears, allowing her mind to relive the past. 

~Flashback~

“One, two, three. Cheers!!” 

A loud cheer follows along with the clink of glasses. A group of five, two males and three females sits around a VIP table drinking past their limits, dressed to the nines, their young ages almost non-existent under the heavy cakes of makeup and luxury brands. Slamming the glass back onto the table with satisfied grins, one of the males, Shinwon as his friends would call, swipes the bottle of Johnnie Walker of the table with a drunken Cheshire grin and refills their glasses. 

He then picks up the shot glass, not letting go of the 200 dollar bottle of whiskey, stumbling a little as he rises from his seat. He holds the shot glass out towards a beautiful long haired brunette girl. 

“This glass is to Ha Sooyoung! For finally getting that stick out from her and enjoying life!!” 

Yves raises the shot glass to her lips without much regard to Shinwon’s drunken speech, downing it, enjoying the feel of the burn coursing down before it disappeared like the life she knew overnight. The alcohol helps to level the bitterness that she was experiencing from the latest breaking news about her family. 

Who was she kidding? 

None of the alcohol she's drank so far covers even an ounce of the anger and bitterness that was bubbling inside her. Not when she just found out that her parents were divorcing; her father cheated on her mother and had been for a while. The worst part of all, she had to find out from the gossiping maids and not from her family! 

Some family they proved to be!

She scoffs, grabbing one of the many bottles of alcohol from the table, pouring herself another drink and one-shotting it. Her rigorous drinking earns her cheers and whoops from the ‘friends’ around her. After a couple more rounds, Shinwon rounds up the four, producing a set of car keys from his jacket pocket. He dangles it in front of the group with a mischievous smile and a dark glint in his eyes. 

Yves did not want in on whatever illegal activity he was thinking about; she has had enough of rebelling for the night but the other girls, Hyemi and Jiwon cling to her arms like deadweight, dragging her out against her will. 

What could possibly go wrong right? 

Well, Yves now knows. 

Everything. 

The second she allows herself to dabble in uncharted waters, that was the beginning of her downfall. She should have done better to resist her ‘friends’ ridiculous ideas of getting wasted. She should have put a stop to Shinwon's 'brightest' idea of driving his birthday present, a black range rover while intoxicated. 

That was what she should have done but instead, she ignores the nagging at the back of her head. She goes mute, keeping shut the whole time when Hyemi and Jiwon shoves her into the back seat of the range rover. They hit the roads with Shinwon in the driver seat, swerving left and right due to his intoxication, laughing like a mad man. 

It is all fun and giggles until they hear a loud bang. Shinwon steps on the brakes. Hard. His actions causes everyone in the car to jerk forward with yells of profanities. 

“What the , Shinwon!” Hyemi complaines. 

Shinwon groggily recovers from the impact of his head against the steering wheel, putting the car into P as he unbuckles himself from the seat. He hops out of the car with the rest following him out of sheer curiosity - Yves included. What she sees, she could never forget, the nightmares that she would suffer after that night would haunt her for life. A girl, their age as she assumes is lying motionless on the floor with blood pouring from her head. 

She gasps, unable to react logically as she finds the others as shaken as she is. Shinwon especially; he is the cause of the accident after all. 

“Is...Is she dead?” Jiwon asks through a whisper. 

Before anyone could respond, they hear a low groan coming from the girl. They immediately freak, running back to the car. Hyemi and Jiwon grabs Yves but Yves struggles against their hold. 

“We need to help her!” 

“Come on, Sooyoung! We’ll die if we get caught! Hurry up!” Yves hears Shinwon yell. 

“We are close to town, Sooyoung. I’m sure someone will. We need to leave now!” Hyemi urges, dragging Yves back into the car and shoving her inside roughly. 

She knows running away is terrible but, she's terrified as well. Shinwon drives back to the club, turning off the ignition - the car is silent from fear. 

“Nobody is to speak about this. No one. It was a stupid mistake. Is that clear?” Shinwon questions with faux courage behind his shaky voice. 

Everyone is frightened to the extent of sobering up as each of their drivers picks them up from the club after promising not to speak of the incident. The second Yves arrives back home, she ignores the house staff and rushes up to her room, locking the doors. She walks into the bathroom and finds her eyes drawn to the massive backlit mirror. When she peers into the mirror, she realizes she looks no less of a hot mess - her makeup is smeared, her hair looking greasier with knots and if that wasn’t enough trouble, she feels her hands shaking uncontrollably. 

How was it possible she didn't realize the tremors?

She twists open the tap with trembling hands, hearing water gush out as she slides her hands under the cold running water and absentmindedly rubs her hands together. When the memory of the incident returns to her mind, she feels her stomach churn uncomfortably, a wave of nausea floods her senses; she could feel something rising from the back of and before she could do anything, she finds herself hurling into the toilet bowl. 

When the nauseating feeling passes, Yves slumps against the wall beside the toilet weakly. She reaches her hand up to pull the flushing lever, hearing the toilet system working to flush whatever left her stomach. She uses one hand to grab the sink top and the other on the wall as she pulls herself up, using the hand on the wall to steady herself. 

She cups her hands together, sliding her hands back under the running tap to collect some water and brings it to her lips. She cleans  of the residue before shutting the tap. She stumbles back into her room and falls back onto her massive bed, curling into her satin sheets. 

Yves lays awake in bed, unable to close her eyes without remembering the accident. She wonders about the girl: 

Was she alive? 

Did anyone reach out to help her? 

The guilt of not helping the girl claw through its confines, stemming from the depths of Yves’s conscience, returning the nauseating feeling to her stomach which causes her to shift uncomfortably in bed. She pulls the plump pillow to her face, burying her face into it unaware of the new presence of a second figure in her room. 

The second figure rips open the curtains letting the rays of the morning stream in through the clear glass pocket doors, views of the back gardens displaying fully from Yves’s bedroom. 

“It’s time for you to get out of bed, Ha Sooyoung!” 

Yves stirs, throwing the pillow to the side when she hears her mother’s voice. The older woman stares down at Yves with a stern yet worn out glare. It is clear the older woman has not gotten enough sleep as well but at least, she maintains an air of elegance around her. Yves couldn’t find it in her to look her mother in the eyes as she keeps her head down. 

“I’ve been gone for three days, Sooyoung. Three! Then, I come back to reports of you escaping the estate grounds, coming home drunk then locking yourself in your room,” her mother chides angrily. “Look at yourself! You’re a mess! Had I not returned, would you have stayed in here until you rot!?” 

Yves’s tears roll down her cheeks, dripping onto her sheets. 

“I’m sorry,” Yves whispers weakly. 

The elder Ha looks upon her daughter sadly, taking a seat on the side of the bed. She opens her arms, bringing Yves into her embrace and hugs her tightly. Yves clings to her mother like a newborn child, sobbing silently as her mother whispers comforting words into her ears. 

“I am sorry too, Sooyoung. I should have been honest with you about your father and I but, I thought you would have been so heartbroken to find out. You adored your father and I couldn’t bring myself to break your relationship with him.” 

Yves goes silent after a while, pulling away from her mother as she asks, “Is the divorce done then?” 

Her mother nods. 

“Your father didn’t want to drag out the process and I didn’t want the messy fight so we signed the divorce settlement with the lawyers present. Your grandfather was also there and he was so angry after the news of your father's infidelity and the divorce that he cut your father off and stripped away his rights to the company. But Sooyoung,” her mother reaches out to hold Yves’s hands, “I understand if you’d still like to meet him. He is after all still your father despite being a pathetic excuse of a man.” 

Yves shakes her head. “He doesn’t care about me. If he did, he wouldn’t have torn apart our family like this. He wouldn’t have cheated. If he had even an ounce of care for me, he would have sent me a letter or a text or even a call but nothing. I’ve got nothing! So, no, he isn’t my father anymore; my father is dead.” 

“Oh, Sooyoung,” her mother breathes, drawing her daughter closer once again. 

Being with her mother brings Yves comfort and she almost forgets about her own problems but she knows she has to tell her mother. So, she does. 

“Mom,” Yves calls. “I think Shinwon might have killed a girl.” 

Her mother breaks the hug instantly with shock written all over her face. Under her mother’s gaze, Yves shrinks back in fear. 

“What do you mean by that, Sooyoung? Explain.” 

She tells her mother all about that night. From the drinking at the club to being shoved into Shinwon’s car by Hyemi and Jiwon to Shinwon hitting a girl and running away. She also tells her mother how she tried to get them to help but they pulled her away and told her to shut about it. Her mother looks serious as she places one hand on Yves’s shoulder and uses the other to force Yves to tilt her head up so they are face to face. 

“Don’t worry about this, okay? I’ll settle this, Sooyoung. Don’t be afraid. It’s not your fault, you weren’t behind the wheel, you tried to get them to help but the next time if you're in trouble, you call me. Don’t ever do this again, you hear me?” 

Yves nods meekly. 

“Good. Head into the showers and change into something decent. Meet me downstairs for lunch.” 

With those words, her mother is out the door leaving Yves alone. She wonders what her mother is going to do. Settling something like this isn't a walk in a park so how exactly is her mother going to handle it? 

She sighs deeply, feeling more afraid as she leaves the comfort of her bed and heads into the showers. The warmth of the water soothes her worries temporarily as she scrubs every inch of her body of dirt and smell until she is satisfied. She climbs out of the showers and walks into her walk-in wardrobe, pulling out a pair of grey sweats and a plain white crop. 

She then heads downstairs into the dining room, hearing her mother’s voice, catching something between ‘fix it’, ‘cooperate’, ‘lighter punishment’. The call ends when Yves steps inside, receiving a few smiles from the staff who appears to be relieved to see that she is still alive while her mother nods in regards. 

“Come and have a seat. Lunch will be served soon. I’m sure you’re hungry after starving yourself for three days.” 

Yves occupies the seat beside her mother as the staff brings in various dishes, placing them in front of the mother-daughter pair. Honestly, she isn't up to eat but under her mother’s watchful gaze, she eats nonetheless. Halfway through her food, she couldn’t help her curiosity and decides to ask. 

“Mom. What did you mean when you said you would settle it? How are you planning to do that?” 

Her mother places her utensils back onto the table, looking at Yves with a steely gaze. 

“The head of the prosecution and the police commissioner are good family friends. I called to ask about the case and maybe pull a few strings but whoever this girl was, she has powerful backing, one that overpowers even ours but I managed to get them to agree to my conditions and in exchange, you get a lighter punishment.” 

“What condition?” 

“You will testify against them. Anonymously, of course. Nobody would know that you had a hand in this and I will make sure of that. You can do that, can you?” 

Yves gulps in fear, but nods understandingly. 

“Good. You don’t have to go personally, they will come to us for a statement. Try not to stutter, honey. Tell them what you told me, the truth.” 

Yves didn’t feel good about selling the others out but her mother made sure she didn’t do anything foolish out of cheap loyalty. It wasn’t like Yves felt any semblance of kinship towards the four, she didn’t even like them that much. They were ‘friends’ only out of mutual benefit. Her mother also aware of Yves's lack of kinship with the others and reminds her that it is either them or her; her mother would much prefer if it's not her child that takes the fall for someone else’s drunken mistake. 

---

In exchange for selling out information of the accident, her friends are sentenced to time in the juvenile center; Shinwon is sentensed the longest as he was the driver along with an additional punishment of community service for each of them whilst Yves was able to get away with just community service and a penalty for underage drinking. 

Her mother has her transfer to another school to avoid any talks. She doesn't see Shinwon and the others anymore as well; her mother tells her that their families wishes to keep the incident quiet and they aren't keen on seeing her anyways. Yves is secretly relieved by that statement. Post divorce, Yves’s mother tries her best to stay by Yves’s side more often, hoping her daughter wouldn’t feel the brunt of the divorce. 

Weeks turn to months and finally, Yves allows the trauma of the accident to slowly dissolve to the back of her mind. When her mother announces they are moving to Seoul, Yves prays for a different life, a newer her and a better her. 

~End~

She laughs at how ridiculous her prayers were then. She was young and naive enough to believe that sins could be washed away or denied. She bites her lips as a final measure to stop the next wave of sobs from escaping . 

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock* 

“Miss, please stop torturing yourself like this.” Jiso’s voice pleads softly from the outside. “I don’t know what happened, miss but locking yourself up and pushing people away is not the way. You’ve done this before, you know how it goes, it’s not the way to solve any problems.” 

Yves takes a few slow breaths in and out to calm herself down. She swings her legs off the bed and drags her feet across her room to the door. Her fingers hover above the brass knob hesitantly, clenching and unclenching them before finally making the decision to open the door, peeking through the small opening. 

Yves’s actions alarm Jiso who moves swiftly to the opening, relieved that her young miss is still breathing or she would have to find a solid explanation as to why Yves became a corpse under her watch to her employer, Yves’s mother. Her heart breaks a little when she notices the dark rims around Yves’s bloodshot eyes and the messed up, greasy hair. It was almost like she had been thrown back into the past during the time of the divorce. 

“Miss, would you at least allow me to hand you food? You can’t go on like this,” Jiso pleads gently.

Yves’s eyes water immediately as she chokes out. “I don’t want food. I want Hana.” 

“I...I can’t help you with that, young Miss but if you miss her, why don’t you call her?” Jiso suggests. 

“Ca...Cause she won’t pick up! I’ve tried!” Yves’s voice cracks as tears pour out from her eyes like a waterfall causing an already panicked Jiso to freak out even more as she tries to rectify the situation. 

“Maybe visit her home?” 

“She’ll shut me out!” 

“Maybe you can meet her in school? I’m sure she won’t avoid you then.” 

Yves thinks about Jiso’s suggestion, slowly nodding her head in agreement. “I’ll go.” 

She runs back into her room and attempts to prepare for school when she hears Jiso shouting, “Not like that you aren’t! You need to clean up first! It’s only 6.30, you have plenty of time!” 

She halts, dropping her school bag to the ground in realisation and immediately u-turns into the bathroom. Jiso shakes her head, letting out a heavy sigh; she’s going to need to pay Doctor Song a visit one of these days or her heart’s gonna give way from all the stress. She walks downstairs to begin prepping for breakfast. 

After showering, Yves styles her hair and dabs a thin layer of makeup over her bare face to hide any ounce of fatigue; she puts on her uniform and slides on a black YSL coat to complete her look. She finishes packing her bag and shoulders it, eager to speak to Hana. She needs to at least try to explain her side of the story to Hana. She can’t let Hana go so easily, not when she just found the love of her life. 

She speeds down the stairs and passes a yelling Jiso. 

“Young Miss! What about breakfast!?!” 

“You can have it! I won’t be eating breakfast with you!” Yves yells back and enters the elevator, pressing the G button for the lobby. 

---

Yves chews on her bottom lip, her nerves shooting up and down like a rollercoaster from the idea of seeing Hana again and this time, it wasn’t out of excitement but fear instead. She could see the school gates which means they are close to their destination - one step closer to facing her greatest fear. Her arrival in school unknowingly coincides with the Roses which surprises Yves as she recognizes the familiar white hummer limo one car apart from her own. 

As Yves's driver pulls up around the curb of the front entrance, Yves watches the Roses exit their ride one after another from the backseat window. She finally catches sight of her ex-girlfriend materializing last from the car wearing an oversized VETEMENTS metal logo hoodie with the hood over her face, shielding it from view. Yves couldn’t wait any longer; she needs to speak to Hana before it’s too late. She scoops her bag from the seat and opens the car door, hopping out in a rush to catch up to Hana. 

She runs, weaving through the throng of human bodies that stands between Hana and her. Yves reaches her hand out when she passes the front lines, grabbing hold of Hana’s forearm, shocking the poor girl whose head snaps back to check the identity of the hand grabber. Hana’s jaw drops with disbelief as she comes face to face with the one person she hopes to avoid. 

Yves feels the heavy load that has been holding her captive lifting off her entire being, filling her body with relief that comes from seeing Hana in person. She takes note of Hana’s eyes that seem to match her own: bloodshot, tired and dull. There isn’t an ounce of warmth nor the usual playfulness anymore - just cold. The eyebags under her eyes seem larger and more noticeable now that her face is free of makeup, not that Hana needs it with her goddess like beauty. 

“H--” Hana rips her arm away from Yves roughly, looking at Yves with a mix of sadness and anger. 

Her sight of Hana is gone when members of the Roses replace her view of Hana - all staring at her with dark scowls. She tiptoes, trying to catch a glimpse of Hana but the Roses barricade prevents her from doing so. She finally sees Hana climbing the steps, attempting to leave with Heejin by her side. Yves tries to break past them, desperate to get to Hana but Hyejoo blocks her immediately. 

“Hana. Hana, please!” Yves shouts, pleading with her ex-girlfriend, hoping that she would at least hear her out. 

Hana stops for a split second, turning her head around, her eyes landing upon Yves’s desperate state. The other members of the Roses minus Heejin continues their barrier against Yves, stopping her from getting closer to Hana while the school watches them like a weekend soap opera. Hana can’t lie and say she doesn’t miss her ex because she does, she misses her like crazy and it’s killing her slowly but every time she thinks of Yeji, Hana can’t seem to see Yves in the same light anymore. 

Not without feeling guilty and angry at the same time. So, instead, she chooses to stay away - away from Yves, away from her feelings and even if it pains her to do so, that’s the way everything has to be. 

She turns away from Yves, avoiding looking into the pair of honey brown eyes that she had grown to love and hurries up the stairs, pushing even her cousin, Heejin away so that she could be alone and disappears into the building. 

“I don’t know if you’re ignorant or just insane. How dare you try to see her after the things you’ve done!” Hyejoo growls angrily. “You are going to stay away from her, you hear me! You go anywhere near her, I won’t hesitate to end you!” 

Heejin grits her teeth with rage bubbling from the inside of her chest as she whirls around, marching down the steps and stops in front of Yves with a cold, condescending half smile on her face.

"I heard about what happened. How could you stand to look at yourself the same way! You’re no less of a monster like those people were! Stay away from Hana. This is my first and last warning, Yves Ha Sooyoung.” 

Heejin shoots Yves one last glare before stalking off with Hyejoo, Yerim and Lip following behind her wordlessly. Vivi hesitates a little, sending Yves a sympathetic motherly smile before walking away to follow the other members. Yves’s tears escape her eyes, rolling down her cheeks for the umpteenth time. She could hear students whispering, possibly making up theories about her situation with Hana. 

Deciding she couldn’t handle being in the public eye, she retreats back to her car, spotting it in the same place. She opens the door, closing it heavily as she manages to say, “Back home.” 

The driver obeys her orders and turns out of the parking space onto the road to the exit. He hears sniffles and muffled cries coming from the back and decides to shut his ears off, giving his young boss space and not invade her privacy.