“I’m insecure.”

Ryeowook blinked a few times before the words registered into his brain. The cell phone he was holding close to his ears grew silent now as his boyfriend on the other side of the line waited for his respond.

“Are you still there, wookie?”

“Y-Yeah I am.” Ryeowook cleared his throat. “B-But… Why?”

“… Never mind, Wookie.” Yesung sighed. “It’s nothing… It’s getting late. You have a long day tomorrow so you should turn in.”

“But hyung–“

“Good night.”

Yesung hung up the call before Ryeowook could say anything. He threw his cell phone onto the other side of the bed absentmindedly before burying his head into his pillow.

Of course Ryeowook wouldn’t have any clue. They have been away from each other for almost a month now but Ryeowook seldom calls home – too busy from SJ-M promotion. And it’s always Yesung who made the first move to call him. The older of the two hadn’t found any problem with it until recently.

Yesung, being the caring boyfriend he was, began to keep up with Ryeowook’s activities by relying on the Internet. It was amazing how his beloved ELF s could be no.1 source of information regarding what was going on in China. He got to find out how their fan meets went by, and there were lots of fan-taken videos to make him see what was going on at the set.

There were lots of fancams capturing the ‘moments’ of Ryeowook being ‘intimate’ with the other boys. It was mostly either Donghae or Henry. Of course Yesung knows it’s stupid to be jealous of Donghae because that man is obviously head over heels in love with a certain monkey who used to host Sukira. But it didn’t help that Henry has always been very affectionate and close to everyone, especially to Ryeowook.

Yesung was not the type to feel jealous easily because he is a man of confidence – he stands by what he believes. Which includes his relationship matters. But for some reason, he really wanted Ryeowook by his side right now.

“Not good. I’m being childish.” Yesung sighed again. “What am I doing, I’m supposed to be the older one in this relationship… Ryeowook must be worried.”

- 

“So what did you do today?”

“Nothing much… Kyuhyun and I went to visit this very nice dim sum restaurant. You should come with us too next time, hyung.” Ryeowook chuckled. “The food there is nice. Kyuhyun really liked the dumplings and–“

Yesung bit his lower lip as Ryeowook continued blabbing about his day out with Kyuhyun. The uncomfortable feeling pinching his heart was back and he was not stupid enough to not know what is it. It was the ugly thing called Jealousy.

It didn’t help that he missed Ryeowook very much. He missed his laughter, his voice, his eyes, his smile, his touch, and his scent… The vanilla aroma which would calm him down no matter how tensed he was feeling and the scent he fell asleep and wake up to. The yearning in his heart was mixed with all the insecurity and jealousy he felt and altogether the combination made him feel really unpleasant inside.

He was lonely. He was upset at the thought that Ryeowook had so much fun without him by his side. And he was sore because he couldn’t sort out his own feelings and he had a bad day while Ryeowook was–argh.

He knew Ryeowook too well – if he were to speak now, Ryeowook would detect that Yesung sounded bitter and the younger would start to worry. So Yesung decided to remain quiet and give short replies, at least to show that he was still on the line.

“Hyung? Why are you so quiet, Yeobo?”

Damn him and his sharp senses.

“Uh. Nothing.” Yesung swallowed. “I gotta go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“What? Oh… Okay. Bye then.”

“I love you, Wookie.”

“I love you too hy–“

Again, the call was already cut off before Ryeowook even managed to finish what he wanted to say. The younger man stared at the phone sadly before putting it away.

-

“And thank you for listening to Super Junior Kiss the Radio. Good night~” Yesung spoke in a sing-a-song voice, finally wrapping up Sukira recording for the night. He earned an approving nod from his leader.

“Let’s go grab something to eat before we go home.” Eeteuk suggested, and as his stomach grumbled in response, Yesung could only nod in agreement.

His cell phone vibrated and the caller ID flashed: Ryeowookie yeobo.

“Yoboseyo?” Yesung hastily answered it.

“Yeobo?” Ryeowook’s voice was heard.

“Neh?”

“I miss you.” Ryeowook mumbled, making Yesung taken aback.

“I miss you too. What’s wrong, Ryeowookie?”

“… Nothing.” Ryeowook sighed – making Yesung frown. He could almost picture the sad looking Ryeowook holding his phone making a cute pout. “… Just tired.”

“I…”

“Hey Jongwoon. We’re leaving! Let’s go.” Eeteuk called.

“Jagiya, I’ll call you when I reach home, okay?” Yesung told Ryeowook.

“Wait, hyu–“

Yesung didn’t hear Ryeowook’s protests as he already hung up the call. He didn’t mean to do that though – he didn’t know that Ryeowook needed someone to talk to badly. He had no idea that all the young man wanted was to talk to him and listen to his voice.

-

“Wookie?”

Donghae entered his shared bedroom with Ryeowook and was surprised to see that the room was dark. Ryeowook was lying on his bed facing the ceiling, and he didn’t bother switching on the light.

“Hyung.” Ryeowook responded, sitting up as Donghae settled beside him.

“What’s wrong, Wookie-ah?” Donghae asked him, concerned. Ryeowook was always shy but bubbly. It was rare to see him feel sad, so after a few days of seeing his dim smile, Donghae was worried. “If it’s about the performance today, don’t be sad about it.”

Earlier that day, the SJ-M members had a performance and Ryeowook accidentally sang out of tune. He was rather sad about it, but initially he was already bothered about something else. He decided that he couldn’t keep everything bottled up any longer and therefore he tugged Donghae’s sleeve, determined.

“… Has Eunhyukkie hyung told you that he feel insecure before?”

Donghae frowned a little at the question. “… No, why?”

“… Jongwoon hyung said he’s insecure. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Ryeowook trembled slightly, and Donghae detected that the dongsaeng was feeling upset. “He’s not the type who gets easily jealous, so I must have done something wrong to make him feel that way.”

“May be it’s the distance problem.” Donghae offered. “When Hyuk wasn’t in SJ-M, he was also feeling rather moody. He didn’t tell me whether it’s insecurity or what but he gets super sensitive when I do fan-service with other SJ-M members.”

“Fan-service?” Ryeowook’s eyes widened.

“Yep. He’ll get all angsty and jealous and sometimes we’d argue over that…” Donghae grimaced. “But of course everything will always end up all right because one of us would give in at the end. Most of the time it’s me… I can’t bear to have him be angry with me.”

Ryeowook nodded in understanding. He then pursed his lips.

“What should I do? I can’t do much if Jongwoon hyung keeps on avoiding talking to me… He’s been hanging up on me whenever we’re talking on the phone.”

Donghae gave him a sympathetic smile before he suddenly lighted up. Placing both arms on the dongsaeng’s shoulders, he grinned.

“Since we have 2 days off, I have a plan.”

-

Yesung rolled on his bed, feeling restless. He had tried texting Ryeowook the whole day but he didn’t get any reply. He called the number five times but gave up since it was not even active.

Is he busy? Yesung considered. But according to the fan site, they have 2 days off.

He was thinking deeply but got distracted as a buzzing noise startled him. He reached for his cell phone (which was thrown to the other side of the bed just now) and quickly answered it once he saw the caller ID.

“Wookie?”

“Yeobo~” Ryeowook chortled. “Sorry I was really busy and my phone died, so I couldn’t answer your call.”

“T-that’s all right. Is everything okay over there?”

“Hm, yes. Today’s weather is really nice.” Ryeowook replied. “The sky is really clear, no clouds at all.”

“Really?” Yesung smiled. His eyes then darted to the window of his bedroom. The sky was indeed really clear. “Yeah, it’s really clear here too.”

There was a melodic laughter on the other side of the line.

“Hyung, I want to ask you something.”

“Sure, anything, Wookie.”

“Are you still feeling insecure?”

Yesung stiffened the moment he heard the question. He wasn’t someone who would declare openly about his unhappy thoughts. The last time he told Ryeowook he felt insecure was two weeks ago and he thought his lover had already forgotten about it.

Yesung felt uneasy about this topic. He didn’t want to show his weakness to Ryeowook… He didn’t wish for Ryeowook to think of him negatively, referring him as a possessive, not trusting boyfriend.

“W-Wookie…”

“I mean, if you really do feel worried about our relationship… You have to tell me.”

“I… Can we not talk about this now?”

“Why?”

Yesung bit his lower lip. He didn’t know why but he was becoming a coward at that moment. He was afraid of the possibilities of Ryeowook feeling troubled by his egoistic feelings, so he told him, “I have to go.”

“To where?”

“I-I’ll call you tonight, Wookie.”

“Don’t hang up on me.”

“I really have to go.”

Suddenly the door to the bedroom burst open and Yesung’s eyes widened at the sight of Ryeowook smiling at him, still holding the cell phone.

“Where do you have to go to, hyung? Is it somewhere so important that you have to end the call here?” Ryeowook speak again, sounding slightly sad. “Can’t you just listen to what I have to say before running away?”

Yesung brought down his hand and ended the call before getting up from the bed and stepping towards Ryeowook. The latter mirrored his steps and soon they both were standing two feet away from each other, eyes locked as if communicating through telepathy.

"How?"

"I have 2 days off so I decided to come back."

“I–“ Yesung cleared his throat. “I miss you.”

Ryeowook laughed. “I miss you more.”

They closed the gap between them then; Yesung pulling Ryeowook into a hug. They embraced each other for sometime before Ryeowook pulled away slightly only to peck on Yesung’s lips.

“Don’t feel bad, hyung.” Ryeowook told Yesung. “It’s okay if you show your weakness to me… I won’t love you any less. I feel insecure at times too.”

Yesung gulped at the dongsaeng’s words. “I’m just… I should be the older one, the more matured between us… It’s stupid to let some jealousy affect me but I can’t help it.”

“Because of the fan-service, hyung?”

“Because I love you.” Yesung nuzzled his head into Ryeowook’s shoulder. “I’m afraid to lose you.”

“You won’t lose me. I love no one else but you.” Ryeowook chuckled again. “And the next time you feel insecure, don’t hang up the call on me so I can tell you how much I love you. Arasso?”

Yesung smiled and closed his eyes, inhaling the vanilla scent he had been missing for more than a month already. All the unpleasant thoughts and feelings had instantly disappeared, replaced with a gush of overflowing love he felt towards the younger man.

“Okay.”