Almost four weeks had passed since I got fired and I was still unemployed.

Life was getting hard for me. I was living with my saved money on my french bank account and no brand would ask me to do collaborations anymore. I hadn't even turned back on my social medias accounts, too afraid of what could had happened. The “BTS and this unknown fangirl” story went big for a week on almost every world channel news, as a fun fact or a real concern, before medias decided it was time to give us some rest and to chase somebody else. Some reporters named me as a “hotel call-girl”, “international desperate kpop fan”, “[BTS member] girlfriend” or “pretty lost woman”. They had no problem finding my most recent CV because, when I was still in France, I used a japanese platform to seek for job offers and uploaded it onto the Internet. On south korean channels, they came up with some of my personal informations such as my nationality, my birthdate, my university diplomas, my hobbies and some old photos I used to share on my Facebook wall when I was younger. Thankfully, my phone number was the french one which I wasn't using anymore and I had to give up my main e-mail address because I was receiving too much messages which were stressing me out.

That's when I realized how much personal matters we commonly share on the Internet, everyday, whatever the purpose is.

With those tiny and common informations, they drew a possible profile of “Maya Calmel” : a dancer and winner in many contemporary dance competitions before her 20s (based on the amount of dance rehearsal videos and awards pictures proudly exhibited on Facebook years ago) ; then she must had dropped it to focus on her human and social sciences studies, because she seemed to be a brilliant master graduate student : she took part in a big european research about child education in multi-cultural family systems (she wrote her master thesis on this) ; a loving sister who cared a lot for her family (she changed her profile picture once a year on every Christmas eve to put another one with her family) ; well-known among the BTS fandom for Jungkook's phone (from Twitter account) ; literary mind and travels enthusiasm (from her shared novels quotes and her Europa trips moments on Instagram).

Maya Calmel seemed to be a pretty decent person so what had happened on that very night in Tokyo with BTS members ? Was she the actual hidden girlfriend of Namjoon ? Did they sleep together ? Why were they so close to each other on her selfie video ? Why did Big Hit stay silent about this issue ? What was her relation with BTS ? Wasn't Jungkook's phone on Twitter an excuse for her to quit their shadow and to come in day light ? Was she Jungkook girlfriend ? Why was she a backstage VIP for their last concert in Tokyo Dome ? Were they going to officialize a relation ?

Who was she ?

No company in Japan would hire me because of this and I even got some problems with the service of japanese immigration. I was really considering going back in France as Christmas was approaching and my family actually approved this : they wanted me to come back home. I had no more reasons to stay there ; my life was becoming a complete mess I couldn't control anymore. At least, in France, BTS wasn't that famous so I could get back on tracks easily. I still had no life signs from Namjoon.

Nothing.

At this very moment, I thought I hit kind of my rock bottom in Japan. I thought to myself that, at least, it couldn't get any worst. When I was sipping on some coffee whilst reading in a bookstore, people would look at me from afar and stare until they got to remind me. Then they would begin to whisper and take not-so-discret pictures that, I supposed, were posted on social medias. I was so scared to go back on my social medias accounts and to discover that for BTS fans and the kpop world this story was still getting updated everyday with current pictures of me. I couldn't go to cafés anymore, nor restaurants, nor shopping. Well I could but I couldn't stand the stares and unhealthy attention I was receiving. Same when I was doing my groceries ; the videos had been shown so many times on TV and on the Internet that people could easily recognize me when they passed by me. I could even hear sometimes “That's her, that girl... Maya”.

I was quite noticeable there, surrounded by Japanese people. My eyes were as clear as water, greenish vanished, as my mom used to say. It seemed as if the dark green color had been washed out and drained from my iris the first day they came to see light ; my pupil were rooted in this erased and ravaged forest, dark spikes piercing from my soul. I used to make people unconfortable both because of how my eyes looked and how I looked at people. I was sinking my gaze straight in their eyes, invading and spreading in their deep minds and secret thoughts, searching for sincerity in their talks, watching for danger signs. David didn't like it when I was silently staring at him, during an argument, probing and attacking him my own way. He felt vulnerable.

« Did you find any job, today ?

- Nope... I'm thinking of going back soon, anyway. »

I had black long curly hair, floating in the middle of my back when I was walking, that I took the biggest care of since I was a child. They were shiny and soft, with perfect waves, ebony black. I spent a lot of money on it. My hair might had been the only part of myself I was always satisfied with. I was pretty small, 157 centimeters tall, and some clothes wouldn't fit me correctly. Teenager, I had hundreds of reasons for hating myself and criticizing myself and David was often commenting on my body for both sweet words and tactless remarks ; that didn't help me to find confidence in myself. I wasn't strong enough to state my grounds and embrace my loveless body.

« That would be too bad, Anna sighed.

- Unfortunately, I don't have enough money to stay one last month here... It would be wiser to go back home for Christmas. It is coming anyway, it's next week so... I don't even imagine celebrating Christmas in Japan, I laughed, trying to convince myself that it was okay ; I had a great experience in Japan.

- I understand but still...

- It's okay, Anna. We'll see each other even after I go back, you know. »

I smiled, hiding my profound self-disappointment to her.

Two days later,