I entered the funeral room. It was all black clothes and white waxy faces, most of them with red puffy eyes.

But, only one sight sent me a nauseous feeling swirled unrestrained in my stomach. My heart felt like my blood had become tar, struggling to keep a steady beat. Bobby was now wearing black suit, kneeling on the ground in front of the coffin, crying as if the ferocity can bring his grandma back. His cry is so raw that eyes of everyone in the room were suddenly wet with tears. The way his shoulder slump is so lifeless it scares me just by looking at him. Once in a while, he would close his eyes and himself into a deeper place to cope.

I wanted to run to him and engulf him in my hug, protect him from whatever causing him pain. I want to take his pain away, make him feel warm and protected. And loved. But instead, my feet are glued to the ground and I just froze with tears forming in my eyes.

My parents are done visiting the funeral and when they are walking out of the building with me, I stopped on my track and said “I think I’m going to stay here a bit longer.” Both of my parents look at each other and agreed that it’s best that I look after Bobby, after seeing the state that he’s in.

I walked inside the room again. And I sat there quietly and saw that he’s already somehow calmed down. I wanted to sit beside him but decided to give him space. Suddenly a deep voice called out to me, “Park Hyo Kyung?” I looked up to see the familiar face. It’s Bobby’s dad. Upon realizing, I stood up and bowed my head, greeting him.

He gave me a weak smile, “You are a young lady now. Thank you for coming.” I returned him a small smile.

“Can we talk for a little outside?” he asked me. “Of course” I agreed.

It’s cold outside; I rubbed my shoulders with my hands, attempting to make myself feel warmer.

“I’m happy that I see you and Bobby still sticking around each other.” I let out a small chuckle at what he said.

Suddenly his face turned sad and full of regret, “how is Bobby doing these days? I’m sure you know what happened to our family”

I nodded and answered, “He’s doing better than I expected actually” I let out a small smile. “He’s very cheerful and always jokes around, just like how he was before. He has a lot of friends too.”

He mirrored my smile, “I’m glad. If it’s not too hard for you, can you please keep an eye on him for me” I willingly nodded and then followed by silence filling the cold air. What he asked next stopped my heart and it’s something I can’t answer “I wonder if he hates me.”

I looked down, not knowing what to say. He continued, “I failed as a dad. My pride takes control and I just lost it. I feel useless as the head of the family. I can’t even satisfy my own family and am ashamed to face them. I choose to run away from my life completely. And now I lost it all. I lost him. I lost my son.” His eyes are filled with tears, but before it started to fall, his fingers rub his eyes to make the tears go away.

Just as I was about to say something, I heard a familiar voice interrupting us, “What are you doing here?” in a cold tone I never hear being blurted out by him.

He grabbed my wrist and yanked me from where I stood and pulled me behind him. “I asked why are you here. Are you not ashamed to appear here out of a sudden when it’s all too late? Do you think she will be happy to see you here?” his voice raising as he speaks. His dad quiet, expression unreadable.

I stared in horror behind him, thinking of how I should handle this kind of situation. My wrist still being held in his hand, I go in front of him, standing between Bobby and his dad. I turned to face him, my free hand touching his chest and speak softly, not wanting to worsen the situation, “Hey.”, attempting to lessen his anger. My first attempt failed and not wanting to give up, I take a deep breath and tried again in the same soft voice, “Hey. Look at me.” This time, he breaks his glare and he glanced down to where I’m standing, his eyes soften the second it meets mine.

“Let’s not do this now okay. You know it’s not the right time. Let’s just go okay?” my hands still in his chest, I felt his chest rises as he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. I take this as a sign of agreeing to what I said, I slowly move my hands on his chest and move it to his hands, and softly pulling him out of there, in which he followed. I turned back and bowed slightly to his dad, in which his dad bowed back, as if saying his ‘thank you’.