Chapter 8

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LISA POV

One thing I like about our relationship is that there wasn't too much drama. Most of our friends always tease us that we are both children in a young adults body. They didn't expect that we will be quite mature in handling our relationship.

You told me once that you didn't expect it to be that easy too since I was your first serious relationship. You even gave me credit and told me that I must be doing something right to make it easier for you. But I disagree, I told you it's easy because it's us. We just understand each other. You get me. I get you.

Our friends once asked us who's the jealous one. They even made a bet on it. I know, our friends can be jerks sometimes, but we love them just the same.

"No, it's me. I'm the jealous one." I said, "I always get jealous of Dalgom, she kisses him more than me."

They just laughed at me knowing that I was joking. Well, I was half joking, Dalgom really do get to kiss you more than I do.

They asked you if you don't get jealous of my dancing partners. You looked at me and said that you don't, cause you do trust me. I felt my heart expand.

Then they turned to me and asked me if I get jealous of all those people who's crushing on you.

I got eyes, I see the way other people's lingering look on you, they be looking at you as if they're witnessing a miracle every time.

I can relate.

Everyday you're my miracle.

But no, I don't get jealous because no matter how many eyes are on you, you're eyes have always been on me. I was about to say that but you beat me to it.

"Nah, she doesn't get jealous. There's no competition. It's only her I see." You said it so casually as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Everyone in the table including me was a little taken aback by your sweet declaration. Cause let's be real, you don't usually do sweet in front of our friends.

"What are you guys gawking about? Well, it's true, I don't plan on looking for another monkey anytime soon. I'll be keeping this one." Though you were back to your usual savage self and called me a monkey, I still felt the need to intertwine our fingers.

I intend to keep you too.

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It's not to say that our relationship is perfect. It wasn't. We do have fights. It's inevitable. It's mostly about our own personal issues. You're inability to communicate when you have problems, you sometimes forget that you're in a relationship and tend to handle things on your own.

"Why do you keep pushing me away? If you have a problem you to talk to me instead of ghosting me for three days!"

"I'm used to dealing it on my own."

"I'm here now, you don't have to be alone anymore."
 

And my inability to stand up for myself.

"Why do you let them talk to you like that? Why do you just nod and smile? Tell them off, stand up for yourself."

"I'm used to it. It's fine. I'm fine."

"That's the thing, you're not supposed to get used to it. You shouldn't tolerate them talking down to you like that. Don't be a push over Lisa, you're better than that."

But the fights we had made us better people, made us better partners. We might get annoyed or irritated with each other but at the end of the day, we stay together. Because that's what two people who love each other do, if you have a problem, you fix it.
 

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But the thing is, not everything can be fixed. Sometimes, things just remain broken.

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Relationships can be the most wonderful treasure you can have but you really have to work hard for it. It can't be handed to you, everyday you have to fight for it and make it work.

My first girlfriend left me for another person. She met someone during summer break and told me that she loves me but fell in love with him. I guess she didn't love me enough, for her to still have a place on her heart for him to fill.

My second girlfriend fell out of love with me. She told me, she just woke up one day and realized she didn't love me anymore. I asked her, how can she just unlove someone overnight so I could do the same thing. She answered, 'you just do.'

My last girlfriend before you, left me because her family doesn't approve of me. I asked her to fight for us but she did the opposite and denied me instead. I guess, her fear is stronger than her love.

We fell apart not because of someone and certainly not because we fell out of love. Even though you said you lied about loving me, I know for certain that you lied by saying you lied. Because I knew you, I knew you loved me, I knew what we had was true, I knew you were just hurting...

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They weren't kidding when they said, death comes like a thief in the night.

It was a beautiful December morning when you received the call. I remembered that day we were both so excited because we're planning to go shopping gifts for your nephews.  We didn't knew the day would turn out to be the worst

They said it was fast. She had gone out for groceries. Drunk driver. Dead on arrival.

How cruel the world is to give two little boys a Christmas gift in a form of their mother in a casket.

I witnessed the smile on your face drop, the tremble of your fingers and the light in your eyes vanished. I witnessed you break, and I couldn't do  anything to stop it because I also felt myself breaking.

Your sister was tough. I remembered how she gave me the shovel talk when you introduced us. 

"You may be taller than me but I won't hesitate to break you to pieces and feed you to Dalgomie once you break my sister's heart"

Those were her exact words. I was scared to death but also felt an overwhelming gratitude for her. Because you deserve that kind of protectiveness and love.

I loved her for loving you fiercely. And I loved her more when she also became the sister I never had but always wanted.

We lost her just like that. I was devastated when it happened. I can only imagine what it must have felt like for you.

You didn't cry. You didn't even shed a tear. You busy yourself with taking care of the funeral and your nephews. You said there's too much things to take care and you have to do it since your sister's husband is too much in pain to do them. I didn't dare ask you, "But aren't you in pain too?"

I was waiting for you to break down, to let it all out. But you remained emotionless. As if you cut yourself off of any emotions.

I tried to be there, to be supportive without being too suffocating. I tried to make you smile, to reach you, to at least bring back that spark in your eyes...

But your smiles were forced, you seemed so far away and your eyes remained lifeless...

I failed you...

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"What's that? Tell me you're going on a trip."

"I'm not."

"You're leaving."

"I am."

"You're leaving me."

You couldn't even look me in the eye and your silence just confirmed it.

"I don't understand."

"I can't do this anymore."

"Do what? Us? When did us became a job you had to do?"

"Please don't make this harder than it is."

"You the one making this harder. If you could just sit and talk to me then this wouldn't be difficult."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Bullsh-." I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. Trying to keep it together as if I wasn't breaking piece by piece inside.

"Baby, please let's talk about this. I know this had been difficult for you. I can't imagine how hard it is-" I might have said the wrong words since you didn't let me finish and blew up on me.

"That's the thing you can't imagine because you weren't the one who lost a sister. You would never understand that pain so don't act like you know it."

"You're right. You're right. I wasn't the one who lost a sister. She wasn't my sister. But I loved her too you know. I lost her too. So please we can work this out. You don't have to go through it alone. I'm here. I'm here." I tried to make you understand that I'm not going anywhere that I'll be whatever you need me to be, that I'll make sure that you're okay.

"I'm so tired."

"I know baby. But I'm here. I'm always here. I'll hold your hand. I'll do anything you need me to do, just stay."

"I can't."

"Don't say that please."

"I can't. I don't have the heart to love anymore."

"You don't mean that."

"But I do. Here, it's empty of love. I can't feel anything anymore but pain and anger." You clutched your chest so hard as if doing it would lessen the pain. You sounded so in pain that my heart broke more for you.

"Then let me be the one to fill it with love. I'll love for the both of us."

"God have some pride Lisa! I'm telling you I'm not capable of loving you anymore and here you are taking it and still begging me to stay. Wake up Lisa! The world isn't consist of unicorns and rainbows. Love isn't the answer to everything and life is a lot different from fairytales. No one gets a happy ending. You can't fix everything. You can't just bury anger and pain with that so called love. At the end of the day, people leave whether we like it or not."

I wanted to hold you, hug you and just never let you go. I've never been more afraid than at that moment. I could feel you slipping away, and I never felt so damn hopeless...

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of being and ideal grace-"

"Stop it."

I can't stop,

" I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. "

"Stop."

I won't stop

"I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears-"

"STOP IT! GODDAMN IT!" You never ever did raise your voice on me so I was surprised when you did. The moment you did I saw you regret it.

"Just stop. Please."

"Rem-remember those words? Those were your words. You told me you love me. You told me that even death wouldn't stop you from loving me. Remember we said we'll work hard for this? It's us baby, we can get through this. I'm Lisa and your Jisoo, we're a team. We'll get through this. I know we can. All you need is to stay, and we'll figure it out, together." I know I was getting desperate. "You promised that you'll never leave." 
 

"I lied." That's all you said.

Then you just left.

You left while I cry for the broken pieces of my heart shattered on the floor.

Those we're your last words. It's not even "goodbye". You walked away, never looked back and left me with two words,

"I lied."

Just like that, it's over.