Solji

“Good morning,” I smiled at the workers as I went towards the studio. For some reason I was in a good mood. It could be because we’re renewing our contracts for another five years. I didn’t think the company would keep us this long and I wasn’t sure if all of the girls wanted to be in the entertainment industry for another five years, but all seemed well. The girls seemed happy and I was finally back for good. Taking a break was hard but I promised myself to work harder for the next five years. I walked into the recording studio and saw Hyojin staring at the computer in front of her. She was barely blinking so I grew a little concerned. “Hyojin,” I called out to get her attention. She turned to me with bags under her eyes.

“You’re early,” she commented lowly.

“Why do you look so stressed?” I asked as I placed my things down on the couch.

“I had a fight with Youzu,” she admitted.

“How bad was it?” I questioned hesitantly. Hyojin had been dating Youzu for two years. When they are good, they are the picture-perfect couple. When they are bad, it’s the most toxic thing you could ever see. Their relationship was a rollercoaster but Hyojin was so deeply in love with her.

“She gave me an ultimatum,” she admitted.

“And that is?”

“Our contract renewal is coming up and they want us to sign for five more years. That’s five more years of being in the closet and dragging Youzu with me. She wants to leave this country and get married. So, I have to either leave her or EXID,” she said, and I stood stunned.

“And you’re actually considering this? After everything this group has been through!?” I snapped slightly, and she sighed.

“What about everything I’ve been through! I had to sacrifice so much for this group and it’s been a great ride. I’m tired Solji, and I’m done fighting. I just don’t know what to do.” She leaned her head against her hands as I tried to control my anger.

“You’re really considering this after everything we’ve been through?”

“I get that this group has been through a lot but I just,” she started the sentence, but I stopped her.

“I’m not talking about the group and you know that,” I muttered. She went silent and I knew I hit a nerve.

“We agreed that we wouldn’t,” she tried to remind me, but my anger caused me to continuously cut her off.

“I don’t give a on what we agreed to!” She seemed to get angry at my response, but I was too angry to care.

“You have no right to bring this up. After all of these years!? How many times have I tried to talk about this, but you’ve cut me off? For years I’ve tried and now you want to bring this up to what? You want to guilt me to stay in this group? that, this, and you Solji!” She snapped back at me. I was stunned by her outburst because Hyojin has never lost her cool like that.

“What’s with all of the yelling?” Hani asked as she walked into the room with Hyelin and Jeonghwa behind her. Hyojin glared at me and stormed out of the room. The girls looked at me, but I shook my head.

“Let’s just wait to be called in for the contracts,” I told them. We all went in one by one but Hyojin was the last one. I still didn’t know what she was going to do.

“What’s taking her so long? We’ve all gone in one by one and it’s only ten minutes at max,” Hani commented as we waited for Hyojin to come out of the office. She was talking to the boss for half an hour now. I kept quiet silently hoping that Hyojin was going to stay. Hyelin walked over to us with a weird look on her face.

“Boss wants us all in the office,” she announced.

“About time,” Jeonghwa huffed as we walked in. Hyojin’s eyes were red and I knew this would lead nowhere good.

“Why does it look like you’ve been crying? What’s wrong?” Hani sat next to Hyojin, but she stayed silent. Our boss motioned for all of us to sit as he cleared his throat.

“So, it has come to my attention that LE does not want to stay with Banana Culture,” he announced. The group seemed stunned while I felt disappointed. She really picked a girl over us.

“Is this some kind of sick joke? What the hell Hyojin!?” Hani snapped as Hyojin kept her head down.

“Why?” Jeonghwa started to cry as Hyelin wrapped an arm around her.

“Do you wanna tell them or do you want me to?” I spoke up. Hyojin’s head rose and she glared at me.

“That’s why you guys were yelling,” Hyelin connected the dots.

“Youzu gave her an ultimatum. It was her or EXID. I guess you guys know who she picked,” I told them the truth.

“You picked a girl over us? After everything this group has been through? We’ve been through hell and we’re at our peak right now. You saw how we were without Solji. How the hell are we supposed to survive without you!?” Hani kept going off.

“I didn’t want to choose but I had to! I can’t lose her!” Hyojin finally said something.

“But you can lose us? That’s exactly what’s going to happen if you leave. This sisterhood will be over,” Hyelin promised her. I was surprised because she was the last person I expected to say that, but she seemed just as fed up as the rest of us.

“You don’t mean that,” Hyojin’s eyes watered but Hyelin’s face didn’t change.

“You are destroying this group. Yes, I mean that,” she rolled her eyes and stormed out of the room.

“This is ed up Hyojin,” Hani mumbled before following after Hyelin.

“Please stay,” Jeonghwa begged as tears flew down her face.

“I can’t,” Hyojin’s voice broke and Jeonghwa rushed out of the room. Our boss didn’t seem to know what to do and I was just fed up.

“You’re selfish and one day you’re going to regret this. This will be the last time I will ever willingly see you,” I assured her before trying to find the others. I found Jeonghwa crying her eyes out as Hani and Hyelin hugged her.

“This will change everything,” she cried. I sighed as I saw my group falling apart. I’m supposed to be the leader, yet I don’t know what to say.

“Look guys, I know things without Hyojin will be tough, but we can get through this. You guys pushed through without me and we’ll figure out a way to push through without her. There are many talented producers out there who want to work with us. Jeonghwa could try rapping again or maybe we don’t need a rapper. We can change up some of our old songs, so it fits better with the four of us. We need to stop crying and start thinking of a game plan. If Hyojin doesn’t want to be in the group anymore then okay. We can do this with or without her,” I told them.

“You’re right,” Hani nodded as the others tried to get themselves together.

“We can do this,” Hyelin agreed while Jeonghwa sighed. It didn’t matter if we thought we could do it or not, we were going to have to do it without her.

Six months later

I sighed as I read the articles written about us while I was on the elevator. Multiple sites are calling our comeback a flop without Hyojin. Why couldn’t we get it right? Why was everything so different without her? It’s been six months since I’ve last seen Hyojin. None of the girls have been in contact with her. Multiple times I’ve wanted to call her and came close but stopped myself. I didn’t want her to know how much I was struggling without her but it’s getting ridiculous at this point. She was literally on my mind every second of the day and I needed to get her out of it. I got out of the elevator and soon found myself at the one place I probably shouldn’t be. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. It took a few seconds before it opened and Hyojin stared at me in shock. She seemed surprised to see me but then her eyes watered.

“Do you still hate me?” She asked hesitantly.

“Are you married yet?” I ignored her question.

“No, I couldn’t after,” she started to explain but I cut her off with my lips. I wrapped an arm around her stiff body as she slowly relaxed under my touch. She kissed me back as she backed us up into the apartment. I’ve missed kissing her and simply being in her arms. Who was I fooling these last six months? We pulled apart and she closed the door.

“I don’t want to talk about the group, Youzu, or our past. I just want you for tonight. Can you give me that?” I questioned, and she quickly nodded.

“I’ll give you whatever you want.” I let out a small smile and dragged her to her bedroom. This will definitely be a long night.

~

“Can we talk now?” She mumbled as I laid in her arms.

“Things are so much better when we don’t talk,” I replied.

“Solji, you showed up in the middle of the night. A lot is obviously on your mind and I’m willing to listen,” she offered.

“You didn’t listen when I wanted you to stay in EXID,” I reminded her, and she went stiff. “Don’t act like you haven’t read the articles about us. Honestly if our next comeback flops, we might as well disband,” I admitted.

“Are you serious? You can’t disband,” she sat up, causing me to sit up.

“You didn’t seem to mind that idea six months ago.” She rolled her eyes and stood up.

“That’s not fair. We both know that was different.” She started to get dressed and I did the same.

“To answer your question, I do still hate you. I hate that you left us. I hate that you chose her over our group. I hate how much we’re missing without you. I hate that we can’t seem to get it right. I hate that no matter how hard I try, I can’t get you out of my head!” I felt so frustrated and I didn’t know what else to do.

“Solji,” she sighed and walked over to me. I tried to brush her off, but she wrapped me in a tight hug. “I’m sorry. I’m so ing sorry.” I heard sniffles and figured she was crying. I slowly wrapped my arms around her as my tears fell.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I said softly.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Solji.” I pulled away slightly and wiped her tears.

“You want to know why I hate you most?”

“Why?”

“I hate you because you chose her over me,” I finally confessed.

“You said it years ago that I was impossible to fall in love with so when someone finally fell in love with me, I wanted to keep her. She’s probably the only person who will actually fall in love with me,” she brought up the past.

“You know that’s not true,” I said sternly. “Years ago, I was in a different mindset. We had a crazy night and I fell way too hard way too fast. I was scared and tried to put the group first. I hurt you and I’m sorry for that. Everything I said that night was a lie. You have to know that.” I locked my eyes with her uncertain ones and grabbed her hands.

“If it was a lie then what’s the truth Solji?” She stared down at my hands as I let my fingers fall into the gaps of hers.

“I love you Hyojin and I’m sorry it took me so long to say it,” I told her what I should’ve told her five years ago. Her eyes watered again as a smile broke out on her face.

“I love you too,” she cried and hugged me again. Everything felt so natural and I felt mad that it took me so long to actually admit this. A lot of things could’ve been different if I handled the situation differently five years ago. Maybe Hyojin would’ve still been in the group. Flashbacks of that heartbreaking night started to hit me.

~

“This was a mistake,” I mumbled and grabbed my clothes.

“A mistake for finally giving in? We both knew this was going to happen eventually,” Hyojin sighed as she got dressed.

“I’m the leader, I should’ve stopped this before it got to this point. Think about the group for once and realize how much tension this could cause. This could break the group apart if we don’t get it together,” I reminded her. She never thought about anyone but herself while I always put the group first.

“Would you stop thinking about the group and for once think about yourself!?” She threw it back at me. I shot her a sad smile and shook my head.

“You know I can’t do that. I can’t allow myself to even think of what this could be. I don’t want to hurt you, but this can’t happen,” I said sternly.

“Right now, you’re not my leader and I don’t have to obey you. I’m not giving up without a fight Solji. What’s so bad with the possibility of falling in love with me?” She pleaded. I closed my eyes and hated what I was about to say but it was for the best.

“You’re impossible to fall in love with Hyojin. This was fun and all, but you come with a lot of baggage and I’m not trying to deal with that. I’d rather focus on the group than whatever this is,” I forced myself to tell her. Her face showed how hurt she was by my words and I had to look away. “I’m sorry,” I muttered.

“I’m sure you are,” she mumbled and stormed out of my room. I let my tears fall as I took a seat on my bed. This is what had to be done. I obviously didn’t think this through because over the next couple of months, Hyojin gave me the cold shoulder. The group noticed it, but I told them it was just a disagreement we had to get through. It’s not like I helped, I avoided her at all chances. One night she trapped me and I’m sure I pushed her completely into Youzu’s arms. It’s been three years since that night and there was still tension with us. We can now hold a conversation but only if it was group related. I knew I ruined our friendship and didn’t know if there was a way to get it back to how it was. I was staying late in the recording studio because I knew it would be a while until I got back there. I was officially put on a hiatus because of how sick I was. The girls were worried, but I assured them that I would be fine. Hyojin never talked to me about it and it honestly seemed like she didn’t care. I wouldn’t be surprised after the way I treated her.

“I knew I’d find you here,” she mumbled as the door opened. I was surprised she was talking to me. Why now? Is it because she feels sorry for me?

“Now you want to talk to me?” I asked dryly but she sighed.

“You can’t blame me,” she replied.

“I’m sorry.”

“I just need to know one thing and then I’ll never bring it up again,” she promised.

“Go on.”

“Did you feel nothing for me at all?” She locked her eyes with mine and I felt myself slowly crumbling. I knew our stylist was into her but Hyojin always seemed like she had her mind on someone else. I guess that someone else was still me. My mind had not changed from what I thought that night, so I didn’t see the point in telling her the truth.

“I honestly just viewed you as a friend. I still do Hyojin, even if we don’t talk,” I told her. I saw a hint of disappointment on her face, but she nodded.

“Then I guess I’ll settle on friends,” she sighed but shot me a small smile. “I was worried on everything that’s going on. How do you feel?”

“I feel frustrated that I can’t do anything to fix this,” I admitted. I couldn’t hide the frustration I felt so I thought it would be better to get away from everyone, hence why I’m here.

“You should’ve told us from the start. I don’t understand how you could hide something this big from the group,” she said, and I looked down. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t want them to worry about me.

“I’m sorry but I didn’t want you guys to see me look this weak. I’m supposed to be your leader and now I can’t even do that anymore.”

“You’ll get better and everything will work itself out in the end. EXID isn’t complete without you and you have to know that,” she assured me.

“Thanks.” I locked my eyes with hers and realized how much I missed talking to her. Why did I have to ruin everything? “You should go find Youzu,” I suggested, and she raised a brow.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea? You said it yourself to not mix personal relationships with work. I thought you of all people would be against that idea. I mean the others have mentioned I should go for it, but I still don’t know if it’s a good idea,” she reminded me of my many rules.

“I just want you to be happy,” I spoke in a soft voice as a light smile made its way onto her face.

“Then I will see you later. I think she’s still here,” she shot me one last smile before rushing out of the room. I looked down at my lap and tried to control my feelings. This was a good thing for her. I should be happy but instead I felt like I just made a huge mistake.

~

“You’re thinking about that night huh?” Hyojin asked me once she pulled away from the hug.

“I’m sorry I pushed you away. I wasted so much time and things could’ve been so different,” I started to ramble, but she stopped me.

“Everything happens for a reason Solji. All that matters now is that everything is finally out in the open. Maybe that’s why I held onto the idea of us for so long. Although you kept telling me that you didn’t have feelings for me, I could tell that you were lying. I started to think that maybe I was crazy, and you really didn’t have feelings for me. Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see,” she shrugged. I moved closer and pecked her lips.

“Obviously you were right,” I whispered. She grinned as an arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” she blushed slightly, and it was a foreign sight to me.

“I can’t believe you’re blushing,” I laughed, and she playfully hit me.

“Shut up,” she groaned but I couldn’t stop my smile.

“You’re so freaking cute.”

“You’re literally the only person I let get away with calling me cute,” she pointed out and I grinned proudly. I knew she hated being called cute, but she really could be adorable when she wanted to be.

“I love you,” I said it again just because I didn’t have to hold it in anymore.

“You won’t begin to understand how much I love you. It took five long years, but it was honestly worth it,” she sighed right before I kissed her again.

“Just so you know, you’re mine now,” I made sure she knew.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she smiled. I couldn’t take it anymore, I pushed her back on the bed and climbed on top of her. “I could get used to this view,” she mumbled as she stared at me.

“I was thinking the exact same thing.”

Two Weeks Later

After two weeks of camping out at Hyojin’s apartment, I finally convinced her to get back into the studio. She kept saying there was a song on her mind and I told her to just make it. She ended up making it for the group and it just reminded me that she wasn’t in it.

“This sounds amazing,” I complimented Hyojin after the song stopped.

“I just wanted to help. Just because I’m not in the group anymore doesn’t mean I can’t help you guys. The place where I would’ve usually rapped could be used to showcase Jeonghwa’s dancing,” she explained. I stood and leaned over her while she sat in the chair.

“You could always come back,” I brought up, but she shook her head and turned to me.

“We both know that’s a bad idea. The group hates me and so do the fans,” she reminded me.

“The girls miss you although they won’t admit it. The fans also miss you. We’ve lost a portion of our fans because of you. I don’t think you know how needed you are in this group. I don’t have anyone to lean on anymore. Hani tries but there’s no replacing you,” I spoke the honest truth. She turned completely in the chair and sent me a soft smile.

“There’s no replacing you either Solji,” she replied before grabbing my hand and bringing me down on her lap. I let out a small chuckle and wrapped my arms around her neck.

“You’re smooth,” I acknowledged while she shot me an innocent grin in return.

“Who? Me?” I shook my head and kissed her. I swear I’ll never get tired of doing that. I didn’t have time to get lost in her because just as she pulled me closer, the door opened. We pulled apart quickly and I stood from her lap. I was surprised to see the girls at the door when I turned around. They definitely weren’t supposed to be here. That was the whole point of making Hyojin come into the studio today.

“What the hell is she doing here?” Hani asked lowly. I think the maknae line were still surprised on how they found us. There was an awkward silence before someone let out a squeal.

“Unnie!” Jeonghwa rushed over and wrapped Hyojin in a hug. “I’ve missed you so much!” Hani scoffed while Hyelin had a blank expression on her face. She was probably still trying to process the whole situation.

“Can we talk, Solji?” Hani said in a tight voice. I followed her out of the room and she glared at me. “What are you doing with her? Last time we’ve talked, you still hated her,” she reminded me.

“She was on my mind two weeks ago and I went to see her,” I shrugged.

“You’re leaving out something. The way you’re looking at her is different. She even seems different. I mean we walked in on you two kissing. Isn’t she supposed to be married by now?” Hani kept questioning me.

“Long story short, Youzu and Hyojin broke up. I don’t hate her anymore, quite frankly I don’t think I ever did. I was just mad and hurt but that had a lot to do with my love for her,” I admitted.

“Love for her? Is this you finally admitting that you love her?” She raised a brow and I was surprised she knew.

“How long have you known?”

“Since something shifted between the two of you five years ago,” she shrugged.

“We’re together,” I confessed, and she held a blank expression on her face.

“Under normal circumstances I would be happy for you guys, but I can’t help but to feel pissed. She left us, and I don’t know how you can be okay with that,” she complained.

“I’m still hurt that she left but I didn’t help the situation. Honestly if I would’ve just listened to my heart over my mind five years ago, we wouldn’t even be in this situation. She was so determined that no one else would love her and I caused her to be in that mindset. She thought Youzu was her only chance at love, so she took it,” I explained, and Hani was surprised.

“Whatever you told her had to have been bad since you guys were on bad terms for three years,” she remembered the issue. How could anyone in this group forget? No one thought Hyojin and I would ever be close again.

“I said some harsh things and I caused the mindset she had. You have to understand this from her point of view. I wish she could’ve found a better solution rather than leaving the group, but it’s already been said and done. There’s nothing we can do to change that,” I replied. Hani seemed to be contemplating something before walking back into the recording studio, so I followed her. Hyelin was currently hugging Hyojin while she cried. It made me wonder what happened in here while we were talking. They pulled apart and everyone stared at Hani.

“Come back,” Hani finally gave in. Hyojin looked at her with a hesitant look but Hani gave her a reassuring smile. “I get what mindset you were in, but you have to understand one girl isn’t your only chance at love. We all love you Hyojin and so do the fans. I was pissed at you leaving but I was more confused why it was so sudden. After talking to Solji, I get it. I’m not saying that I’m not still mad because I am, but we need you. We’re always better as five and you know that. So please come back and make this group complete again,” Hani pleaded. Hyojin stood with tears in her eyes as she moved to hug Hani. I let out a small smile at the sight as I heard another sob. I turned and saw Jeonghwa crying yet again.

“I’m just so happy,” she defended herself. I chuckled and pulled her into a hug. Hyelin took it upon herself to bring the two separate hugs together and make a big group hug. Once we separated, everything finally felt complete again.

“So, let’s hear this new song,” Hyelin said as she walked towards the computer with Hani and Jeonghwa. I moved towards Hyojin and wrapped an arm around her.

“I told you that they’ve missed you,” I teased as she playfully rolled her eyes. The others seemed to like the song as Hyojin stayed in my arms.

“I could stay in your arms forever,” she commented as she clung onto me.

“You probably will,” I smirked as she grinned. I let her go once and I damn sure not going to do it again. I knew from this moment that everything was going to be fine.