I hate school reunions but I figured it won’t hurt to finally attend one the second time they ask to meet. So, when they asked on Monday who will be joining this Saturday’s reunion at ‘1004 Bar’, I responded immediately that ‘I’m in’.

Everyone must have been surprised that I even cared responding when I watched on the side for the past few years while they joked and made plans over chat like good old friends, because many of them questioned me if I was really coming. They must be thinking the same thing about me like good old friends as if having telepathy when I was crazy enough to say that. But I don’t care anymore what they say behind my back. I have been isolated in the past because of some of them, but it has changed. I still remember those times like a nightmare, but I think I am fine now.

I should be, right? I’m even attending the class reunion my high school classmates setup.

So, when the very moment I’ve been dreading for the past days came, I put up my bravado and went out of the dorms. I am shaking with anxiety, but I made sure I have everything with me and I didn’t forget to answer Sehun’s call when my phone rang and his name displayed on the screen.

“You want me to get you after you meet them?” he asks. I can hear the worry in his voice, but I let out a small smile as if to assure him even if he can’t see me.

“No. I will be able to handle this by myself. Don’t worry,” I tell him while heading for the bus station.

“Don’t drink too much and come back early,” he firmly tells me and that makes me laugh.

I say to him, “says the one who handles his alcohol worse than me.” I stop under the waiting shed and shift my weight on the balls and toes of my feet.

He grumbles because it annoys him when I about his drinking problems, but he doesn’t get mad. That’s something that I like about him. “I’m going to get better,” he promises and I hum in approval, suddenly wanting to just go back to my dorm room and ask him to have a movie marathon with me over popcorn. My thoughts go back to him though when he says, “Is the bus already there?”

“Not yet,” I answer and he hums like me.

“Don’t hang up until I know you arrived,” he tells me.

“Okay,” I answer with a small smile, relieved that he will be with me until I reached the last place I would want to be. But I signed myself for it, so I there is no turning back. If only he knew what my thoughts are, Sehun will make sure to be where I am as soon as he can.

The bus comes and I hop in. We talk some more that I don’t even notice the time. He tells me stories about his last baseball game that I wasn’t able to attend last Thursday and how he did a perfect pitch. Sehun loves to boast about them to me because he knows I’m the only person that can tolerate him telling those stories for hours. So, I laugh with him and tell him he did a good job.

“I’ll come to your next game, I promise,” I tell him. So far I haven’t broken any promises with him, that’s why I want to keep this promise for him.

He chuckles and says teasingly, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Saerin-ssi.” But he says this while laughing, so I know he’s glad I said that.

The bus comes to a halt and I tell him I’m getting off. The moment I am off the bus, the bar we are meeting at stares back at me from across the street. I stop for a moment in front of the pedestrian way, finally feeling anxious butterflies terrorizing my stomach for the first time today. This is worse than last night’s. I even had to take some anti-anxiety pills to calm myself down and Sehun had to lull me to sleep.

“Are you hyperventilating right now?” His worried voice pulls me out of my worries and I shake my head vehemently even if he can’t see me. I don’t want him to worry again.

I calm my breathing and say as normally as I can, “N-no. I just feel exhausted right now, but I’ll be fine.”

He grumbles and that makes me smile. I can tell I frustrate him. “Do you want to just go home?” he offers and I am tempted to tell him ‘yes’.

But instead of being a coward, I finally cross the street while still talking to him over the phone. “I’ll call you when I get back.” So, don’t ask me again. I stop in front of the bar and bid him goodbye before I go in.

As soon as I get in, music blasts from the speakers, but it isn’t the kind of noise you hear when you go to a pub. In fact, it’s the kind of slow music that you’ll want to sway to with a boyfriend or maybe just listen to while drinking alone in a booth. I feel a small smile creep onto my lips because I’m listening to something isn’t so bad, in fact it’s calming and that’s the mood I need.

I take small steps while looking for them, but I know it before I see it when I hear the noise a group is making in the middle of all these people who are gathering just like us. I turn to their general direction and see familiar faces—some that I am fine to see again and some I wish isn’t here.

But I know this isn’t the time to make them want to vanish, so I square my shoulders and walk towards their table. The guys are still fooling about when I stop behind someone and some of the girls notice me. They stop in the middle of what they are doing and suddenly all eyes are on me. I feel the stares boring holes on my face, but I ignore the butterflies in my stomach and smile while looking at the wall across the room.

“Hi,” I say and then awkwardly added, “long time no see?”

It looks like everyone isn’t sure how to react or can’t believe I am standing in front of them again, because they gape at me for a few moments, wanting to say something but somehow lost their voices. I smile wider though, not sure how to help their surprise subside.

It isn’t until Park Jihoon speaks up that the surprise moment died down. “Is that you Lee Saerin?” I can read the utter disbelief in his eyes.

I direct a small smile at him and sit in between Go Junhee and Kim Yuna who are also blatantly staring at me as if they can’t believe their eyes. I ignore them, knowing I’m going to really pee my pants if I notice every single stare.

“Yes, it’s me, Park Jihoon-ssi,” I tell him, keeping my speech formal.

Jihoon is my former high school crush, but I don’t feel the slightest amount of flutter in my chest even while looking at him now and seeing him finally noticing me. It’s just that I liked him in the past, but that was it. The feelings I had for him has long died down the very moment he sold my feelings to his friends and they started making fun of me for the next two years in high school.

I know now though it was wrong of me to confess my feelings to someone like him. But even though I can’t turn back time to that moment, I’m just glad I don’t have to think about it now. Because I may have not forgotten, but it has been long since I stopped caring.

“Wow,” he says, his eyes still looking at me in disbelief. “It’s just that you changed a lot that I wasn’t able to recognize you.”

I shrug and tell him, “I don’t think so. I didn’t even get anything done. How did my appearance change?”

Go Sunmi interrupts as usual and says from across the table, “How is that possible? I-I mean you look really pretty now while back in high school you look so—“

“Plain?” I finish for her and smile when I see guilt flash in her eyes. “It’s okay. You don’t have to feel sorry. That’s all in the past now,” I tell her.

And she smiles at me and begins interrogating me about what I am doing now. “So, which university are you attending?” Everyone perks at the question.

I ignore the looks once more and say, “Konkuk University.”

“Oh, wow! As expected of the school salutatorian!” Im Yoona exclaims, earning nods and laughs. “I know you’re really going to make it to a great university even with all that high school drama in the past.” She has an unstoppable mouth which makes some of the others shut up, but she’s one of those people I am not really close with but that I didn’t hate.

“Where are you studying now?” I ask her as the others begin pretending to be in their