Present day, jiyong pov

Have you ever missed someone you just wished you can just pull them out from anything that holds their memory ? For how many years,  I've wished for that to happen.. 

Gangwondo.. My province , my hometown .. The place were it all started. 

I walked towards the the streets of gangwondo,  savoring the winter wind.  It's been a while since i have last devoured the fresh air of gangwondo.  Being in japan for 7 years made me forget how it feels to be a province guy.

7 years.  Yes,  7 long years..  7 years of struggles and longingness. Everyday i ask myself,  was leaving korea really worth it? 

Yes and no..

Yes,  because i have achieved my ambition of becoming a succesful medical practitioner. I was able to treat my father who suffered from colorectal cancer and was able to extend his life.

No.  Each and everyday,  guilt consumes my heart.  I made a promise to her,  yet i was not able to fulfill it.  My chaerin, my lee chaerin.

I goad every waking moment of my life, as if looking for something worth to wake up.  Eversince we parted,  she took my life and heart with her.  And with that,  i am alive,  but barely living.

I walked and walked with no particular destination,  until my feet brought me to this particular place.  The place that holds lots of memories between me and chaerin.

The park is situated near this public school in gangwondo.  Our town is not that big,  so everyone gathers here everyday.  I sat at the bench near this old oak tree.  This is where we usually spend our afternoons after our class.  As i settle myself in the bench.  I took an envelope from my coat and carefully placed it on the table as if it's a treasure.  Well,  it is my treasure.  The only thing that connects me to her, the only thing that reminds me of her..  Her post cards.

I read each one of them,  and it crumples my heart.  Every line of her message is like a knife stabbing me multiple times.  How i miss her. I couldn't fathom the longingness i have for chaerin . And i could only blame myself for being in this situation.

I held onto her last postcard she sent.

"I am getting married"

That hit me so hard.  I know i should be happy,  but then how can i be?  The woman i love is now in the hands of another man. 

"Am i really late , chaerin? "

I said as if she was there,  talking to me.

For years i kept on searching for her,  but in every attempt i made,  i end up in dereliction.

I can still remember her fragile face.  Her eyes that speaks of innocence,  her smile that's contagious,  and her glowing aura. She is someone that can lighten up everyone's lives.  And everyday i get to see her emit that positivity in her. I liked her,  no scratch that,  i love her.  But being born in a poor family,  we have set priorities first.

  We never got the chance to confess what we truly feel, but for some reason,  words were not necessary to tell how much we mean for each other. We grew up believing that what we have will remain forever,  until the day came,  where chaerin and her family needed to move for seoul.  She's an incoming freshman university student and her parents wants her to enroll in a reputable university down in the capital. Her parents believe that the only way for her to secure a bright future is by graduating from college,  bearing the top university's name on her diploma.  That's how high her parents ambition is for her.  The reason why our budding love didn't blossom.

One by  one,  i read all of the postcards she sent. The postcards we both promised to send when we parted ways.  As i read all of the haply messages she wrote,  her voice suddenly filled my ear..

"Oppa" her voice is like a music to my ear..

Her laughter is like a ray of the morning sun that warms my heart.

As i continue to busy myself thinking about her,  i held on to the last postcard she sent.  It hurts.  I don't want to believe it,  but reality kicked in..  She's married.

I wanted to see her,  i wanted to talk to her,  i wanted to explain to her everything and let her know that yes,  i love her too..

"But,  will i ever see you again? "

I sighed as i looked down,  tears were already threatening to fall.
 

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