He knew it wasn't right.

The way his heart felt like it was going to stop if he danced to much, the bruises that appear immediately when happens to hit something even slightly, the dark marks underneath his eyes, the paleness of his skin; he knew it wan't normal, but it didn't stop him.

Lately he's been on a diet, as he promised himself. The bad thing is that it didn't turn out as he wanted.

He talked with his manager about wanting to get better in terms of appearence and going to the gym, so the both of them decided that it would be a great idea to visit a nutritionist to make the weight loss in a healthy way; and of course Chanwoo insisted on it not being that urgent, saying that he doen't care that much and is just doing it because he sees the rest of the members doing so, so he felt motivated, but actually he only said those things to keep the worry away from his manager and members; he knew that if he acted like if it wasn't that big a deal, the manager would hand the isue in a very subtle way, below the comebacks and interviews and scheduels.

As soon as he got his dieting program he began to follow everything strictly. But you see, maybe to keep reading those full of hate comments as soon as he arrived at the dorm was not a good idea.

1 month into this diet, the comments started to follow him everywhere. He didn't even read them anymore, he could imagine every possible thing that the haters might write under his pictures or videos, in his instagram page or in a youtube fancam. The good thing is that he had to practice a lot of hours during the day, so he had a way to get his mind away from the hate that was not only on social media, but now on his head.

With this new food rutine of course he ate smaller portions, but soon Chanwoo started to eat less and less. Don't get it wrong, it wasn't because he was thinking 'I should lose weight faster', it wasn't on purpose; it's just that he realized that the comments didn't need to be on a screen anymore for him to feel the hate, he noticed how everytime that he tried to take a selfie he was too scared to post it and started to hear the same full of hate words that he used to read in his very own voice, he could hear himself saying 'you are too fat' 'lose some weight' forgetting that he read those things, he felt the self hate. The only way that his head could keep quiet for a while, was when he was practicing alone; he could see himself in the mirror, dancing with all of his energy and he felt he was improving. The problem came when the rest joined and he saw Donghyuk dancing, so he gets distracted thinking 'did you really think you are going to get better?' so he trips and makes June loss balance and fall, and then Hanbin gets mad at him for being unfocused, and the rest of the members don't even look at him.

So for 5 months now, Chanwoo has been eating 2 small meals a day, if not one, just because he can't seem to find the apetite; seems