“I’m on my way.”

 

Hakyeon was standing by the sidewalk, waiting for the pedestrian light to go green. He was speaking on the phone with Jinki, who called just to check on where he was and what time they would be meeting at their usual secret place.

 

It had been two weeks since his dinner with his friends and he pushed Wonshik’s words to the back of his head but occasionally, it would pop up to him and he would find himself wondering if it was all worth the risk. He... had gotten used to it, speaking to Jinki in public without ever mentioning his name. Sometimes, there was a thrill to it. Other times, it made him paranoid, wondering if he would ever slip and get caught.

 

The light turned green just as Jinki began to excitedly chatter with him. Hakyeon smiled and tried to push back his worries again. It was hard not to indulge when Jinki was being such a sweetheart. He was, however, distracted when he saw a familiar face at the pedestrian crossing. He raised a hand to wave hello, but Hongbin was looking right past him, walking briskly towards the direction Hakyeon came from.

 

He could have brushed it off. Hongbin may not have seen him in the crowd of people, but Hakyeon had a bad feeling about it. There was darkness looming in Hongbin’s eyes, his lips pursed thin and his shoulders tensed. He walked past Hakyeon without even sparing him a glance, and Hakyeon couldn’t help but turn his head to see where he was going.

 

“Hey,” Hakyeon hastily interrupted Jinki’s chatter. “Sorry, I’m gonna drop by somewhere so I might be a little late.” He barely waited for Jinki’s response before fully turning on his heel to run after Hongbin.

 

He wished he was seeing things wrong, but from where he stood, he could see Hongbin’s gaze was fixed on a guy whom he seemed to be following. When the man entered a restaurant, Hongbin stopped outside and simply looked in through  the glass walls. Hakyeon didn’t fail to notice the way he clenched his fists.

 

Finally reaching the same restaurant and standing about two steps away from Hongbin, Hakyeon looked inside and saw the man sitting on a table with a woman. He was holding her hand over the table as they ordered food. Hakyeon turned to face Hongbin, who now had tears pooling at the corners of his eyes.

 

“Hongbin…”

 

Hongbin turned to look at him for a split second, but then did a 180 and looked away from Hakyeon, refusing to show his face.

 

“Hyung, I didn’t realize you were there.”

 

“I saw you at the pedestrian and followed you here.”

 

“Ah, Why would you follow me? Did you need anything?” Hongbin took a deep breath before facing Hakyeon again with a forced smile on his face. His eyes were still b with tears but he refused to let them fall.

 

“Is he your boyfriend?”

 

“I… No, not anymore. Starting today.”

 

“Did he cheat on you?”

 

“Sorry, hyung. I’d rather not talk about it.”

 

Before Hongbin could say another word, Hakyeon walked towards the door of the restaurant, looking as if he was ready to kill. Instinctively, Hongbin ran and grabbed his arm, pulling him away.

 

“Hyung, calm down,” Hongbin begged, but the expression on Hakyeon’s face didn’t soften. He wanted to walk up to whoever that man was and shred him into pieces for hurting Hongbin.

 

“I could kill him now if you tell me to.”

 

“Don’t do anything, please.” Hongbin’s eyes were full of unshed tears and Hakyeon wondered if he could still even see, but the grip on his hand was firm. “Promise me you won’t do anything.”

 

Hakyeon took a deep breath to calm himself down. “What are you going to do then?”

 

“I’ll just go home for now.”

 

“And?”

 

“I don’t know, hyung. I just want to go home. Please. Just go your way too. I’ll be fine.”

 

Hakyeon felt helpless, watching Hongbin let go of his arm and walk away just like that. He wanted so badly to confront the man, but he knew Hongbin didn’t want him to. He didn’t have the right to meddle with their relationship, no matter how protective he was of his friends. He barely knew anything about them in the first place and he had no idea what led them to this situation.

 

He sighed again, and then suddenly decided to run after Hongbin. Hakyeon held his arm loosely, not quite clinging, but simply to touch and comfort.

 

“I just want to make sure you get home safely,” Hakyeon said.

 

“I’m fine, hyung. I’m not a child.” Hongbin tried to pull his arm away, but this time, Hakyeon tightened his hold.

 

“I know, Binnie,” he answered. “I know.”

 

Hongbin sighed. One thing that hasn’t changed about Hakyeon was that if he held onto you, you won’t be able to push him away unless he decided to let go. “Just until I get home, okay?”

 

Hakyeon nodded. He resisted the urge to ask questions even though he was itching to know things. Even if Hongbin had been the most supportive and welcoming after his disappearance, Hakyeon knew he wasn’t in the best position to pry into Hongbin’s business. They were good friends but unlike with Taekwoon, his friendship with Hongbin was never the same after they broke up.

 

They took the subway back to Hongbin’s apartment, with Hakyeon only letting go of Hongbin’s hand whenever necessary. He didn’t mind if some people were looking at them. Hongbin seemed too spaced out to mind either. The tears were gone from his eyes and his expression had gone back to neutral, but he was mostly spaced out. A few times, he walked into the wrong direction and Hakyeon, not really knowing where Hongbin’s address was, started to ask once in a while if they were going the right way.

 

It wasn’t the first time he saw Hongbin that way. Like he was physically all right, his face blank and void of pain, his body functioning like it was programmed to keep moving, but his mind was elsewhere, his heart probably crushed. He broke up with Hakyeon over the phone and the first few times they met after that, he barely had any emotion on his face. He hated showing his pain, to the point that Hakyeon once wondered if he was even hurt by their breakup.

 

Hakyeon wasn’t sure if Hongbin was still even aware of his presence by the time they reached his apartment. He simply opened the door and entered, not really bothering to look at Hakyeon nor say goodbye. So Hakyeon did what he would normally do - invite himself in and see what else he could do to help. He looked around the kitchen and took a glass of water.

 

Hongbin just went straight to the couch and plopped himself face first against the cushions. He didn’t move until he felt a tap on his leg and heard Hakyeon’s voice, offering him a drink.

 

“I thought you’d just take me home?” Hongbin grunted in annoyance, although he did take the glass from Hakyeon’s hand and drank a little.

 

“Yeah, I’m gonna leave soon… Just… I know you said you don’t want to talk, but...” Hakyeon bit his lip. “Do you want me to call Wonshik?”

 

“No!” Hongbin almost yelled at him. “God, no! Wonshik never liked that bastard. I can already hear his ‘I told you so’ lecture. I don’t wanna deal with him right now.”

 

“That guy… He doesn’t deserve you,” Hakyeon said. He contemplated holding Hongbin’s hand again, but seeing as the later was still holding the glass of water, he just sat still next to Hongbin.

 

“Don’t patronize me.” Hongbin put down the glass on his living room table. “I appreciate it, but I’m okay, hyung. It’s gonna be weird to talk to you about this, you know?”

 

Understandable. They were ex-boyfriends after all. Still, Hakyeon didn’t want to just leave.

 

“What about Taekwoon?”

 

“He’s probably busy. Seriously, hyung. Stop it. I’ll go call Sanghyuk when I feel like talking to someone. I change the topic whenever I think you’re uncomfortable. Can’t you do the same for me?”

 

“Oh.. Okay…” Hakyeon was about to stand and leave, but when he glanced at Hongbin, he saw the tears threatening to roll down his cheeks again. He settled back on the couch. “Can I at least hug you? I’m anxious about meeting with this person today. Do me a favor and let me calm my nerves.”

 

It wasn’t a complete lie. A part of Hakyeon was still anxious about whatever it was he had with Jinki, but they both knew it was just an excuse. Hongbin rolled his eyes, barely managing to stop his tears from falling. He didn’t move though, so Hakyeon took it as a permission and leaned closer to hold Hongbin. He placed a hand around Hongbin’s waist and another on his shoulder. To his surprise, not only was there no resistance, but Hongbin also leaned towards him, ducking his head under Hakyeon’s chin. Few more seconds later, he even slipped his arms around Hakyeon’s waist, too.

 

“I’m not crying,” he said when Hakyeon felt a wet patch on his shirt. “It’s just sweat.”

 

“Hmmm,” Hakyeon hummed. “Yeah, seems like you still don’t want to invest in an aircon.” Despite asking for a hug as a favor, he started patting Hongbin’s back, gentle and soothing. Hongbin’s grip on his waist tightened a little, a few soft sobs escaping his mouth as he pressed his face closer against Hakyeon’s collarbone.

 

It was obvious that he tried to stop himself from crying and lifted himself away from Hakyeon a few times, only to realize his tears won’t stop coming so he had to duck again and try to hide his crying face.

 

“I’m sorry,” Hongbin sobbed. “You should probably go. Just… Don’t look at me please.”

 

“It’s okay,” Hakyeon whispered, still rubbing Hongbin’s back. “I’m not really keen on meeting this person today. I need a reason to cancel on him, you know?”

 

Another excuse, but it was enough to let Hongbin relax a little in his embrace. In the end, he fell asleep crying on Hakyeon’s chest. Hakyeon leaned back so he could let Hongbin rest comfortably against him. His chest was sticky from sweat and from Hongbin’s tears, but he didn’t mind.

 

Sorry. Something came up. He sent a text to Jinki as soon as he was able to pull out his phone from his pocket. It was on silent mode because of his classes, but Jinki called and texted him a couple of times.

 

Hakyeon wondered if it was enough for an explanation. If he were Jinki, he would probably be pissed off that it was all he got after hours of waiting. But then again, were they really in a status to need to fully explain themselves?

 

Apparently, Jinki thought so, because he called back upon receiving Hakyeon’s reply.

 

Hakyeon slipped off under Hongbin and tried to gently lay his head down on the couch before picking up the call. He walked towards the door, careful not to make any sound.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Uhhh…” Hakyeon answered in a whisper. “I saw a friend on my way there and… he was in a situation where I couldn’t leave him. I’m sorry.”

 

“Why are you whispering? Nevermind,” Jinki sighed. “I don’t really mind if you had an emergency,” Jinki answered, still sounding so calm. Hakyeon wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel better or worse. “But you could have said so earlier.”

 

“Sorry. I couldn’t get my phone earlier.”

 

They were both silent for a moment. If not for the absence of the beeping busy tone, Hakyeon would’ve thought the call was over.

 

“So are you still coming?” Jinki finally broke the silence.

 

“Wait, you’re still there? It’s been three hours!” Hakyeon gasped.

 

“It’s not like I have anything else to do tonight. And I’ve already booked the room for the whole night anyway.”

 

“Omygod I’m so sorry.” Hakyeon felt guilty, but he couldn’t help feeling a little glad too. It was supposedly nothing but a casual affair, but the fact that Jinki was still waiting for him warmed his heart.

 

“I’m still here at my friend’s place,” he bit his lower lip. Hongbin wouldn’t mind, but Hakyeon was not the type to just leave like that. “Can you give me another 30 - no, 45 minutes?”

 

Three hours and forty-five minutes were probably too much to ask, Hakyeon knew that much. So he was delighted when Jinki happily answered okay.

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yeah,” he said. “I really want to see you tonight.”

 

Hakyeon bit his lower lip again, this time in anticipation. He quickly said goodbye and then looked around Hongbin’s apartment once more. Since Hongbin didn’t have an AC, Hakyeon pulled up an electric fan close to the couch and made sure Hongbin had proper ventilation before going to grab a blanket and putting it over him. Next, he checked the fridge and cluck his tongue when he didn’t find any food. He rushed out to the nearby convenience store to buy some food - a cup of instant noodles, reheatable sandwiches and kimbap - probably not the best remedy for a broken heart but Hakyeon didn’t have time to cook anything. He just left the food on the counter and then wrote a note to Hongbin to make sure he eats after he wakes up.

 

And then he ran. Back to the subway station. Back to where he was supposed to meet with Jinki. He wanted to go home to change his shirt but he didn’t want to keep Jinki waiting longer. Thankfully, the patch from Hongbin’s tears had dried by the time he got off the train.

 

He managed to calm himself and fix his hair before going up the elevator, but deep down, he knew he was excited. Despite the alarm bells ringing in his head, Hakyeon couldn’t help himself. The more he tried to think of their situation and tried to tell himself it was all just a fling, the more he also felt like he was starting to have deeper feelings for Jinki. And if he wasn’t just getting carried away, he would say Jinki was growing more and more fond of him too.

 

He pulled Hakyeon into a kiss as soon as he entered their room. “I missed you,” he said.

 

“It’s only been three days since we last saw each other!”

 

“I know, and I missed you,” Jinki smiled.

 

Hakyeon was tempted to ask. Tempted to confess that maybe it was starting to be more than just a fling to him. But it scared him, what it would mean for both of them. So he kept his mouth shut. Tried to just enjoy the moment and maybe save the thinking for later.

 

Jinki usually didn’t stay the night. He would often just meet with Hakyeon and go because he would have early schedules the next day. It was the first time they cuddled together on the bed, just staring at each other.

 

“Do you still live in a dorm with your members?” Hakyeon started - not the question he really wanted to ask but he would get there, eventually… maybe.

 

“No, I moved out a month ago. Bought a house for my parents and then for myself.”

 

“Wow, living the life, aren’t you?”

 

“Not really,” Jinki said. “I like having my own space but it gets lonely. What’s the use of having my own house if I still have to secretly book hotel rooms just to see you?”

 

Hakyeon nervously chuckled. “I’d come visit you if you want to invite me.”

 

“I can’t,” Jinki sighed. “We’ve put in security and the neighborhood is mostly private but some fans still come by occasionally.”

 

“So…” Hakyeon’s throat was feeling a bit tight but since they were already talking about it, he might as well ask. “If that wasn’t a problem, would you have invited me over?”

 

The smile on Jinki’s lips slightly faded as he realized what Hakyeon was trying to say. He raised a hand and trailed a finger from Hakyeon’s hairline, down to his cheek and then to his chin. “You’re special, you know?”

 

Hakyeon pursed his lips, catching himself and resisting the urge to sigh. What he had with Jinki was special and he was happy, but he was starting to get greedy.

 

“I saw you on TV some time ago,” Hakyeon said.

 

“Hmmm? Which show?”

 

“Did you know I studied in the same university as Lee Wongeun?” Hakyeon didn’t know why he was suddenly bringing Wongeun up. He didn’t know why he was suddenly feeling aggressive either. He just knew he didn’t like whatever it was that he felt.

 

“Oh?” Jinki smiled at him. “Were you close friends?”

 

“We dated.”

 

Silence.

 

Jinki’s tiny slanted eyes went all round and big as he stared silently at Hakyeon, mouth hanging slightly open. The hand which was previously caressing Hakyeon’s face went suddenly limp, but then suddenly clenched into a fist as he sat up.

 

“I dated him for more than a year up until I was teaching at Changwon.” Hakyeon sat up as well.

 

“When we met at Changwon…”

 

“It was about six months after breaking up with him.”

 

Jinki covered his sigh with an awkward chuckle as he lay back down on the bed. “Aaahhh, this is why I don’t like asking about the past.”

 

“I wanted to tell you,” Hakyeon said. He placed a hand on Jinki’s bare chest, wanting to soothe him but also afraid of moving even just an inch. If he was honest, he maybe wanted to see if Jinki would get even just slightly jealous, but now that he saw it bothered him, Hakyeon regretted it. “I want to let you know that it has nothing to do with us. I didn’t even realize you looked similar until Wonshik pointed it out to me.”

 

“So you just seem to have a type, huh?” It was the first time Hakyeon heard him sound even just slightly upset. He always sounded so cheerful or calm and composed, but never that serious.

 

“I like you,” Hakyeon said. “As you are, not because of who you look like. And I’m grateful to you for a lot of things.”

 

“I want to keep seeing you,” Jinki replied. He placed a hand at the back of Hakyeon’s neck and pulled him down gently for a kiss. “For a long time,” he whispered in between short breaths. “For as long as I could.”

 

Hakyeon sighed into the kiss. It wasn’t hard to read between the lines. Jinki liked him. A lot. Probably almost as much as Hakyeon liked him. But only for as long as he could. If ever happens and his career would be put in danger, that would be the end for them.

 

Unfortunately, it didn’t take too long for them to set their priorities straight.

 

Two days later, Hakyeon was cleaning up his desk before clocking out when he received a call from Hongbin.

 

“Hyung, do you have plans tonight?”

 

“Uhhh, yeah,” Hakyeon replied. “I’m having dinner with someone.”

 

“If that someone is Lee Jinki, cancel it.” Hongbin spoke in a whisper but the urgency was apparent in his tone.

 

“What?” Hakyeon was confused for a second, but then he started to panic. “How did you know about-”

 

“My boyfri - no, my co-worker saw you guys leaving a hotel and took pictures of you.”

 

Hakyeon was thankful he was still at his desk and he fell right on his office chair because his legs felt like jelly and he just lost all capacity to stand. “I… What… Omygod, Hongbin… What do I do?” His voice was shaking, along with his whole body. He was barely even able to keep holding his phone up to his ear. It terrified him. Not because he was afraid of the attacks he would receive from Jinki’s fans but because of how much it would damage Jinki’s career. He himself was also just starting his own life again, and a teacher being caught in a hotel with another guy would not be the best for him.

 

“It’s okay, hyung,” Hongbin was still whispering. “I deleted the photos.”

 

“Omygod, thank you.” Hakyeon almost cried in relief.

 

“But now, our boss knows too, and they gave a go signal to allow that bastard to stalk Jinki.”

 

“What the hell?! Is that legal?”

 

“I don’t know how they’re gonna do it, but if you’re meeting with him, just cancel it. Call him and warn him about paparazzis and maybe try to lay low for a while, at least until these damn bastards give up on it.”

 

Hakyeon gulped. Cold sweat beads were forming on his forehead and his hands had not stopped trembling.

 

If he called Jinki, it might be the end for them.