Jaehwan chose a small restaurant near his company. They didn’t get an exclusive room but the place was cozy and private enough for them. He and Taekwoon weren’t anywhere near being big stars yet, but they were starting to make a name for themselves as musical actors, and his company had been releasing teasers for his idol debut already.

 

The dinner was way better than what Hakyeon expected. Jaehwan immediately jumped on him, squealing in a high pitched voice that Hakyeon almost forgot he had. He felt a little choked, but it was the warmest welcome he could have asked for. Sanghyuk was more well-composed and a little reserved, but he hugged Hakyeon tight before proceeding to his own seat next to Taekwoon.

 

Taekwoon acted grumpy at first and he glared at Hakyeon from time to time. It didn’t take long before he was clinging on to Hakyeon again, an arm thrown around the backrest of Hakyeon’s seat and occasionally brushing or hitting Hakyeon’s back as he joked around. At the opposite side of the table, Hongbin just sat quietly, acting all warm and friendly. He took it upon himself to change the topic whenever he saw the awkward expressions on Hakyeon’s face - and for that, Hakyeon felt like someone definitely had his back.

 

Wonshik was a little difficult to get through. He just gave Hakyeon a light pat on the shoulder when he arrived, said a single hello, and then proceeded to sit beside Jaehwan. It was strange, Hakyeon thought. He expected Taekwoon’s anger but not Wonshik’s. Given that the latter always complained about his excessive show of affection, Hakyeon didn’t think his disappearance would matter much to Wonshik.

 

“He’s not mad at you,” Hongbin said when he noticed Hakyeon’s gaze following Wonshik who had excused himself to go to the restroom. “He just doesn’t know how to talk to you again.”

 

Hakyeon put up a smile. He knew exactly what Hongbin meant because that was also how he felt those numerous times he scrolled through his contact list at night, wondering if he should try to call anyone. He couldn’t bring himself to do it because he didn’t know what to say.

 

“Hyung,” Jaehwan called from the other end of the table. “Remember that time things got awkward between Wonshik and I? You told me to just keep hanging around him even if it annoyed him. I’m saying it back to you now. It works on him. That’s the type of guy he is. He’ll get comfortable with you again soon enough.”

 

“Yeah,” Hakyeon chuckled as he remembered. “Was that the beginning for both of you? How you started dating?”

 

“Hmmmm,” Jaehwan hummed. “Maybe. But nothing really happened until Hongbin told me Wonshik was dropping out of college and I stormed into his studio in an attempt to convince him otherwise.”

 

“Why does that sound familiar?” Hakyeon’s eyes narrowed as he glanced at Hongbin, remembering how he did the same when Hongbin stopped attending his classes some years ago. But then he felt a little awkward so he directed his gaze back to Jaehwan almost immediately.

 

“Best friends could get freakishly similar, don’t they?” Jaehwan chirped. “Anyway, I found him drowning himself in self-composed songs. I didn’t succeed in changing his mind but I accidentally played a song he wrote for me and… Well, it was hot.” He laughed smugly, a hint of mischief on his eyes.

 

Hakyeon cringed a little at the thought. He very much supported their relationship but Jaehwan could be a little too detailed when he’s sharing his stories and Hakyeon really didn’t need to hear it.

 

“Omygod, please stop,” Wonshik returned from the restroom in time to stop Jaehwan from describing how exactly they got together.

 

Jaehwan smirked. “You know, you should let them hear that song some time.”

 

“God, no.” Hongbin interjected. “ I heard a part of it once. It’s a good song, but if you listen to it when you know it’s for Jaehwan-hyung… it gets… weird. I can’t listen to it the same way again.”

 

“Please,” Hakyeon added. “I’m still haunted by mental images of Jaehwan and Taekwoon kissing. I don’t need another one.”

 

“Yah!” Taekwoon suddenly yelled at him. “How did you even know that?!”

 

“I…” It was a slip of the tongue, and Hakyeon didn’t really think of what he was saying until he heard Sanghyuk choke on his drink and Taekwoon gaped at him in surprise. “I’m sorry. I thought everyone knew.” It was the reason why Wonshik and Jaehwan got awkward in the first place. Hakyeon was under the impression it was okay to mention because it was Jaehwan who brought it up first.

 

“I… didn’t know that,” Hongbin said, watching cautiously and getting ready to mediate should a fight start.

 

“Of course you don’t!” Taekwoon snapped at him. “No one was supposed to know!” He turned to look at Sanghyuk, who was still busy wiping his mouth after choking on his iced tea.

 

“Aaah, sorry,” Jaehwan pouted, trying to pull the cutest face he could get away with. “It was my fault, I told Hakyeon-hyung before.”

 

“What the-”

 

“Well, it was not exactly a secret. Wonshik and Sanghyuk saw us!”

 

“You saw us?!”

 

Sanghyuk just gave a slight nod before resuming to sip his iced tea, pointedly avoiding Taekwoon’s eyes.

 

The horror all over on Taekwoon’s face made Hakyeon think maybe he shouldn’t have come back. It hadn’t been a day since he met with his friends again and he was already stirring up trouble.

 

“Why didn’t any of you tell me?” Taekwoon whined, his face suddenly beet red.

 

“I feel like I should be the one saying that,” Hongbin tried to pass it as a joke. “Then again, I’m not sure I would have wanted to know that.”

 

Taekwoon was too mortified that he just buried his face onto his arms and slouched against the table.

 

“Hyung,” Jaehwan laughed. “It’s been more than a year!”

 

Hakyeon sighed and started gently patting Taekwoon’s back. He leaned down and talked into his friend’s ear, not quite whispering but very softly, like he was talking to a delicate child. “It’s okay, Taekwoonnie. You were going through a hard time back then. We didn’t want you to feel more embarrassed if you knew someone saw you and Jaehwan.”

 

Taekwoon lifted his head from the table and buried himself onto Hakyeon’s shoulder instead. “It’s still embarrassing now!” His arms automatically wrapped around Hakyeon’s waist as he continued to whine.

 

Hakyeon felt the others were staring at them intently, but his attention was caught by the way Sanghyuk frowned at them.

 

“You’re overreacting again. You’re truly living up to being an actor, aren’t you?”

 

Hakyeon understood Taekwoon’s embarrassment, but he couldn’t wrap his head around the hint of annoyance and the faint blush on Sanghyuk’s face as he rolled his eyes.

 

Sanghyuk had always been frank and sometimes a little too tactless, but he was also a kind and gentle kid. Hakyeon found it strange that Sanghyuk seemed quite crude towards Taekwoon, even in their group chat. He racked his brain and tried to recall just how close Taekwoon and Sanghyuk were before he left. As far as he could remember, Taekwoon only ever had a little crush on Sanghyuk for some time, but they didn’t really have much interaction with each other.  Hongbin and Jaehwan did tell him that the two had recently been bantering often, and it was a reality check for Hakyeon that their group dynamics must have changed a lot while he was gone.

 

If he didn’t know Sanghyuk was straight, he would have thought that dark look on his precious Hyukkie’s eyes was jealousy.

 

“Look, Wonshik used to have a crush on you and he isn’t even bothered by it anymore,” Sanghyuk went on, grabbing Taekwoon’s arm and peeling him off of Hakyeon.

 

Jaehwan had this smug expression on his face, and now it made sense to Hakyeon why Jaehwan said their two friends were in a constant state of .

 

Wonshik, on the other hand, cried out and quickly picked up a bean to throw towards Sanghyuk’s face. “YAH! I never had a crush on him!”

 

“It’s okay, Shikkie,” Jaehwan teased. “Even I knew that.”

 

Wonshik sighed. “I said I didn’t! The sight of you guys kissing just bothered me for a while but truthfully, I could remember you more clearly, so I started noticing you more after that.”

 

“Oooh,” Jaehwan whistled. “Was that your inspiration for the song you wrote? Did you imagine I was kissing you instead?”

 

Wonshik blushed and yelled at Jaehwan to stop talking about his song. Meanwhile, Sanghyuk was still nagging on Taekwoon who shrunk low on his seat, muttering things about not wanting to see daylight anymore.

 

A fond smile spread across Hakyeon’s  face as he watched the scene. He thought it was very chaotic, but it was the kind of chaos that he missed. His friends were fun and loud and sometimes annoying, but he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

 

“They missed you too,” Hongbin was smiling at him across the table.

 

Hakyeon could only nod. He resumed eating happily while letting more chaos unfold before him.

 

By the end of the night, Hakyeon just felt… Home. He lost his way, but now he was back. And he had no plans of leaving again.

 

-=o0o=-

 

“Hyung, Wonshik can drop you off at your apartment.” Jaehwan had an arm around Wonshik’s shoulder, visibly pushing him towards Hakyeon.

 

“It’s fine,” Hakyeon replied, noting the obvious panic on Wonshik’s face. “I can take the subway. My place is less than five minutes walk from the station.”

 

“Why bother with the subway when you’re going the same way?” The smile on Jaehwan’s face was still his signature cutesy act, but somehow, Hakyeon felt like it was a little imposing. His little Jaehwannie seemed to have learned how to make people oblige to his whims. “Whether Wonshik goes home or goes to his studio, he’s bound to pass by your apartment.”

 

“What about you?” Wonshik asked with a straight face. “I thought you wanted me to drop you off so I brought my car.”

 

“I just got a text from my manager. I need to drop by the company for a bit.”

 

“We could wait for you,” Hakyeon insisted.

 

“I don’t know how long I’ll take and my house is the opposite direction anyway.”

 

“Just go,” Hongbin suddenly whispered as he gave Hakyeon a light pat on the back. “No use arguing with Jaehwan-hyung when he’s set on letting you go with Wonshik.”

 

“Okay. Anyone else who wants to carpool?” Wonshik offered, but Taekwoon had his own car and would drop Hyuk at his university dorm. Hongbin was going the opposite way. In the end, Hakyeon and Wonshik were left at the parking lot.

 

“Wonshik, you don’t have to-”

 

“Just get in,” Wonshik said awkwardly as he pressed his car key to unlock the doors.

 

Hakyeon obliged, but a few silent minutes into the road, he turned to Wonshik again. “You can drop me off at the subway station.”

 

“Are you that uncomfortable riding with me?” Wonshik asked without even glancing at him.

 

“I’m uncomfortable that you’re uncomfortable with me.”

 

Wonshik sighed. “Jaehwan would get mad if he found out-”

 

“I won’t tell him. He wouldn’t know.”

 

“It’s not that,” Wonshik talked sternly, almost sounding a little angry.

 

“Sorry,” Hakyeon muttered. He settled back low on to his seat, almost like the way Taekwoon does when he wants to disappear out of embarrassment. The silence stretched for another few minutes, until Hakyeon sighed again and looked at Wonshik.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

Wonshik glanced at him briefly before looking back at the road. “Since when did you ask permission to ask questions? You didn’t care before whether we wanted to answer or not. You just kept asking anyway.”

 

Hakyeon pursed his lips and hummed. He wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad response, but he decided to ask anyway. “You dropped out of college?”

 

Wonshik chuckled. It was the first time that night that Hakyeon heard the laugh directed at him.

 

“I’m surprised you’re only asking that now. Would have thought you’d start nagging as soon as you heard the news.”

 

Hakyeon bit his lip. “I didn’t think I had the right to nag or even ask after I dropped out of your life.”

 

Wonshik momentarily froze upon hearing Hakyeon’s words. The Hakyeon he knew before wouldn’t have cared - he would have nagged Wonshik regardless, and probably would even try to convince him to finish his studies.

 

“I was angry.”

 

“Wonshik…”

 

“But after a while, I think I understood why you needed some time to yourself. During that time, I just knew I wanted to write songs. Attending classes seemed so unimportant and I felt like I was just going along with what everyone else was doing without really caring where it would bring me. So my brain just kinda shut down and I did the only thing I knew I wanted to do.”

 

Hakyeon kept his eyes on his side of the road. He couldn’t bear to look at Wonshik. Not when they were talking about this. “I envy you, you know?”

 

Wonshik just sighed, letting Hakyeon continue speaking.

 

“I worked hard through college and graduated because I thought that was what we all had to do. I thought I would feel accomplished once I successfully finished my studies. If you dropped out while I was still attending the university, I probably would have forcibly dragged you back like I did with Hongbin.”

 

A soft chuckle escaped Wonshik’s lips. “Exactly what I was thinking.” If Hakyeon did not disappear, Wonshik probably wouldn’t have been able to drop out. It wasn’t that he blamed Hakyeon. It was his own decision and he never once regretted it. Still, he often wondered what would have happened if it was Hakyeon and not Jaehwan who stormed into his studio to convince him.

 

“But it would have been wrong for me to force you to keep studying when you obviously could succeed without graduating. You’re way better than me.”

 

Wonshik looked at him. His hands were stable on the steering wheel, but his eyes were trained on Hakyeon for some moment, before glancing back at the road to ensure there was nothing in front of them. “I’m not,” he said as he looked at Hakyeon again.

 

“Of course you are,” Hakyeon smiled both proud and envious. “At least you knew what you wanted to do. If I meddled with your life back then, it would have come to bite me back right in the face. You had something, Wonshik. And you’re doing great. You have written great songs and you’ve been earning more than I ever had from the time I graduated.”

 

“Hyung, I’m pretty sure you could have earned -”

 

“I couldn’t do anything because I didn’t even know what I wanted to do until I met Jinki.”

 

Wonshik suddenly stepped on the break, luckily right on time for the light to go red. “You don’t happen to mean Lee Jinki, don’t you?” He turned to face Hakyeon, who just realized his slip.

 

“I…”

 

“Hyung?!”

 

It should have been obvious. Wonshik had enough connections and talent to be able to sell his songs from rookies to the most popular groups.

 

Hakyeon never really checked out idol groups, much less the writers/composers of whatever song he liked, but knowing that Wonshik had been a successful writer for some time now, he should have known he had at least crossed paths with Jinki.

 

“You were the guy he met in Changwon?!”

 

“Are… you friends with Jinki?”

 

“Not really friends… but--”

 

“Hey, light’s turned green.” Hakyeon tapped Wonshik and urged him to continue driving, hoping the conversation would be cut for good, but Wonshik wouldn’t let it go that easily.

 

“It’s really Lee Jinki?! Like the idol Jinki?”

 

Hakyeon sighed. He didn’t really want to talk about this, especially not with Wonshik.

 

“Hyung,” Wonshik pulled over to the side of the road, surprising Hakyeon, who thought he was actually being dropped by the subway station nearby. But Wonshik was staring intently at him. “Look, I don’t know much about Lee Jinki, other than he’s cute and clumsy, but you’re walking on thin ice here. He’s really popular. If you get caught -”

 

“You’re reacting like Jaehwan isn’t about to become an idol. You don’t seem to have any worries dating him.”

 

“That’s different. We’ve known each other for a long time and we could easily pass as friends hanging out or as composer and artist working together. And whatever happens, I’m ready to support him, even if I have to hide our relationship. You, on the other hand… No offense, but you were just some guy he met recently. If his fans find out and start hunting you down, what would you do? Would he stand by your side and protect you?”

 

“I knew what I was getting into.” It was starting annoy Hakyeon, no matter how much he understood Wonshik’s intentions. “We’re not really dating anyway.”

 

“That just makes it more complicated, don’t you think? His group members knows about you. I overheard them teasing him one time when they were recording at the studio. God, I should have known it was you.”

 

Hakyeon threw him a sharp look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Changwon, dance teacher, nice . That’s what I heard.”

 

Hakyeon wasn’t sure how to feel knowing that people were talking about his like that - or that Wonshik felt like he should have been able to tell just by that.

 

Wonshik looked at him worriedly. “If you’re not really dating then what are you exactly?”

 

Hakyeon awkwardly shifted on his seat.

 

“You’re sleeping with him?”

 

“...”

 

“Do you like him?” Wonshik noticed Hakyeon was trying hard not to roll his eyes, but he kept asking anyway. “No, hyung, do you love him?”

 

At that, Hakyeon froze. He never really thought about it, no. It hasn’t been that long since they met.

 

“N-no… It’s not like that at all.”

 

“You don’t sound so sure,” Wonshik pointed out. He sighed and then leaned back on the driver’s seat, scratching his temple in a mix of worry and frustration.

 

“We just met some time ago. We’re just hooking up. That’s all.” Hakyeon re-affirmed, though he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself as well.

 

“But he was enough reason for you to come back to Seoul?”

 

“It wasn’t him per se.” It was the only thing he was sure about. He didn’t come back because of Jinki. “It was watching him perform. I realized some things that I might have wanted to do while I watched them on stage. I’m here for myself. Not for anyone else. Although he did help encourage me about some other things.” Hakyeon looked away, feeling a little guilty to admit that he needed Jinki’s support to face his friends again.

 

Wonshik hummed. He wasn’t fully convinced but he also knew Hakyeon was not the type to make his life decisions revolve around someone else. He restarted the engine and resumed driving to Hakyeon’s apartment. They kept the silence for a while. Just when Hakyeon thought he was off the hook, Wonshik started asking again. “So why Jinki, of all people?”

 

“What?” Hakyeon had almost forgotten how Wonshik could get so insistent when he wanted to know everything. He was half-glad that Wonshik was talking to him again but he also felt uncomfortable with the topic. “We just met and he approached me. It’s not like I chose him specifically.”

 

“But you could have refused?”

 

“Why would I? He’s cute and he seemed nice.” Hakyeon was growing really annoyed. He wished Hongbin was around to help him change the topic again.

 

“Uhhh… Because he looks like your ex?”

 

The confusion on Hakyeon’s face told Wonshik he probably didn’t even realize, which just made him sigh deeper. “When did you break up with Wongeun?”

 

Hakyeon felt his heart drop to his stomach. He hadn’t been thinking of Wongeun for some time, but now that Wonshik pointed it out, Jinki and Wongeun did look a lot like each other. He didn’t want to think of it that way, but a part of him was probably unconsciously attracted to Jinki because of that.

 

Hakyeon suddenly found himself wondering. He and Wongeun broke up only because they got too busy with their lives and they grew as far apart as the physical distance between them. If they were to meet again in Seoul, would they feel the same way about each other?

 

“Hyung?”

 

“Can we not talk about these things right now?” Hakyeon looked at him earnestly. “I know we have a lot of catching up to do, but I just… don’t want to talk about it, at least for the meantime.”

 

“It’s not that,” Wonshik gave him a small smile. “We’re here.”

 

Hakyeon didn’t even realize they’ve pulled over in front of his apartment building. Was he really that out of his mind?

 

“Oh,” he forced out a slight chuckle. “Thanks, Wonshik.”

 

“Hey, one last thing,” Wonshik grabbed his hand. “Don’t tell Hongbin about Jinki.”

 

Hakyeon tilted his head to the side as he stared back at Wonshik. “Not that I had any plans to but why?”

 

“His job,” Wonshik answered. “He works in a news outlet. Of course he would never sell you out, but if anything happens, it would be better if he didn’t know so he wouldn’t have to lie to his boss just to protect you.”

 

Hakyeon couldn’t help but smile, his vision turning a little glassy as he teared up a little. Wonshik may still be a little insensitive but he has grown up a lot, too. Hakyeon couldn’t be any more proud. “I’d keep that in mind. Thank you, Wonshik.”

 

-=o0o=-

 

It weighed heavily on Hakyeon’s mind that night. He really didn’t want to complicate things with Jinki, but Wonshik had a valid point. He never thought his relationship with Jinki would ever go past just sleeping with each other, but now that he thought about it, they had basically become friends. Jinki still wasn’t asking questions about his past, but he was asking a lot about his present. And Hakyeon often found himself talking to him about his day. Jinki was definitely precious to him, but love? Hakyeon wasn’t ready to fall in love again just yet.

 

As if life was mocking him, Jinki just had to call him right when he was lying on his bed thinking about their relationship.

 

Hakyeon sighed as he picked up the call. He didn’t speak immediately though. Instead, he just waited silently as he heard Jinki bidding good night to someone, probably one of s or family - Hakyeon didn’t know if the group still lived together in a dorm like most idols do. , Hakyeon didn’t really know anything about Jinki.

 

“Hey!” Jinki greeted cheerfully, in contrast to Hakyeon replying with the same word in a quiet voice. “Did the dinner not go well? You sound pretty sad.”

 

Sad? Was he?

 

“No, it was great. I really missed them,” Hakyeon tried sounding as happy as he could, but he naturally found himself chuckling as he started telling Jinki about the dinner with his friends. It was easy to talk to him, Hakyeon thought. Despite his worries about their relationship status, Jinki just somehow made him feel like they’ve been friends for a long time already.

 

“Oh, you’re friends with Kim Wonshik?”

 

“Yeah,” Hakyeon smiled. “I heard you’ve worked with him recently.” He absentmindedly reached for the remote control and switched on the TV. He was going to put on some music channel, but then he saw Jinki’s face on the screen, so he paused and just smiled as he stared at his face.

 

“Wow. Small world,” Jinki chuckled.

 

Hakyeon was just about to reply and say he was watching some show with him in it, but he froze when the camera panned to the side and showed a familiar face. For someone who always kept his exes as close friends, Hakyeon felt strangely uncomfortable as he stared at Wongeun’s face again after a really long time of not seeing him. Moreover, said ex was on the same show as Jinki, comparing their looks and how much they resemble each other.

 

“Yeah,” Hakyeon barely managed to say. “Small world.”

 

It wasn’t like he hasn’t moved on. It was just that a sudden rush of old memories came to him and he felt awkward that he was speaking with Jinki at the moment.

 

“Would you be free tomorrow?”

 

“Huh?” Hakyeon snapped back to himself. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if it would be right to meet Jinki when his emotions were a mess. Then again, if they really were nothing but friends with benefits, there shouldn’t be any issue.

 

“Yeah. Same place?”

 

Jinki hummed happily. “I’ll see you then.”

 

“See you,” Hakyeon replied. He lay back on his bed after dropping the call and turned his head towards the TV. The show that was previously on had ended, but he just kept staring blankly on the screen.

 

If Jinki was there, he probably would have received another flick on the forehead for overthinking. He sighed and just forced himself to smile. Thinking too much never really helped him. He should probably work on gaining back the optimism he used to have. His friends have noted the obvious change in his demeanor and he knew he had been too sulky and mellow the past year. Now that he decided to get back on track, he wanted to enjoy his life as much as he could. His little fling with Jinki probably would not last that long, but he at least did not want to be the one to push people away again.

 

-=o0o=-