“This,” Namjoon pointed to both of them. “Can’t keep happening. Not again, we can’t take another minute of this.”
Yoongi simply rolled his eyes at his friend’s words, a small quite snort escapes his lips, Hoseok keeping his gaze straight ahead, almost giving the illusion that he was seeing through the upcoming big speech that Namjoon was about to spill. Yoongi and Hoseok where being all very mature, Namjoon thought sarcastically. 

“It doesn’t matter, does it? You said that yourself leader,” Hoseok stated in a fake calmness, his usual cheery demean being completely shattered outside the dance studio. He was not containing a bit of venom in his words, especially when his eyes darted onto crossed armed Yoongi, who appeared to give no damn about any of it. “We can’t be friends, never, too bad. Life goes on Namjoon.”

“Does it, though? Because it doesn’t seem to.” Namjoon hisses, firmly. He was having none of their bull today, especially after an unsuccessful dance practice for their upcoming comeback, which ended in both Yoongi and Hoseok in each other’s faces, shoving each other violently whilst others tried to separate the two heated individuals. Yoongi sees the way Namjoon was slowly losing his patience, there was so much one guy could do to try and solve the never-ending hatred between him and Hoseok. 

“We don’t need you to be best friends, we need you to not be hostile to each other all the ing time, so we can concentrate on the team, remember our dream? Probably not, instead here we are again, having the same conversation.”

Yoongi finds himself takes a deep breath. He’d been trying really, really hard to not let things get to him and focus on himself, and the team, to tune all the negativity out, to tune out those emotions and memories. But he’d forgotten that in front of him was Hoseok, a guy that hated his guts and recently decided against playing ball.
 
“What happened to the whole ‘we can’t force them to get along’ speech? and 'let them figure it out' Come on, Joon—“

“Seokjin says that not me,” Namjoon states whilst shrugging. “And that was before it started affecting the whole team. You know that if it was only up to me, I’d lock both of you in a room to solve your drama, one of you would apologize and eventually both of you would get past it all.”

Yoongi tries to keep his face stone cold. “I’ve been trying to ignore this princess over here, but he was the one who always starts the fights, getting involved in situations that don’t even concern him!”

Hoseok only snorts at the words, muttering an angry ‘ up’ under his breath, which seemed to have attracted the negative attention of Yoongi, who flashed a glare at his ex-friend. 

Namjoon sensing that this conversation was beginning to shift from bad to terrible, held a finger up as if to shut them both up. 

“This is non-negotiable. At least play nice to the press; stop trying to get a rise out of each other every single second you both notice each other. Stop whining about a lost relationship and grow up. We don’t want any more of this ever, we’re all sick of it.”

He doesn’t wait for an answer, leaving them both alone and annoyed in the middle of the hallway. Slamming the dance studio door as if to signal that this conversation was buried, before their new song was blurring through the speakers, others no doubt beginning their practice without both of them.

“Nice talk,” Hoseok mutters ironically, his slender fingers ruffling through the soft locks in frustration. 

“Well, someone here actually needed it,” Yoongi replies too quickly, not missing the directed sharp glare coming from Hoseok. Yoongi was starting to let his self-control slip away for a second when his ex-friend simply spat a glorious curse at him. Deep breaths, Bangtan is the dream he reminds himself.

“You know I didn’t compromise your solo on purpose.” It was true, although he was sure it only made Hoseok angrier.

“Wouldn’t be beneath you, would it? Just like all of a sudden, there are rumours surrounding my uality and how I sleep with anyone and everyone to get my name across.”

Yoongi finds himself laughing, so hard to the point that his whole body was beginning to shake, the never-ending accusations seemed to have spread like wildfire “Sure, right. Because fighting you is so important to me that I’d harm our team and the company, just to see you do badly. Wouldn’t be beneath me, would it Hoseok?”

Hoseok was taken aback for a second, his mouth slightly parting and closing. He almost thought that Yoongi wasn’t going to answer, that he was going to storm off like he usually did. “Oh right, Now Bangtan, right BigHit is so important now, I see. Because they can ensure that you get everything that you want, you want an album you got it. You want a collaboration you got it. However, when I get those opportunities, you suddenly begin to spread rumours about me. It’s as if you can’t handle me being successful outside Bangtan, right?”

“That’s pathetic if you think I am the one spreading those rumours.” Yoongi hissed, whilst snorting, taking a strong forward step towards Hoseok, who was tightening his fists, his eyes becoming slightly glossy. “Why would I be trying to ruin us? I don’t care if you get a million opportunities and I get none, that’s not what it’s about and you know it.”

Hoseok lets out a bitter laugh, and as much as he tries to hide it, Yoongi can see that Hoseok was hurt, can see right through him. It seems as if the more they tried to avoid it, the more they hurt each other lately. Yoongi hated it all.
 
Yoongi doesn’t watch Hoseok’s face as he leaves, stepping inside the dance studio where Jimin greets him by throwing a damned towel, whilst the youngest turns the stereo down. Yoongi ignores the sick feeling at the pit of his stomach as Hoseok turns the corner with tears rolling down his cheek. It was all wrong, the anger and frustration. Yoongi ignored it all, and with a forced smile faces his worried best friends. The needed and truthful words stay hidden in his heart.

Hoseok never showing up for the rest of the practice. 

X

Yoongi is stubborn. His pride would never let him not take the great opportunity presented for him. So he plays friendly and nice with Jimin, especially when the cameras are pointed at him and Hoseok eyes are on them. It’s not hard for him, especially since Jimin is one of his best friends. Yoongi ensures that he always slots himself next to Jimin. Earning a not so secret disproving scowl from others, when Hoseok’s smile shifts slightly. But whatever Hoseok is feeling changes swiftly when the camera turns on him. Hoseok laughs at something that Namjoon managed to do, Yoongi wasn’t too focused on what it was. His heart slightly clinching when his mind begs for him to stop being so stubborn. Was there any need for any of it? Yoongi knew the truth but he was stubborn.

 “That wasn’t very nice of you hyung, you are making things more awkward,” Jimin’s breath fans Yoongi’s skin, when he leans in, placing a hand strategically in a way to prevent any of the thousand fans catching this words. Hundred of flashes going off at the same time, when Jimin throws a cheeky wink at ARMY’s in front. Yoongi doesn’t contain his feelings, eyes rolling whilst he takes a sip of his sparkly water. Advertisements rolling on the digital screens just in-front whilst the MC’s are getting ready to go back to the live show. 

“He was the one that wanted this. What am I supposed to do when he does exactly the same things?” 

“Well maybe for start, you two should stop being so stubborn,” Jimin looks thoughtful, the lights becoming dim just after the last advertisement finishes. Loud music blurring through the speakers.

“You both are making things more obvious that there is a problem, at least stand next to each other like before.”

“Cool. Look TWICE is on stage now.” Yoongi says ironically, placing his water bottle onto the table with unnecessary harsh force. Making Taehyung next to him flinch. Jimin simply sighing under his breath.  The conversation apparently over. 

X

Yoongi shouldn’t feel so pathetic but he does. Especially when the youngest one of the team, Jungkook pulls him aside after a failed recording session, which ended up in him and Hoseok arguing over parts. It seemed silly, it was stupid but there was so much tension, especially after Yoongi heard Hoseok continuously talking about his best friend Zelo and how extremely talented he was, throwing unnecessary side remark about how Yoongi was basically worthless compared to the rapper and perfect dancer, Zelo. Zelo this, and that and before Yoongi could help himself he was falling into the trap.

Yoongi swallows past the lump that seemed to have formed in his throat. “Hyung please stop, we can’t take it anymore.” Those words should have not even scratched Yoongi’s cold heart, but when Jungkook’s head felt down, his bottom lip trembling as he was trying to control his tears, Yoongi felt the sudden urge to throw himself out of the window. He was dragging the team down, he was dragging Bangtan and he could not stop it. 

“Can you two not stop it? Please, just agree to disagree.” 

 Yoongi knew that he should be the bigger man, someone had to be. It was cruel and unfair in his eyes, but he knew that everyone was suffering over the broken relationship. Yoongi wanted to promise that he would try, he wanted to wipe those tears away, to go back to the start, to the start of their extraordinary journey but it was difficult, so much especially when Yoongi and Hoseok could not stop being s to each other.  

“Hoseok hyung misses you, you know it, and we all do.” He could see it, he could see the truth in the shaky voice of Jungkook, they both have committed mistakes but Yoongi knew that Jungkook was genuine, that Hoseok indeed missed him. It made Yoongi feel infuriated, why could Hoseok and him not argue long enough to say those words to each other, face to face. Yoongi felt stupid, so he did what he does best, throw a sarcastic remark before running away from it all. 

Only once he was out of everyone’s way did he allow himself to miss Hoseok. 

X

Yoongi was beginning to dread the dorm. He used to spend all his free time trying to catch some rest in his bed, or try to forget the way the past was so much better. He cursed s, especially Hoseok for making him feel that way. For making him so unhappy and heartbroken. He deep down knew it wasn’t anyone’s fault, apart from his but it made him feel better to ignore the nagging feeling at the back of his head. 

Yoongi finds himself scanning through his contact list, his thumb stopping just above ‘Hoseok’. He could call him, he could leave his bedroom and run to the place where Hoseok would be at during the late hours of the night. He could, could and could, but Yoongi was a cowered deep down so right when his thumb pressed against the dreaded name, his phone was thrown against his wall. A depressed scream leaving his lips as Yoongi was left staring at the shattered screen, just like his heart. 

Yoongi loved silence but right that moment he was dreading it. There was no familiar laughter, only darkness. There was only so much Yoongi could take before he was scrambling to pick up his broken phone and rushing out, trying to escape. He needed to leave, to go home, and to run away, to forget. He was panicking, his lungs expanding and collapsing drastically, there was no one there to stop him, rest of the team deciding to go out and enjoy the rare free time they got. He didn't blame them for wanting time out, away from the drama. He could escape, he could try and forget it all. He could, could and could.

However just as his shaking slender fingers find themselves wrapped around the doorknob to the front door, someone beats him to it. Familiar red hair surging through the door before they are left to face each other, and just like that Yoongi is left breathless staring at the tired eyes of someone that was his whole world sometime long ago.  

It doesn’t take long for Hoseok to paint the picture together, Yoongi’s dark pupils swimming in water as he was gasping for air. He appeared a away from a full-blown panic attack.

 “Yoongi -” Hoseok says, his own tired eyes searching, for something, anything, for Yoongi. “You’re leaving again?” Yoongi could have felt offended, should have felt offended when the underlying message comes across to slap him in his face. Waking him up from his nightmare. Again, leaving again. It was all he was good for, after all, all he was worth, those thoughts echoed in his mind until the realization of how cruel he was being to himself shook him. So Yoongi ignored it, deciding to just admit it, there was no point in trying to hide this from Hoseok. They knew each other too well. So Yoongi nods. 

 “Aren’t you tired of all of this?” Yoongi feels his breathing getting completely cut off by the unexpected question. His eyes trailing down the familiar face standing right in front of him, the counter question standing at standby right at the edge of his tongue. Yoongi could bite back, he could turn this all on Hoseok, he could, could and should, but different words leave instead.

“Hoseok I tried, you know I tried.” 

 “You don’t have to leave because of me, so please don’t leave,” Hoseok says, and Yoongi thinks for a moment that he must have over hyperventilated and passed out when Hoseok sounded so vulnerable. The guy in front of him appearing so broken, his once shining and happy eyes forming those heart stabbing tears, which only made Yoongi angry. Why was he always hurting the people he cared for?

“I know it’s shocking, but my life doesn’t actually revolve around you, I have other reasons for feeling like crap.” Yoongi sharply replies, but just as those words leave his lips, he knows it’s a half lie. They both knew it. 

Hoseok finds himself leaning against one side of the doorframe, watching Yoongi’s jaw clenching and unclenching as he gets lost in his own thoughts through wet eyes, it takes a while for him to force himself to stop the approaching waterfalls. It was as if for a moment their roles got reversed and the most broken was Yoongi. Hoseok wanted to laugh, it was unfair. Why was Yoongi trying to be the only one to take the sympathy of why it was all crap, why no matter how successful they are, their personal life was crap. Why did they end up like this? 
 
“Yoongi don’t do this, think about others,” Hoseok finds himself pleading again when Yoongi pushes past him, but just like usual, his gut gets stabbed by the rejection named Yoongi. 

“I need to go, I need to think, to breathe, and to be away from you.”

X

Yoongi comes back days later when they all get tired of trying to understand him, to understand why he was being like that. To understand how hurt he was. That his whole body was burning whilst his heart was being stabbed repeatedly. There was so much kindness the world could give to someone who didn't want to try. Yoongi knew that he needed to try, for them, for people who made his world so much brighter when all he could see was darkness. For people who tried to brighten up his darkness once again. But he was too stubborn, so his intentions appeared differently.

So Yoongi tries to satisfy s, his boss, and the public by playing nice. It gets noticed, comments on how close they become again began to fly around, ARMY’s loving him and Hoseok joking around. At times it appearing like a heartwrenching image from the past, especially when they end up holding each other's hands whilst running around the fields, the photographer catching everyone smiling and joking around, hugs and more laughter. Yoongi thinks its fine, that it’s effortless and that he can do it. That he needed to repay them, so he will. So he should.

Until it gets to the breaking point and it doesn’t work anymore. Because things become too comfortable, it triggers those buried wonderful memories and emotions, those damned feelings especially when Hoseok ends up smiling at him so brightly. 

 “This isn’t working,” Yoongi states when they find themselves alone in a private room, away from everyone. “I can’t play this pretend game, I can’t be your friend.”
 
Yoongi waits, keeping his breath in as he waits and waits for Hoseok to snap, for Hoseok to get angry but it doesn’t happen. 

“Were we ever friends? It’s hard to remember what was real or what was fake.” He says so simply, so quietly that it takes Yoongi a moment of wondering to figure out what was going on. How could Hoseok say those things? They were friends, their friendship was real, they both worked through tears, blood, and sweat to fulfill their dreams, together. Yoongi wondered what sort of game Hoseok was playing, was he trying to make him feel even more crap? Was this how he wanted to play?

“Hoseok cut the crap. You know we were. Don’t pretend like you don’t remember.”

“We’re friends with everyone in this industry, what are friends? Friend seems like such a meaningless word.” Hoseok chuckles humourlessly, throwing his head whilst his whole body was shaking, it was sad. The whole image was upsetting. How far they stood from each other, how far they managed to drift from each other.

“I remember when we were friends. That was good,” He says, the corner of his lips lifting up, forming a sad smile “That was the best.”

“We were best friends, we were something,” Yoongi finds himself mumbling, his eyes burning into Hoseok own ones “We were happy.” There was a long pause of silence, neither one turning away, not daring to try to break the electrifying eye contact, but eventually, Yoongi does and Hoseok has to pretend that it doesn’t hurt him. 

 “Shame that’s over now.” Hoseok snorts, ensuring that his shaky words are loud and clear, that they stab Yoongi as much as he was hurt.

“Shame that we ruined the friendship because I was in love with you.” Hoseok felt something begin to build in at the pit of his stomach, his words no longer holding any filter even when Yoongi was clearly trying to avoid getting the past re-opened, to get his wounds re-opened again. Hoseok watched Yoongi flinching away, the response only forcing more words to sound.

“I remember our first kiss, I remember the way you cried out of joy when your family finally accepted your dreams. I remember being part of it all, I remember how much I was in love with you then. I remember sneaking out with you in the middle of the night after our manager was upset with us all. I remember what a fool I was for giving you everything.”

“Hoseok-” Yoongi breathily hissed, his brain turning and turning trying to come up with something, anything but when the shattered guy in-front began to sob, Yoongi loses all the ability to function. 

“I remember everything, do you?”

Yoongi was beginning to feel dizzy, it was as if he was having a worse hangover, his fingers somehow finding themselves wrapped around the sobbing guy's shoulder, when his feet pulled him forward like the speed of light. Say it, say it, say it, say it damn it!

 “Do you still love me?”

It takes a while for Hoseok to calm down, his words completely incoherent as he finds himself tugging onto Yoongi’s shirt, his face buried against the crook of Yoongi’s neck. He could no longer watch Yoongi pitying him. He could no longer deal with the 'seesaw game'. 

“I do but I don’t want to,” Hoseok’s words stumble out, and Yoongi doesn’t know if he can take any of the words in. But they do, and the fact that Hoseok did not want it made Yoongi hate it all. Yoongi hated the way Hoseok eyes where burning, the way he flinched away from him when he finally calmed down. Hoseok was making Yoongi feel the worse pain he ever felt in his life, because his words only brought up the hidden feelings, feelings of regret and love. He hated that he was always treating the people he loved like possessions, he hated that Hoseok no longer wanted him. Above all Yoongi hated himself.

 “I don’t want to go back, I can’t. I’m sorry.” Yoongi was sorry too, he was. 

X

They didn’t talk much after that, there was no mention of the conversation taken place. Life seemed to have continued on, there were no more arguments but neither was there any meaningful conversation. Others should have felt relieved that there was no longer need to pretend that maybe it could get better, that maybe the star-crossed lovers could return. It was stable and satisfactory according to the public eye. Yoongi and Hoseok smiled and stood next to each other when they needed to, they spoke in front of cameras just to keep up with the charade but when the door was closed they would wordlessly move on.

Jimin doesn’t judge when Yoongi cries to him at the rare moments when they are completely alone. He is the only one that doesn’t act like Yoongi was suffering from never-ending heartbreak, sadness, and loneliness. So when the moment goes away, Yoongi focuses all his efforts on them all, on making music. On fulfilling the promise. On trying to repay them for their light.

It’ll pass, they both tell themselves that it has to pass. So they carry on. Maybe in another life things would be different. Maybe there would be a Yoongi and Hoseok together forever. Maybe.

Maybe someone would love them.