Mark

It was amazing to Mark that there were two truly perfect things in the world. He'd felt that when he'd found his piece of jasper that he'd found his other, the thing designed especially for him, the thing that connected to him perfectly. And yet, unexpectedly, he had found one more thing that did, one more thing that was so perfectly suited to him that it felt like an extension of himself, an essential part that had been missing up until now.

From the moment he'd first held it, Mark couldn't stop reaching out for Jinyoung's hand. He loved the way it felt, warm and soft, the skin not nearly as smooth as a stone, but somehow flawless all the same. Instead of grabbing for his jasper when the itch struck him, Mark was now more and more often grabbing for Jinyoung, replacing the feeling of catching and releasing his stone with the feeling of twining and untwining his fingers together with Jinyoung's, mimicking the feeling of the jasper's cool surface by running his thumb along the back of Jinyoung's hand.

He liked the way Jinyoung reacted to it, too, the expression on his face exceeding even the flashcard image for 'joy'. Mark had never been gifted at reading the emotions of others when his own were often hard to manage, but there was something so incredibly open about Jinyoung that made him easier to grasp as time passed. After their rough first month, he'd completely dropped any pretense of acting, and was always free with his emotions without hiding as people so often did. There were still some incredibly confusing aspects about him from time to time-- his tendency to get annoyed over insignificant things, his complete lack of self-awareness when it came to his own charms--but overall, Mark found it refreshing to so often be able to identify what Jinyoung was feeling and realize that they were usually overwhelmingly positive emotions.

Mark had never thought a day would come where his hand would ache for something else other than the perfect touch of his jasper, but was not at all displeased by this new development. There were times when the new craving was inconvenient, such as when they were in class or hanging out with Youngjae, who'd they'd welcomed with open arms as he'd grieved the loss of his relationship with Jaebum. Their classmates would pick on Jinyoung if they saw it, and Youngjae would look like the perfect image of 'lonely' if he saw something that reminded him of the way it had once been with Jaebum. During those times, Mark went back to tossing his stone as usual. But when he and Jinyoung were alone, they always connected their hands together as soon as they could, and everything felt perfect in the world, and Mark felt entirely whole.

One day, they were at Jinyoung's house after school working on math homework together. They'd just finished their pile of work sheets, and Mark had collapsed in exhaustion on Jinyoung's bed, lying on his back. Jinyoung immediately crawled next to him on his stomach so he was looking down into Mark's face, the crinkles in his eyes revealing that in spite of the ceaseless stream of homework, he was feeling happy. Mark extended his hand to him, and Jinyoung took it, lacing their fingers together.

"I wonder sometimes," Jinyoung said, looking down at their linked hands.

"So do I."

"Yes, but you wonder how many variations of your favorite minerals exist in nature and why you can never find a perfectly satisfying specimen of amethyst compared to the one Mr. Seo has in the lab. I'm wondering about something completely different."

"Are you going to share what it is or make me guess?"

"What would you guess, if I asked you to?" Jinyoung asked.

"You're wondering what I would guess, if you asked me to."

Jinyoung burst out laughing, which was always a very pretty sound. "Clever. And technically you're right." His expression grew more serious. "I was wondering what you think of me."

"I think different things about you depending on what you're saying or what we're doing and what the overall context of the situation is," Mark said.

"I know, but you could say that about anyone. What I'm trying to say is...I wonder if you like my hand more than you like the rest of me."

Mark tilted his head. "I don't follow." He knew Jinyoung sometimes worried about strange things, and wondered if this was one of them.

"Yes, I thought maybe you wouldn't. You like my hand because it feels similar to stimming to you. But me. The rest of me. What is it that you like about the other parts?"

Mark thought about it, wondering what kind of answer Jinyoung was looking for with this. "You want to know what I like about you? Can I interpret that as you trying to figure out why I spend time with you when I could be doing other things and wanting to determine if I only do it because I happen to like holding your hand?"

"I suppose?"

"I do happen to like holding your hand, but even if I didn't, that would be immaterial because I could still spend time with you not holding your hand as we did before and still find it a worthwhile way to spend my time. And spending time with you is worthwhile because it's often more fulfilling than being alone."

"Why, though?"

"Because if I talk to myself, I'm pretty sure what I'm going to say back. When I talk to you, I never know. And the things you say are interesting. Your reactions are often different from what I expect. And you..." He gestured to Jinyoung in all of his entirety. "You're filled with things I can't have if it's just me alone. You're filled with things that I can't get from other people."

"What kinds of things?"

"Your things. Jinyoung things. Jinyoung words and gestures and quirks and thoughts. All of that."

Jinyoung nodded slowly, seeming to understand. Still, Mark felt a little frustrated with himself. It felt like such an insufficient answer. The things he felt for Jinyoung were crystal clear in his heart, but it felt so difficult to translate them into words in the simplistic ways other people could. The thought of 'You're important to me, you shouldn't be in doubt of that' resounded through him, but when it fell from his mouth, it was always needlessly buried in indirect words that couldn't fully contain the depth of what was actually inside of him.

"Have you ever dated anyone?" Jinyoung asked after a minute. His palm felt a little sweaty.

"Nope."

"Have you ever wanted to?"

"I haven't dwelled on it much, honestly."

"Why not?"

"Because I think if I dwelled too much on it, that would mean I wasn't experiencing it naturally, and if wanting to be with someone wasn't something I was experiencing naturally, I wouldn't actually want to be with that someone."

"Huh. Meanwhile I dwell on these things obsessively," Jinyoung said wryly.

"That's your nature. It wouldn't be out of character or unnatural for you to do that. But I'm different from you."

"I know. And I'm glad of that." He reached down, Mark's bangs into a neat line. "Sometimes I'm actually glad I don't fully know what you think."

"Yes?"

"Yes. Because somehow the fact that you try your best to explain it to me anyways means more than what the actual answer is at times." He squeezed Mark's hand. "And now I want to tell you something that I've been thinking."

"Go on."

"It's not just my hand that's perfect for you. And I'm going to find a way to show you that in a way you'll never be able to misunderstand."

Mark smiled, staying quiet for once. He also liked the effort Jinyoung put in to showing these things to him, even when it was unnecessary to do so. Mark already knew without being shown what Jinyoung was to him, but he was looking forward to how Jinyoung intended to make it clearer than it already was.

0

The only thing Mark hated about his relationship with Jinyoung were all the people on the fringes. In many ways, their new closeness to Youngjae had decreased the amount of people bothering them. Youngjae was so well-liked by Class A and B that if he snapped at one of them for being a jerk, they actually felt guilty about it. However, there were still a few problem students here and there who targeted Mark, and one in particular who enjoyed targeting Jinyoung. It had taken all of Mark's willpower not to deck the guy in the face-- the only thing stopping him was the painful realization that he'd lose in a fight with the kid in question, and getting his whooped was of no actual use to Jinyoung in the slightest.

This was also a new feeling for him. He was usually good at ignoring people considering he'd been talked about behind his back even from his toddler days, where the playground kids mocked him for only wanting to pick up rocks over playing on the more exciting swingsets and slides. But when people talked about Jinyoung negatively, it snapped something in him. There was not a single aspect of Park Jinyoung that was deserving of ridicule, and he knew that no one would have a single bit of ammunition against him even he hadn't been so close to someone like Mark. Mark couldn't bring himself to second guess allowing Jinyoung to be close to him, but it still nagged at him, that he was at the root of the continued mockery directed at Jinyoung. He wanted to eliminate it entirely, but the ringleader of the situation was refusing to back down no matter what Mark said to him.

He mentioned it to his therapist in one of their sessions, and she told him to bring his concerns to Mrs. Yoon. Mark was pretty sure this would be an exercise in futility, but hoped at the very least he could use her fear of his mother filing a complaint against the school as a way to wheedle out some results.

So one day during their lunch break, Mark waylaid Mrs. Yoon in the staff room. "There's a very serious issue I need to address with you," he said. Her expression immediately tightened as it always did when he spoke to her.

"Yes? You seem to have settled in without any trouble." It seemed her strategy would be using jedi mind tricks. You haven't been bullied in the slightest, Mark. All of your classmates are perfectly kind individuals.

"It's not about me, it's about Park Jinyoung."

Mrs. Yoon's expression thinned further. "Ah. Yes. Jinyoung. Your friend."

He dropped some folded up notes on her desk. "Jonghwa from our homeroom has been leaving these in Jinyoung's locker. I'm asking you to make him stop at the very least. At most, I think you should expel him, though I doubt you will."

She unfolded one of the notes and read it, instantly paling. "D-did Jinyoung give these to you?"

"No. I take them out of his locker before he arrives in the morning. He doesn't need to see that."

"And how long has this been going on?"

"Two weeks."

"Why didn't you bring this to my attention before?"

"Because I sincerely doubt your ability to actually help. People have said about as worse to us in homeroom with you witnessing and not doing anything to stop them."

Mrs. Yoon had the decency to look embarrassed. "Look, Mark," she said. "I know you think it's some easy thing, scolding teenagers and throwing them into detention when they're cruel to each other. But it doesn't stop them. I've had this job for years, and the same thing happens every year no matter who I scold or what I say. There are always going to be bullies. There are always going to be bullied kids. Making a big scene about it just makes it harder on everyone. Parents get called in and start screaming at each other, insisting their son or daughter is a saint even if they're an evil piece of work. And then they start cursing at me for making it an issue. The bullying usually gets even worse after that, rather than getting better. The simple solution you're asking of me doesn't even exist." She squared her shoulders. "Look, I know you're fond of Jinyoung. You must know that's why he's being bullied. If you just...I don't know...took a bit of a step back from him and stopped doing things like grabbing his hand or going off with him after school..."

"I'm not allowed to have a friend," Mark said. "That's what you're saying. Because I'm autistic and some people don't like that, I'm not allowed to have a friend."

Mrs. Yoon winced. "That's not what I'm saying-"

"Yes it is. Because helping people is hard, you don't want to do it. Because you don't want to be cursed at, you let other people be cursed at instead. I've been listening to absolute crap being said about me and people like me for months now, and I've been good and haven't said a word or inconvenienced you in the slightest. But this isn't about me, all right? This is about a person who's only crime was to befriend someone with Asperger's, and the only solution you're giving me is to stop being friends with him? I wonder why you even bothered becoming a teacher if this is how much you care about who the people you're teaching grow up to become." He furiously tossed and caught his jasper in his hand, though what it really wanted this time was the comforting feel of Jinyoung's skin. "I don't care how hard it is for you or how much it inconveniences your orderly existence. If I find another one of these notes in Jinyoung's locker, I'm sending it to every single person who supports this school with the note that 'Mrs. Yoon doesn't think a simple solution to this exists' attached. I don't care if this makes me some kind of entitled brat in your eyes. I have demanded absolutely nothing from you other than this, and yet you've treated me like I'm this huge burden on you from day one. I'm not the bad person here. The person who wrote those words and anyone who allows him to keep writing them is the bad person."

Tossing the rest of the notes onto Mrs. Yoon's desk, Mark his heel, storming out the room and tripping over a trashcan in the process. He could never get his dramatic exits right, but it left him with a sense of satisfaction that she'd also have to spend a few minutes cleaning the mess he'd left up.

When he left the office, he was surprised to see Jinyoung leaning against the wall next to the door, waiting for him. There were tears in his eyes, but he wasn't crying. He was smiling for some reason, even though the door had been cracked open and he'd probably heard part of what had just happened, if not the whole thing. Without a word, he immediately slipped his hand into Mark's, squeezing it tightly.

"Jinyoung-" Mark started to say, but Jinyoung shook his head, cutting him off.

"Today," Jinyoung said instead, "I want you to come home with me. There's something I want to tell you."

"If it's about what happened back there-"

"It isn't. All of that spoke for itself. You don't need to say more than you've already said."

Mark studied him silently, wondering what emotions might be behind all the things Jinyoung surely wasn't saying aloud. It troubled him a little not to know. He'd expected Jinyoung to be hurt or at least a little bit annoyed that Mark had hidden the notes from him. Why did he seem so at peace?

"I wish I could have done that," Jinyoung said after a moment. "I wish I could have done that for you instead of having you do it for me. I wish I could have said those words. But still, I'm glad someone did."

"I'm not actually sure it will honestly help, to be frank with you."

"Maybe not when it comes to inspiring Mrs. Yoon into action. But it helped me. More than you will ever know." He squeezed Mark's hand one more time. "After school. We'll talk. I have so much I want to say to you. Please try to prepare yourself to find a way to understand."

0

When school let out, Jinyoung walked hand in hand with Mark all the way to his house on the outskirts of the town. It was quiet for the afternoon—his parents were still at work, and his sisters were most likely out doing their own thing, whatever that was.

Even so, Jinyoung pulled Mark up to his bedroom and shut and locked the door behind them so they wouldn't be disturbed.

"Sit down," Jinyoung said, pointing to his bed.

"You're not going to join me?"

"I'd prefer to stand for the time being." He cleared his throat as Mark took a seat. "All right. Here it goes. The thing I wanted to tell you."

"Yes?"

Jinyoung looked at him for a moment, staying silent. Mark studied him, trying to gauge his emotions. There was a slight tremor in his body and a wavering look in his eyes, which suggested ‘nervousness’. But the way his eyes looked at Mark was completely characteristic of the ‘softness’ and ‘gentleness’ Mark associated with Jinyoung. Perhaps whatever he was going to say was difficult for him, but it wasn’t a bad thing. He sat back on the heels of his hands, waiting for Jinyoung to speak.

"I still don't really know how you'll feel about this or if this is something that's really touch you as much as it’s touched me,” Jinyoung said at length. “I don't have a single clue how you feel about love or how necessary or appealing romantic love is to you. All I really know right now is how I feel, and that's what I'm going to tell you right now." He looked Mark firmly in the eye. "I'm in love with you. I love you so much I’m worried that I can't even find a way to convey to you how deeply or how much. I want to go out with you. I want to be your boyfriend and have you be mine, screw what anyone else says or thinks. I want you to hold my hand every day and be with me, and I want to be with you and have your world be a part of my world from now on." He took a deep breath. "Just saying that doesn’t even begin to describe it, but I think that at least sums it up. Do you follow?"

Mark wanted to answer. He really did. He opened his mouth, an answer dancing on the tip of his tongue, but he snapped it shut, remembering how often what he thought were simple answers came out completely different from how he meant them. That was just how it was with him—there would always be some manner of disconnect between how he felt in his heart and how the words that came out of his mouth translated those feelings. So many times he wished to express things like ‘happiness’ or ‘sympathy’ or ‘pride,’ but when he looked at the face of the person he was speaking to, they only looked confused or annoyed or at some times even hurt. He tried to find the place where he’d misspoken or offended, but most of the time, he couldn’t find it or pinpoint exactly what about his words or phrasing had deviated from what was expected. Worst of all, his apologies usually came out even worse, always seeming insincere and flat. He knew the phrases “I’m sorry” or “that came out wrong,” but when the time came, he never seemed to remember to use them. It was always “I suppose that was something I might need to apologize for” or “Perhaps it would be appropriate for me to apologize,” and the person he’d unintentionally hurt would walk away feeling even more wounded than before.

It hurt him, too, though people never seemed to realize that. He was terrible with emotions--understanding them, managing them, processing them. But that didn't mean he didn't have emotions. He had plenty. Just not the typical ways of handling and coping with them. Just not the words that could explain them coherently to another person.

He knew that this was probably the most important answer he'd ever have to give in his life, and he couldn’t risk his words ruining it. Maybe Jinyoung would understand if he said things the wrong way. Jinyoung was very good at understanding him, and perhaps he included the things Mark couldn't do in the things about him he loved. But Mark wanted more than ever to say something that would make Jinyoung happy, that would speak to him as eloquently as the words he’d just given Mark. He swallowed, counting to five in his head. Jinyoung had 'panic' written all over his face at the lack of a response, and Mark felt bad for prolonging his agony, but he knew he needed to get this right. But how?

He’d started tossing his jasper rapidly at the mental image of Jinyoung being hurt by a clumsy, poorly worded answer, but suddenly stilled, thinking of what the stone had meant to him for all his life, how the act of tossing it made him feel. The perfect feeling it gave him, so similar to how being with Jinyoung made him feel whole and settled on the inside, but yet different, missing some of the elements of Jinyoung which made him greater and more important. Maybe that could help him express his answer and convey himself better. Jinyoung understood Mark’s connection to the jasper. And if he understood that, he would be able to understand that Mark saw the connection between the two of them as even more essential to him, an integral part to his life that he couldn’t feel grounded without.

So Mark extended his hand, offering the stone to Jinyoung. "Here," he said.

"Here?"

"I'm giving this to you."

Jinyoung stared at him in horror. "You can't give that to me. That's yours. You need it."

"What do I need it for?"

"For...for stimming, right?"

"And what do I engage in stimming for?"

"Because...because it makes you feel good. It feels right and comfortable to you. And if your therapist is to be believed, it helps you manage stress."

"Exactly. But since we met, even before you stopped forcing yourself to speak a certain way to me and we started communicating verbally with each other, you’ve had that exact same effect on me. You make me feel good. You feel right and comfortable to me. You help me manage my stress. I don't really need something with a similar meaning as you if I'm going to have you. And…" He paused, choosing his words carefully. "If I’m comparing you, its meaning is lesser to yours. You’re softer. Warmer. You don’t stay in the same shape and form from one day to the next. You’re always changing and growing and surprising me and challenging me to try harder and be as open as I can on my terms. So if I had to choose which is more important to me, which is more necessary in my life, I would have to choose you.” He extended it once more to Jinyoung. “One time in elementary school, our teacher asked us to explain what love is. I tried to give the dictionary answer, but she told me to try and think of what love means to me. It was really hard for me to understand what she meant. I didn’t think definitions could be changed from what was decided officially, and that I had no control over what a word could mean. But I thought that maybe the feeling of completion inside from the jasper was what love is to me, so that’s what I wrote. So if you look at it that way, it’s the representative specimen of my understanding of love. And I'm entrusting it to you. I'm entrusting everything important to you. I'm...I'm entrusting this feeling of love to you."

Jinyoung's eyes widened beautifully, various emotions sweeping over his expression. Some Mark could identify, others he couldn't, but he could tell love was there. He could see it everywhere around them, in Jinyoung's eyes, inside of himself, in the red jasper feeling like a pulsing heart in his hand.

Slowly, Jinyoung lifted the jasper and pressed it against his heart, a broad smile spreading across his face. "Thank you," he said tremulously. "I'll accept it. But please let me give you something in return." He pulled the orange scheelite he'd found at the tungsten mine in Neungam-ri out of his pocket and extended it to Mark. "I can't be with you at every second, and if there's ever a moment where you need to hold on to something and my hand isn't in easy reach, use this. Ever since the day I found it, I've used it as a reminder to be a little bit more like you. Calm in the face of cruelty, committed to what I want to do and who I want to be. But now that I'm giving it to you, think of it as my substitute. A Jinyoung stone, a representative specimen of the kind of person you've helped me to become. I'm entrusting myself to you, too."

Mark took the scheelite from him and tested it in his palm. It felt good there. Not as good as Jinyoung himself, but comforting all the same. "I'll accept it," he said, smiling. "I've always wanted scheelite of my own. It's a good gift."

Jinyoung's grin only increased, which Mark wouldn't have thought possible, considering how wide it already was. "Just to lay it all on the table officially, we're dating now, you and I," he said, bouncing a little on his heels. "We're a thing. A couple. Boyfriends."

"I know."

"You'll have to excuse me while I process it. A part of me wasn't actually expecting you to say yes."

"What were you expecting?"

"To debate me on the correct definition of 'love' or 'boyfriends' or 'dating,' whichever you found the most problematic."

"I find nothing about this problematic in the slightest, Park Jinyoung. Besides, I just told you I’m not the best at coming up with individualized definitions of things. In this case, I’m willing to be onboard with what you have in mind." He tucked the scheelite into his pocket and extended his hand. "Would you come here?"

Jinyoung stepped forward and took his hand, looking at him curiously.

"I'm probably going to cause more problems for you than I already have. No, don't shake your head. It's just a fact of life, one that I pretty much accepted awhile ago. We'll grow up and maybe people will become less terrible, but there were still be some terrible people, and I'm probably going to frustrate you from time to time, maybe even more than I've already frustrated you in the past. You're allowed to have your breaking point, so I'm not going to demand your eternal tolerance and patience. Let's just not let other people be a burden on us anymore. Whatever is said or whatever is done, even if Mrs. Yoon won't do anything and you keep receiving those notes, we are still what we are. No else gets to come up with an individualized definition of what that means but you and I."

"Yes," Jinyoung said. "That's a deal."

"Agreed."

Jinyoung his hand gently. "So...what now?"

"I thought you knew, Mr. Normie Brain."

"I thought you did, Mr. Social Awareness Expert."

They both laughed. "I guess the correct answer is 'whatever we want'," Jinyoung said.

Mark nodded. "Yup, that's exactly it."

0
 

Mark had never thought much about love and what being with someone he loved would be like, but he found right away that it surpassed even the brightest of his former experiences like finding an incredibly rare stone or going on a long hike through particularly mineral-rich deposits. It wasn't a drastic change from how they'd been before considering the amount of time they'd been spending together, but even the little shifts felt monumental in their own ways due to how much more affection filled them. Before, they hadn't gone much beyond holding hands, but now the touches went other places. When they talked, Jinyoung would lean his head on Mark's shoulder, and Mark would inhale the sweet vanilla scent of his shampoo. Sometimes, Mark would slip his arm around Jinyoung's waist and pull him a little closer, enjoying the warmth of his body.

And best of all, Jinyoung seemed so very happy with him. Maybe that was the real reason he'd never thought of romance before, because he could never conceptualize being responsible for this much happiness in someone. But it practically radiated from Jinyoung, making him far more lustrous than he already was. Mark felt he could stare at him forever and still lose himself in the many glittering facets of this person who was now his boyfriend.

"I'm really happy for you," Youngjae said one day during lunch while they were waiting for Jinyoung to emerge from the cafeteria line. "You seem really different, Mark. In a really good way."

"How do you mean?"

"It's hard to describe. Maybe this is rude of me to say, but before you always seemed...gawky. Like you never knew what to do with your body. I mean, it's not like you're exactly graceful, but you look...at home?"

"Strange, I would have thought I looked like I'm at school."

Youngjae grinned, which was a rare thing to see these days. "I mean, you look comfortable. Light. Content."

"Oh, you're saying that Jinyoung is like my home, because home is also a place where I can relax? In that case, you should say that Jinyoung is like my mineral deposit."

This time Youngjae burst out laughing. "Yes! Jinyoung is 100% your dream mineral deposit."

Mark noticed Jaebum jerk his head up from where he was eating a few tables away, his expression a match to 'in pain' as he heard the sound of Youngjae's laughter. Mark looked back at Youngjae. He was smiling and laughing now, but there was always a vast stretch of 'in pain' waiting just below the surface in him as well.

"Does it bother you?" Mark asked him suddenly. "That you're going to have to be around Jinyoung and me while we're dating?"

"Why would it? I just said I'm happy for you."

"I thought it might bring back memories best left forgotten for the time being."

Youngjae's smile vanished. I did it again, Mark realized. I said the wrong thing. . But it wasn't as if he could exactly take it back, so he just sat and waited for Youngjae to scold him.

"It's OK," Youngjae said softly. "You don't have to worry about that. I'm trying to make my peace with it. It doesn't impact how happy I am for the two of you."

"You still love him, though," Mark said, wondering if this was an OK thing to say.

"Yes. I probably will for awhile."

"And he still loves you."

"Yes. For now." Youngjae bit his lips. "But I... I can't change my mind about this. Do you understand why?"

"Well. It was fair of you to break up with him since he gave you a pretty good reason to. He didn't exactly deserve to go unpunished for his thoughtlessness, and I think forgiving him entirely would have been completely out of the question. But I wonder if it will make you happy in the end."

"I think that's something we have no way of knowing. I don't know if staying with him would have made me happy in the end, either."

"That's true." He looked at Jinyoung standing in the cafeteria line. "I guess you can never anticipate the kind of thing that will wind up making you happy."

"All you can do is look," Youngjae said with an 'in pain' nod. "And hope that when you find it, you never have to go looking ever again."

0

About a week after they'd started dating, Mark went over to Jinyoung's house again after school. They had some homework to do, but Jinyoung didn't bother to open his backpack once they'd arrived and sat down on the bed. He simply turned to Mark, an unidentifiable look in his eyes.

"We need to talk about something," Jinyoung said.

"And what would that be?"

"Kissing. I need to know how you feel about kissing."

Mark had been wondering when this subject would come up. It was incredibly transparent why Jinyoung was asking, so he decided to play with him a little.

"How would I, someone who has never kissed before, know how to answer that question?"

"I'm not talking about whether you like the act of kissing or not. I'm asking about whether you want to do it or not in the first place."

"I'm not quite sure I grasp what the benefit of kissing even is," Mark said, holding back a smile. There was something incredibly cute about Jinyoung when he got wound up about something.

Naturally, he was already on the verge of getting incredibly wound up. "The benefit? You think there's no benefit? You like holding hands, don't you?"

"Of course."

"Well, kissing has similar but greater benefits to holding hands. It's like holding hands...with your mouth...but better." He threw his head back. "God, did those idiotic words just come out of my mouth? How am I supposed to explain this?"

"I don't know, Jinyoung. How are you supposed to?"

"Haven't you ever watched a romance movie? Can't you tell just based on how it looks?"

"Everything looks better in movies."

"I know, but...but...you can't just write it off without understanding. Being like that with the person you love...it's a beautiful feeling if you just give it a chance."

"Why are you drilling me about this, anyways?" Mark asked, immensely enjoying himself.

"BECAUSE I WANT TO KISS YOU, !" Jinyoung yelled, practically foaming at the mouth.

Mark caught Jinyoung's chin in his hands, pulling him closer for a long kiss on the lips. He instantly loved the feel of him, the way he could practically taste both the frustration and the following flood of excitement on him. He wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer for a moment before gently pulling apart.

"It was quite evident you wanted to kiss me," Mark said, smiling lightly. "I came to that logical conclusion even before you asked me to be your boyfriend. You could have just said so. The simplified explanation is all right sometimes, OK?"

"O-OK," Jinyoung said dazedly. Mark seemed to have the fight out of him for the time being.

"Now you can ask me how I feel about kissing."

"All right...how do you feel about kissing?"

"I find it to be a very enriching experience, Park Jinyoung." And since this was true, he pulled him in and kissed him again, harder and deeper, threading his fingers into his soft hair and the strands. It truly was a feeling unlike any other, this whole world of loving and being loved. He wanted to explore it deeper and keep finding more and more beauty to take from it, a life of endless discovery.

Mark pulled away again for another moment, though he thought it was adorable when Jinyoung released a soft whine of protest at the separation. "For future reference, you can ask a simplified question for everything after this, too."

"Mmm?"

"Unless you really want me to give you a roundabout answer when you pop the 'I need to know how you feel about ' line on me."

Jinyoung started choking. "I wasn't going to!"

"You weren't? Not asking for permission is a crime, Jinyoung."

"No, I meant I wasn't going to ask you like THAT."

"How were you going to ask me?"

"I hadn't thought that far ahead yet."

"Well. Now I've given you some time to prepare. You might consider thanking me."

"How do you feel about thank you kisses?"

"I would be very much interested in finding out."

As he kissed him again, he realized that it would take some time to prepare on his part as well. Mark was rarely bothered by his own clumsiness--when it came to things that stemmed from his condition, he tried not to beat himself up over it. It wasn't as if he could help it in many cases, and there was no point in resenting things he couldn't change. All the same, he didn't want to show his clumsiness in that way when it came to Jinyoung. He wanted to be sure that when it happened, the act conveyed the full extent of his feelings in the ways his words usually could not.

When they broke apart this time, Jinyoung reached out to gently cup Mark's face in his hands. "I love you," he said in a soft voice. It was so easy for him. Mark deeply envied him that, the simple path his words took from his head and to his mouth. "Even if you tease me."

"Your reactions are always so fascinating that I can't resist."

"Well. I hope I can continue to fascinate you for a good, long time, then." He wrapped his arms around Mark and snuggled his face into his chest. "As for you, I think I could live to two hundred with you and never truly figure out all there is to know."

"Don't be ridiculous. You'd never survive to two hundred. At least pick a believable number like one hundred."

"Mark?"

"Yes?"

"If I kiss you again, will you be quiet?"

0

Their final year of high school flew past them. When his mother had announced her decision to transfer him to a new school, Mark had assumed it would drag by at a snail's pace and that he'd slog through each day of putting up with a fresh group of jerkasses with the only respite being the times he could go to the science lab to examine his rocks. He hadn't counted on finding someone like Jinyoung, and that had been the element that had altered everything. Each day was so fun and enjoyable and unexpected that they all slipped past him until he wondered where the time had gone. It felt like he'd already reached the finish line seconds after he'd started.

Of course, there had been difficult times on top of all the good. His and Jinyoung's respective bullies had been handled in a lazy kind of way to where they were barred from doing anything truly damaging, but the hostility still simmered and manifested in little ways. For the most part, they kept their promise to each other to put it past them, but it was hard to fully shake the anger that came along with having someone you loved insulted.

It also bothered him a lot that Youngjae wasn't really moving on or getting any happier. They of course had plenty of good times together, and it wasn't if he was outright wallowing, but there was a part of him that never fully connected, a part firmly locked back. He wasn't like Jinyoung, who extended himself fully and was always eager to be understood. Youngjae didn't want to dig too deeply. He didn't want anything he'd buried to resurface.

But still, all in all it was a happy year. He was in love, and thoroughly happy to be in it. The feeling still felt as fresh as the day it had come to him, and felt like it could go deeper still, though it had already touched so deeply.

"I wonder what the future will bring," Jinyoung asked idly as they sat on the gym steps together at the end of their final day of school. He'd pulled out the jasper and had started playing with it in his hands, though Mark didn't think he was quite doing it to the extent of stimming, but more so because he liked it as a reminder of why it had been given to him in the first place.

"We're going to university where you will major in literature and I will major in geology, and you'll probably get a job as a professor teaching Shakespeare and Ibsen and Tennesse Williams, and I'll probably become a geochemist," Mark responded, also playing with his piece of scheelite with his free hand. The other was, as always, entwined in Jinyoung's. "We'll both get stellar grades, because it's us, while enjoying a healthy amount of physical activity on the side with a dash of you occasionally blowing up at me when I get on your last nerve and then coming crawling back twenty minutes later because you can't live without me."

"You have this planned down to the last detail."

"You're welcome to surprise me. You always do."

"Still, I don't intend to surprise you about that last bit. I'll always come crawling back. I need you."

"Your taste remains as impeccable as always."

"Heh. Even if you don't say it, I know you need me, too."

"And hence why I don't say it. I don't need to inform you of things you already know when I'd much rather fill your unenlightened mind with the joy of rocks and minerals you've yet to discover. I still don't think you properly understand what 'microgranular' is."

"Of course I do. It's the size of my interest in this conversation."

"Ouch. Touche. And to think I gave you credit for being a nice person once upon a time. I suppose you had a reason you were faking it after all."

"What can I say? I just wanted to con you into liking me." He turned to Mark, grinning sweetly. "Whatever the future brings, I'm glad I'll be figuring it out at your side. Have I mentioned recently that I love you?"

"Not recently enough, I think." He leaned in, pecking Jinyoung on the lips. "I think a future with you in it can't help but be an incredibly lustrous one. I'm looking forward to seeing it myself."

A/N: One more chapter left! Next time, it's the Jinyoung → Mark → Youngjae → Jaebum chapter!