Youngjae

What hurt Youngjae the most was Jaebum's eyes.

They were one of the things he'd loved the most about him, the first thing that had stood out about him when they'd first met. The soft look in them, the way they would light up when Youngjae got closer, the many emotions that would flit through them while they talked. The two little moles that Youngjae would trace with his fingers until Jaebum reached up to grab his hand and pull him closer.

Now those same eyes were torturing him slowly day by day, embedding a new needle in his skin and pricking him until there was nowhere left without a hole. Those eyes were now the means by which Youngjae was forced to watch the gradual process of the soft look becoming distant, the light becoming dimmer, the emotions shifting into a dull mockery of what they once were until all that was left was a sense of restlessness and dissatisfaction and very little of their former love. He still loved Jaebum's eyes, of course, but it was a painful feeling, one he sometimes wished he didn't have to keep forcing himself to endure. But love was the reason he was still enduring. It still had him locked in its grip, forbidding him from even considering the thought of letting go.

Today, Jaebum's eyes were giving him a fresh bit of agony to endure. The two of them were walking across the school courtyard on the way home as they always did, and as Youngjae was talking about something funny that had happened in Physics as if everything was normal, Jaebum was scanning the courtyard carefully, looking for someone in particular while only half-listening to Youngjae. Youngjae already knew exactly who the target of this search was. Any second now Jaebum would glance over to the gymnasium steps and see exactly who he was looking for standing there with his back turned to them, caught up in what looked like a discussion with another student. Youngjae couldn't bear the thought of it happening again. He didn't want to see it.

"Hey, Jaebum," Youngjae said loudly, dropping the Physics story since Jaebum wasn't being distracted by it. "Look over here. They're putting up flyers for Jazz Fest. Remember last year?"

Jaebum glanced over half-heartedly. "Yeah. Right."

"The swing dance-off...?" Youngjae prompted feebly. There had been an impromptu competition at one of the performances, and Jaebum had the two of them out onto the dance floor to show off their moves. It had been crazy and hilarious and Youngjae still couldn't remember how his body had come up with what to do when he knew nothing about swing dance, but it had been so much fun. They'd laughed together almost the entire night, drunk on the simple joy of being fools together and for each other. And when they'd gone home... Youngjae's body still flushed with the memories. If someone had told him back then that the person who had held him like that and kissed him until he couldn't breathe would one year later be barely paying attention to him, he would have laughed in their face.

"Uh-huh. Cool stuff."

"Should we go again this year?"

"Mmm? Sure, that could be fun." But already he was looking away, back to his search. And a few seconds later, his eyes fell on the gymnasium steps and the person standing there, and it happened again. The softness came, the dim light grew brighter, a burst of emotions filled his eyes and made them seem deeper, more alert. A grin settled over his expression as if it had been waiting a long time for this exact moment.

That was what hurt most of all. Watching the look that had used to belong to him happening to the one he loved because of someone else.

"Hey look," Jaebum said, his voice at last more excited than a lazy mumble. "There's Jinyoung."

"Mmm," Youngjae said, his own tone going flat.

"You know what? Since he's new and all, I bet he's never gone to something like the Jazz Fest before. At his old school. We should invite him."

"It's a school event," Youngjae pointed out. "Everyone's already invited."

"I meant, we should invite him to go with us."

"So...we should take him out on one of our dates?"

Jaebum looked a little petulant. "Who said anything about it being a date?"

"Jaebum. The two of us our dating."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean everything we do together is a date. Like right now, for example. You and I are together, but it's not a date. It wouldn't be weird for someone else to hang out with us right now. Jazz Fest will be the exact same thing." He kept his eyes fixed on Jinyoung. "It would be the nice thing to do, since he's a new student and he doesn't know very many people yet. Come on, let's go ask him."

"He's busy," Youngjae tried again. "Can't you see that he's talking with Mark right now?" Although now that they were wandering closer, 'talking with' didn't seem like the correct word for it. 'Talking at' would probably be more appropriate. Mark was just sitting on the steps holding a book in one hand and tossing the red rock flecked with black that he always carried with him in the other while staring up at Jinyoung as if he was speaking Martian.

"Rock boy? In that case, shouldn't we rescue him?"

Youngjae stopped in his tracks. "What the , Jaebum? Since when were you the kind of person to make fun of someone like that?"

This at last got Jaebum's attention. He also stopped, glancing back at Youngjae with a look of alarm. "What? What did I do?"

"Calling him 'rock boy' and suggesting that he's bothering Jinyoung. What the is up with that?"

"Look, I don't know Mark. Haven't met him. I know he's new like Jinyoung, but I don't have any classes with him, so I don't know anything else. But I heard people saying he's kind of crazy, right?"

"Jaebum. He's got some type of developmental disorder. Asperger's, I think."

Jaebum's face immediately paled. "Oh. God. . I didn't know."

"And that's why you shouldn't parrot back whatever you hear people saying. You're better than that."

"Won't happen again. God. Poor guy. This is not the kind of school I'd want to go to if I had even the slightest problem with social interaction. Hope he's doing OK." He paused. "I suppose...I suppose we could invite him, too?"

This surprised Youngjae a little. Not that Jaebum would extend kindness to someone so quickly--Jaebum was an incredibly kind person--but that he'd invite someone else other than Youngjae, the obligatory tag-along, on a potential outing with the dazzling Park Jinyoung.

The surprise lasted just long enough to give Jaebum the opening he needed to get closer to where Jinyoung was standing and get his attention. "Oi, Jinyoung!"

Jinyoung whirled around, as if abruptly startled out of a dream. He blinked for a moment, looking completely disoriented. Youngjae noticed that his fists were clenched at his sides, and his cheeks were a little bit flushed with color.

"J-Just a second," Jinyoung called back. He glanced over his shoulder at Mark one more time, said something, then turned again to face forward. Just as he was stepping forward to walk to where Jaebum and Youngjae were standing, Mark at long last said something, too quiet for anyone else to hear.

Jinyoung's reaction was immediate. He froze in his tracks, a pained expression crumpling his usually so handsome and composed face, his whole body wincing as if he'd been slapped. He stood there like that for a moment, his eyes shutting tightly, his lungs taking in a deep and shuddering breath. Then his eyes snapped open again, his shoulders squared, and he marched forward resolutely with a blank smile plastered on his face. It all happened so quickly that Youngjae wondered if he'd seen it wrong. Especially since Jaebum beside him was smiling and grinning as if nothing at all had happened.

"Hey, Jinyoung," Jaebum said, running his hands through his hair and sweeping it back in some kind of lame attempt to make himself look cooler. "How's it been going?"

"Fine," Jinyoung said, a bit defensively. "Of course I'm fine."

Jaebum lifted an eyebrow. "Well, you're still the new kid. I was wondering if things were a little rough, still. Can't be easy to join a new school your final year of high school."

"Ah." Jinyoung took another breath. "I guess it isn't. But I'm fine." He glanced from Jaebum to Youngjae and back. "Did you need something?"

"Actually, there's this Jazz Fest coming up. A school event for the music department, right? Youngjae and I went last year and it was really fun, and I--we--were wondering-"

Jinyoung didn't seem to be processing any of this. His eyes were darting about, as if looking for a quick escape. Youngjae thought he could spot a few unshed tears clouding his eyes. What the hell had Mark said to him to make him so emotional? Their homeroom teacher had gracelessly warned them that Mark might have some communication issues before he'd entered their class, but those issues didn't necessarily make Mark a mean spirited person.

A part of Youngjae should have delighted in the idea of Jinyoung suffering. But he really didn't. Jinyoung hadn't arrived at their school with the intention of stealing anyone's boyfriend, and clearly didn't seem to be seeking Jaebum's attention. He simply seemed lost. The fact that he looked two seconds away from bursting into tears only made Youngjae feel sorry for him.

"Jinyoung, are you OK?" Youngjae asked, cutting off Jaebum's little speech.

Jinyoung blinked again, returning to the present moment. "Actually...um...I think I've got a little bit of hay fever. I've got medicine in my locker, so...yeah...going to go back and get that. Later, guys." With a feeble attempt at a smile, he whirled back around and jogged back towards the school entrance.

Jaebum turned to Youngjae, glaring at him. "Why'd you scare him off for?"

"How was that me scaring him off?" Youngjae asked.

"He literally just turned and ran looking like he was about to cry."

"And that was my fault?"

"Well. I definitely didn't do anything wrong, did I? I didn't even get the chance to invite him."

"He looked like he was about to cry before we started talking to him, genius." Youngjae sighed in frustration. "Look. Can't we just go home? We have so much homework to do, and I'm getting a headache before we've even started."

Jaebum's brow furrowed. "You should have said something. Here." He grabbed into his backpack and tossed Youngjae his emergency box of headache pills. "Take some. Let's get you home."

Youngjae accepted them with a sigh. It would have been easier if the jerk-version Jaebum wasn't so frequently balanced out by the kind-version. It was hard to have all the same things Youngjae loved mingling inside the same person mindlessly heaping on his suffering.

At last, the two of them started heading home. It was a familiar walk-- they'd been doing it almost every single day together since they'd met during their first year of high school. The two of them only had a handful of classes together, so this was their time to catch up on their days, swap gossip, and whine about their teachers and classmates. Sometimes while they walked, they would hold hands with each other, if there wasn't a lot of traffic. Sometimes they'd take the long way, and Jaebum would pull him in the direction of the shut down movie theater where they'd kiss in the abandoned screening room and sometimes do more than just kiss. It was their secret place, their favorite place to be alone, but it felt like they'd barely been there at all over the past few months. 

Today, they didn't hold hands. They were a little bit quieter than they usually were, too. Maybe Jaebum was doing him a courtesy, since Youngjae had a headache. Or maybe he was just thinking of how and when he was going to single out Jinyoung tomorrow and ask him to the Jazz Fest properly.

Youngjae knew it was most likely pathetic for him to cling to this relationship as if it could be salvaged. It wasn't as if Jaebum was just bored and required some spicing up. In his head, he'd already entirely moved on to someone else. Youngjae was now a lover in name only, and it was only a matter of time before Jaebum realized it too and cut him loose. The fact that he was still deeply in love with Jaebum wasn't going to save him from the fact that Jaebum didn't seem to be all that in love with him anymore.

But still, Youngjae felt determined to give it a fighting chance. He hadn't dreamed up the last few years, after all. The love that had bloomed between them hadn't been entirely of his own making. Jaebum had not only been with him the whole way, but he'd also started the whole thing himself. Surely it hadn't been completely erased from him yet. A part of him had to remember. And if he remembered, even just a little bit, how could he turn his back on it?

"Hey, Jaebum," Youngjae said, at last breaking the silence.

"Yeah, what is it?"

 "I was just thinking. I haven't been practicing piano very much lately."

Jaebum nodded. "That's no surprise. We have to focus on tests for once in our life, right? Since we'll be graduating."

"I know that. But... I always write you a song, don't I? I should write one this year, too. But I bet I've gotten rusty."

"Maybe. But your songs are usually pretty simple, aren't they? Anyways, I wouldn't mind if you held off until after graduation. Or if you took a year off. It's not like it's actually a tradition. It's just this thing you sometimes do. There doesn't have to be a schedule. Shouldn't force art, right?" Jaebum smiled. "Besides, you only wrote the one song, the one last year. The first one wasn't even about me."

Youngjae stopped walking, his heart sinking in his chest. An image from the past flickered through his head, Jaebum looking at him with a cocky smile as he sat on top of the lid of Youngjae's piano, his eyes sweet yet teasing. His voice saying in that confident way of his, "You know what, Choi Youngjae? I bet you wrote this song for me, didn't you?"

"Jaebum," Youngjae said in a quiet voice. "Do you not really remember meeting me anymore?"

Jaebum also stopped walking. "What are you saying? Of course I remember. First year, after school, in the concert hall? How could I forget?"

"Right. How could you?" Youngjae bit his lips and started walking again. "Nevermind, then. I won't write anything."

"Hey, I wasn't saying that. Just don't pressure yourself, all right? You do that enough as it is, worrying about your university admittance. I just want you to relax a little. Have fun."

"I want to do that," Youngjae said. "I wanted us to have a nice date together. At the Jazz Fest."

"We can do that."

"It won't be a date if Jinyoung's there."

Jaebum fell silent. Youngjae had hoped this attempt to scold him would snap him out of it and make him realize, "Hey, maybe I should back off the idea of inviting him," but instead it looked more like the gears in his head were turning rapidly for a way to placate Youngjae while still getting what he wanted.

"Nevermind," Youngjae said again. "Forget it."

"I think your headache must really be bothering you," Jaebum said gently. "Let's forget about doing homework for the afternoon. Let's get you home, and you can take a nap, all right?"

They crossed the street and made it to Youngjae's house, which was completely empty as it always was in the late afternoons when his parents were still at work. It made it the best place for an after school rendevous other than at the abandoned movie theater, the kind of rendevous they didn't want to risk getting caught during. Youngjae could remember so many times when they'd practically raced each other inside, Jaebum pushing him up against the door and kissing him hard as soon as it was closed. He remembered the wild desperation to touch, the clumsiness, the bits of nervous laughter at the shock of what they were doing and the pure joy of it. Where had all that gone? He still wanted it, so why was it so hard to call that innocent recklessness back?

He looked up at Jaebum despairingly as he kicked off his shoes. What was the right thing to say or do to make him realize? Surely there had to be something, some way of making him remember. This couldn't possibly be the ending of all those memories, a slow, painful drift until Jaebum was too far gone to truly reach.

Jaebum noticed him staring and looked down at him. Something seemed to flash through his eyes at the sight of Youngjae's gaze, a bit of surprise and confusion, as if he was seeing Youngjae clearly for the first time and was caught off guard to see him looking so differently than how he usually did. As if by instinct, he lifted his hand and pushed a strand of hair from Youngjae's eyes, the way he always did to show affection in a soft and simple way when they were in public.

"You're so sad today," he said in a low and gentle voice. "I don't like it when my sunshine is sad."

The sound of this little pet name made Youngjae's heart twinge. "Do you know why I'm sad?"

"Your head hurts?"

"And...?"

"You're...really tired?"

Youngjae sighed. "Yes. That's it. I'm really, really tired." He leaned in and a pressed a little peck on Jaebum's lips. "I'm going to go to bed now. See you tomorrow."

"OK. Feel better soon." He reached down to grab Youngjae's hand to squeeze it. "I love you, all right?"

No, you don't, Youngjae thought sadly. Not anymore.

0

It got a little bit better over the next few days. Jinyoung was disappearing a lot during lunch and after school, and even when Jaebum made an effort to hunt him down, he proved hard to find. Jaebum eventually resigned himself to it and focused more on Youngjae, which should have felt like a victory but only rang incredibly hollow. Youngjae wasn't a prideful person by any means, but even he had enough in him to make the thought of being something Jaebum had to settle for incredibly damaging.

Still, he tried. There were little moments when love still returned to Jaebum's eyes when he looked at him. When Youngjae told a joke that had him roaring with laughter. When Youngjae accidentally spilled pudding on his face and Jaebum wiped it up for him. When their hands brushed as they walked down the hallway and Jaebum laced their fingers together for a moment, grinning their little, secret smile, before letting him go. There was still a flame left to fan, even though it felt like a wind could rush in at any moment to blow it out before Youngjae could convince it to burn a little stronger.

 
And that wind was still none other than Park Jinyoung. They were in the hallway one afternoon on their way to the concert hall to pick up some of Youngjae's sheet music when Jinyoung walked past, his hands full of a geology textbook set. Immediately, Jaebum's hand shot out to grab him by the shoulder, his expression lighting up in that tortuous look of affection that didn't belong to Youngjae.

"Hey, Jinyoung! Long time no see!"

"Uh, yes." Jinyoung smiled slowly. "It's been awhile. How are you two doing?"

"Oh, you know. Drowning in homework. The usual. How about you?"

"I've been..." His eyes grew distant, as if he was looking back on memories that pulled him away to some place he'd much rather be. His smile grew softer, and his cheeks flushed a little. It was such a different look compared to the one he'd had the last time they'd encountered him that Youngjae had to wonder what kind of miracle had descended on Jinyoung and how he could get a piece of that miracle for himself. "I've been...busy."

"Yeah? You've got a lot of homework, too?" He glanced down at Jinyoung's geology textbooks. "Geology? Wait, aren't you in Physics?"

Jinyoung clutched the books to his chest. "I just wanted to do a little...research. For an essay. That's all. I was on my way to the library."

"That's where we were headed, too. We were just going to drop by the concert hall first, to pick up some things for Youngjae. You should come with us. You've never been in the concert hall, right?"

"I haven't, but..." Jinyoung glanced over his shoulder. "I was kinda..."

"Come on, it will just take a second."

"Fine. All right." Jinyoung adjusted the textbooks in his arms. "Lead the way."

"Let me carry those for you," Jaebum said gallantly, extending his hands. "No need to tire yourself out."

Jinyoung's gaze shifted to Youngjae, his eyebrow lifting as if to suggest "Is it honestly OK with you that he's acting like this?" Youngjae felt a rush of humiliation for both himself and for Jaebum. Jinyoung knew. Jinyoung knew and was embarrased on behalf of Youngjae for his boyfriend's disloyal behavior.

"You know what, it's fine," Jinyoung said finally. "This is my muscle training. I'm building up arm strength with this."

Jaebum laughed as if this was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. Youngjae grit his teeth and started walking towards the concert hall, letting the other two follow him. His heart felt on the verge of a breaking point, but there were pieces still desperately holding tight as every other piece fractured around them. Not yet. Don't let go just yet.

They entered into the dimly lit concert hall, and without waiting for the other two, Youngjae sped down the aisle and towards the stage where a grand piano was set up in the center. His sheet music was where he'd left it on the stool, shoved sloppily into a folder and two seconds away from exploding into a disorganized mess. The piece he'd been playing was still on the piano itself, each handwritten note telling the story of a search and a discovery and a love that had begun without any concept of it ever ending.

He glanced over at Jaebum and Jinyoung talking in the aisle, Jaebum looking bright and animated, and Jinyoung looking politely interested but still somehow distant, still lost in whatever happy memories he had in his head. Youngjae could understand that. He was thoroughly entangled in his own memories of the past, the first time he'd played the sheet music he was now holding in his hands and how it had pulled Jaebum towards him like a magnet and brought him into his life in such a way that had once seemed permanent and irreversible. Even now, he could still hear the echoes of Jaebum's voice and laughter, but it didn't make him smile in the way Jinyoung was smiling. It just hurt.

He turned back to the piano. Maybe the song was the magic. If he just played it one more time, it would all come flooding back to Jaebum and he'd realize that the nonexistent nothing he had with Jinyoung wasn't worth throwing away the all-important everything he'd found with Youngjae for. Youngjae ran his hands over the keys, closing his eyes and playing the first few notes, filling the familiar melody with all the love he had. Please, just feel it. Remember what I was looking for. Remember what we found.

He opened his eyes again, glancing back. Jaebum was swaying slightly to the music, the fond smile from the first time he'd ever listened to Youngjae's song on his face. But he wasn't looking at Youngjae. He was looking at Jinyoung.

Youngjae slammed his hands on the keys as hard as he could, unable to control the sharp pang of hurt that wracked him. Both Jaebum and Jinyoung whipped around to look at him in surprise. "Youngjae?" Jaebum asked, his mouth falling open slightly.

"I'm going," Youngjae announced, snatching up the sheet music and shoving it into his folder with the rest. "Bye."

"What do you mean you're going? Going where?"

"Going," Youngjae said again. His voice was starting to crack. Any second now, he was going to start crying, and he was absolutely not going to do it in front of Jaebum or Jinyoung. He clutched the music to his chest and ran down the aisle and out the concert hall doors before anyone could stop him.

As soon as he saw the door to the men's room, he practically threw himself inside, the tears flooding out of him as soon as the door was shut. He grabbed onto one of the sinks for balance, his eyes so clouded over that he couldn't even see his surely disgusting reflection in the mirror. It took him a good minute to realize that someone was standing at the next sink over, staring at him.

"Oh...oh...." Youngjae rubbed his eyes furiously, trying to compose himself. When they were partially cleared, he realized it was Mark Tuan, the other new student who had entered their graduating class along with Jinyoung. The one everyone muttered was crazy even though they all knew he had a developmental disorder.

"You don't have to hide the fact you're crying," Mark said. It was hard to read his expression--he didn't seem particularly sympathetic or pitying or even the slightest bit uncomfortable over the fact that he was unintentionally intruding and what was an incredibly painful moment for Youngjae. He didn't show a lot of emotion in his voice either. It was always flat and matter-of-fact even when he was being playful.

 
"It's...it's just...this is kind of private," Youngjae choked out, still desperately attempting to hold back his tears.

"I'm not requiring you to tell me why you're crying," Mark continued. "Just informing you that I've already witnessed the fact that you're crying and so pretending that you're not is a waste of time and effort on your part."

He was technically right, so Youngjae gave up wiping away his tears, though he still tried his best not to release anymore embarrassingly loud sobs while Mark was still in the vicinity. Unfortunately, it seemed like Mark wasn't going to leave and give him is privacy. He continued to stare at Youngjae with his peculiar, unchanging expression. He pulled out the smooth red stone from his pocket and began playing with it in his hands as he looked at Youngjae.

"Your boyfriend Im Jaebum is a little bit thoughtless, isn't he?" Mark asked after a bit. "It's too bad if he did something thoughtless again."

Youngjae's head snapped up. "W-What?"

"I said 'Your boyfriend Jaebum is a little bit thoughtless, isn't he? It's too bad-'"

"I heard you the first time. How did you know...?"

"About the romantic relationship existing between you? I observed the interactions between you two, especially yours, and drew the only logical conclusion since you displayed all the actions associated with someone in love. But if you're talking about how I know he's thoughtless? Because he's hurting you by flirting with someone else openly in front of you, which is incredibly thoughtless behavior, especially since he doesn't seem to realize it's hurtful to begin with."

"God," Youngjae whispered brokenly. "Does everyone know?"

"No, I don't think most people know because they're focused on things more personally relevant to them. But Jinyoung knows, being the person inspiring the thoughtless behavior in question. If it makes you feel any better, he doesn't want to encourage it. Jaebum can't actually cheat on you if Jinyoung won't participate."

"That doesn't actually make me feel much better. Besides, how are you so sure about how Jinyoung feels about this?"

"A. Because Jinyoung is a good person and good people don't do needless things that they are fully aware would cause a great deal of pain to someone else. B. He told me." Mark started throwing his stone and catching it. "I know that doesn't put Jaebum in the clear, but situations like this often cause feelings of jealousy towards the interloping party, and I thought it would be a shame if you started hating Jinyoung for happening to cause these unwelcome feelings in the wrong person."

"I don't hate Jinyoung."

"Fittingly, since you're a good person yourself."

"I don't hate Jaebum either."

"I know. If you hated him, you wouldn't have any reason to cry."

"But... I just... I don't think I can do this anymore."

Mark nodded, this time not saying anything. It was up to Youngjae to explain himself.

"I still love him," Youngjae continued. "So much, even though you're right about him being thoughtless. I love him even though he's like that. I don't want to let him go, even though I know... I know his feelings for me aren't the same as they were before. But I just can't go on like this. The constant hurt and disappointment and frustration...it's too much. I just feel so tired all the time, and I don't ever get a rest from it. If I let it go like this, then maybe...maybe I'll also forget, just like how he has. I'll forget the way it was before."

"Fair enough. Better to put yourself out of your misery."

"But I don't want to end it angrily or sadly or anything like that. I just want a good memory. One last happy memory before...before the two of us aren't making memories together anymore." Youngjae blinked back the fresh onslaught of tears. "I'll say goodbye the same way I said hello the very first time. A song. One more song for him."

"Are your songs in that folder you're about ready to drop?" Mark extended his hand, and for some reason, Youngjae couldn't think of any reason not to let him see. He passed the folder to Mark and watched as he opened it to the song Youngjae had carelessly pushed inside. "Looking for Someone," Mark said, reading the title. He started humming the first few bars, his head tilted in thought. "The melody reminds me of this kind of action." He tossed his stone again. "Throwing and catching. Something simple, natural, and grounding. Or no..." He hummed the notes again. "No, not that. It reminds me of someone. But not the same someone as you, I bet. When you play this, you think of Jaebum. He was the one you were looking for."

Youngjae nodded grimly. "And I lost him."

"Maybe. But you also found him. Sometimes finding the person you're looking for doesn't happen." He handed the folder back to Youngjae. "I hope it's a good goodbye for you. And I suppose it would be appropriate for me to apologize for preventing you from having your sadness be private." Without further ado, Mark walked out of the bathroom, leaving Youngjae to himself.

Youngjae half-collapsed back into the sink when he was gone. His tears were drying, but the pain and sorrow still lingered, fresh as ever. He knew what he had to do, but knowing didn't make the desire to actually do it any stronger. He hated the thought of an ending of any kind, even if he could somehow find a way to make it beautiful.

But there was no choice. He'd already lost his grip on him. Better to send him off with good wishes and fond thoughts rather than to chase after him pathetically, grasping for all the things he'd never hold again.

But it wasn't supposed to be like this, he thought as he opened the folder to look at the song. What I found wasn't supposed to leave me when I still needed it. It was supposed to stay. We were supposed to be together.

He just had the one moment left where that would be true. He had to make it count. He had to make the goodbye matter as much as the rest of the story for it to come to a meaningful close.

A/N: Each chapter of this story will alternate perspectives...next week is Jinyoung