Hana found herself outside the doctor’s chamber, solemn and tired.  It was inevitable at some point, yet she forced herself to survive even if it was for a moment. The weather that day had said a storm was waiting for the neighbour at the evening however Hana could care less. It seemed the rain was a way of her fate to mock her, of her pitiful situation but she could care less.

 

That morning, when Hana devoured the glass of cheap instant coffee, her eyes wandered around her shabby looking house. She thought it might be her time to stop walking on that endless path of disappointment, her legs were already so numb that she couldn’t help but crawl to the blurry destination of nothingness.

 

She felt a hollow vessel of useless sentiments and indifferent heartbeats.

Her eyes somehow trailed to the red umbrella leaning against the headboard of her bed, wrapped in plastic. She bitterly smiled, if she would be able to meet him? Her heart dropped unconsciously, as she earned for those coincidental interaction but the  it seemed something that was so far away. On the verge of being forgotten, as time slowly buried it.

 

Hana thought it might be best to return the umbrella to the owner soon. She had no use for them.

 

The doctor called for her by then, and she was on her heels to the ATM, in huff and puff. Her mother’s condition was deteriorating and she had to take a decision by that day. Hana couldn’t really think, the painful scenes only flashing before her yes as a broken record. She called her manager to wire some money on her bank account, and that it was urgently needed.

 

After transacting the money, gripping it tight in her hand and she ran. The sky seemed gloomy, as the thunder claps resonated through out the dark hued clouds. Hana, cared less, and entered the too familiar environment. The similar dirty green coloured scrubs, the worn out vinyl chairs and the overly irked off nurses.

 

The doctor was in his cold room, the temperature as usual lowered to the least celsius the air conditioner was operated into.  Irene took a seat in front of the doctor, who seemed as sick as she was. The daily meetings were finally coming to an end, and Hana was more than glad. Handling the money in his calloused fingers, hana sighed in relief inwardly.

 

A little more, you have to walk a little more, Hana reassured herself in vain.

 

Closing the door behind her, her chest heaved. Putting her hands on her raging heartbeat, she might have smiled. A small painful smile. She couldn’t figure why she was working so hard for something that was already determined from the start.

 

“I would like to go forward with the operation, doctor. Save my mother, please.” The ‘please’ was uttered as small mumble, as if it didn’t hold any special meaning. The room was silent, the  tapping of the rain disturbing it. There were no windows in the rain, so that Hana could have looked at the rain, and wish that time weren’t so hard. So that she couldn't hear what the doctor would have to say.

 

“As I said before,” the doctor grumbled after a while, pulling Hana’s attention, “your mother...no matter what you do, she doesn’t ought to survive. This surgery was only a weak option.”

 

“I know,” Hana diverted her eyes to the clasped hands of the doctor,” but it wouldn’t hurt to try.”

 

When she passed by her mother’s room, her legs stopped by herself. She looked at the closed door as she thought to herself, maybe sometime later. She didn’t loathe her mother yet, there was some time left.

 

Lowering her head low, she maneuvered her way through the bodies that smelled particularly of disinfectant and tears. She wondered if she would find herself in that same place in the future. She felt she was good enough to belong to that kind of place. She was pitied, left out and hated upon for unreasonable things. She had heard enough, seen enough and experienced enough for a mere 17 year old.

 

In those fleeting times of loneliness, Hana found herself wandering to nowhere but the dark world she had created for herself.

 

She walked, underneath the ruthless shower aimlessly. Her shirt and skirt would be a trouble to dy but Hana was too numb to care. The bus station was close, and she thought she would rest there until she finds herself again. She had to survive just for a little while.

 

It was a matter of ponder that she didn’t tighten in ropes, closing of her windpipe so she couldn't breathe in that cruel reality.

 

“Hana…”

“Hana…” The voice called again, the name rolling off that person’s tongue so naturally. Hana stopped, tears staining her face, droplets of water at the end of her damped hair strand.  Hana couldn't see herself hearing that familiar voice ever again, yet the rain had ways with her fate.

 

Rain man…

 

Hana didn't stop, as the voice was eventually blurred out with the rain.  Hana thought there was no use to keep running towards someone who will eventually vanish like everyone one else did in her life. Gone and forgotten.  A tightened grip on her wrist held her back, and tears flowed so dangerously, mixing with the salty one of the sky.

 

She didn’t deserve it.

 

When she turned by a tug on her wrist, she lowered her head refusing to face him. She felt lightheaded, exhausted and took deep breaths to calm herself. Her hand went to grab his arms, as she felt her legs giving up. Unconsciously, her eyes closed as she was welcomed to darkness.