this will be the last update from here for a month. my exams are starting from tomorrow but i took some moments to give you all something before disappearing. please, take care!

“Do you come here often?” Jongin asks, sitting on one of the benches in the park. Kyungsoo looks reluctant in following the younger, however, sits beside him when Jongin pats the space next to him with a pretty hopeful look for Kyungsoo to wonder if they had a fight some time ago or not. “If you don't, then you should come here often. It's quite peaceful.” Save for the gentle breeze around them, and roaring beauty of the moon and the barely there stars. Pollution, Jongin thinks; he wishes he could go back to his village just to catch a sight of its beauty.

“No, I don't,” the man answers, “I mean, of course, I'd heard about this, but I never got the chance to.”

Jongin smiles, still not looking at him. “You should come here often if you want to be mentally stable. Because believe me when I say you need some time off from work and your constant worries.”

Had Jongin not sound so amused, Kyungsoo would've retorted. “You should stroll around just to keep your emotions in check as well. I have heard pregnant people keep going unnecessarily emotional. Hence sometimes become nuisance to their partners.”

“Well, that was mean of you to say that, Mr. Do. If we're keeping the baby in us, that's the least that you people should let us do.”

“On the expanse of going crazy?”

“Well, that's your choice.” Jongin points to somewhere in the sky, trying to change the topic for he feels he might start a fight soon. “I have heard a legend, hyung. Do you want to hear?”

He shrugs, feeling undeniably calm down his collar. He thinks the air around them is good enough for him to tolerate Jongin and his weird fascinations with 'legends’ ('once upon a time there was...' ). “If that's what you want, I am all ears.”

“You sound very agreeable now, sir, you don't do that often.” He laughs. “Okay, anyway the legend is something about keeping trust. It's about making a promise under the moon and trying your best to keep it. Do you want to make a promise?”

Kyungsoo hums. “What is it?” He sounds curious enough to fully turn towards Jongin. “What the promise is?”

“That we'll be together for the next nine months; we won't push each other, but try our best to keep this going for the next few months.” He doesn't speak about the possibility that they may fall in love in the end as well because it doesn't come in his mind. Why would it, when the things between them are always on edge. When they wish to throw each other out of the window but not want that for fear of being shoved behind the bars simultaneously. “We both know that this was something unexpected, but we both are responsible for it. You more than me!” He looks at Kyungsoo with a grave expression, eyes hard and serious around the last few words. “Let's take responsibility for it like adults. Both of us; for both of us are responsible for it.”

“Usually in these cases, adults abort the baby…” he jokes and laughs awkwardly when Jongin looks least amused with his joke. “I mean, of course, of course. We will.”

“Ah, you need to promise more. Because honestly even though I am the pregnant one, you seem to go through mood swings more than me.” He laughs, patting Kyungsoo on his shoulder as if he didn't just jab on a nerve right there. “Anyway, so we've accepted that we want the same thing, yes?” Kyungsoo answers that they did. “Let's seal the promise?”

“With a kiss?” Kyungsoo teases.

Jongin coolly raises an eyebrow at him, acting unaffected though the tinge of flush on his glowing skin says otherwise. “First of all, we're already somewhere that we didn't want because of a kiss. Second, I'd rather not waste my any other kiss on you.”

“Well, that was quite an insult,” he rolls in, eyes flitting across every inch of Jongin's face for any sign of amusement. He finds none. “I’ve been told by a particular boy that I know what I should do with my mouth.”

Jongin takes a heavy breath and flushes more, he looks away from him, muttering something incoherent under his breath before nodding once. “Yes, that someone must be high off his mind to say that. I must apologize in behalf of him.” He histrionically waves his hand, gathering Kyungsoo's attention on something else. “So, we were talking about something serious.”

“Yes. Sorry, I shouldn't have disturbed you.”

Jongin doesn't know if that was another poor attempt at teasing him. “So, let's hear how to seal the promise. Shall we?” Kyungsoo stretches his hand and mutters something along the lines of 'yes, please, go on’. Jongin points somewhere ahead of them. “You have to stand there, barefoot.” Kyungsoo nods his head, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I will stand over you; on your feet. We will then promise to each other.”

Kyungsoo sputters. “What the—I don't believe this! What kind of legend is this even?”

“Kyungsoo, do this for our sake—the baby's and mine.” Before Kyungsoo could reply anything, he gets up from the bench, steps out of his shoes to stand on the soft grass. He waits for Kyungsoo in silence, eyes wide to show his innocence about the whole matter, as if he couldn't understand why Kyungsoo would be hesitant about this all in the first place. “Are you coming or not? I can't stand long, I have a baby in me.” Which is a lie, he'd completed shooting of the next sequence of his new movie the same day.

“I—but, what type of legend is this even? I've never heard of it before.”

“Have you ever had a best friend, Kyungsoo?” Kyungsoo stays silent. “Thought so,” he continues before shrugging a little. “Legend has it that people who promise like this come closer, for the sake of some great doing. If we don't end up being anything else, we can at least be friends.” Kyungsoo sighs and looks like he would argue some more, but then Jongin reminds him again that he's pregnant and he couldn't stand much long. He gets up from the bench as well, hesitantly toes out of his slippers and walks where Jongin is standing. “Would you be able to hold me?”

“I don't know, you're a grown man.” He didn't sign up for this stupid .

“You go to gym, hyung.”

“You go as well; that means you must be heavy as any other grown man. I could stand on your feet instead.”

“I am pregnant,” he retorts, nudging Kyungsoo's feet with his toes. “Come on, tell me you're ready and I will do it.” Kyungsoo sighs some more before straightening up and informing Jongin that he's ready. Jongin smiles and it takes Kyungsoo a good while to know that he's been staring at the young actor for an unreasonable amount of time. “Alright, so here we go.” He grins and without another warning, stands on the older man’s feet. Kyungsoo’s reaction is almost immediate: he swears under his breath, stumbles a little and holds onto Jongin’s waist for some stability, and finally glares up at Jongin. Jongin nervously giggles down at him, arms wound tight around his strong shoulders. “Thanks.”

“The —why are you so heavy?” He groans some more before taking a deep breath. “Come on, be fast and take the promises.” This is so stupid; he just hopes no one notices him in this position. How would he ever explain himself to anyone at the company? Sure, when he signed up for the responsibility, he signed up for putting up with Jongin’s different antics as well.

“Kyungsoo, promise me that you would be responsible for the next nine months,” Jongin says, and Kyungsoo knows he shouldn’t agree without some jibe but Jongin sounds so hopeful and serious that Kyungsoo can’t help but nod. The serious air around them changes so fast that it takes Kyungsoo some moments to know that Jongin is no more serious but he laughing. Laughing!

“What the hell are you laughing at?” He tries to push the younger off, but Jongin remains persistent.

“Did you actually believe this ? Haha.” He knew it; he should’ve followed his intuition instead. He growls but Jongin seems amused enough to take it lightheartedly. “First listen what I wanted you to know before speaking anything,” Jongin says, hands clasped tight around his shoulders. Kyungsoo clenches his jaw but nods when he thinks moving Jongin much would do nothing but tear his skin. “I just wanted you to know that no matter where you are; no matter what you do, or how much money you have, you’ll always, always be…” he stops, as if for some suspense before breaking into a gigantic grin, “you’ll always be shorter than me, shortie!”

When Kyungsoo shoves him off this time, Jongin stumbles back almost naturally, without any fight, before breaking into a loud laugh. Kyungsoo just hopes no one catches them like this, he still doesn’t know how he would explain something as embarrassing as this to anyone. “Goodness, you’re a nuisance.”

“Hey!” Jongin pouts, following him back to the bench. “Don’t be mean; you were very uptight, I just wanted you to loosen up a bit.”

“Yeah, I am fine now. Thanks to you.”

Jongin presses his lips in a thin line, his eyes still crinkle at the corners in amusement though. “You’re no fun, I just wanted to make you smile a little. Guess what, Mr. Do don’t know how to smile.” He shrugs, wearing his shoes back and follows Kyungsoo out of the park. “Can I walk beside you, Mr. Do?”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “You’re speaking as if you’re my subordinate.” Which is not exactly wrong; Jongin is his subordinate. In many sense. He sometimes signs Jongin’s cheques; when the money he earned is huge enough; the older Mr. Do, though, always does. So in a sense, he is their subordinate. “You can walks beside me.” Jongin does, taking small tentative steps with him back into the hotel. “That wasn’t fun, by the way; it was anything but fun. How can you be happy after pulling a stunt as stupid as that.”

“It’s a legend.”

“Legend,” Kyungsoo repeats, “by the Great Kim Jongin?” He snorts when Jongin nods his head, looking innocently adorable with the flopping of his head. Kyungsoo thinks he looks stupid like that; stupid and, regrettably, cute. “You’re awfully so not funny.” Jongin pouts some more and then, all of a sudden, shuffles close to Kyungsoo; he even has the audacity to grab onto Kyungsoo’s arms, soft fingertips dig on his skin. “Why, what happened?”

“Let's go?” The younger murmurs, walking first and pulling him towards the elevator.

“Something happened?” He asks, confused and slightly worried (worried?). “Did someone unwanted come back in your life?” He jokes, but the quick stiffness of Jongin beside him is enough for him to know that he sure has seen something (or someone) he didn't want to. “Are you okay?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed. When Jongin simply gets inside the elevator and nervously waits for him, he follows inside as well.

“I am fine—press the buttons. Be quick!” He's chewing on his bottom lip and Kyungsoo genuinely worries for the abused skin. It's only when the elevator doors close that Jongin relaxes a great deal and slumps against the mirror. He doesn't speak, doesn't explain himself, he simply stands there in silence.

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asks again, tone curious. “You acted pretty strange there.” Jongin stiffens at being talked to, as if he'd forgotten that Kyungsoo's there with him. “Hey, did you see someone?”

“Ah, no,” Jongin answers, words heavily implying the lie he's about to speak. “I felt as if I could vomit any time; I don't want to ruin your reputation here for knowing someone who vomited in the hotel reception.”

“Vomiting is natural; you cannot stop that anyway. No one would've said anything.” He reasons, eyes fixed at the door. The elevator produces a ding! when it opens, Jongin breaths and quickly gets out of there. “It's okay; you know you can tell me anything.” Jongin looks taken aback by the words, Kyungsoo corrects himself. “Everything that could harm our reputation, I meant.”

“Yes, I will.” Other than that, it’s silent. They walk inside the penthouse, bid each other ‘good night’ for the day and disappear behind the closed door. Jongin doesn’t sleep for the next few hours; for sleep doesn’t come to him no matter how much he tries. The glaring reminder of past has knocked on his present and he knows there’s no way that he could ignore it now that the past has noticed him as well. Had he not noticed the pair of eyes that followed him to the elevator, he wouldn’t have buried himself under the duvet, a fruitful attempt to hide himself from someone who isn’t present there. He’s come far from where he’d buried his past, and a part of him had already forgotten that he would return, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t scared about things now. Sure, the man wouldn’t be able to come close to him as much as he used to—Jongin has changed; what he has become is something that he wasn’t in the past—but that doesn’t mean Jongin feels a least bit relieved.

He should tell Kyungsoo, but then the thought if Kyungsoo would care about it comes back at him. They aren’t even close enough for Jongin to share his past troubles with Kyungsoo, no matter the fact that they have to live together for something big. He curls around under the duvet for now, forcing himself to sleep at the first reminder that he has early morning shooting the next day. He needs to forget about him and his past, he wouldn’t come for him. He believes he shouldn’t come for Jongin now that they’ve moved on further in their lives.

Jungkook looks troubled the next morning, and mutters something incoherent under his breath when Jongin asks him about it. “Something about your another obsessive fan,” he explains, “we’ve put him under watch, let’s see what happens. He's blacklisted, so don't worry.”

Which means, Kyungsoo probably knows about this as well. He still asks, though; he still does. “Does Kyungsoo know about this?”

Jungkook furrows his eyebrows. “Of course, he does; you’re his responsibility both on the work front and personally as well.”

“Did he say something?”

“Hyung,” Jungkook sighs, nodding at the make-up artist to leave them alone for some moments. “You two are nothing; I am sorry, but you two are together just because Mr. Do demanded it. Why do you think Kyungsoo would be interested in knowing anything other than about your safety, as a CEO.” ‘As a CEO’ is heavy in the air around them. “No, he did not. He probably forgot about this by now; it has been more than a few hours since we informed him about this anyway.”

Jongin presses his lips in a thin line and hopes Jungkook to not notice the disappointment hanging heavy on his features. Jungkook probably does, going by his curious expression; the younger still stays silent though, he doesn’t ask much. It's not the first time they've come across an obsessive fan; the more the company and Jungkook (or sometimes even Jongin) request the fans to know their limits, the more they break it. Not everyone, of course, but one could always come across displeasure. The first time that it'd happened to him, it’d taken a while for him him to understand that there was a fine line between respect and disrespect of privacy and some people just don't care. Apparently, many people don't understand the whole concept of privacy.

Add Jongin's immense popularity to the list as well; some people know nothing but how to be a part of the hype and be one of the many bandwagoners. Jongin hopes his fans are his genuine fans, and not just there because he's basically everyday on news. So far, they’ve come across only a few fans who’ve done so much that things couldn’t be ignored, not much but Jongin’s manager and the company he works under are much more serious about this now that he’s one of the many reasons to create The Big News. Besides, safety and privacy come first before anything else.

Aside all those thoughts, the thought about Kyungsoo crosses his mind several times. He doesn’t dare tell anything to Jungkook, though, in fear of the younger coming up with another blunt truth that would leave him nothing but disappointed in the end. There’s no reason for him to anticipate Kyungsoo’s answer, or even a little fuss that he needs to trust only the people he’s close with. Kyungsoo, though, surprises him a little. A lot, in fact. When he receives a message from the CEO himself, some two minutes into the break of ten minutes between shooting.

i heard what happened. i’ve already talked about this with Jungkook, he will take care of things

you don’t need to be worried. just make sure to check your surrounding wherever you are, especially when you’re alone with someone you don’t know much.

take care.

... and those messages don’t mean much when Jongin thinks about it, (just Kyungsoo doing his job, he tells himself), but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t notice the toe curling sensation that spreads through his veins and the heat on his cheeks. As if the damage done wasn’t enough, Kyungsoo sends another message some ten minutes later (as if he’s been keeping his phone within his reach and silently wondering if he should send the message to the actor or not). The thought makes him feel something; Kyungsoo spending his time on him and wondering and thinking about him? A part of him screams ‘Heck Yeah!’ but the other one is as neutral as ever.

you don’t need to worry. if someone’s bothering or you feel uncomfortable in someone’s presence, inform me right away. don’t take from anyone.

…

i am there,

for you.

Goodness Gracious. Then why the hell Kyungsoo acts as if he’s a devil incarnate whenever he’s with Jongin--why he couldn’t be just as soft and sweet as he’s in his messages? If Jungkook notices the unusual hop in his steps? he doesn’t say anything.

“You know,” Jungkook begins once they settle down on the couch. They’re at the younger’s apartment, taking some time off from the remaining hours of the day. “Hyung, you confuse me a lot.”

Jongin looks up, lips smudged with chicken gravy; he’s a messy eater, and Jungkook knows better than to comment on that. “What do you mean?” He asks, mouth full with rice.

“Don’t speak when you’re eating, hyung! No matter how pretty you are, that makes you look ugly.” He chastises, ignoring Jongin’s offended ‘hey!’ to throw the napkins on the older’s face. “I didn’t know you would turn into a pig.” Jongin looks least offended, as if he’s gotten used to the jibe. “Anyway, as I was saying, I think Kyungsoo hyung would patronize you.”

“Why do you think so?” He asks, willing the flush on his cheeks away. “Ah, it’s really hot. Switch on the AC.”

Jungkook raises a curious brow. “The AC’s on.” He points somewhere on the wall. “I mean, not now; you two aren’t on the stage to get so close or Kyungsoo to patronize you... but, I think that would happen sooner than later.” Jongin doesn’t understand what the younger’s implying; after the end of the day’s shooting, he’d come across Kyungsoo. The man hadn’t said a word about anything; he’d just nodded at him and walked away as if he didn’t know who Jongin was. As if he wasn’t the one who sent all those sweet caring messages; for a moment, Jongin had even wondered if it was actually Kyungsoo who sent the message or someone else. He had been sad for a whole minute, until Minho came and confirmed that it was Kyungsoo who’d sent those messages (“Sir certainly have no idea what to speak when, so he spent a good amount of time on writing those messages. No matter how inadequate they look, he actually looked pretty worried about the whole ordeal,” Minho had continued). Ugh. How a successful CEO like Kyungsoo could be so foolish.

“There’s no reason for anyone to patronize me. I hate that .” He’d enough people in the past who did that, Jongin definitely didn’t like what he’d to go through during his early years in the industry. Pretty and struggling? many people have the solution, and not everything’s good. In fact, nothing’s good; he doesn’t even remember how many times he’d been asked to act like a wh... whor... they said he was. If Jungkook hadn’t come, he probably would’ve found himself in some ditch with one of the many rich businessmen who could easily manipulate any director or producer to give him lead roles with money. LIke some sort of side chick or trophy wife or something, he would’ve lived his life like one of them. The scariest part of it all? no one would’ve known anything about it, because many just don’t want to listen. If Jongin could write a novel about what he’d been through (sometimes still goes through), he could and would include every name that were involved with him. Big or small that doesn’t matter; the industry would dwindle, though, and wouldn’t get back for another few years.

“Oh, sweet hyung,” Jungkook sighs, a sad smile on his lips. Jungkook knows a lot of things; not everything, but he knows a great deal about most of the things. “Let’s not go there, I don’t want to see you sad the whole night.”

“I am not sad,” he sniffles, not understanding when he started crying. Jungkook hands him a tissue and wraps an arm around his waist, he doesn’t forget to place his head over Jongin’s shoulder (something about the height difference between them, and Jongin makes him feel safe like an older brother even though, most of the times, it’s Jungkook who acts like an older brother). “It’s just--people are so mean.”

“People have always been mean, hyung; it’ll be ignorant of you to say that these type of people are new to the world.”

“Yeah,” he says, and picks up a chicken piece just in time the doorbell rings. Jungkook sighs and gets up within seconds, leaving Jongin to finish his own plate. He doesn’t know who would come at this hour; his instincts say it’s Kyungsoo, but why Kyungsoo would come here? He doesn’t even know where--

“It’s Kyungsoo hyung here,” Jungkook announces, Kyungsoo in tow.

Oh. Jongin thinks. Instincts don’t lie. He wipes his face (particularly his eyes) with a napkin when Kyungsoo raises a curious brow at his state. He knows his eyes are swollen with the little bit of crying, but Kyungsoo doesn’t need to make him feel... whatever he’s feeling. “I was informed that you’re here,” Kyungsoo says as a greeting, “thought I could pick you up since Jungkook’s place is on the way.”

Jungkook furrows his brows. “No? My place is in the other direction.”

Kyungsoo flushes, as if he’s been caught, but shakes off Jungkook’s comment with a wave of his hand. “Are you, uh, ready to go?” He points at Jongin’s plate, which is somewhat finished. “I mean, take you time. I am not going to push you to not eat.”

“Have you eaten something?”

“No, I thought I would pick something on the way. I am tired enough to not feel like cooking anything tonight.”

“We don’t have anything here,” Jongin pouts, “I can accompany you if you want?”

“You will eat more? I mean you can?”

Jongin nods his head. “Eating alone is sad, when I am here then you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Well, if that’s so, okay then.” Kyungsoo agrees, with a smile on his face. It’s just a little lift of lips, but it’s there. Jongin... likes it. “Finish that first, you could decide later if you could eat anything else.”

... and they sound horribly like a couple. Jungkook facepalms and falls beside Jongin dramatically. “Can you finish that already and get out of my place?”

“That’s not the way to talk to your elder, Kookie.”

“Of course, but that’s not the way elders flirt. In front of a single young man.”

Jongin squeaks, Kyungsoo coughs and looks away. “What the—we were not flirting! What’s wrong with you, Jungkook. Grow up, child.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “You were, you just don’t know that.” He yawns, looking down at the watch around his wrist. “It’s late, don’t eat so much otherwise, you’ll become bigger and I will keep calling you a pig.” Jongin whines and slaps his arm for him to shut up. “You’ll become an elephant, in fact,” he teases, a wide grin stretching his lips at the sight of embarrassed flush taking over Jongin’s skin.

“Let him eat if he wants to eat,” Kyungsoo speaks finally, turning to look at Jungkook straight in the eyes. He sounds so serious and just so... protective that it has Jongin’s heart racing. He has this stormy look on his face; the one that says he could get up anytime to get into a fight just so Jungkook could stop saying that. Calling Jongin that. Oh. Jongin feels like--he could melt. “There’s no reason for you to say things like that.”

“I was just joking!” Jungkook returns, words firm but it’s clear that he’s now a little afraid. “We joke around like that all the time.”

“Just because he doesn’t say anything doesn’t mean it’s okay to call him that.” He gets up all of a sudden and Jongin seriously hopes Kyungsoo wouldn’t get into a fight just because of that. That’s just so silly.

Jungkook throws his hands in the air. “Fine, sorry.” He sounds upset, more so because Jongin hasn’t said anything to defend him knowing well that they’ve been doing that to each other for years now. It’s silent for some moments where Kyungsoo silently sits back down on the couch and looks away, Jungkook, however, gets up from there and leaves the room just as silent. If he hears Jongin calling him weakly, he doesn’t say anything. That leaves Kyungsoo and Jongin alone, and Jongin can’t help the sudden chill that runs down his spine when Kyungsoo doesn’t even bother apologize about what he did earlier.

“We keep calling each other names,” he says, voice tiny and tone clipped. “I call him pig, too, because—have you seen his muscles? He is a muscle pig!” He twirls his fingers a little, “that’s okay between us; we don’t mean it actually. It’s just between best friends. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“I have muscles, too, call me that as well please?” Kyungsoo mutters, turning to look at him.

Jongin opens and closes his mouth but doesn’t say anything for the first few moments. “Right, but you’re not my best friend.”

“Yes, I am not.”

“... and we’re not close enough for me to call you anything other than your name or ‘hyung’.”

Kyungsoo looks like he’s getting where Jongin is intending the conversation to. “Yes?”

“You’ve no reason to tell me what I should do or what I should not.” He stays silent for a few seconds, heavy disgusting words lie heavy on his mouth. “Thanks for making things better between him and me, but sorry, we’re going to call each other whatever we want.”

“I was just... saying,” he sighs, sounding apologetic.

“No, but thanks. You don’t need to defend me or anything.”

“I was not defending you.”

“Really? Then what was that?”

“I don’t know—I just thought I should stop him from calling you that.”

“Jungkook is my best friend; he’s like my younger brother. I have given him permission to call me whatever he wants, I am okay as long as he doesn’t mean mean things, but you are--an outsider. You don’t know things between him and me, don’t bother defending me when I don’t need you to.” Something akin to... hurt crosses Kyungsoo’s features and within seconds, he’s back to what he’s always been. Cold gaze and even stiffer posture. If he sounded protective (and even sweet) when he’d defended Jongin, he looks unapproachable now. A part of Jongin blames himself for it. “Thanks for whatever you did but…” he stops, watching as Kyungsoo gets up from the couch and straightens the lapels of his jacket.

“I’ll be waiting for you in my car. Finish fast and let’s go.”

It’s just so tense that Jongin could vomit. He would throw up. “No,” he answers, just when Kyungsoo walks past where he’s sitting. “I am not coming. I am staying here for the night.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t reply and minutes later, Jongin hears the gentle click of the main door. Fine. Very Good. He ed up both sides. He buries his face in his hands then realizes that he hasn’t washed his hands yet. He groans, desperately hoping that Jungkook wouldn’t be angry enough to kick him out of his place. There’s a minute of silence where he wonders what he would say to his younger friend before he gets up from the chair with a low ‘ it’ under his breath. Jungkook rarely gets angry, but when he does it’s better to avoid him... but Jongin has known for enough time that his best friend wouldn’t beat him to pulp just because he’s angry (besides, Jongin is pregnant as well. There’s no way a human would even think of harming him).

“Kookie?” He calls sweetly, walking into the bedroom with soft steps. “I hope you’re not angry.”

“You say you hate possessiveness, hyung,” Jungkook says instead, “but I saw stars in your eyes when Kyungsoo behaved all alpha male. Possessive, overprotective and .”

Jongin blushes. “No, there was nothing like that!”

“Don’t even think of lying to me.” The younger runs his fingers through his hair before looking up at him from where he’s sitting on the bed. “Where’s Kyungsoo?” Back to Kyungsoo.

“He’s gone.”

Jungkook furrows his brows. “Gone?” He repeats, “wasn’t he here to pick you up, though?”

“I told him I didn’t want to come. I am staying here for the night.” He shrugs, sitting beside his friend. “I am sorry, Kook, I should’ve stopped him.”

“He was right, but of course, he wasn’t too. I just didn’t like the way he thought he could control what’s happening between you and me, just like that.”

“I asked him to not do that again.”

“You did that?” The younger asks then, in a small voice, “I think I have an idea why he spoke up that all of a sudden.”

... and Jongin doesn’t want to know; for a part of him already knows where this is going. “What?” He still asks; he does.

Jungkook shrugs. “I can’t really explain this, but I think it’s just natural it came out of him seeing you’re... carrying his baby.”

“He thinks this is all a burden, Kook, I don’t think if we matter him much. Who knows if he’s counting the days when I will finally give birth and we both will leave him.”

“No, I don’t mean that. Just think of it like this,” he stops, trying to piece his words together. “He just said—all of a sudden. It wasn’t in his mind, it just came out of him. As if he wanted to, I don’t know, make sure someone’s comment doesn’t affect your mindset. I mean,” he groans, “I don’t know what I am saying, but I feel as if it was just natural. He doesn’t realize it, but he’s getting a little protective of you and the baby. It’s just the start, but he’s there. Like many things are affecting him; things around him. Everything that would eventually end with you.”

If Jongin understands what the younger means to say, he doesn’t show it.

“I am sure they’re talking about you and him; you know, when they would announce about your ‘relationship’ in public. Means, Kyungsoo hears enough about you to think about him which in turn means that he’s spending his time thinking about you and the baby which in turn means…”

“Jungkook shut up.” He groans.

“Which in turn means,” the younger man continues anyway, “that in some way or the other he’s affected by it. By many factors. You know, I have heard somewhere that if you think that you hate a person but still think about more than a hundred times a day, then you need to take a moment and rethink if you actually hate them or... like them.” Jungkook looks serious after saying all that, what Jongin considers as, . “He doesn’t know it, but the constant that ‘it’s your baby, Kyungsoo’ and ‘Jongin is carrying your child’ is affecting him. That’s it, that’s what I want to say.” He stops. “Or maybe not, maybe in better words.”

“What if,” Jongin pouts, “everything is just irritating him?”

Jungkook shrugs. “If you keep thinking like that then this ship is not sailing, brother.” He pats the space next to him on the bed. “Now, come on, sleep. I know your pretty little head couldn’t handle so much thing at the same time, let’s give it some—ow! Hyung.”

“Hyung,” Jungkook says, some five minutes later into the silence, into the darkness around them. “I think hyung will grown fond of you soon. He won’t know it, but he will. Sooner than later.”

Before Jongin could register the words properly, he’s already out; blame the magic of warm duvet and cool AC, and his full stomach.

-

-

“Sometimes,” Jungkook begins the next day. They’re still lying on the bed, both too tired to get up despite knowing they’re hungry. “Sometimes, I wish that I was fond of you in some other way.”

“Some other way?” Jongin repeats, turning on one side to look at the younger. “How?”

Jungkook stays silent, his eyes tracing the gentle features of Jongin’s adorable sleepy face. “I mean, you’re literally... everything that one would want in a partner,” he begins, “don’t know how many times I got crush on you in the beginning, but you’ve grown so much, hyung.” There’s some sort of nostalgia in his tone, Jongin wonders if this is the moment where one best friend confesses and then they both cry because the other friend has never thought his friend more than a brother. “Everytime I see you smile, it just fills me with so much happiness. Especially if you’re happy because of me, but sometimes it’s not the way I want things to be.”

“I,” Jongin begins, suddenly a bit tensed and confused and worried and everything that he’s never been in the younger’s presence. “I don’t understand what you wish to speak.”

“Sometimes I think things are like this between us because you wanted this,” he begins again, ignoring Jongin’s question. “Had you not been so indifferent to everything that I did, we probably wouldn’t be dealing with so much.” When Jongin tries to sit up, he quickly grasps the elder’s wrist to pin him back on the bed. Daring himself more, he hovers over Jongin; looking way different than he does in other moments. Stronger. Firmer. Scarier. Sad. Confused. Everything at once.

Jongin gasps, worried but more confused by the sudden change in the younger. “What happened to you—why are you behaving like this?”

“I couldn’t sleep the whole night.” The boy places his head on Jongin’s chest, inhaling and exhaling his emotions. As if he trying to will away the words he wants to speak but knows he shouldn’t. “I wish things to be different between us, but you’ve changed everything so much—why were you so indifferent to my advances in the beginning?” Jongin stays silent, as if his brain malfunctioned. “Can you not be my lover? I can take care of you and the baby; I will accept the baby as my own.”

Jongin gasps, scandalized. “You’re like my younger brother, Jungkook!”

“That’s okay, I am into .”

“What the heck are you even speaking?” He tries to free himself, but Jungkook doesn’t allow him to. Damn his obsession of spending time in gym more than Jongin. “Jungkook—”

Then, Jungkook laughs. Laughs. Laughs! “Hyung,” he wheezes, getting off the older. “You’re so cute—look at you face.” Jongin, still not understanding what happened just now, stays silent. “I was joking, hyung. Come on, don’t be so serious!”

“That wasn’t a joke, Jungkook!” He screeches, sitting up on the bed and running his hand through his hair as a distraction. “You—you said those things. You’re so stupid.”

“I know I am sorry, you were just so uptight that I couldn’t help myself.”

“Damn yeah, thanks a lot.” He rubs his hands on his face, failing to notice Jungkook settling in front of him. “What now?” He growls, not a least bit amused.

“I am sorry, it was just a joke. I promise.” He says that, but when Jongin looks into his eyes he sees nothing but sadness and heavy lies hanging heavy on his handsome features. He decides to drop it entirely. Ignorance is bliss anyway. He pushes the younger's face away and gets up from the bed, acting as if he doesn't notice the eyes following him out of the bedroom. Goodness. Sometimes even Jungkook acts strange.

It’s needless to say that what happened in the morning doesn’t allow Jongin must rest; he remains cranky throughout the hours of the day, and snaps and then apologizes to literally everyone who he stumbles into. Jungkook better not repeat what he did this morning, Jongin would never forgive him for that. Had he known better, he wouldn’t have stayed over at the younger’s in the first place. When everything settles down, he tries to think about the heavy implication behind the words when Jungkook had first said how he would take responsibility of Jongin and the child. At that time, he sounded like any other caring best friend who would joke about things like that just to lighten up the mood. Now, though...

Jongin doesn’t know anymore. Either he’s overthinking everything or he’s not thinking in the right direction. Perhaps he needs to relax a little to understand the things happening with him; his pregnancy isn’t soft on him as well.

“I am sorry,” Kyungsoo says, actually sounding apologetic, “I shouldn’t have done that.”

Jongin waves him off, drying the dishes in his hands, Kyungsoo has been washing them for quite some time now. He’s taking his sweet time and it’s getting on Jongin’s nerves--seriously, who spends so much time on washing dishes? “It’s okay, nothing to fret over.”

“No, I thought about it.” Kyungsoo washes his hands and then holds the edge of the sink; his hold is tight enough for Jongin to catch the veins running along the length of his strong arms. Jongin kind of wants to hold his hands and see if they’re as calloused as they look like. He shoves the thought away and snorts at himself--what a disturbing piece of mind he has. “No one would appreciate someone telling them what’s right for them and what’s not. It’s just,” he stops and clenches his jaw. Jongin worries he might break the bone (while the other part can’t help but notice how it has hardened Kyungsoo’s features enough to make him look... hot). “It’s just came out of nowhere.”

Kyungsoo sounds awfully like what Jungkook had predicted.

Kyungsoo runs his wet hand through his hair and he really needs to stop looking so pleasing to the eyes (so freaking aesthetically pleasing. Why?). “Alright, so here’s the thing,” he stops and turns to look at Jongin, “the moment you feel I am controlling you, you’re going to call me out for it.”

“...Okay?”

“Well,” he stops and his lips, “let’s finish this.” He goes back to washing the dishes and within minutes is finished with it. Jongin allows him to walk out of the kitchen, Kyungsoo, however, stays behind. “You know, I don’t want to, but I notice things.” Jongin raises a curious brow, he seems to ask what in stretched silence between them. “I just felt as if Jungkook and you were distant today.”

Oh. How fine. “No, nothing. We’re fine.”

“You’re lying,” Kyungsoo deadpans. He shrugs then, “I won’t push you to tell me things that you don’t want to, but you’ve to know that I notice things.”

“What do you want to imply?--another feather to your cap. Congratulations.” He snorts, drying the last plate and turning to leave. Kyungsoo doesn’t allow him to. “What now?” Kyungsoo looks like he’s about to say something, and Jongin even gives him time to speak up, but in the end, he just shakes his head and allows Jongin to walk past him. Jongin does, without a word. He stops in the middle of the living room, though, as if he wants to say something. Kyungsoo walks past him in silence towards his bedroom and he has the audacity to shrug out of his t-shirt in front of Jongin. That wouldn’t be much of a problem if Kyungsoo didn’t have such a nice--toned back, and all Jongin could think about now is about them and the night; of little small memories of him leaving... deep scratches on the older’s back, and--.

“Jungkook and I had a fight!” He blurts out, as if to distract himself.

Kyungsoo looks taken aback when he turns to look at him in. He sounds surprised when he speaks. “You two had a fight?”

“Not exactly,” he says, and looks away. Can Kyungsoo wear his t-shirt back? Jongin clenches his jaw--goodness, he’s got a good body himself, he could look at himself in the mirror and admire great body... but no, how could he forget that all the edges in his body are slowly turning into nothing but soft flesh. He could literally poke his fingers on his waist and would be able to notice the little dips in them. “It was more like Jungkook acting strange all of a sudden and me getting ty confused.”

“I am not going anywhere with what you’re saying.” He leans against the wall and crosses his arms over his chest. Jongin is seconds away from throwing the nearest cloth at the man’s face. He’s got better pecs than Jongin, despite Jongin spending a good amount of time in gym. Although he has reduced his time now, since he’s pregnant and shouldn’t do heavy workouts, it’s still slightly visible. The years of hard work.

“He just behaved strange,” he repeats, “he confused me a lot.”

“Did he,” Kyungsoo begins, concerned but thinking his words right. “Did he force you or something?”

“No!” He cries out. “Jungkook isn’t like that.”

Kyungsoo shrugs. “I don’t get what you mean then.” He waits for Jongin to speak more. “Are you alright? I know things must be serious enough for I noticed the stiffness between you two. Is this is the case where I, as a second lead, end up finding that I wasn’t a lead in the first place but these two best friends who are secretly in love with each other and only now are accepting it?” He chuckles, as if showing his nonchalance. Although the stiffness in his tone tells Jongin that he’s, in fact, very serious. It’s only when Jongin looks like he could burst into tears any time soon that Kyungsoo straightens up and takes tentative steps towards the young actor. “I was just joking, please don’t take it--why are you crying?”

“It’s just,” Jongin says, sniffling and wiping his tears with the sleeves of his shirt away. “Jungkook acted so strange this morning and it scared me how much different he sounded. Like, he wasn’t the same boy I have known for years now.” He waves his hands a little, not noticing when Kyungsoo stepped so close to him that he could count the man’s eyelashes. “He apologized and said that he was just joking, but he didn’t sound like that. I am so confused.”

“Did he force you?” Kyungsoo repeats, tone clipped. “Did he, Jongin?”

Jongin shakes his head. “No, I told you he didn’t.”

“Did he make you feel uncomfortable?”

“No, , he didn’t.” He’s lying; he could still feel Jungkook’s heavy weight on him and the painful hold around his wrists, but that doesn’t mean anything. Jongin isn’t angry on the younger, Jungkook was... just joking. That’s it, he’s making a big deal out of nothing. “No, just forget it. Good night.” He tries to step away from there, but Kyungsoo’s hold on his wrist stop him. He winces.

“Your wrists,” Kyungsoo says, taking both of his hands in his own and pulling the sleeves up Jongin’s arms to rub fingers on the inside of Jongin’s wrists. “Your wrists are red; there are red lines. What the did he do, Jongin?” Hr growls the last part, voice so deep that it runs shivers down the actor’s spine.

“Goodness, he didn’t do anything!” He screams, shoving Kyungsoo back. Kyungsoo, however, doesn’t budge; instead, he pushes Jongin back against the table. Eyes red and looking every sort of... possessive man that Jongin didn’t give him any right for. “Kyungsoo, honestly, off.”

“I will, but first give me a reasonable excuse of this.” He brings Jongin’s hands close to his face, nails digging into the softness of his hands.

“You have no right to ask me anything.”

“I have every right, Jongin.”

“Why do you think so?”

“Because you’re carrying my baby and not anyone’s else!” Jongin presses his lips in a thin line after the outburst, eyes stinging with unshed tears again. Kyungsoo sighs. “Right, sorry, but I know I have every right to know if something’s hurting you. You’re my responsibility and I ing care for you.”

“You do, huh?” Jongin snorts, eyes fixed into Kyungsoo’s. “First ask yourself if you care because I am carrying your child or you care just because you father demanded you do. After that, ask me things.” This time when he pushes the elder away, Kyungsoo allows him to. Things are just so difficult for him, he thinks, crying and walking into the bedroom. He doesn’t forget to lock the door behind him, just in case Kyungsoo demands another useless explanation. He’s just so freaking tired of everything; he doesn’t even know what he’s doing anymore. Or what people around him are doing anymore. Even... Jungkook had to do something to unsettle Jongin. He doesn’t want to, but he knows he’s being nothing but hard on his own baby. It’s not the baby’s fault, he reminds himself, he shouldn’t hurt someone innocent for his own stupid life. Goodness, he could--he doesn’t know.

He doesn’t know anything. Why people can’t make things easier for him?

His phone rings, but Jongin throws it away; not having enough courage to talk to Jungkook or hear another of his apology. He’s so... tired, Jongin wants to sleep everything off for the whole night.

-

-

The next morning, Jongin has a headache and his eyes are swollen and red. He hasn’t slept a wink and he thinks he might throw up again. He doesn’t, though, he prefers to curl on the bed instead. It’s probably past eight in the morning, but Jongin finds no courage to get up with all the heavy sleepiness his body is engulfed into. It’s probably the breeze or the warm duvet that help him fall into a peaceful slumber.

The next time he wakes up, it’s past twelve in the afternoon. His phone reads many missed calls from Jungkook, a hundred messages from him, and some other calls from some other people including his own parents. Jongin decides to call them some time later; for now, he dares himself to get up and fresh up. His bladder could only hold so long. His sleep must not be fulfilled, for he feels boneless as soon as he picks up the clothes he would change into, and a second thought comes into his mind to sleep back, but he knows he couldn’t... and life is so cruel.

“Hi,” he says into the phone, bathroom door locked behind him just in case Kyungsoo thinks it’s alright to not use his own en suite and barge into the extra washroom. “You called?”

“Hyung,” Jungkook speaks from the other end, he sounds as tired as Jongin feels. “I am sorry, hyung.” ... and Jongin thinks it’s too early to hear those words again.

“Not now, Kookie, I will call you later.” He shrugs out of his clothes, throwing them in the basket with a little reminder to wash them and the previous ones today. “I am taking a bath.” He stands in front of the full length mirror, eyes flitting across every inch of skin before settling on his tummy. The abs a little faint now, and Jongin knows he probably wouldn’t be able to see much in just a few more weeks. Goodbye, y.

“Hyung, but you don’t listen even then,” the boy says and he sounds on the verge of crying. “Everytime I call you, you say the same but you don’t listen.”

“I don’t, right,” he accepts. “Because I don’t want to.” Jungkook stays silent. “Let’s forget about this, Kookie. You said it was a joke, I will accept it as a joke. That’s it--it was a joke, right?”

“Yes,” the boy sounds heartbroken. Jongin tries not to think about the heavy implication. “I will call you later then. Take care!” He hangs up and doesn’t give Jongin any chance to speak up. Jongin sighs and places his phone on the small cabinet beside the mirror. He better make this bath quick, he’s already dying in hunger.

He runs a hand through his hair, feet leading him to the showerhead; he stands under it for some moments before switching it on. Something feels off, he thinks, but he doesn’t know what. It’s only when he turns towards the other wall that he realizes what’s wrong today. He knows it’s childish and it’s unbecoming of a young twenty-one-year-old to do this--but he smothers his scream in his fist, stumbles back dramatically and hopes to not slip on the slippery surface and break a bone or two.

It’s a spider, and Jongin has always hated anything remotely close to arthropods. They’re just so yikes and so freaking monstrous like. No matter the fact they’re tinier than his own hand, they’re just scary.

Kyungsoo was getting ready for the company and there’s a high chance that he would’ve left by now, but that doesn’t stop Jongin from picking up his phone and calling the man right away. Kyungsoo needs to know about this, he needs to--save him. Kyungsoo picks up the call three rings later.

“Hello--”

“Kyungsoo, I need your help!” He cries into the phone. He hears the footsteps coming to a halt, wherever Kyungsoo is right now, Jongin has managed to grab his attention. “Kyungsoo, please come here.”

“Are you okay, Jongin?” The man asks, and he’s probably turned back for Jongin hears the hurried footsteps from the other end. “Something happened?--stay still, I will come. Where are you, in the bathroom, right? I saw you going in, you must be there.” Then he asks the most important question: “what exactly happened?”

“Kyungsoo. There's a spider in the bathroom, come fast else I am going to cry. Please help!!” He doesn't know if he sounded childish or stupid or whatever, he just needs Kyungsoo’s help.

The footsteps come to a halt. Jongin can hear the annoyed roll of Kyungsoo’s eyes when he speaks next. “What? Is the spider planning on making you its breakfast today? Congrats to the spidey then, you must be a sweet meal.”

“Kyungsoo, I am not joking! I am afraid of them! Please come fast else I am going to cry.” Kyungsoo must’ve noticed the crack in his voice for he mutters something incoherent under his breath and hangs up the phone. Jongin thinks Kyungsoo wouldn’t come but then, just some minutes later, he feels Kyungsoo’s presence right outside of the bathroom door before the man actually walks inside.

... and nothing prepares Jongin for the embarrassment that crawls up his skin when Kyungsoo finds him fretting over a little spider . ! Jongin squeaks and quickly wraps a towel around himself, Kyungsoo coughs and looks away. Jongin desperately hopes the flush on Kyungsoo’s skin is for some reason that doesn’t concern Jongin.

“Where is it?” Kyungsoo asks, shrugging out of his jacket before switching off the shower head. Jongin tries not to follow the length of Kyungsoo’s arms, nor how the shirt bunches around his strong limbs. Jongin points to the wall where he’d last seen the spider before fixing his gaze on the mirror. Why. He’s , just wrapped in a towel. In a bathroom. With Kyungsoo. Alone. He needs to get back to his senses before his mind tries to trace back to every little memory of a particular night.

“What are you going to do with it?”

Kyungsoo has the spider in his hand, he’s picked it up as if it’s nothing but a speck of dust. “I am going to eat it, I guess.”

Jongin makes a disgusted face. “Ew.”

Kyungsoo laughs, and it’s mellifluous enough to bring a bashful smile on Jongin’s lips. Kyungsoo returns some minutes later, his sleeves bunched up to his arms. It makes it look hotter. Attractive in a sense that Jongin doesn’t look away from him. “I should go now,” the man says, pointing to the door then his watch. “I am getting late.”

“Yes,” Jongin says, “thank you, hyung.”

“It’s, uh, fine. Welcome anyway.” He nods his head and steps back, he doesn’t look at Jongin for whatever reason. “You shave your legs,” he comments and it must be something that he didn’t want to say because he instantly goes red to his ears. “ no--forget what I said. It, I just…”

“You didn’t want to say that aloud.” Jongin finishes for him.

“No, I am sorry. That was rude.”

Jongin shrugs. “I don’t think so; I will take it as a compliment.” He rubs his legs together and acts as if he couldn’t notice Kyungsoo’s eyes on them. Or that he isn’t intentionally doing so to show his legs off. “Shaving is boring, but they make my skin softer. Besides, my job demands me that as well.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo agrees and turns around, as if he couldn’t spend another moment staring at Jongin’s legs without... doing anything. “I-I should go now.” Jongin nods his head, realizing that he’s still wrapped in nothing but a huge fluffy towel. Even after he says that, Kyungsoo remains perfectly still on the same spot for some long moments. He steps back, though; he does. “Take care.” Then he turns around and leaves.

Jongin huffs and turns to look into the mirror. The flush must be because of the heat, he thinks. It must be because of that and not because a particular man.

hunk! Kyungsoo? is so ing hot. i was thinking about lactation. would you like to read a lactating Jongin? or not? since this would be the first time about me writing something about it, i was wondering if anyone wants to try the same or not. tell me your thoughts down in the comments section.