Kyungsoo has always had things straight and easy. That’s how he has grown to love straightforwardness; from his parents preaching him some basic social rules, his teachers, and even his older cousins, Kyungsoo has always things straight and easy. No beating around the bush and all. However, now that he has his manager standing on the other end of his office with this dumbfounded look on his face, he wonders if his curious nature is to be blamed for the sudden, awkward silence inside the office.

He straightens the lapels of his suit jacket and shifts on his seat, refusing to look at Minho for some reason he isn’t able to explain himself as well.

“Sir,” Minho finally begins, Kyungsoo holds the pen in his hand tighter. “Um, I guess, yes?”

“Yes, like what kind of yes?”

“What kind of yes,” the manager repeats. “Sir, I mean, yes, that’s something that I haven’t paid much mind to.” Kyungsoo huffs. “...but, whenever I did look at you, I have always noticed absence of any kind of smile.” Kyungsoo nods his head, looking seemingly deflated by the response. “However, sir, I am still wondering why you’d ask such thing—I don’t remember you asking anything like this before.” Then, with a little frown on his face, “sir, did someone say something to you?”

“Ah, no,” Kyungsoo replies, shaking his head and then waves his hand to refute the statement again. “I just wondered, that’s all.” To make the situation a little better, since he knows Minho is as curious being as him and would definitely ask more questions, he points to the tablet in his manager’s hand. “My schedule for today?” The man announces the schedule to him, the same old thing, and adds one new thing to the list to-do’s which Kyungsoo hadn’t been anticipating at all. “Appointment,” he begins, “what appointment at the doctor’s?”

“Sir, the appointment. The... pregnancy one, you have to meet the doctor with Jongin.”

“I get it. Did Dad do that?” The man confirms the question with a small nod. Kyungsoo sighs and rubs a finger over his eyebrow. “I’ll look at it. Thank you.”

-

-

Kyungsoo realizes that there’s one thing that he might never get used to; whether it’s a positive response or not, he doesn’t know. He just knows this is something that might surprise him every time, more because he doesn’t remember the last time someone stood outside of the meeting room, waiting for him, other than his manager or some other employee at the company. Coming to a full stop after leading his clients to the elevator, he fixes his gaze upon the man standing on the other end of the hall. Jongin is standing there with this look on his face; biting his lower lip and fiddling with his fingers in what seems in nervousness, he keeps tapping his shoes on the floor despite Kyungsoo passing him an annoyed look for it.

Kyungsoo walks to him and clears his throat. “Hospital?” Jongin nods his head and stops abusing his bottom lip. “Something happened?” He asks when Jongin refuses to look at him, Jongin, however, shakes his worry away. “Are you sure—you don’t look fine?” If he’s sure, he could see dried tear tracks on the actor’s cheeks. When Jongin refuses to speak anything, he sighs and asks Jongin to follow him. It's not like he cares. Or so he likes to tell himself as loud as possible when the sudden nagging voice inside his head demands him to refute his own statement.

“I—I was informed about the appointment by Minho,” he says, just to fill up the awkward silence between them in the lift. For whatever reason, he feels the conversation should come out naturally between them; it's either because he feels weird standing silently with the man who got pregnant because of him or just because Jongin looks like he needs some sort of distraction and Kyungsoo feels the need to fill it up for him. He doesn't know what's the reason.

“I didn't think if I should inform you about it,” Jongin says, walking beside Kyungsoo when the elder stretches a hand toward the open door of the lift. “Since you don't seem to care about anything.”

“This is my responsibility, I don't understand why I have to tell you the same thing again and again.”

“Yes, this is.” Jongin nods his head, thanks the man when he holds the car door open for him. “...but it's your responsibility as the father of the child, not as Mr. Do's son.” Kyungsoo opens his mouth to say something but as if thinking something better, keeps his mouth shut. “You should know about things like this without your father's intervention,” Jongin continues.“As the father of the child,” he adds a few minutes later.

“What exactly happened to you?” Kyungsoo wonders aloud, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I don't understand what you mean by that.”

“You're behaving strange.” Jongin frowns, Kyungsoo continues. “Just more mature, I don't know.” He shrugs and stops the car at the red light.

“I guess one should get mature enough when one is pregnant with a child.” Jongin defends himself, sounding as mature as his father. “When you're going to refuse to take responsibility after the birth then I don't find any reason to get comfortable around you, for the next nine months at least.”

“Something happened then,” Kyungsoo mutters, someone probably said something to the younger male for him to act this way. If he were a little easy, Kyungsoo would've coaxed him to tell him about it, or about who said something to bring him on edge. Not like he really would've done something without a second thought if it wasn't for the current situation, and since Jongin is his responsibility now, he knows he would've done something.

They reach the hospital some fifteen minutes later; Jongin, as if he knows every nook and corner of the hospital, walks straight into the office of the doctor, after a small knock of course. The doctor greets Jongin first and looks at Kyungsoo sceptically; Kyungsoo believes it must be because she probably hadn't expected the other father to be him, of all people.

“Do you know what week he is in, Mr. Do?” The doctor asks, and Kyungsoo feels like he's been interviewed. It's a shame that he doesn't know the answer; shame that he hasn't bothered to ask Jongin anything about the pregnancy. The doctor takes his silence as an answer and shakes her head, she turns to speak something to Jongin which Kyungsoo tunes completely out.

It feels like he's being humiliated, so much that he has to keep his anger in check just so that he doesn't start lashing out at the doctor for staring at him like that, as if she couldn't be more disappointed in him. Kyungsoo—Kyungsoo understands this; despite taking Jongin's responsibility, he hasn't made any effort to make things easier between them. It feels like he despises the whole idea of taking care of the younger throughout the months of his pregnancy. Kyungsoo doesn't understand if that makes him an .

“Mr. Do, I'd like to tell you something—I don't really know what happened between two of you, but you'll have to take care of him.” As if he didn't know that already. “I know you're probably fed up hearing the same thing, your expression shows how much you want to leave already, but, Mr. Do, you have to understand how serious this is.”

“I know how serious this is—”

“No, you don't, sir. You don't seem to understand how serious this is.” The doctor raises a hand when Kyungsoo opens his mouth to retort, something that he seems to do when things and people don’t go his way. “Jongin is pregnant, sir,” she punctuates each word with enough stress to put a kid into silence. Kyungsoo presses his lips in a thin line and nods to show he’s understanding the things she wants to tell him. “He’s seven weeks into pregnancy, he will start his eighth week the day after tomorrow.” She writes something on one of the papers, before looking up at Kyungsoo again. “There are certain things that you need to take care of—I have told Jongin everything, he will do whatever is possible even in your absence, but there are things that need your assistance.”

Jongin shifts a little on his side, Kyungsoo barely pays him any mind. “Seeing how you two aren’t on close terms with each other—I’d like to remind you that shouldn’t put stress on Jongin. Jongin is pregnant, and reminding him again and again that the child was a mistake would be the worst thing that you’ll do to him—the life inside him as well.”

So Jongin told her everything already?

“No, he didn't,” she says, as if she could read his mind. “Not much for me to hate you for what you're doing, though—it sounds unprofessional of me, but I don't think I like what you've done and you're doing despite knowing your responsibility.”

“I don't understand how you can say that,” he says, although it sounds more snappish than anything. “He has been living with me for only a day—I let him sleep just as much as he needed, I cooked everything on time, I gave him the medicine you'd asked him to take, I cleaned his vomit last evening as well.”

“Sir,” she begins some moments later, she sounds amused about something that Kyungsoo doesn't understand. Looking at Jongin's expression, the actor doesn't as well. “If you'd done anything after actually understanding and accepting the situation, you wouldn't have to count the few things that you did.” She taps her fingernails on the table, eyes fixed on the CEO. “If you really meant anything, you wouldn't have to count anything.”

“I don't understand why do I need to do anything with—”

“It's your child we're talking about, Mr. Do; you seem to forget that a lot.” She reminds him.

“A child that I never wanted!”

She stays silent for some moments and stares at Jongin's deflated frame. “Jongin didn't want the child as well—he wasn't planning on giving birth to someone at such young age, at such stage of his life where he could've whatever he will work hard for.” She stares pointedly at Kyungsoo. “I am sorry if I sound harsh, but you ruined everything for him just for your selfishness.”

Kyungsoo opens and closes his mouth, but it feels as if he has forgotten how to speak anything.

“You'd everything laid out for you; your father started the company, you became the heir, you just had to complete your studies, know how the market works, and you'd everything at your feet at a very young age, Mr. Do. Whereas, Jongin started from scrap and reached here despite not having any kind of privilege—he’ll lose everything. You'll be forgotten for it being one of your many scandals. In a matter of a few weeks, days even.”

She waves her hands a little and laughs, although it doesn't sound just as amused as she makes it look like. “I am sorry, that was very unprofessional of me.” Jongin shakes his head and reminds her that they're close friends, she can say anything. Kyungsoo hopes Jongin didn't mean that, she sure sounded as if she was scolding him; insulting him and his qualification for coming from a rich family. Although it’s true that he came from a rich family, it doesn’t mean he’d things really easy for him. He’d his own struggles; something the doctor and Jongin won’t ever understand. “Okay, let's go back to the real topic: pregnancy.”

-

-

“She’s your friend?” He asks, breaking the silence between them for the first time ever since they left the hospital some ten minutes ago.

“Not really, but since I get to meet her every week, we kind of know each other. A little, but whatever.”

“She knows everything that happened between us?”

Jongin laughs. “Are you afraid that she would tell anyone about how much of an you are?” When Kyungsoo doesn't find it amusing to even lift a side of his lips, he slaps his hand on Kyungsoo's arm. Kyungsoo winces, but Jongin doesn't apologize. “Just kidding, hyung.” He doesn't sound as if he was. “She just knows when to say what; that’s just what she likes to do besides her real profession. Since she knows me, she’d said all those things to you. I am sorry if she offended you, although everything was reasonably acceptable.”

“Jongin, that was not what I asked.”

It takes Jongin a while to think back to the question, when it does, he presses his lips in a thin line and timidly nods at him. “I—I felt lost, and I just couldn’t stop myself from telling her the truth. Jungkook was there, so he gave his own insights into it.”

“Everything?” Kyungsoo asks, Jongin shakes his head. “She certainly didn't know it was me,” he says, and it shames him how relieved he sounds. However, she does know now, and Kyungsoo wonders what she would be thinking about him now. Sure, he's ruined the reputation he's built all these years in front of her. Not like he cares, or so he tells himself. “I don't think if you should talk about anything between us to everyone—does Jungkook know everything?”

“Of course, he does,” Jongin answers, he sounds personally offended as if not telling the younger would be a shame in itself. “I do not hide things from him, at least not for a long time. He’s like my little brother; he’s been there for me ever since the start. He deserves to know everything. I deserve to know everything about him. That’s basically it.”

“.. and here I thought things were a little heated between you two.” When Jongin asks what he means, Kyungsoo shakes his head and focuses on driving. “It’s only been a little over a day, and I am already getting to know you so much.”

“Like what?” Jongin asks, curious and almost sounding shy. When he turns docile and curls a little on the seat? that's only natural.

“Like,” Kyungsoo begins, a smirk heavy on his lips, a telltale sign that he wouldn’t like whatever the CEO would say, “how annoying, careless, and dependent you are. How freaking childish; someone who blurts things out at the first person he sees, someone just... so ing annoying.” It seems like Kyungsoo has taken a silent oath to degrade Jongin the first chance he gets; degrade him, or . Jongin doesn’t really know what the motive behind all those words spoken to him so casually is, as if the speaker doesn’t know they could harm or anger Jongin to no end.

Jongin bristles, but calms his countenance down a few seconds before Kyungsoo stops the car at the red light. He smirks; a tinge of anger light up his tone, heavily sounding like a piece of delinquency when Kyungsoo spares him a glance in sadistic amusement. “Yeah, says someone who has superiority complex; the big, proud alpha male who likes starting unnecessary arguments, and brain of a who’s scared to accept his own doings. , what a menace to one’s sanity.” Tit for tat, Jongin wants to say, but bites his tongue when he sees the look on the elder's face. It's clear he's feeling affronted by Jongin's reply. Jongin wouldn't have replied like that; his parents haven't raised him to disrespect an elder like that… but his parents also haven't raised him to allow people to walk over him. Despite knowing damn well that they're involved in the thing as much as Jongin is.

“How can you talk to me like that?” The man growls, looking all sort of defected piece of human that he resembles most time of the day.

“I was just saying what you deserve to listen. You cannot expect me to stay silent after you insult me like that.” He feels like a cornered prey, especially the way Kyungsoo looks like he's ready to tear him apart within seconds. However, his mouth just won't shut up. “You're going to get what you asked for.”

Kyungsoo clenches his jaw, and looks like he's about to say something but stops at the first horn that breaks the tensed silence between them. He looks ahead and drives in silence for the rest of their way home; Jongin, knowing that he would only start unnecessary fight between them, keeps his mouth shut as well. He keeps his eyes on Kyungsoo, though; notices the veins in his arms, the constant tightening of his fingers around the steering wheel. The angry huff that he emits, as if he still couldn't believe that Jongin could retort like that. As if he couldn’t believe that Jongin could insult him like that; him, of all people. Jongin wonders what’s with all this proud males; how can someone be so insecure to act like they naturally own the spotlight. Like, what the hell.

Kyungsoo is definitely one of his kind. Jongin has, though, known a few people who truly are insecure, and in insecurity end up demanding unnecessary attention to them. Jongin’s sure that the man isn’t insecure, but he’s a brat; someone who was born with silver spoon in his mouth, and was raised between riches. Of course, he’s a disciplined brat who shows his true colours when things don’t go his way. Jongin has spent enough time with Kyungsoo to know that the man likes to hear ‘yes’ more than ‘no’.

Fiddling with his fingers on his way to Kyungsoo’s penthouse, he doesn’t realize that he’s spoken the words out loud; loud enough for Kyungsoo to hear, but not any other soul (even though there’s no one at this floor other than them). He widens his eyes and takes a few steps back when Kyungsoo turns around to look at him, the previous expression back on his face. “Um, I—” he smacks his lips together, knowing that he should better stay silent than say anything else to the man.

“Right,” the man laughs, mocking, hollow, and everything that Jongin doesn't like, “you know me better than anyone else. I am afraid, actually.” He’s not, he’s just trying to get on the actor’s nerves. “For you to know me so well, and act as if this whole thing isn’t bothering me as well.” He stops and stays silent for some moments, eyes searching for Jongin’s; his breathing is hollow, pained even, but Jongin doesn’t understand what he’s missing or what he said for Kyungsoo to react like that. It’s... disturbing: the way Kyungsoo’s mood changes. One second he’s this, and the next second something completely different. “Just because I come from a wealthy family doesn’t mean I can’t speak when it comes to dealing with someone as poor as you.”

Jongin is anything but poor; sure, he isn’t as rich as Kyungsoo, or would ever be, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t counted among the ‘richest actors in South Korea’ at this moment. The whole nation knows how much Jongin earns, not as big as Kyungsoo’s, but he’s there. Among the rich people. Despite wanting to correct the elder, he keeps his mouth shut and looks away; hoping that the man would stop looking at him like that and speak whatever that makes no sense to Jongin.

“My father brought the whole topic between the heads as if I didn’t have reputation at all! He started giving example how one should take care of the kids because if they didn’t, they may end up with something as big as his what his own son ended up with.” Oh, Jongin thinks, Mr. Do shouldn’t have done that. “All I could do at that moment was to stay silent, keep my head down, and listen to everything that he was saying. All those less heads? they found more reasons to kick me out of the company--something that I’ve worked hard work: “irresponsible brat”, “kick him out”, “he doesn’t deserve to be on this position”, “who knows how many people he has slept with”. I have earned this position, dammit; contradict to what you all believe, I had to fight with outsiders to get where I am, for our company. Something that my family started.”

“I am sorry,” he says, apologizing for something that he isn’t responsible for. “I didn’t know Mr. Do would bring that up between everyone, of all things.”

Kyungsoo scoffs, a mocking little tinge in the tone of his words. “Yeah, damn, you should apologize.” He stops and takes a few steps back. “You all have made me a joke! Whatever I did--everything’s a joke now. Thanks you to and that... baby.” He stops and scoffs some more. “Why didn’t you follow my advice? Why did you have to carry the baby? I don’t want to settle down--at least for the next nine months, but all I could see is exactly that. Baby, baby, baby.” With a final glare passed to Jongin, he effortlessly waves Jongin off and walks into the penthouse as if he doesn’t know if there’s anyone else with him this moment.

It takes Jongin a while to realize the bile that has risen in his throat; some more seconds to understand that he couldn’t deal with Kyungsoo acting and behaving like that to him. It’s been only second day, and all Kyungsoo could do is blame him for something that they both are involved in. Sure, neither of them were ready for responsibility like this, but if he could accept then why Kyungsoo couldn’t? He doesn’t feel immature when he leans against the wall, the door of the penthouse still open for him. He needs to breath, and think about everything with enough maturity. They’ve already fought a lot, and it’s a shame that they always fight about the same thing but never come to a conclusion, and it would do nothing but turn whatever’s between them worse.

Jongin doesn’t like fighting; he has always avoided fighting, and maybe that’s why he forgets about their age difference and blurts out the first thing that comes out of his mouth. Perhaps being silent and peaceful wouldn’t do much for him, even if it means that there would be peace around him. Not to mention how Kyungsoo has taken it upon himself to rile up the angry soul inside Jongin; hiding and keeping one’s feelings to oneself is probably not the greatest of ideas. Jongin thinks he should change, but he doesn’t know how to change.

It’s probably been over fifteen minutes now, but Kyungsoo hasn’t come out to check on him and he shouldn’t, but Jongin still feels the indecipherable pain somewhere in his body. Perhaps it’s just because he’s pregnant, he humours himself, his hormones must be ‘on the move’. He slips against the wall, curls against it and absolutely refuses to look into the direction of the penthouse. He’d rather accept that he needs some time to himself; to understand the situation, and reflect on his own words and actions. He’s tired of thinking the same and going on the loop of same statements and sentences in his head. It’s annoying him, it somehow renders him thoughtless as well. He feels low, when he couldn’t find more words to express himself other than the same old things.

When the words absolutely refuse to help him weave his thoughts in perfect sentences, he thinks back to Kyungsoo. Everything that he said until now, too. Kyungsoo’s words doesn’t affect him as much as he’d thought they would; in fact, they don’t affect him at all. It could be because Kyungsoo hasn’t made a place in his heart, yet, and taking his words there would be nothing but allowing negativity to surround his winsome (as his father had once called) soul. He sighs. Once. Twice... and looks up when he hears the gentle padding of footsteps coming to a full stop beside the door.

Kyungsoo stays silent, he doesn’t bother hiding his distaste at the state he finds the actor in. Not disgusted, but simply surprised. “Are you,” he starts, “coming in or not?” Jongin refuses to speak, and looks away from the man. “Jongin,” Kyungsoo calls, a warning lit to his tone, “are you coming in or not?” Jongin still stays silent. “I was not asked to take care of two babies!”

Jongin presses his lips in a thin line and plays with his fingers on his lap as if he couldn’t see Kyungsoo standing beside him.

“Should I contact your father, and tell him what you’re doing?” Jongin, taken aback at the warning, remains stunned in his place. “I won’t,” Kyungsoo sighs, sounding tired, “but that’s no hygienic. Get up from there and come inside.”

“I am not coming in. You may go.”

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo warns again, a step towards Jongin.

“I said I am not coming in!” He shouts, throwing his hands in the air before pointing at the open door. “Go inside; I will come whenever I feel like.” If Kyungsoo notices the break in his voice, he doesn’t point that out. “You need silence, right? I am giving you the silence you need; I won’t disturb you, I won’t even show you my face for as long as you want. In fact, just tell me you don’t want to see me, and I will return back to my place. I have enough people to take care of me when I wouldn’t be able to look after myself. Please, leave.” He points again and looks away before Kyungsoo could see the trail of tears down his cheeks. “I am tired of you; you’ve just made things so difficult between us. You don’t like me, just say. You don’t want to take responsibility? Be loud and clear to your father. I will ask him to not force me onto you, I will even beg if you want me to.”

“You will get sick sitting here,” Kyungsoo says, as if he didn’t hear anything that Jongin said.

“Do you care?” Jongin retorts, wiping his tears but not making a move to get up from the floor. “Tell me you care so that I could laugh at your face.”

“You have to think about the baby as well,” the man answers instead.

“This is not your baby; this is mine!” He points at the door, wondering if he’s crossing the limits again. “Just go away and leave me alone, for God’s sake.” When Kyungsoo actually complies, Jongin doesn’t know what to do. He sits there, surprised, but not enough to demand Kyungsoo an explanation about how cruel he could be to him. He doesn’t lock the door, which means he isn’t angry enough to lock Jongin out of the place for the rest of the night. He could call Jungkook, but he’d rather not start another war between the two; Kyungsoo and he have enough tension on their heads already. Jungkook has never taken a liking for Kyungsoo, and informing about what's happening between them would only escalate further tension between all of them. Besides, his father is still here; he wouldn't like to hear what's happening.

It’s only a few minutes later that the smell of something wafts through the air, and it takes a great effort from Jongin to not get up and check it himself. He’s sure as hell Kyungsoo’s cooking, and he wonders if the loud clunk of utensils is either because Kyungsoo’s really angry to not care about how much noise he’s making, or he’s doing the way he always does. Kyungsoo returns some minutes later, Jongin guesses it’s been more than ten minutes since he last bothered Jongin, and without saying anything just crouches next to the young actor’s level. His hands smell all kind of Jongin’s one of the favorite delicacies; if he could, he would’ve Kyungsoo’s palm clean by now. Kyungsoo wouldn’t appreciate that, he knows, and it keeps Jongin in place. Perhaps he would be disgusted by it, Jongin doesn’t want anyone to be disgusted by him.

“Let’s talk,” the man says finally, sounding as mature as his age demands him to. “I’ve cooked food, and I believe it would keep us busy enough for us to not start a fight, again.”

He shouldn’t, he thinks, there’s no guarantee that Kyungsoo would talk to him without throwing a few jibes here and there. Besides, he doesn’t think if he could be silent as well; with Kyungsoo, he’s learned to speak the first thing that comes into his mind. Usually they’re disrespectful and if his father were here, he would’ve slapped Jongin a thousand times by now. “I don’t think if you would be able to talk to me without throwing your nonexistent ego all around us.”

Kyungsoo sighs, already sounding greatly irritated. “Okay, if that’s so—I will try.” When Jongin doesn’t move an inch, he sits properly down, beside Jongin as if they’re childhood friends. It takes Jongin a while to understand that Kyungsoo demands his attention solely on him now, and it unnerves him how much every inch of his body wants to look at Kyungsoo and talk to him. Even if it’s about behaving like humans and coming to terms with each other for the next few months. “I—I thought about it alright,” Kyungsoo begins once again, “I realized that I start and say things unnecessarily, but that’s just who I am. Whatever I said until now, everything, I didn’t mean most of them. They were just natural reactions to what my brain deemed as irritating, and I am not used to your presence.” He admits casually. “Even now, when I see you at my place, I have to remind myself that I am not alone anymore. I am not used to anyone’s presence in my place; even my parents visit a few times in a month, and I am okay with that. I don’t know you, and I am definitely not one of the fine people with the greatest social skills, and when I remember that I share something unplanned with you, it just unnerves me to no end.”

“I don’t want to say things that I say, I try to control myself, but I couldn’t stop myself from spewing at you,” he continues, “the fact that you’ve accepted it by now and I haven’t, irritates the hell out of me. I constantly keep wondering why it’s so easy for you to accept things and not for me.” When Jongin stays silent, he carefully grabs Jongin’s hand in his own. It surprises Jongin, makes him want to look into Kyungsoo’s eyes and demand how—could he grab his hand like that? As if they’re friends, lovers even.

If Kyungsoo hears the sporadic beating of his heart? Jongin doesn’t care, for he knows he would only embarrass himself further with the farrago of words that he knows would tumble out of his mouth.

“Let’s talk? I still remember the doctor saying how you should not take too much stress, for it will harm the... baby. We need to talk about it, like mature adults and not kids.” He looks hopeful for a moment, and when Jongin finally spares him a glance, he sees nothing but a human who’s shielded himself well from the outside world. It’s just a fleeting sight, though, Jongin knows Kyungsoo wants someone to talk to. Like friends, if not lovers yet. The elder stands up before stretching a hand for Jongin to take. “Let’s go?” He asks, curling his hand in a fist before opening it as if he’s baring himself in front of Jongin. It’s funny, Jongin thinks, when he takes the hand offered to him without a second thought.

-

-

Talking to Kyungsoo about the matter is a serious affair, Jongin realizes, serious and boring. They know they should begin the conversation already, it’s been more than ten minutes into them silently eating their food, but don’t know how to begin. For they’ve made everything so awkward between them that they couldn’t even hold an eye contact; either it’s because they’re too embarrassed of what they’ve said and done in the past, or just the simple thought of starting a decent conversation (most probably talk with bare feelings) fluster them.

Jongin takes the initiative to start a conversation, although it isn’t related to his pregnancy at all. “I think I have clinomania; like, I feel like my first home is my bed.” Kyungsoo looks interested enough to stop eating and look at him in silence. “I still remember when I was a kid, I found sleeping or reading on my bed more fun than playing outside or keeping up with latest video games and cartoons. In fact, just this morning, I felt I couldn’t get up from the bed. When I did and looked at my bed, I thought about going back to it, Because just how could I leave my bed behind?” When Kyungsoo doesn’t stop looking at him with this look on his face, Jongin looks away and nervously plays with his chopsticks. “Yeah, so there’s that as well.”

“Is that the reason why Jungkook and Uncle call you ‘baby bear’?” Kyungsoo asks, and he sounds curious, not as if he’s teasing Jongin.

Oh. Did his father and Jungkook call him that in front of Kyungsoo? How--ing embarrassing. “That--yes, they do call me that because I love to sleep a lot. I love honey a lot as well, and I can just sleep anywhere within seconds.” He refuses to accept that he must be flushing a deep shade by now; he’d made a deal with the people who call him that: do not call Jongin that in front of someone who he doesn’t want to know.

“That’s a becoming habit of yours,” the man says, and he sounds genuine enough for Jongin to know that he’s isn’t berating him in any way. “I guess I had that habit, too, but I lost it somewhere in my early teenage years. Dad said I should focus more on studies and our business.” Jongin nods his head, not really understanding what he should say any further; he’d started the conversation, and Kyungsoo should push it from here. As if reading Jongin, Kyungsoo clears his throat and begins, “It’ll be okay if you take care of yourself for the months, you know, just light physical activities to not hurt the baby.” Then, looking away from Jongin, he asks, “did you tell someone about this?”

No, he didn’t. Only a few people know about it, not even the people who he’s going to work with for the next few months. “I think they’ll know when this will be publicly announced.”

“Yes, yes, they will. Dad said he would confirm about the rumors that’s been always there about you and me in a few days.”

“There were rumors about us, being together?” He wonders, he didn’t know that. That’s new.

Kyungsoo nods his head. “Yes, not a lot, since there were barely any interactions between us, but yes, there have always been some rumors.” He stops then begins again. “In fact, I am sure not many people would be surprised to hear about your pregnancy. I know, I know they’ll welcome it.” He looks hesitant when he looks at Jongin, nervous even. “Jongin, I want to know what’s in your mind.”

“What’s in my mind?” He repeats, confused.

Kyungsoo nods his head, his hold around the chopsticks tighten. “Since it’s going to be you’ll go through this all, the most intimately, I want you to tell me what you have in your mind.” Now, he sounds and looks more serious than ever, probably the most Jongin has seen in a while. He his lips, nervous and still unsure as how to begin something that he doesn’t know the lead of.

“My body will change,” he begins some moments later. Kyungsoo nods his head, straightens his back and gives his undivided attention to Jongin. It flusters Jongin more, makes him feel incredibly tiny under the weight of the man’s gaze. “My body will change, and I'll get big, fat and ugly. Like a pig. My stomach will bloat and I'll have a big tummy.”

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo sighs, the hint of an amused smile contradicting the fact that he's annoyed. “I am not asking how you do you think you'll get 'ugly and everything’ that you don't want to imagine—I am asking what have you been thinking about this. About your pregnancy.”

Jongin does not understand what he should reply to that. Sure, he's pregnant and he's spent good amount of time thinking about his pregnancy, the changes, and various possibilities that could surround him once he starts showing up. He still doesn't know what to say, even after Kyungsoo gives him some long minutes to think about it. His brain must be short ciritung, because how could he not form a single sentence now that Kyungsoo has finally paid him enough mind to ask a question as big as that.

Seeing that Jongin couldn’t come with anything, he begins, “do you trust me?”

Jongin stays still as if shell shocked by the question; perhaps he is--because how could Kyungsoo casually ask him that question knowing well they fought not more than half an hour ago. “I guess, Mr. Do and dad trust you enough to give my responsibility to you.”

Kyungsoo silently stares at him, eyebrows furrowed and visage calm despite the fiddling of his fingers. Jongin doesn’t know what that signifies. “I asked, do you trust me, Jongin?”

“I don’t think if we’re in any position for you to ask me that.”

“Yes or no, Jongin?” He repeats, leaning back against the chair and looking all sort of serious. “Do you trust me?”

“No,” the actor replies. “I don’t.” He shakes his head to push the guilt that crawls up his spine when Kyungsoo looks disappointed enough with the answer. He shouldn’t; they don’t know each other and constantly fight, he hasn’t even gotten the chance to accept Kyungsoo. “I am sorry, but you cannot ask him that right after we fought. That’s... stupid.”

Kyungsoo nods his head. “I was kind of expecting that--but I guess I wasn’t ready to actually hear that.” Jongin presses his lips in a thin line. “So,” he begins some moments later, “now that we’re stuck together, we should start giving each other chance to trust each other, right?”

Stuck together. Oh, how much Jongin hates that wording. “Actually no, you just have to be genuine and not fake. That’s all I will ask for.”

Kyungsoo furrows his brows again. “What do you mean--”

“Oh, you annoy the hell out of me. You always sound as if everything is shoved onto you despite it not being part of your life. When, it’s the exact opposite of it. Either you’re being genuine, or I am going to talk to our fathers to allow me date someone who could be actually real with me. I think that would be fine with you, no? That’s exactly what you want, no?” Jongin knows he’s overreacting; Kyungsoo had started this because he wanted mature conversation between them, but Jongin’s annoyance had to kick in at the wrong time. He would still blame Kyungsoo’s way or wording, though. He would still. “Are you going to say anything at all? You know well that I would be the one to go through all the changes, you’re there just to look over him. Is that hard for you? To accept that it's your child? Just say the word, and I swear I won’t even look at you again.” He stops, giving himself some time to shut up. He doesn’t though. “Hyung,” he sighs, “I don’t want to start a fight between us again, but this--is annoying. You’re just so confusing, I don’t understand what you want. Sometimes you blame me, sometimes you act as if you’re cool with it. Sometimes you just sound like you’re about to berate me, but stop yourself in time. I am not understanding that. I am sorry.” He stops and tries to catch Kyungsoo’s eyes. “Are you going to say something?”

Jongin stays there for some moments, as if he’s waiting for Kyungsoo to say something and just stop him, but when Kyungsoo doesn’t move a muscle, he leaves just as silent, and closes the door behind him with a gentle click.

Minutes later, after he sits perfectly still on the same chair, something breaks inside Kyungsoo, but all he feels is emptiness.

-

-

There’s a thing that Kyungsoo has learned throughout these years handling so many responsibilities on his young shoulders. That one cannot run away from something that one has started themselves—they say Karma's a and, God, how much Kyungsoo believes it now. Not like he hadn’t seen it coming; Baekhyun had once asked him about his one night stand with Jongin and questioned if he’d used , because one cannot be sure which man would turn out to be a carrier. Kyungsoo hadn’t replied anything, probably because he had been sure that Jongin couldn’t get pregnant of all things.

When the actor had announced his pregnancy to Kyungsoo, he had been prepared of some sort; as if some part of him already knew that something like that would happen in near future. Although, still wholly not prepared for that, he’d snapped back at the younger because all he could think of was how everything would turn difficult for him, for them. He wasn’t ready for that, for being called daddy, still isn’t. The loop of baby, baby, baby… left him scared less.

However, after what happened today, Kyungsoo wonders if he’s still insistent about his previous thoughts. Sure his father will never know what’s happening between them—until or unless Jongin tells his father everything—but, but it just doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make sense that he’s suddenly feeling responsible, like an adult that he is, and wants to give this a try. Just eight to nine months, he tells himself, it’s just eight to nine months, and things will change once Jongin gives birth to the baby. They will go their separate ways, only to never look back at each other. Jongin will find someone (a thought that leaves a bitter taste behind its wake, for some reasons that Kyungsoo doesn’t understand--or maybe it’s just because he finds Jongin attractive enough to imagine them together), and he will, less likely, find someone as well.

Jongin is a decent guy—he doesn’t know why he’s settling with that word, when all his mind could provide are beautiful, humble, etcetera—and having him in his life isn’t a big deal for Kyungsoo. He can tolerate Jongin’s presence in his life, and it’s not like the kid isn’t his. Jongin isn’t much of a troublemaker either; he does what any respectable human with dignity and self-respect would do; he doesn’t pester Kyungsoo, save for reminding Kyungsoo about how he got him pregnant and how it’s embarrassing that he isn’t able to brave himself up for something that he’s responsible for as well. Other than that, Kyungsoo doesn’t find any reason to not behave in Jongin’s presence; sure, he isn’t ready to be a parent, but so isn't Jongin.

In fact, to put everything together, Jongin is actually struggling more than him; he’s barely twenty-two, he’s on the height of his career, he’s his future laid out for him right below his feet—, he realizes when he thinks with a rational mind, how could be claim to be dealing with bigger issues when it’s clear who’s dealing with everything more.

For whatever reason, he finds himself scrolling through this particular website which claims to be a reliable source to explain the whole process of pregnancy; male pregnancy occupies a very small part of the huge website, however, everything is explained in detail, so much that he’s to shift on the bed a hundred times in order to get comfortable about whatever he’s reading. Jongin will, most likely, get in labor by the end of his eighth month—it’s very rare for a male to give birth in his ninth month—and he will start showing, which will be visible even if he wears cloth a size bigger than his actual frame, as early as in his seventeenth or eighteenth week of pregnancy.

His palms turn clammy when he scrolls through the pictures attached to the article of infants—small, small humans who will barely reach the length of his arm. Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo feels warm and fuzzy for some reason, it must be because of his adoration towards anything cute, though, and nothing else. He pretends that he isn’t shoving the vivid imaginations of how a baby would, would—he shakes his head and rids himself from any thought of a baby. Still, a part of him is taking birth in Jongin, someone who he doesn’t know. Suddenly, Kyungsoo feels like he wants to know about Jongin.

He huffs out a laugh, although it sounds more like a groan, and stands up the second he hears a knock at the door. “I was wondering you’d like to go to this park? I heard it’s near the place,” says Jongin, as soon as Kyungsoo opens the door of his bedroom and allows him in.

Kyungsoo thinks he’s perfect reason to be surprised. “You want to go out? For a walk?” Jongin nods his head, not looking into his eyes. “At this hour,” he says, tone wondering. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong in going out at this hour, but okay if you’d want that.” He points behind himself, “I need to change,” he reasons, and watches in silence as Jongin quickly steps out of the bedroom and disappears in the living room. It’s not just him being weird, Kyungsoo knows, both of them are weird as hell. They fight, they talk as if there’s nothing wrong, and they fight again. Repeat. Repeat.

Not understanding why the younger wants to go out at this hour, he still gets ready and steps out the bedroom in less than a minute. Jongin quickly walks out the penthouse as soon as he notices him, tries to ignore Kyungsoo but ends up attracting his attention anyway.

“Is there a reason that you want you go there?” He asks, allowing Jongin to step into the elevator first.

“No.” Jongin shakes his head “I was feeling suffocated. I need some fresh air.” Understanding the tone of his voice, Kyungsoo leaves at that and waits for the elevator to bring them down. He doesn’t think if Jongin would appreciate anything but silence at this moment.