I often sit and wonder

About you

About how your day went

What color your hair has now?

What dances did you learn in the past months

Do you still love jokbal as much as you used to?

                                     I wish i still had your number

I wish i could hear your voice again

Oh, that childlike voice

That made me chuckle only by hearing it

You were pretty funny, to others 

But to me? Hilarious

I'm not sure if it was because of my deeply

Affection for you 

Or we just had similar humor. 

                                         Sana called me yesterday 

It got me more depressed than happy

You two are still there

Where i wish i was too

If only my parents didn't insist of me

Attending this goddamn american school.. 

I would be there too, now

We would be all together, like it's always been 

Well for me

You and Sana have known each other

For much longer than us. 

                                       Why don' t you call, Momo? 

Sana told me you were just busy with school

When i asked about you

I guess.. There could also be

Someone else that keeps you busy. 

                             I've tried to have relationships

Realised they're a complete waste of time 

When it's not with the one i truly wanna be

I think my heart is not functioning well

It should be easier to connect with someone new

But it s not. 

                          I think you would be proud to know

That i have two friends now

Park Jihyo and Chou Tzuyu

I approached them 'cause they seemed

So calm and down to earth 

Americans tend to be.. Louder? 

They just... I don' t know. 

                                                    You would like them

Tzuyu absolutely loves dogs 

Just like you do

And cows, that's what makes her special

And Jihyo? 

She would buy you food 

And probably scold you in a mother manner

When you're late or when you forget something. 

                           I was the one who approached her

She was supposed to show me the school

Last year when i enrolled 

Which she did

And after that, i asked if she wants to grab

A cup of coffee or something. 

                                            Do you hear that, Momo?

I asked

I was the one who initiated something

You always told me to break out of my shell

For a bit

And live

For a bit

The only problem is... 

                      Who do you think i want to live with? 

Who do you think is the person 

Who made me feel alive the most, Momo? 

Who was the shy sun that appeared 

After a torrential storm? 

                                           There's this girl, Dahyun

Who was assigned to be my lab partner

Oh, let me tell you, Momo

This girl is exactly Sana's type

I actually make myself laugh

Only by thinking what would happen

If Sana were here.

                                 She gets embarrassed so fast

It's incredible

If awkwardness was a person

That person would be Dahyun

And we both know how Sana liked

To flirt with girls like these. 

           My dog, Ray, passed away few months ago

It was hard

I've had him for my entire life almost

I felt like i've lost yet another thing

That kept me alive

But he was old, and it's maybe for the better

Maybe he's in a better place

Dog heaven as you would say. 

                                    I remember when my cat died

When that car hit her 

I was crying so bad 

And you came 

And hugged me tightly 

Telling me that you would steal 

All the cats in the neighborhood 

And bring them all to my house. 

                                         You kind of kept your word

Didn't you? 

You managed to find two street cats 

And brought them to me 

Smiling like a proud idiot 

But i loved you for that 

For your true intentions of making me happy. 

                                 I started hating disney movies 

For they remind me of how much you loved them

And they remind me of how much i love you

And how we used to spend hours 

Watching those

Sana calling one of us to know where we are 

And we wouldn't answer her 

And she'd get jealous and show up to one 

Of our houses. 

                     Everything reminds me of you, Momo

Some people from my class 

Invited me to this swimming party 

Which i didn't go to

But even the word "swimming" 

Made my brain get images and flashbacks

Of the first time i thought you 

How to swim..

                                                     You were so scared

You kept clinging onto me 

Heavy breathing in my ear 

Smacking me from time to time 

When i laughed at you 

But can you blame me? 

                                                       You were adorable

And you learned it fast 

Remember that cheeky smile 

You gave me after you pulled it off? 

Yeah... Me too. 

                           Remember the last thing i told you

Before i left? 

"I don't fall for people easily.." i started like this

And you looked at me 

With your big brown eyes

And i've never been more sure of something

In my entire ing life 

"But goddamn, i'm in love with you, Hirai Momo" 

                            This could of been the beginning 

Of a beautiful story 

Or the continuation of it, but more intense

If it weren't for that call i received

Right after i said those words out loud... 

                              I understand why you were angry

So upset that you deleted my number

Unfollowed my social media

But please Momo, believe me when i say

I was just as hurt as you were 

Even more probably

                               Do you think i wanted to leave? 

Do you seriously think i wanted to leave you? 

Right after i gathered all the courage 

I found in my body

To confess my sincere feelings for you

To you. 

                                               I regret not kissing you

When i had the chance 

Well that chance could of been anytime, really

Now i'm just left wondering

But it's probably for the best? 

Me not knowing how your lips feel against mine

'Cause now i' m just imagining it

I probably  could not resist 

Knowing how it actually feels 

And not be able to do it.  

                             If i cast my memory further then

There was a moment

A moment that for me felt like an eternity

When we were dancing 

You spinned me around 

And the end of our rutine would have us

Standing closely and looking at each other

And you didn't stop looking into my eyes

And i didn't stop looking into yours 

And the tension begun to grow

                                         I wanted to lean in, Momo

As tired as i was, bathing in sweat

I wanted to kiss you with an intensity 

You've never felt before 

To show you how much i was 

Longing for you

                                   But Sana, Mi-na-to-za-ki Sana

Just had to barge in 

With that loud mouth of hers 

That scared the living hells out of both of us

And on top of that

She felt the tension

She then teased me continuously 

That night and the one that followed

And the one after that, and so on.. 

                                  Is she still trying to kiss you? 

Just to show you how good she got at it? 

She's always been something else, Sana

You are something else too 

The softest person i've ever met to be honest

I'm younger but i've always felt the need 

To protect you will all i got

And i know you felt protective of me as well

I appreciate how you were becoming so mature 

When it came to me. 

                                             God, i miss you so much

You can tell, can't you? 

I'm writing this to you 

But i'm not sure how well will be received 

I mean.. It's been so long 

For me it feels like it was yesterday 

My love for you is still fresh

Undying. 

                                           But maybe you changed

Maybe you're happy with someone else

Or just by your own 

Not feeling anything at all

I don't even know for sure if you ever 

Felt the same for me..

                                Sana told me i broke your heart

So i assume you had some feelings as well?

If not... Then i apologise for all of this

Must be really weird and creepy

Right?

                                            But if there is something

Even the slightest chance of you

Reciprocating my love

Please, Momo, answer me.

Give me a sign.

And i'll come back for you.

                   I'm planning on coming back to Japan

In two weeks my summer break will start

So if you'll have me back

I'll come. I'll come everywhere you ask me to.

                         I've decided to write a letter instead

Of anything else

Cause you deserve this type of romantism

And i felt like it seems more sincere.

                                                           So... To end this

Let me tell you once more

That i never stopped loving you

Dear Momo

My sweet, sweet Momo

Yours truly - Mina.