Ten looked at his phone for the fiftieth time in the last hour. He was ignoring messages from Jaehyun and Winwin who had even tried to cheer him up by texting him about Kun’s love story but Ten couldn’t be consoled let alone cheered up. His friends were concerned but he was worried too. In fact, he was scared. He hadn’t said much over the phone to Sehun.

“Hello. Sehun hyung, I’m so sorry I’m calling like this.”

“Ten? Hello.”

He had known right away, from the tone of Sehun’s voice that he knew.

“I-I heard Johnny is with you.”

“Yeah, he is sleeping. Should I wake him up?”

“No. I mean, just…when he wakes up, please tell him I’m waiting at the dorm, on the terrace actually. And, um, I’m sorry. If he can…come, I’d be grateful.”

“I’ll do that.”

“Thank you.”

“And, Ten, take care of him.”

Ten closed his eyes and faced the winter sun, breathing in. Taeyong had told him the same thing, “Just…take care of him this time”. He had always thought that he was the one attached to Johnny, that he was the one who needed him and depended on him. Johnny always took care of him. Ten had felt increasingly over the last few weeks that maybe he was a burden to him and he had tried to lean on him less. But maybe Johnny, strong, smiling Johnny needed someone to take care of him too. He wanted to be someone Johnny could lean on too.

His face fell. But what if it was too late for that? His brain kept screaming at him that Johnny wouldn’t come, that there was only so much someone could take.

Maybe it was foolish, then, that he listened to a small part of his heart that held on to hope, that maybe Johnny would come. He blinked back tears, smiling ruefully at himself. He was such a mess.

“Please just text me,” he breathed out.

But there were no messages from Johnny and so he sat on the wooden stool near Taeil’s plants, shivered against a gust of cold wind and just waited.

There was a sound on the stairs and he craned his neck to see. His breathing hitched and he stood up in disbelief.

Johnny strode up to him, out of breath, hair windswept. “Why are you on the terrace when it’s so cold?”

Ten reached up to touch Johnny’s face. “You came.”

Johnny took his hands and rubbed them. “You’ll catch a cold. What kind of idiot—!?”

Ten laughed out in a combination of relief and disbelief. “You came. I can’t believe you came.” And suddenly, he was crying, bawling out his eyes, his body shaking as he dug his face in Johnny’s chest. “I’m so sorry, Johnny. I’m so sorry.”

Johnny didn’t respond at first, still shaken by Ten’s sudden behaviour but a second later, his body eased and he wrapped his arms around Ten. “Hey, hey, don’t cry. Tennie, it’s okay.”

Ten mumbled. “I thought you wouldn’t come.”

Johnny sighed, resting his chin against Ten’s head, holding him close. “That’s impossible. Besides, I literally just woke up and basically had to run all the way here. I’m sorry you had to wait and I’m sorry about yesterday. I promise, it won—”

Ten stepped back from Johnny, rubbing his tear-stained face against his sleeves. “Please don’t apologize. It’s me who should apologize.”

Johnny smiled at him. “Let’s just forget about yesterday, yeah?”

“No, that’s not…I’m a horrible person, John.”

Johnny frowned at his serious tone, sensing that there was something else going on underneath Ten’s voice. “What are you talking about?”

Ten looked at his face, searching for a sign, anything to know how he should do this. He looked away as he realized that it had to be he himself who had to do this. “I’m sorry I stood you up on my birthday.”

Johnny stared at him in shock. He took a step back.

“Wait, I know it’s inexcusable but please believe me when I say this I really didn’t know. If I had, I would have—”

“Ten, you don’t need to do this. It’s okay about yesterday. You really don’t need to refer to that. We can just forget about it.” The taller guy was talking quickly, as if he would do anything but go through that discussion. He didn’t want to ask what he was thinking, haven’t you forgotten about it already? Isn’t it what you want? Because I can pretend to forget it for you.

“I can’t,” Ten said, looking at him decidedly. “I feel like I would die if I tried to even think about forgetting it so listen to me. I didn’t read the book.”

“What?”

“The book you gave me. You know the one, Crime and Punishment. I didn’t read it.”

“But you told me the story,” Johnny said slowly. His eyes widened as he realized and he closed the distance between them, snapping out of whatever trance he had fallen. “Oh my god, you liar!”

Ten did a very failed attempt at being cute but there was definitely something that was changing in the air about them. Or maybe it was just resettling. In the seconds it had taken for Johnny to put two and two together, something heavy had lifted off both of them. It was happening so smoothly that they didn’t even realize but all of a sudden, they were easing back into themselves instead of rigidly behaving as if they were walking on broken glass. Ten had expected Johnny to shout at him, be angry and even threaten to leave—hell, he had prepared himself for it—but Johnny had just blinked at him and even though he was rightly accusing him of being a liar, there was a hint of a hopeful smile around those lips of his that Ten loved.

“Haha? But see I care for you, that is why I read a Cliffnotes summary for it. It something I didn’t even do for school back home. Credits for effort, right?”

“Wait a second. Does that mean…? Ten, seriously?” Johnny asked, voice filled with incredulity. His heart was hammering in his chest. He didn’t read it? He didn’t read it then? But he read it now? And he’s here? He came? Does this mean…? Dare he hope? He had been so confident about it then but after everything that had happened his confidence had taken a blow. He couldn’t help but give in to second-guessing himself, especially if it was anything related to Ten.

Ten hid his face behind his hands. “I know, I know. I didn’t even try to read it and I only found out the letter this morning and then you didn’t respond to my calls, you didn’t even message me—”

“I left my phone behind by mistake,” he offered quietly.

But Ten wasn’t listening at this point. “—we couldn’t find you anywhere and I have never been so scared in my life. I thought of you wandering around in the cold morning, thinking all kinds of things about me. I was so relieved when we found out where you were but I think I must have died a couple of times while waiting here because there was no way you would come here after all I’ve done. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I’m an idiot and I’ll totally understand if you hate me after all this.”

Johnny didn’t say anything. He was thinking back to the time he had been so heartbroken and confused about everything, how he had hung onto everything Ten said or did for a sign, anything but at least something to know why he had been rejected without even a response. He had craved for a response, even negative, but just anything. He had felt crushed, reduced to nothing and it had hurt so much.

“Say something, please?” Ten pleaded.

“You read the letter now, right?”

Ten nodded miserably.

Johnny took a deep breath. “So, you know I don’t—can’t hate you ever.”

Ten opened his mouth to say something but Johnny stopped him.

“You read the letter and you’re here?” Johnny still looked surprised.

It finally dawned on Ten what Johnny was exactly asking. He looked at him with affection because seriously, his heart felt like it would burst from all the love he had for him. “Johnny, if I had known then, I swear nothing would have stopped me from coming to you. I would have run over. Hell, I would have been here before you probably, dressed in my best outfit to impress you and then seduce you. I mean, isn’t it obvious? You’re the one for me. Always have been. It hurts so much that I let that chance go. If I could go back in time, I would change that. I wish, I could have come then. I’m sorry for these past few months. I am a ty best friend. I didn’t even know what was going on and I just thought you didn’t like me anymore. It felt so bad to see you pull back every time I tried to…” He laughed sadly. “Well, every time I tried to make a move. I was so jealous of the others. It felt like you had only changed towards me. And t