You and me. Me and you. How long has it been? How long ago was it when our eyes first met? When your soft eyes looked into mine as I felt my knees give in to the brightness of your brown orbs. I still remember when the corners of your lips turned upwards, when you turned to me and gave me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. When your light brown locks bounce whenever you turn to look at me. Ethereal. Even such a word couldn’t describe your beauty. The way you could hold my heart in your hands, the way you would pout and frown at me, the way you would take my hand in yours as we walk side by side. All of it. There’s no way for me to put my emotions into such words.

Never in my life would I had thought someone like you could capture my attention. Never would I had thought that all my sleepless nights spent would be due to the thoughts of you running in my head. At first, I despised you. How dare you, I thought. How dare you invade my thoughts, my mind, my body. How dare you make me crave your touch, how it feels when your soft palms are in mine. When you would use my shoulder as your personal pillow whenever you were fatigued. In all honesty your energy wears everyone out before you wear yourself out. I don’t get where you get it all from. Maybe that's why even in my sleep, you can’t stop yourself from being a part of my dreams. You really know how to get under my skin.

I didn’t understand at first, why I felt heat rush whenever I saw you with another. Whenever I’d see you close with another human being. Why did you laugh at what they said? What did they say to make you show off the bright smile plastered on your face? Why aren’t you next to… me? What a selfish thought. Am I selfish? How cruel. A friend shouldn’t feel this way. A friend should be happy. A friend… is all I am. Yes. A friend. 

For countless days and nights, all I could see was your soft eyes, your vibrant grin. It hurt my head. It hurt my chest. What is this, I thought. I thought and thought it over. What is it about you that makes me weak when you aren’t around. What is it about you that forces me to count the hours before I could see you in the morning again. What is it about you that makes my heart… sting. 

“Sooyoungie,” you said as you walked towards me, reaching for my arm. “There’s this new cafe that I’ve been meaning to try out! I was hoping you would have the time to come with?”

Of course I’d go. With the look your giving me, how could I ever say no? If you used that face on me everyday I don’t think my heart would be able to take it… aha. Nevermind. Even when you didn’t look at me that way, my heart always made its’ way for you. 

The cafe was nice. It had a warm tone to it, befitting of the chilly season that rolled in. Jiwoo had me order our food and drinks so she could find us a seat. An espresso for me and a latte and pastry for her. A strawberry scone. 

As I walked back to where the brunette was, I noticed she was lost in thought again. What a strange girl. She’s looking out the window, chin in her hand, elbow placed directly underneath. I wonder what goes on in her mind. Despite her bubbly personality, she’s a girl with a lot of depth. 

“Alright there, Jiwoo?” I guess she didn’t notice when I took the chair across from her.

Her head popped up a bit and turned my way. The moment she registered things, she shot up and grinned. When is she never happy?

“I’m sorry, I just got bored,” the younger girl said. Her eyebrows furrowed. Ah, that look she makes is enough to feel like an arrow through my heart. 

I smiled. “Bored? Are you saying you can’t have fun without me?” It was a light tease.

“Yes.”

That was a quick response. It was just one word, so why did my heart skip a beat when it came from . 

“I have fun when I’m with you… Everyone has been busy lately. You’re the only one that even agreed to go out with me this week, aha.”

I took a sip out of the cup I held in my trembling hand. Hearing those words… How is this girl able to take over every inch of my being?

---

It was already so late, so I walked her back to her apartment and made sure she got there safe. Once we got to the front door of the apartment, she her heels to face me. She really does always have a smile on her face.

“Hey… I really am glad we were able to spend some time together. I know that everyone has been busy these days. I hope I didn’t take too much time from you.” Her voice was usually loud and bubbly. Right now, she sounded so… soothing. She lowered her voice, but it was enough for me to hear. "I missed you, even if we still see each other everyday."

My hand reached for her head. “It’s alright. I’ll always find time for you. Call or text me whenever, even if it’s past three in the morning.”

She let out a small giggle before wrapping her frail arms around me to say goodbye. Even after she was long gone, I could still feel the sensation around my waist. 

As I walked down the empty streets, it wasn’t only the sensation of Jiwoo’s touch that I felt… no. Not right now. I have to get home. Fastening my pace, the heels of my boots echoed in the air as the moon shone bright tonight.

I didn’t waste time heading for the bathroom. I swung the door open with the remaining strength I had left. My grip on the sink tightened as I lurched over it. The pain is unbearable. The coughs keep getting worse and worse, again and again, the feeling of thorns ripping my throat.

I can’t believe you, Kim Jiwoo. You brighten my darkest days. You’re the light that guides me through life. Only you can make me feel complete, make me feel home. Only you can fill the emptiness within me, so why? Why are you the cause of my pain? Why do you hurt me? Every time I see you smile, it soothes me and yet it aches my heart at the same time. Every time your eyes lay on mine I want to shut mine close so you don’t need to bear facing this pathetic excuse of a human. I want to feel you, hold you. I want you in my arms. I want to be with you. I want...you. 

But I know that’s not how it works, so this selfish friend of yours wants to make one last request. Please… continue to shine with that vibrant grin of yours.

Who knew the softest of petals could suffocate the emptiest of hearts.