Jessic'a POV

“Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed”

When my parents allowed me to join SM Entertainment, I didn't expect that you; out of 8 sisters, you were the one for me. Well, that's what I have thought.

I thought everything was perfect. Wait, no, everything was actually perfect. Every moment with you were perfect.

“You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know
'Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one who was spending the night
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes”

I still recall everything you told me after we broke  up, “I want you to move on after this, Sica.” The way you looked at me, I swore it pierced right straight into my heart.

I thought you called me, and I, the fool I was hoped you were regretting every word you said and that you wanted me back.

After we broke up and I started dating him in hopes of something will happen. I always looked at your direction, trying to find out how you feel when me and Tyler started dating. None; I found none. I guessed, you have moved on.

I didn't expect I would fall in love with Tyler, but deep inside this dark cavern of mine. I knew that my heart still wanted you and I could never loved him the same way I loved you.

Every time I’m with Tyler, it only reminded me of how we used to be all happy, teenagers who’d drown in alcohol, and have fun like there is no tomorrow.

Every time I look into Tyler’s eyes, I wish it were your eyes. You don't know how much this pains me.

  “You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best?
You said there's tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test”

When I found out that you and the girls were going to have a fanmeet in the same mall as me. I was pretty nervous, thinking how should I act if we see each other.

And right there, when we bumped into each other. I apologized, and you did too. Acting like we didn't know each other.

Instead of the long forgotten sparks of love we had, I was greeted by the pangs of pain from a reopened wound.

“I want you to move on after this, Sica,” You told me, I couldn't read you, it felt like I didn't know you. “Move on, there are plenty of fishes in the water,” You added. I still couldn't read you. “You can't force something that can't be together and both of us know it.” You finalized and then left.

“He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself”

When he kissed me, I still tasted you. I was very disgusted with myself. It felt wrong even though we were no longer together.

​​​​​​"Jessica, are you okay?" He asked me, "Yeah, I am. I just need a breather." I found myself excusing.

Yours were tender kisses that reminded me of summer.

Summer, just when we started our journey to our dreams.,

Summer, where our sweet love story began,

Summer, when we first fell in love with each other,

Summer, when all of our problems started rising one after another,

September, where it all ended and our love begone.

“You're the best
And yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know”

You were the Philosopher's Stone that I let go and I regretted it, the one who made me feel like I can live forever. How could I have replaced you. Foolish me, removed the tattoo in hopes of forgetting and pretended that I have moved on. I have learned my lesson.

When I got kicked out, I was hoping that you would stop me, but you did not. You knew that I wanted to chase this dream. That's when I knew you can't have two things at once.

“Looking into your eyes
Oh, won't you walk through
And bust in the door and take me away
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes, I'd like to stay”

I always scrolled through your social medias, trying to get a clue on what's happening with your life without me. I noticed that you have sent me a message. I felt my heart beat fast, I was scared with what the contents were. After I finished reading everything, I started crying. You still care about me, you still love me. I didn't know whether I should be ecstatic or sad.

As I read your message again, a flashback of you; smiling at me, your eyes sparkling.

I looked at my office's door, hoping you would burst in, then ask me if we could elope and forget about everything. Of course, it's just my delusional mind making things up again.

I smiled bitterly and wrote you back a reply.

Maybe, it's time for us to let go of one another, for this will only make our lives miserable.

To taeyeon_ss

“Thank you for being supportive but…..you know.

I'm sorry Taeyeon, I'm sorry for not being strong enough to have fought back. I'm sorry that I have agreed so easily.

I should had fought back.

I am very sorry that my heart has found another one, but that does not mean I have replaced you.

You are my first love, my first in everything in life, and I am glad that you are my first. This is something I would never forget and will I ever regret.

Would you and me still meet each other in the next life? If so, I, Jessica Sooyeon Jung, promise to fulfill the pact we made, but this time, not when we're 40 and single but the first chance we are together again. This will be the last promise for you I will make in this life before I say my goodbye and move on.

Till we meet again, Taeyeon.

From jessica.syj