“Jinwoo,” I said, holding his urn close to me as I sat in front of the lake. Jungkook had taken me to the lake, even though I was in a wheelchair and very much in pain after the surgery. That didn’t stop me however. I could feel the breeze coming from the water as tears fell down my cheeks. It hurt even more that today was the day I was planning to start my life with him. Not end everything. “Are you listening? Are you here with me? With Jungkook?”

I could hear the puppy rustling around in the grass. I didn’t know how to continue as I let a sob escape from my lips. Jungkook squeezed my shoulders, letting me know he was still here. I bit my lip, trying to stop my shaking body. I took a deep breath, bracing myself to continue.

“Jinwoo,” I said again. “I… Loving you is like picking petals from a flower. I hate you. I miss you. I hate you. I miss you. But… Whichever petal I end up with… Will you please come back?”

I fully broke down after that, hugging the urn tightly to myself. The puppy placed his front paws on my knees, reaching up to my face. I tried to smile but I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to give this final goodbye to Jinwoo. It hurt so much. Jungkook was soon in front of me, reaching over to hug me. Sitting down in a wheelchair made this all ten times more awkward. But I didn’t care much. My whole being ached. I don’t think I’ve ever cried this hard in my life. I wanted Jinwoo back in my arms. I wanted to see his smile again. To hold his hand. But I’ll never get that again.

Jungkook didn’t say a word, which made me very thankful. He let me continue to cry, to catch my breath. It felt like hours until I actually calmed down. And even then, Jungkook continued to hold me. And he continued to hold me for another ten minutes. When he finally pulled away, I felt like I could at least breath again.

“Hyung,” Jungkook said, letting out a deep breath. “Hi. I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier. But I’ve been trying to take care of your boyfriend here. He’s been hurting a lot. He misses you alot. He’ll never stop loving you. But I promise to continue to stay by his side no matter what. I gave up my one shot to be a Korean Idol, but I have come to terms with that. I don’t regret it, though. If I could have made this decision sooner, maybe I would have been able to meet you. But Jinwoo hyung, I want you to know that you will always be my best friend. I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“Asking me out won’t hurt him,” I suddenly blurted out. I could hear Jungkook’s breath hitch at my statement. “Everyone’s right. Jinwoo will want us both to be happy. I… I want us both to be happy. So, if Jinwoo agrees, then I think maybe I’m willing to give it a try.”

“What do you say, Jinwoo?” Jungkook asked. Puppy Jinwoo answered with a bark, causing me and Jungkook to actually bust out in laughter for the first time these last few days. I ruffled the dogs fur, finally feeling a little lighter. “I think that’s Jinwoo’s answer.”

I smiled and brought my hand back, holding tightly onto the urn. I knew it was time. I had to free him. I lifted my head towards Jungkook, waiting for him to help me up. I was supposed to stay in the wheelchair, but I think this moment was too dyer to be stuck in the chair.

“Please walk me to the water,” I requested Jungkook. “I don’t want to wheel down.”

“Okay,” Jungkook agreed, carefully helping me out of the chair. I clung tightly to the urn with one hand as I wrapped my other arm around Jungkook’s waist. He then slowly turned us around, being careful not to let me put any weight on my foot. He then slowly made his way down to the water with me clinging onto him. I surprisingly kept a death grip on the urn. “Okay, we’ll stop right here. One more step and you’ll be in the lake.”

“Can you… help me take off the lid?” I asked. I heard the clanking of the lid on the jar and Jungkook took it off. I closed my eyes and kissed the urn, a tear running down my cheek. “Be free in the wind, Jinjin. I just wanted you to know… This is where I was going to take you today. This is where I wanted to propose to you. Though I’m sure we would already be engaged by now. I… 11 years ago today was the first day we met. I will never forget that day. I’ll never f