chapter one - it's dangerous inside the blanket too

character(s) - minseok, junmyeon, yixing, baekhyun, jongdae, chanyeol, kyungsoo, jongin, sehun
pairing(s) - none/gen
rating - g
warning(s) - bad writing, unbalanced exposition vs. dialogue, a little ooc, use of honorifics

notes - i don't know what i'm doing lmfao but i'm gonna do it anyway. this is self indulgent as hell.

also, this takes place in a world where the first pilot of it's dangerous outside the blankets (2017) didn't happen and the actual pilot episodes are the ones minseok appeared in during season two (2018). why? idk, just for funsies lmao.

Minseok could feel heavy eyes on the back of his neck as he laid out neat little piles of clothes, ready to be packed. He didn’t turn around though, already too fed up with the other person in the room to give them the time of day. He continued in silence for a few short moments before the miasma of worry and anxiety started to feel like a physical weight on his back.

“Hyung, you’re doing it again,” he said, not bothering to stop folding the corners of his shirt methodically.

He could hear, rather than see, Junmyeon snap out of his daze with a slight inhale. Minseok rolled his eyes to himself and opted to give his leader a moment to collect himself before leveling him with the same exasperated look he had given him countless times over the past few days.

“I’m sorry Minseokkie,” Junmyeon murmured, chin resting on his hand as he continued to watch Minseok with a concerned set to his forehead. “This is just very new, you know we don’t like making you go off on your own.”

Minseok groaned, shoving his face into a sweater. He had heard this same speech from every member of EXO at least once ever since the news of him joining a new variety show came out. They acted as if he was going away for a year rather than the three days that the show had somehow squeezed him into.

He wasn’t even going to do anything dangerous despite the title of the show; it was literally a paid vacation where his only real responsibility was to hang out with other people and maybe talk to them if he felt like it. It was impossible for him to get hurt or get caught up in anything more serious than tentative lunch plans.

“Are you sure we can’t send Chanyeol or something? He could do it, he owes me a favor so we could cash that in right now and send him as a surprise.” Jongdae suggested from his position sprawled out on Minseok’s bed, only half joking.

He threw a mischievous, saccharine smile at Minseok who resisted the urge to flip him off; he knew what he was doing, the devious .

“That’s a great idea! You need to rest more Minseok, you guys just finished promotions and then you’re headed off to Japan right after - that’s too much work in too little time.”

Junmyeon perked up from his position on the floor, chin on the edge of his bed and looked ready to upturn his luggage, threatening to destroy all of his work in one fell swoop.

“Stop it! You all need to get out of my room,” Minseok huffed, dodging Jongdae’s attempt at an affectionate pat to his head. “I’m leaving tomorrow and you guys can’t stop me.”

“Aww, so cute. Mom, look, he’s rebelling.” Baekhyun cooed, voice muffled from somewhere underneath Jongdae’s left leg.

The mounting headache that had been progressively growing throughout the week made itself known with a sharp stab at his temple. Believe it or not, there were few luxuries as the youngest member in an idol group. He had to shoulder the burden of acting cute at every turn while also working ten times harder to shed the image of young and innocent just to be taken seriously. Minseok was tired of the barrage of attention that felt more like his hyungs were caring for a puppy rather than a human being. Minseok couldn’t help the fact that he was the youngest of his groupmates, but it didn’t mean he was incapable of being by himself for a couple of days.

To be honest, Junmyeon should be more worried about the other members - Baekhyun, in particular. Minseok had to quite literally rescue him from a kitchen fire the other night after he forgot about the toast he popped in the oven and left it to bake for about an hour. What was left was a steaming pile of charcoal, smoke damage to the walls and a sheepish Baekhyun who clearly didn’t realize that he barely missed his death.

And don’t get him started on Junmyeon himself, who nearly worked himself to death and went for days without a proper break. Minseok had found him asleep on the couch far too many times for it to be healthy and the times he did make it to bed, he was still wearing that day’s clothes. The times he did express his worry, Junmyeon just gushed and cooed at him like his concern was something precious and insisted that he was fine. They all loved to act like he was the helpless one who needed constant supervision when it was actually Minseok’s job from day one to make sure that EXO made it at least a month past debut.

“I’m gonna punch that dumb smile off of your face,” Minseok said, holding out a fistful of socks threateningly.

Baekhyun cowered in faux-fear, clutching Jongdae’s leg to his chest before the both of them dissolved into giggles, clearly unafraid of his anger.

“Oh my god,” Chanyeol simpered having come out of Minseok’s closet just in time to humiliate him some more. “Look at your tiny shirt!”

Jongdae and Baekhyun both cackled, losing all pretense of taking him seriously - not bothering to hide it to save Minseok a shred of dignity.

“It’s just so little,” Chanyeol practically sobbed, holding one of Minseok’s button down pajama shirts in between his fingers. “How are you even functioning? You’re just so small.”

“Guys, stop that. Don’t .” Junmyeon scolded.

The admonishment was ruined by the look of mirth on his face though and he made grabby hands at the shirt in Chanyeol’s grasp. Chanyeol reluctantly released his prize before diving back into the closet, acting if he was helping Minseok instead of just adding more of a mess. 

“So small,” Junmyeon agreed happily, messily folding the shirt and putting it on top of the pile.

“Hyung, we’re the same height.” Minseok was tired of hearing that from members who were no taller than he was and took back the shirt to fold it more to his liking. “We’ve been the same height for years now.”

“He got you there, Junmyeon,” Yixing’s voice piped up from the laptop screen on Minseok’s bedside table. “And besides, Minseok-ah is old enough to go off on his own schedules. We can’t keep babying him forever.”

Finally, validation! It was like hearing a chorus of angels. Minseok ignored the sad ‘but he’s always going to be our baby....’ from Junmyeon and looked at Yixing with shiny, thankful eyes, practically limp with happiness that there was at least one reasonable person in his life.

“Thank you Xing-ge! That’s why you’re my favorite.”

Yixing stopped, pausing in his work. He turned to face the screen for the first time that video call and looked blankly at him, fingers tapping at his chin as he contemplated.

“On second thought, never mind. You’re very cute, someone might steal you away. Please send Chanyeol in his place.”

The chorus of angels came to a strangled halt and the betrayal was somehow even more painful because it came from the person he trusted could be the voice of reason.

”I take it back, all of you . None of you are getting Christmas presents from me this year.” 

Yixing looked shocked and regretful for all of three seconds before he grinned, oblivious to the continued suffering he was putting Minseok through.

”Christmas is still half a year away, I’ll get back into your good books before then!” 

God damn it, the worst part was that he was completely right.

”Aww, that’s so sweet. You’ve already started thinking about Christmas presents? I’m okay buddy, I don’t need anything!” Junmyeon said brightly, patting at Minseok’s knee. 

They were all being so infuriatingly dramatic and he knew that the more visibly upset he was, the more they would play it up and act out even more. He acutely knew that they had no problem with him going off by himself, they just wanted to mess with him and cause him unneeded stress. If his hair wasn’t grey already, they would’ve been the ones to cause it as well as his early death via . His blood pressure was through the roof and this vacation was not just a schedule for work, but a needed departure from his bandmates.

“Are they bullying you again, Minseok?”

Kyungsoo, clearly his only ally, stood in the doorway, holding a bag of take out food in both hands. Jongin passed by with a curious look but marched onwards, ladened with several bags in his arms. Chanyeol poked his head out to chirp out a happy little ‘nah!’ before melting back into his closet, still enraptured by his clothes apparently.

“Yes,” Minseok replied grumbling and shoving both Jongdae and Baekhyun off of his bed with one push. “Please help me get them all out of my room, it’s a such a mess in here.”

Kyungsoo looked at the immaculate space around him with a raised brow, the only real mess he could see was the Jongdae, Baekhyun and Junmyeon pile groaning at the foot of his bed. But he shrugged, there was no reason to question the maknae’s peculiar habits and preferences, and nodded towards their kitchen.

“Jongin has the rest of the food out there if you guys want to eat now.”

“What are you guys having?” Yixing asked from his screen in the corner of the room.

“Too many things, unfortunately,” Kyungsoo said, picking up the laptop to move it to the kitchen; he was nearly bowled over by both Chanyeol (who regretfully departed from his adventure in Minseok’s clothes) and Jongdae (who recovered the fastest out the heap) in their haste to get to their dinner. “No one could agree so we got everything.”

Just as quickly as he came, he left with footsteps and voices fading down the hallway and Minseok felt like he could finally breathe. Truly, he owed Kyungsoo so much for always being the one person that had his back when everyone else was being ridiculous. He sighed to himself in relief, feeling lighter now that he was free of the crowd of people who decided that his room would be a great place to hang out. He almost had an aneurysm at the sight of Baekhyun and Jongdae laying their unshowered selves onto his bed. He fretted a little, he would definitely need to change the sheets tonight.

He closed his luggage with a snap and zipped it up, satisfied for now but still waiting on a couple things to pop out of the laundry. That could be done tomorrow though, after all he had to put up in the past couple of hours he deserved a break. He stretched, groaning as his back cracked in several places. He made to leave and go eat before huffing and turning to glare at the last person who refused to leave his room. 

“Sehun-hyung.”

“Yeah?”

Sehun looked up from his phone to give him a quizzical look; he was tucked into Minseok’s bed like he owned it, pajamas already on and a face mask slapped onto his face.

“Everyone else left.”

“Great.”

Minseok pinched the bridge of his nose; God, dealing with s was like trying to wrangle cats.

“You’re not sleeping here tonight,” Minseok said forcefully. “You slept here all last week and I want my bed back.”

“But you’re leaving for a long time, I need to make up for all the times you won’t be there now.” Sehun replied, idly flicking through his phone.

“I’m not your teddy bear.”

Sehun looked at him with doubtful eyes, and went back to his phone.

“Seriously, hyung!” Minseok said, trying to get his attention back. “I mean it this time, I’m gonna get really mad if you don’t get out.”

“That’ll be adorable, please do.” Sehun snickered, clearly not taking his younger member seriously.

Minseok took one deep breath and held it for ten seconds, trying to find his inner peace. He exhaled slowly, trying to be the mature one.

“Anyway, can you change the sheets before we go to sleep tonight?” Sehun asked, getting even more comfortable in his bed. “Jongdae-hyung and Baekhyun-hyung were rubbing their feet all over the comforter; it was so gross.”

Minseok snapped.

If the rest of EXO heard horrified screaming coming from their maknae’s room, they were too busy stuffing their faces to hear it.