[Inspired by AKB48 - Bye Bye Bye. Please listen to it because it's such a sad song but the melody is really cheerful -- I really love the duality hahaha]

 

Even since the first time Minki met Kim Jonghyun, the boy never looked attractive at all.

Jonghyun had always wear that grey hoodie that was too big and his hair was never styled in any fancy hairstyle. He always spoke about anime with his fellow otakus and he didn’t do well in sports – and Minki barely noticed him back then, even though they were classmate since the first year in Junior High School. Honestly, Minki kind of avoided him because they were totally in opposite side of life and Minki thought that Jonghyun was no more than an anime freak. Not to mention that Jonghyun came from a country-side, while Minki came from more modern area than he was.

Minki realized that he was judging Jonghyun hard back then, but that’s just how he was.

The avoidance of Kim Jonghyun by Minki was stopped when they became a pair for science project in their third year of Junior High School. Jonghyun still looked like a freak otaku – but after many meetings for the project, Minki realized that Jonghyun was kind of handsome. Jonghyun had an attractive cleft chin which became clearer as he got older, Jonghyun had bright eyes which always gave kind and encouraging stares, and most importantly, Jonghyun had that kind smile that made you feel like the most important thing in this world. He didn’t look perfect like Oh Sehun from the other class, or Park Chanyeol who was the epitome of perfection in Choi Minki’s encyclopedia back then – but he surely had so many good qualities that changed Minki’s perspective about him.

In term of personality, Minki could say that Jonghyun was one of the best guy that he ever knew. Jonghyun always tried to understand what was the purpose and reason of other people actions and words; he always kept positive attitude and spirit; he always encouraged everyone and he was always ready to help other people. In short, Kim Jonghyun was an angel. Minki remembered how y he was when they first became a pair but Jonghyun just kept smiling and patiently deal with his iness.

One moment that Minki remembered the most was that time when Minki was so down because of his grade. They were going to graduate that year, but Minki’s grade got lower and lower. Not because his grade was not good enough, but other people got higher and higher grades which made Minki’s not bad grade became low eventually. It made Minki felt insecure for his future – because he wanted to apply to a prestigious high school and he was afraid if his grade was not enough. Jonghyun – who already had the skill to read Minki’s face easily – could see Minki’s insecurities behind his cheerful smiles.

“Minki,” Jonghyun said, in the middle of their project meeting.

“Hmm?” Minki hummed while writing on his notes, not giving Jonghyun a look.

“Stop writing, look at me,” whined Jonghyun – making Minki pouted.

“I’m finishing our analysis, stop interrupting.”

“You can continue it soon, look at me now.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Minki.”

“Hmmmmm.”

“Look at me!”

“Hmmmmmmmm,” Minki didn’t look up at all and Jonghyun stopped calling him. Minki thought Jonghyun already gave up, and he started to concentrate to his analysis again – but suddenly a hand grabbed his chin and made him looked up. His eyes met Jonghyun’s sharp, but kind eyes.

“Stop pretending that you’re okay – I know you’re not.” Minki stared at him – trying to hide his shocked expression and answered too casually.

“I am okay – what do you mean I’m not okay? I’m not scared at all! I’m going to get in to that prestigious high school!”

Jonghyun chuckled – and Minki just realized that he literally spat out his inner feelings.

They were still children, after all.

“Look, I know you feel scared and insecure. You’re not okay,” said Jonghyun while leaning against his chair and looking at Minki attentively. Minki pouted and cursed at himself – why are you so stupid, Choi Minki.

“Minki,” Jonghyun called him lovingly, and Minki couldn’t help but to look up at him. Jonghyun was smiling warmly – encouragingly, and Minki felt his breath hitched a bit.

“You can do it. We can do it. We will get in together – trust me. We will.”

And even though Minki didn’t trust himself enough – he knew he could trust Jonghyun.

So he did.

---------------------------------------------------------

With so many study sessions together – they finally got in to the prestigious high school together. They became so attached to each other and they spent their time together happily – without many thoughts, without many problems. Everyone in the school knew that they were together – and they just agreed at that statement easily. Because what would explain their relationship well if not being together? They eventually agreed to date each other – spending more and more time together, having fun here and there, every time everywhere. Went to the amusement park, to the arcade, to the library, to the movie – or simply cuddling in their own rooms – it was the time of their lives.

Until one day, in the middle of summer when they were second year high school students – Jonghyun came to his room in a sunny Sunday – looking gloomy and distracted. Minki gave him a weird look, but Jonghyun just stayed still in his doorstep.

“Jonghyun? What’s wrong? What’s with your face?”

Jonghyun sighed and walked to Minki’s bed – Minki, who was lying in his bed, got up to sitting position because Jonghyun’s expression was far from normal.

“Jong? Is everything okay?”

Jonghyun sighed heavily and laid down in Minki’s bed. Minki looked at him weirdly again, starting to feel concerned. Jonghyun opened his arms – inviting Minki to come to his hug – and even though Minki still felt confused with Jonghyun’s actions, he complied Jonghyun’s request for a hug and laid down on Jonghyun’s body. Jonghyun hugged him tightly and Minki knew this wouldn’t be good.

Minki looked up from Jonghyun’s chest and he could see Jonghyun was looking at his ceiling with a burdened look. Jonghyun didn’t say anything so Minki decided to take initiative.

“Hey… Is everything alright?”

Jonghyun looked at Minki for a while, before smiled sadly and buried Minki’s head to his chest again. Minki was about to protest but then Jonghyun finally said something.

“I need to go back to my hometown… to Gangwon-do.”

Minki stayed still. He heard it right.

Jonghyun needed to go back to his hometown.

To Gangwon-do.

Okay…

Why?

“Why?” Minki spontaneously answered. He was shocked, for sure, and he still couldn’t process the information. Jonghyun needed to go back. He wouldn’t go anywhere. Jonghyun would be in Gangwon-do, he would be in Seoul.

Separated?

Long distance relationship?

Break up?

Minki couldn’t process anything.

“Something happened with my family business and… I need to go back. They need me – and as their only son, I really want to help.”

“Oh… Oh.”

Minki couldn’t say anything more – because only Oh that crossed in his mind. Nothing more.

Nothing.

He just felt sad…

And lost.

“I’m… sorry.”

Minki looked up and found Jonghyun with his sorry and full of regret expression – and suddenly he felt so low.

Jonghyun was trying to become a good son – he wanted to help his family and here he was feeling sad and lost for himself.

What kind of person are you, Choi Minki.

“Why are you saying sorry? There’s nothing to be sorry,” Minki answered in panic and caressed Jonghyun’s face. Jonghyun smiled sadly.

“Sorry for… leaving you… even though we promised to be together for a long, long time.”

“No, no… You shouldn’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. Your family should be your priority and I understand. Please don’t be sorry.”

“Hmm. I’m sorry that we should… apart with each other, then.”

“What do you mean?”

Jonghyun looked at Minki lovingly, longingly, sadly… and that smile again. That sad smile that made Minki’s heart wrenched.

“Long distance relationship is hard, isn’t it?”

“… Oh.”

Minki didn’t expected that. Minki never really prepared for a long distance relationship, never. He didn’t think that Jonghyun would propose a long distance relationship – and he knew that he himself didn’t want it. He didn’t want a long distance relationship.

So Minki looked at Jonghyun regretfully.

“I don’t think… I’m ready for a long distance relationship.”

There it was. He said it. He tried to read Jonghyun’s reactions – and he knew that there were disappointed and sad feelings in Jonghyun – but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t do any long distance relationship – not with their age and their emotional stability right now.

They’re not adult yet.

They still had unlimited opportunity.

What would a long distance relationship give him, other than longing, insecurities, sadness, and heartache?

Nothing.

Jonghyun looked conflicted but eventually he calmed down. He stared at Minki seriously and Minki started to feel nervous.

“So… is it the end?” whispered Jonghyun. Suddenly Minki didn’t have any energy to talk – so he just nodded. Jonghyun stayed still for a while – and then he nodded slowly.

They’re breaking up.

For real.

For.

Real.

“I’m so… sorry,” Jonghyun voice sounded so dejected and Minki felt his heart clenched. It was nothing wrong – just wrong timing, situations, and conditions between them – but everything felt wrong so suddenly. Nothing to blame – but it made their situation worse.

Because nothing was wrong.

And it was frustrating.

“It’s not your fault… I’m the one who is sorry. I’m not ready for…,” Minki whispered while hugging Jonghyun tighter.

“It’s okay. Don’t continue. I understand. There’s nothing we can do,” Jonghyun cut Minki’s word and they both kept silent. They hugged for a while before Minki decided that he’s finally strong enough to accept everything. He looked up to see Jonghyun’s sullen face and smacked Jonghyun’s forehead playfully.

“Don’t make that kind of face, stupid.”

“Why are you smacking me? It hurts.”

“Because you’re making a sad face. Stop it.”

Jonghyun tried to look away – but Minki grabbed his face and made Jonghyun to face him.

“Look at me properly. Isn’t this the end?”

Jonghyun stared at him in shock – but his shocked stare soon changed into loving stare – looking at every parts of Minki’s face, making Minki felt satisfied.

“Jonghyun.”

“Hmm?”

“Let’s kiss. It’s the end anyway.”

And after staring at each other for a while – they finally kissed.

A bittersweet first kiss.

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Jonghyun told Minki that he needed to go tomorrow morning so Minki decided to walk him home – enjoying the beautiful sunset, walking together in the familiar road. As he walked beside Jonghyun, Minki couldn’t help but amazed at himself that he could like Jonghyun this much – this much until a separation felt so hard and hurting so much – from judging the boy so hard until liked him like this – Minki was so amazed, but he wouldn’t say it loud.

Let it became his own monologue.

They walked in silence, enjoying each other presence for the last time. They finally arrived at the street corner which led to Jonghyun’s home – and they stopped automatically. They stared at each other – not sure what to say, but they were sure that their eyes already spoke to each other.

“So….” Minki talked slowly, not sure what to say.

“So….” Answered Jonghyun, as hesitated as Minki was.

“Well… We part here, yeah?” Minki continued, looking at Jonghyun with a sad smile. Jonghyun chuckled.

“Yeah, I guess… Yeah.” Answered Jonghyun. Minki knew that he started tearing up – but he smiled anyway.

“Hmm. Thank you… for everything. It was fun.”

“You’re welcome. It was fun for me too.”

“I’ll become more handsome – and I’ll forget you in no time!” Jonghyun was taken aback with Minki’s words, but seeing Minki’s almost-cry-face which was total opposite from his confident words – Jonghyun started to laugh.

“Hmm. Forget me soon and find better person, okay?”

Jonghyun’s honest answer attacked Minki’s last defend. He started to cry – and Jonghyun was about to wipe his tears, but Minki stopped him.

“No. Don’t. I’m okay. Leave these tears alone, it’ll dry up on their own anyway. I’ll be okay!”

It kind of hurts for Jonghyun – looking at teary-eyed Minki like that – but he decided to obey Minki’s wish. So he just stood there, looking at Minki fondly. Minki tried to control himself – and even though his tears were still falling, he smiled prettily at Jonghyun.

“I’ll seriously find a better person than you, I promise to myself and to you. So… don’t worry about me, okay? I’m stronger than you think!”

Jonghyun could feel his tears were starting to well up in his eyes – but he held it in. Minki was trying to be strong, and he should too. For their sake.

“Hmm. I believe in you. You’ll find someone in no time, who could resist you anyway?” answered Jonghyun while Minki’s hair tenderly. They both laughed – trying to forget the sadness in their heart.

They didn’t want to end everything in sadness – because they only had happiness in their story.

And they didn’t want to ruin it.

Their happiness.

They stared at each other and they both knew that this is the time. So Minki stepped back – and Jonghyun smiled. That kind, beautiful smile – which was answered by Minki’s teary, pretty smile.

Their heart clenched,

but they were trying to be happy.

For their selves,

For each other.

So Minki started to wave his hand and stepped back again,

While saying—

“Good-bye, Jonghyun.”

And Jonghyun waved his hand too,

Stepped back once,

While saying—

“Good-bye, Minki.”

 

And that was how,

They lost,

Their first love.

 

Bye bye bye.