Chapter 37
Don't callJeonghan got out of the car and crossed the street with Seungkwan right behind him. Without hesitation he pressed the doorbell and waited impatiently.
“Hello?” Jihoon's voice answered through the intercom after a few seconds.
“Lee Jihoon, you open this door right now!”
“J-Jeonghan?”
“Yes. Now open the door so I can come up.”
There was no verbal answer, but there was a buzzing sound indicating that Jihoon had opened the door for them. Jeonghan pushed it open and they went inside. The stairs leading up were dark, only lit by the light coming from the opening of the door to the apartment above. Inside they found Jihoon standing in the middle of a messy living room. Opened and unopened boxes, the floor covered with a tarp and the smell of freshly painted walls evident.
Hansol, who stood to the side, seemed even more surprised by their arrival than Jihoon, “Seungkwan!? What are you doing here?” he exclaimed the moment he saw his boyfriend coming through the door.
Jeonghan didn't give Seungkwan a chance to reply, “Don't you 'what are you doing here' him! We'll be asking the questions around here.”
Seungkwan was starting to think Jeonghan had slightly lost it, not displaying his usual calm and level-headed demeanor, but he was kind of glad for the support. Hansol had the nerve to look at them as if he was just confused and not at all concerned about how he was going to explain himself.
“How did you find me?” Jihoon asked with his eyes on Jeonghan.
“Don't worry about the how, worry about the why, Jihoon!”
“Jeonghan-”
“Be quiet! You're a coward, Lee Jihoon! You might think you're doing me a favor by disappearing instead of just breaking my heart, but it's nothing but cowardly! At least have the balls to tell me to my face that you don't love me back!”
Jihoon released a shaky breath, “It's not that simple, Jeonghan. I didn't just leave because of you. Do you think I can find a place to live and move in a single day?”
Jeonghan felt even more confused than before, “What does that mean? You didn't just leave because of me?”
To everyone's shock Jihoon was starting to tear up. Even Jeonghan seemed to be taken aback by this, even if the anger didn't quite leave his face. Jihoon tried to fight back the tears with all his might, but his voice was uneven when he started talking again, “It was all of you. Seeing how much happier Minghao is now that he's with Mingyu, Seokmin finding love with someone who is as perfect for him as Soonyoung is, Wonwoo and Jun with their stupid adorable matching cat hoodies. Everybody became so much better off without me there. The fear that I would find a way to ruin it with my selfish desires to have my old gang back the way it was, was overwhelming. And I don't mean the actual gang parts of it. But part of me just wants to keep you selfishly close and that's why it's better for everyone if I just disappear, put some distance between us and let you continue on your own paths. I've been planning to leave for weeks. I-” He stopped talking as he didn't know what else to say or how to properly express himself.
“So, what? This...” Jeonghan gestured with his hands to indicate the apartment they were standing in, “...is your plan? Just like when you ignored us when you went to jail. Frame it however you want, but you're running away instead of dealing with your emotions. You're behaving like a cowardly petulant child, leaving like this. Even if you think it's for our sakes.”
“I planned to leave you all a letter explaining why I felt like I had to leave, but I wasn't planning to leave yet, but after this morning I kind of had to.” Jihoon mumbled.
Jeonghan scoffed, “Oh, well, excuse me for ruining your escape plan with my feelings.” He looked at him with hurt in his eyes, “And what about me? I wasn't better off without you there. Nor were Seokmin or Wonwoo or Minghao. The happiness they get from the people they're with now is because of those people, not because of your absence. I don't know how you've managed to convince yourself that we're better off without you there, but that's bull. After all we've been through together? It's insulting that you think that. And what's more, who are you to decide what our happiness is. Who are you to decide what my happiness is.” He took a step in Jihoon's direction. “Don't just shut us out again. Even if you still want to move away, even if you don't love me back, don't just disappear. Please.” He took another step closer, now close enough that it would only take a small movement for them to touch.
The living room was dead silent, heavy with the anticipation of how Jihoon would respond.
He looked at Jeonghan with pain in his eyes, “How could I not love you? Do you know how many times I've wanted to hold you? Kiss you? Make you mine and mine alone? But-”
He got silenced by Jeonghan's finger on his lips.“You're an idiot, Lee Jihoon. An idiot. And I need you to get something into that thick skull.” A soft smile appeared on his face, “I'm already yours.” In one swift movement he brought up his hands to cup Jihoon's face and pulled him in for what they both had been yearning for. Jihoon inhaled sharply when their lips touched for the first time, finally. He gave into it and wasted no time in deepening the kiss. He kissed Jeonghan like a parched man in the desert finally allowed to drink from a beautiful oasis.
Jeonghan's hands made their way into his hair as he continued to kiss him. His whole body wanted more. Jihoon clearly felt the same way as he felt hands on his hips pulling him closer. If the walls hadn't just been painted Jihoon probably would have pressed Jeonghan up against them, but for lack of a better alternative he just followed Jeonghan and let himself be pulled down to the floor, their lips never leaving each other. Both of them seemed to have completely forgotten the presence of the other two men still in the room.
While Jeonghan and Jihoon were preoccupied with each other Hansol approached Seungkwan, who had momentarily lost track of why he was here and found himself unable to look away from the scene unfolding on the floor with the same type of fascination people display when passing a car crash. He gestured towards the door. “Let's go outside.” he whispered. Seungkwan nodded and followed him out the door. It wasn't cold out, but Seungkwan still wrapped his arms around himself. Hansol walked a few steps away from the house, but Seungkwan didn't move.
“How can you leave me?” His voice was soft, but it sounded loud in the quiet night.
Hansol turned back around with a confused expression on his face, “Leave you!? What are you talking about?”
“I saw the boxes, Hansol! You're moving out and leaving me to start a new life here with Jihoon apparently!” His voice was louder this time and echoed of the stone walls of the buildings.
Hansol approached him and gently ran his hand over Seungkwan's arm, “Babe, take a moment to listen to how ridiculous that sounds. Take away the fact that me and Jihoon don't even know each other that well and that we just witnessed him and Jeonghan going at it, why would I leave you?”
“B-because you think I want to change you or that I think you're not good enough or maybe because you think I'm too much trouble or-”
“Stop, stop, stop. Take a breath, okay? Where is all of this coming from?”
“Did I mention I saw the boxes?! If you're not leaving me and running away why didn't you tell me!? And what did you mean when you said you 'have your reasons'? Reasons for what, Hansol?”
Hansol sighed. He hadn't realized just how his words must have sounded to his boyfriend's worried ears and, admittedly, it didn't look good. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“Surprise me?” Seungkwan frowned. It didn't make any sense.
“Can we sit down somewhere or something? I'll tell you everything.”
They walked along the quiet street until they saw a small playground and sat down on one of the benches there. Seungkwan stared at Hansol, “Whenever you're ready.”
Hansol nodded, “Okay. It basically started some weeks ago when we had that fight. You remember?”
“When I suggested that you'd start taking night classes and you got mad at me?” Seungkwan bit his lip and felt bad thinking back.
“Yeah. Well, after that Seungcheol came to talk to me. I thought he was going to yell at me and tell me that I wasn't good enough for you or something, but he did the opposite. He told me that he thinks I make you happy and that I might be the best thing that has ever happened to you and...It terrified me.”
“Why?”
Hansol shrugged, “I'm not even sure, but I think that it was the idea that I was the best thing that ever happened to someone. What does that say about the other person? About me? I don't really know how to explain it and honestly, I was ready to run. Because what if I someday stop making you happy? I didn't have the confidence that I can continue to be something good in your life with the way that I am now.”
“Hansol...”
'So...” Hansol continued after taking a breath, “I decided that I was going to get my together. Really together. I'm not good at asking for help, you know that. But I needed help...I wanted to ask you to move in with me again, but not in my crappy apartment. I want us to start over somewhere new, somewhere that is ours from the start. So I'm going to live with Seungcheol for a few months so I can save money and take classes so I can become a real mechanic and maybe do some restoration work. You know I love old cars. I'm already pretty good at everything, but I don't have the right qualifications and I think it would be nice to someday maybe own my own shop, but I know nothing about running a business or anything, so...”
“Let me get this straight. You are going to live with Seungcheol and start going to school?” Out of all the things Hansol could have told him, this wasn't something he could have imagined him saying.
“Yeah. I asked him for advice since he seems pretty smart. He pointed out that if I only take the night classes it will take me a lot longer than if I can follow the day course. But that would mean I can't work as much and I don't have a lot of money left at the end of the month as it is. So, he told me about this education scholarship his dad's company sponsors and he suggested I move in with him for a while to save on rent. Of course I refused at first. I don't want to be some charity case a snobby rich man can use to make him feel good about himself and I don't want to be a mooch. But then he basically told me to it up and to stop making a big deal out of him trying to help me. He asked me what was more important. My pride or my future with you.” He smiled, “An easy choice in the end.”
Seungkwan knew how hard it must have been for Hansol to ask Seungcheol for help and to accept his offer, but there was something he didn't quite get, “I still don't understand why you couldn't tell me any of this.”
“Well, the classes start next week and I wanted to write a paper or pass a test or something. So I would have something tangible to show you.” Hansol bit his lip, “Are you mad? I just didn't want to start only to find out I really am dumb and can't do it...I wanted you to be proud of me.”
Seungkwan looked at him with tears in his eyes, “No, I'm not mad. I was so scared...I thought you left and-” He didn't finish his sentence. Instead he launched himself into Hansol's arms and wrapped himself around him. “I'm already proud of you. Of course I'm proud of you.” He found his lips and kissed him. He pulled back and his hair, “But please, please, never do something like this again. It's so sweet that you wanted to surprise me, but I'll take honesty over surprises any day of the week.”
Hansol smiled, “You got it.” He wanted to lean in again for another kiss, but Seungkwan stopped him with a hand on his chest.
“Hold up, this still doesn't explain why you're here. With Jihoon.”
“Oh, that. I can explain.”
“Well, go ahead.”
“You know we've been working together on the construction site, right? So we've been getting to know each other a little better. He told me he was going to move, but he didn't want anyone to know yet. I was really in no position to judge him for it so I didn't ask any questions. He asked for my help, said he'd pay me to help him move and do some work at his new place. I could use the money to save up for when we get our own place, so I said yes. He's going to open that bar under the apartment, but it needs some fixing up. It wasn't supposed to be so soon, but he suddenly contacted me today and he was all weird and twitchy about it. I guess now I know why.”
Seungkwan let out an exaggeratedly long sigh as he let himself sink down onto Hansol's chest, “What a day this has been.”
Hansol wrapped his arm around Seungkwan's shoulder, “But maybe it all worked out in the end. I mean, those two seemed to have made up when we left.”
“Do you suppose they're done 'making up' by now? I'm exhausted.” He got his phone out to send a message to Jeonghan, but his eyes widened at the amount of missed calls and messages from his other friends. Most of them were from Seungcheol. “Maybe I shouldn't have ignored him...” Seungkwan mumbled to himself. Seeing as he knew about Hansol's secret plans, he probably just wanted to tell Seungkwan what was really going on. He'd apologize properly later. For now he just sent a quick message in their group chat that everything was fine. More than fine.
Seungkwan snuggled closer and tangled their fingers together. A sense of peace washed over him. This was where he belonged. In Hansol's arms. Neither of them knew exactly what their future held, but as long as they had each other, it was the future they were destined to have.
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